Betrayed STBXW Knowingly had relationship with MARRIED co worker!

[smileysmile]

My story is floating around there since October 2007.

 

 

After 9 mths of moving out of our marital home and living in our own homes I have just found out after mths of sitting on the nagging thoughts of lies my STBXW has concocted i orr to 1. keep me off her back and 2. because she is in denial and 3. Because shes such a moralist lady she wouldn't do such a thing.

I have found out that her ex co-worker who left in October last year to a nearby company was married and cheating behind his ifes back and they only married June 2007!

Now knowingly the egot involvedhaving told me he had said he was now eparated and she told me he pursued wh hefound out e ha separated a hi persistec led them to have sex next to my daughters bedroom in November last year.

I found him hiding behind her bedroom door when I dropped my daughter off in January this year. From then on I knew something was not quite right when he legged it down the stairs pushing past my daughter and into his car. I have found out that was the last tiime he called but not quite sure but I would hazard a guess this to be true now that I have spoken to the slimey toad and he is denying having anything physical with ex. He is denying the fact that back in November in the 1st week of visiting my exes new house it was the dye off his jeans that caused the stain on exes new cream suite she had just had delivered. When I had read the texts from him that said he appologised for it. I spoke to him 3 days ago when he rang my mobile phone and he even wanted to meet me. He sounded nervous and he was crapping himself.

He told me he was with his wife and I said well that is different to what I had been told.

Now before anybody says it is none of my business well I think it is that know the truth and what my ex is capable of doing. Knowingly sneeking about with this married man she had known in work for 3 years. How could she do this to another woman?? And now she is protecting him and her sorry a*se! Ringing me 2 nights ago ranting and raving at 1am!! This went on until 2.30am her ringing me and leaving 4 messages on my mobile answering machine. I disconnected the phone etc

She is shocked that I have the intellience to research my facts on what was going on here to the woman I once loved.

 

Ok I have had the wife of the OM ringing me and I appologised for contacting her but I just wanted to know if it was true she was separted? And she was not separated. She was shocked to hear what I had to say and I said I don't want to cause trouble but I feel this isn't right to cheat on your wife. And if I hadn't spooked him whenhe hid behind her bedroom door (he was fully clothed) then maybe he would have still called round.

 

Now my ex is saying I am not acting rationally and shouldn't be around my daughter. So she for now has stoppd me seeing her, To me guys, believe me I am calm and always will be EVEN around my daughter as I love her to bits. But my ex knows the only way to get back at me is to use my daughter against me.

 

She has lied on out D life that nothing happened and has forgotten all the text messages from mths ago and messages on answering machine which I have kept plus she told me in November last year that they had heavily kissed on got it on! Plus I have read her text messages to him that time in November when I was looking after our D in her house and she left her phone on the cupboard when she left for work. This is how it all started. Now if he was separated and single fair enough. After the crap we went through she sought attention from another man. But he cheated on his unsuspecting wifre and she aided and abetted him.

 

I marroed this woman who accuses me of irrational behaviour when she humped a M man in the bed next to my daughter!

Who is going to tell me this is none of my business when this is my D??

She has even told me D would be in bed if she brought anybody around. Lies lies and more lies!

She is controlling our D. One set of rules for her and another for me.

 

I really mean it she was crapping herslf when I prung the MM wifes name on her. I knew for a fw mths. I had to get my facts right. I wanted to know was the person I married and is the mother of my D capable of these things when over the time we were together she would dump me if I cheated once and no coming back. I thought she had certain morals and ethical values.

 

I have exposed these lies and her reputation. Now she is worried I am going all guns blazing to tell the world but as I know she has concocted denial plans with this MM.

All I wanted her to do is show some integrity and just admit it. I was weak etc etc

I can compare her to a villain caught red handed being interrogated by the police and acting indenial trying to pull the wool over there eyes.

 

What I would like to know is even though in my heart I know she would have been loyal to me if we were still together. That she was betrayed and hurt by me.

What was she thinking by falling for this MM attention? Knowing he was M. Therefore cheating on his wife. Would she have been in the right frame of mind? Do you think that a MM could not hurt her anymore than she was already?

