chloe1313 Posted June 1, 2008 Posted June 1, 2008 my boyfriend and i have been together over 2 years ... i'd seen some flirty emails he'd gotten from girls but it happened like once and didn't continue, then he moved away to the army for 3 years ... when he first got there he was attending a university and he cheated on me (just kissing, not sex) ... i broke up with him but decided it was a moment of weakness and took him back ... i could understand how he felt, being at university, being drunk and away from his gf, wanting to have fun ... he told me he knows how much it hurt me and never wants to hurt me like that again ... its been a year since then and i cant get over it ... he calls me all the time, even when hes at parties and when he gets home but i cant get the trust i had before back, i cant let go so far ... should i? should i believe he hasnt cheated again ... hes in the army with guys all week and on the weekends he parties friday but calls me ALL the time ... has he earned my trust or should i still worry? he doesnt even use the internet anymore so he cant even be "cybercheating" ... i know when he comes home everything will be fine and good again, we didnt have many problems when he was here ... basically, should i believe hes not cheating and trust him again???
TMichaels Posted June 1, 2008 Posted June 1, 2008 ...he told me he knows how much it hurt me and never wants to hurt me like that again ... its been a year since then and i cant get over it ... he calls me all the time, even when hes at parties and when he gets home but i cant get the trust i had before back, i cant let go so far ... should i? should i believe he hasnt cheated again ... hes in the army with guys all week and on the weekends he parties friday but calls me ALL the time ... has he earned my trust or should i still worry? he doesnt even use the internet anymore so he cant even be "cybercheating" ... i know when he comes home everything will be fine and good again, we didnt have many problems when he was here ... basically, should i believe hes not cheating and trust him again??? What exactly does this guy have to do to prove himself to you? Don't you think you're being a bit unreasonable? Are you so perfect you've never made a stupid mistake? I can understand how and why what you went through has caused doubt, but if YOU DON'T cut him so slack at some point, what you fear WILL come true as he might as well do what he's being suspected of -- because your behavior and treatment of him will be the same, either way. I mean really... Would *you* try forever to get someone to trust you again when you've admitted you did something wrong, felt like crap because you did, vowed to never do it again, and no matter what you did or how hard you tried, it made no difference? Unless there's something else going on you're not sharing, if you really love this guy and want a life together, you need to get your head straight and get over it. A year+ is way too long to be flogging both him and yourself, unless you don't want this relationship, at all. Best, TMichaels
4givrnt4gtr Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 Getting over someone breaking your trust is horribly tough. Im going thru something like that right now. My as of now ex is trying to win me back but i dont know if i can trust him again after i caught him texting some chick. However, ive been doing some research about this whole cheating business. One of the main things it says is that if you want to save your relationship you have to get to the bottom of why he cheated. You have to sit him down and have a serious talk. Tell him you have tried to get over it but just cant. Ask him how he was feeling about the R when he did it, and what was it lacking that he tried to find it somewhere else. Its not that its your fault at all. Mostly, cheating has a lot to do with not communicating clearly with each other. Anyway when you find out what DROVE him to cheat (and no, drunk is not a reason) then you can take steps, both of you, so that it never happens again. Only then you will feel you have some control and know that both of you are working to have ur R work again. Good Luck.
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