BrandyMay Posted July 20, 2003 Posted July 20, 2003 I would love some real advice! I have been with my boyfriend for 2.5 years now and we have lived together for 2 now. He is a wonderful person and has helped me improved some parts of my personality that I didn't like. He gets along great with his family and I love that his parents would make wonderful grandparents. But... He has different goals than me and lives a little differenlty than me. I put myself through college and he barely graduated with my push at the end. I got a good job right after graduating and he is still working at a retail store as a regular associate. I make more money, know how to manage my money and never turn my bills in late. He is exactly the opposite, he never has enough money and never does anything special for me. For birthdays and valentine's he does what he knows he should, but lately it just doesn't seem heartfelt. It bugs me that he is not an overachiever like me, but that was what I originall liked about him- he let me slow down and enjoy life. Also, when I meet him he was finishing school and I thought he had a promising future like me, up and coming, but now I see he went to college to play baseball and because his parents forced him too. But know he seems lazy and not ready to be an adult. He is turning 26 and I keep thinking he will eventually want more, but I am not to sure anymore. He is a great guy and I do love him- we are great friends and he understands me more than anyone else. I just feel that I woudl be giving up on having a better life I stay with him. I just can't figure out if it materila things I am worried about, or just my quality of life. I use to socialize and dance, but I haven't danced since we got together. Please let me know your thoughts on what our future holds!
jalexy Posted July 20, 2003 Posted July 20, 2003 i think that if you are really questioning this, and you KNOW in your heart that you may find someone with what you want, do it. maybe you could talk to him about how you need his goals to change.... good luck its a hard road to go down...
Bill Posted July 20, 2003 Posted July 20, 2003 You will never know if you could be happier with someone else unless you try. If you really are unhappy with being with him, leave.
Tony T Posted July 20, 2003 Posted July 20, 2003 If you cannot accept your partner just like he is, let him go. I see no happy future for two people who have so little in common and with a man you have a lot of problems with. He has no ambition...and you have lots. This is not a match made in heaven. Cut your losses short. If you actually had to ask others about this, you don't know enough about relationships to be dating. Learn more before you start dating others. He may be a great guy but there are just too many differences between the two of you for you to be happy.
niko1999 Posted July 21, 2003 Posted July 21, 2003 I agree with Tony. If you have to actually question if you could be happier, than chances are, you could, and SHOULD be. I mean, its normal to be unsure at pointes and times during your relationship, especially during times of hardship, that is just life, but if you really think you could be happier with someone else, than I suggest you let your boyfreind of NOW know exactly how you feel, how you feel about your relationship at this point. It just sounds as if he needs to mature and grow up, which is highly possible, especially if you talk to him and tell him what is happe\ning, he may just need a swift kick to the as*. I know I needed one, and it helped. So try that and see how it works, and he isnt going to change over night, it would take time. But if it seems like he is not even making a hint of trying, then go elsewhere. Good luck to you
Ally Boo Posted July 23, 2003 Posted July 23, 2003 Tony is right, as usual. If you can't accept him for who he is, let him go. You can't be in a relationship waiting or hoping that he will change. Let's face it, he's a guy, and he probably hasn't even thought of the fact that you want nice little things from him. Maybe you should talk to him about it. I dont think that it's about him being an "under-acheiver." You probably just want his attention in another way. Since you've been together two and a half years, and co-habitate happily, I see no problem is talking to him about your concerns and working through it. The hard part, is just starting the conversation. Do it.
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