I would be interested to hear of any women who can relate to my ex.

[cyabye]

She is BAD NEWS. PERIOD. She was probably like this during your whole marriage and before too (she was just good at hiding it). As far as the other guy, don't waste your time. I 've been there done that and confronted him etc. In the end you still feel bad from what she's done to you. The court can rectify the situation with your daughter. Better act fast before she does. Again, I'd leave the other man thing alone for the sake of seeing your daughter. They are both sneaky trolls and deserve each other and everything bad coming down the path. Take care of you and your daughter and leave the rest at the doormat (uh under) where it belongs. She will probably NEVER admit anything to you because she is a spineless inmature person (not even a real woman) and her actions prove it. I bet she blames everything on you right? I read your story before but it is hazy to me right now (read so many). What exactly did you do to her that hurt her so bad?

 

Hope this helps,

cyabye

[Nomad1]

Smiley man! I understand your frustration and anger. It is partly because you haven't let go of her. Leave the past in the past. The outcome is the same. You can ask her to be discrete in the presence of your daughter, but you will not be able to stop her from doing what she wants in her house. In fact, you shouldn't want to. She is no longer your wife! Each time you have a go at her about what she might get up to, you give her power she doesn't really have. Be totally indifferent! I can understand if you sense that your daughter is at some risk, but otherwise, forget about her.

 

You know Smiley. You are stopping yourself from moving on and it can't be very healthy for you. That woman is gone. You shouldn't want her back anyway. Get yourself a new woman. Trust me. There are women out there with more integrity.

 

Nomad

[smileysmile]

Nomad..I thank you for your advice.

 

It just gets to me when she makes out to her family and world that she is holy than thou. That she could do such a thing..and that thing is have a secret affair behind another womans back regardless of us divorcing.

I am put in a wrong light to her with her family and it sucks!

 

Yes, be indifferent to her. I have been trying. She knows she was wrong but hasn't the guts to admit it. Yes, as long as I see my D that all that matters and you are right I should move on. Though I can't help my feelings. Like I have said in other posts I have already wound her up by being this nice and 'normal' guy. I will have to rise above all this.

[sumdude]

Hard to do it but ya gotta let it go. You'll NEVER get the truth from these people... My ex tried to accuse me of cheating on her while on a business trip overseas.

 

I came home and was relaxing... suddenly she asks if I've unpacked yet.. For some reason .. heh.. she wanted to help. Pulls out an earrring and says "What's this?" I had no idea.. For the next month she's acting strange, dissappearing all that. One day she drives me into work.. calls me 3 hrs later to tell me she moved out. The incredible amount of lying it took for her to pull that off is astounding. We're talking a complete covert operation.

 

I still do not know for sure if there was an OM or not... but if it walks like a duck...

[taylor]

Smiley, I haven't read all your posts, just first and last. My take:

 

Sounds like you are still in love with your wife and it's driving you crazy she is with another man now. I think it would drive you just as crazy if the man were single.

 

I think it also bothers you because you take the blame for your failed marriage...for losing her. Therefore, you subconsciously think, "If I hadn't screwed up my marriage, I'd still be with her instead of him." It's eating at you that YOU are the reason she is with HIM.

 

You ask how your wife could be so irrational. She is irrational. So are you. Both of you are still hurting from your failed marriage. You are lonely. So is she. You took up company with a woman you know you are going to hurt.. you still daydreaming of your wife. Your wife took up company with a married man who pursued her. You both found ways to alleviate the pain, hurt, and loneliness.

 

The day you become indifferent to your wife or meet someone else who dazzles you, is the day you won't care who your wife is with.

 

My only concern would be whether the man she is with could or would hurt your daughter in any way. Is there any cause to be concerned? I think many fathers worry about this when their ex-wives bring a new boyfriend home. This should be your only concern.

[smileysmile]

Your wife took up company with a married man who pursued her. You both found ways to alleviate the pain, hurt, and loneliness

 

Taylor, Yes this sounds correct as she is still hurt.

 

She isn't with him now and has never been with him as such. I don't know the ins and outs of who pursued who etc because there are so many lies.

 

He is married and wanted his end away with her as my ex is very sexy and attractive. If he was single it wouldn't bother me. It is the moral values of it. She can't lecture me or preach to me values and she would condemn anybody who cheats on there spouse. But as you quote above I think that is what it was. A MM couldn't hurt as she knows she wouldn't get hurt again. Yes I still have feelings for her but I can assure you it is not because she went with a man persay.

 

I know it is going to happen and I know whoever she goes with in the future she will ALWAYS put our D first and she would kick the man into touch if he wronged her or our D.

I trust there. Again I think she was numbing the hurt and pain but she just won't admit to any of it. Why deny it? She is up and down with admitting to it in snippets and then denying it to save his or/and integrity.,

 

Again she is not with anybody. She maintains that they were just 'friends.'

 

And 2/3 mths ago they have not seen each other due probably to the time I found him hiding behind the door.

 

Both of you are still hurting from your failed marriage. You are lonely. So is she.

 

Yes this is quite true. I am not sure how things will be now. She thinks I need to calm down and I am unstable and when she think its time she won't let me see our D.

But I swear she is using this to defend herself and get back at me as she knows our D means the world to me. She is also a little jealous of my R with our D and she has passed some sarcatic comments over the regarding our D and me.

 

She has a responsible job and is quite altogether but I guess she is still bitter towards me for putting her in this position of single parenthood.

[Nomad1]

Forget about who hurt who. It is in the past and that is where it should remain. Draw an imaginary line under the whole affair. This is getting in the way of your daughter receiving adequate parenting, since you are both still fighting.

 

Man smiley, all these incidents are only making matters worse! Have you noticed the pattern. There is usually an outburst, then NC, then you start working on being nice etc......Then another outburst! and the cycle continues! You need to break the cycle. You can only do that by being totally indifferent to whatever she thinks / does or does not do. If it is hard at first, just bite your tongue. You will soon get used to it.

 

Most importantly, get a life! (sorry I don't mean this in a negative way) but you should start dating. You will find other women that will make you forget about the past. Actually, you will be enjoying yourself so much that you will be glad that she has somebody when she does, as she would try to make your life miserable if she is unhappy and realises that you are having so much fun!

 

That woman is no longer your wife. Does it matter what she does?

 

Nomad

[smileysmile]

I guess you are right Nomad. I kept help thinking about failing this M 2nd time round. I have a child that makes a whole difference. I was doing fine over the last 7 weeks. Overall considering.

 

She on the other hand is finding it tough with the tiredness, stress, upset, hurt, fed up, cheesed off and feeling low, bitter and twisted towards me when she sees me being nice and normal and the cause of her being in this position. Woe is me outburst which she doesn't care when I had the woe is me back in December.

So when she mentioned the D papers being sent to me as imminent, I said well I know that as you told me 7 weeks ago. But she says I am showing you the courtesy of telling you thats all. Well I said I may contest it if there is something that shouldn't be there and this is when I mentioned the MM wifes name and this must have shocked her as I had this under my hat. It just triggered me off and she paniced and sent me a text then rang my mobile when I was with D. And that night last Wednesday is when MM gave me a call and texted me later to say his wife will be ringing me the next day. The ex then texted me at 1am and then rang me up until 2.30am. Obviously panicing. They are in this together to cover thereselves.

 

Anyway I guess it s a waste of time trying to pursue this and tell the wolrd. Like Taylor mentioned she wasn't thinking rationally at the time.

 

I may just when I receive the papers just sign them and take them hand delivered to the solicitor. That will show her I am moving on and be there for my D. This will dow tyhe indifference to what she expects I guess. Life to short.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Nexte she threatens you with keeping your daughter away from you, tell her. I'm telling my F-ing lawyer and you will lose custody if you do anything damaging to the relationship more than what you have!

 

I bet that shut her azz up.

 

Smiley do not go back with this woman, this marriage is over. Find someone else. for your own sanity!