Am I going about this situation wrong ?

[mixwell]

Okay I haven't posted on here in a while but here goes..

 

I met this girl online and we hung out on Wed. She is 19 and I am 25. Okay basically the date on Wednesday I picked her up, paid for the movies, and paid for the meal after (by the way I didn't get a thank you and I never pay for everything when I meet a girl for the most part) I figured since I was the one to ask her on a date that it was only appropriate to pay. It seems like she is interested because there was a lot of body contact etc... Anyways we had plans to hang out tonight and go to the movies but when I told her to drive to my house for the movies she wanted me to pick her up again.

 

I told her no that it was her turn to drive down and put in some effort (In a nice way) she refused to drive down after I had tried to coax her in a teasing/nice way. I then said well I guess we can't go to the movies if you don't want to make the effort to drive down to my area. (By the way its only about a 15-20 min drive from my house to hers) The main principal I was trying to get across to her was that I didn't think it was fair that I put in ALL of the effort on the 1st date and that I wasn't going to do it again.

 

I would think if the opposite sex is interested that they would make an effort to hang out which started to make me think that she could possibly be using me to see what she can get out of me or testing me to see what she can get away with. I don't consider myself a chump or a person that lets women walk all over them but my question is am I being to stubborn or did I go about it the wrong way ?

 

I have a feeling that with the age difference that she MIGHT be in the princess phase where she thinks everything should go her way but I don't know. I really wanted to hang out with her and she is such a cutie but my beliefs and non whipped approach are just the way I am and I don't put women on a pedistal.

 

I was kicking myself in the arse afterwards because I would have really like to hang out but I told myself that even though she is hot its not an excuse for me to make her into a princess and let her have things her way. Any advice is appreciated and sorry for the long post.

 

 

Peace

[DunnoWhat]

Okay I haven't posted on here in a while but here goes..

 

I met this girl online and we hung out on Wed. She is 19 and I am 25. Okay basically the date on Wednesday I picked her up, paid for the movies, and paid for the meal after (by the way I didn't get a thank you and I never pay for everything when I meet a girl for the most part) I figured since I was the one to ask her on a date that it was only appropriate to pay. It seems like she is interested because there was a lot of body contact etc... Anyways we had plans to hang out tonight and go to the movies but when I told her to drive to my house for the movies she wanted me to pick her up again.

 

I told her no that it was her turn to drive down and put in some effort (In a nice way) she refused to drive down after I had tried to coax her in a teasing/nice way. I then said well I guess we can't go to the movies if you don't want to make the effort to drive down to my area. (By the way its only about a 15-20 min drive from my house to hers) The main principal I was trying to get across to her was that I didn't think it was fair that I put in ALL of the effort on the 1st date and that I wasn't going to do it again.

 

I would think if the opposite sex is interested that they would make an effort to hang out which started to make me think that she could possibly be using me to see what she can get out of me or testing me to see what she can get away with. I don't consider myself a chump or a person that lets women walk all over them but my question is am I being to stubborn or did I go about it the wrong way ?

 

I have a feeling that with the age difference that she MIGHT be in the princess phase where she thinks everything should go her way but I don't know. I really wanted to hang out with her and she is such a cutie but my beliefs and non whipped approach are just the way I am and I don't put women on a pedistal.

 

I was kicking myself in the arse afterwards because I would have really like to hang out but I told myself that even though she is hot its not an excuse for me to make her into a princess and let her have things her way. Any advice is appreciated and sorry for the long post.

 

 

Peace

I'd say it's a test! You done the right thing. Don't let her walk all over you. If she is interested she'll make an effort and the more effort you make the less she'll respect you.

[Jilly Bean]

Totally and completely disagree with you and your stance.

 

I expect men to PURSUE and COURT me. This means I don't pay for early dates, and I certainly don't drive to meet a guy to *prove* my interest. But you sound so bitter about women anyway! How you would consider picking a girl up on a date makes her a "princess" and you "whipped"? Whhhaaattt?

 

Sounds like she is old-fashioned (like me in this regard) and wanted to be courted, not treated like a "hang-out." Having respect for yourself and knowing your value and how you want to be treated doesn't make you a primadonna, btw.

 

But, I hope digging your heels in to prove a point was worth it (so now she knows you don't think she's a princess and you certainly let her know you won't be whipped!), because chances are she has moved on to the next guy who is treating her a lot better than you did and won't play these foolish games.

[Kindle]

I agree wholeheartedly with Jilly Bean.

 

I must be a complete primadonna. I dont expect to pay for the first few dates, although i will offer to go dutch. I expect the guy to pick me up and drop me off or at the very least arrange transport. I expect him to be polite and respectful.

 

I expect him to open doors for me and go to the bar to get the drinks. I expect him to let me order my food first, or if its a really nice resturant for him to ask me if i would like him to order for me.

 

I'm sorry but i expect nothing less and wont settle for anything less.

 

My dad was polite and respectful towards women, he was polite and respectful towards me, and he taught me that i dont have to settle for anything less.

 

If you had asked me to drive 20mins to your house i would have laughed in your face !

 

I want a man, not a freind, and i certainly dont want anyone that cant or wont show any respect towards me.

[D-D]

Personally, I would have gone and picked her up. Much nicer than telling her to drive to your place. Just my opinion though.

[forrest]

so first women want to be treated equally, and then they go and want to be waited on hand and foot. Seems like a double standard to me.

[SS49]

I'd have no problem driving to your place for date #2.

 

Every girl is different. Some like to be courted, and have the guy do most of the early leg work. Some are cool going putting up just as much effort as you are.

 

If you want a girl that's laid back, less 'old-fashioned' and willing to drive out to see you, they are out there. Keep looking.

[Tomcat33]

You know normally I would agree with all the other posters that said it is your duty to court her in the early stages and pursue her, since being a woman myself and also never doing the pursuing myself I am of that camp of thinking, but I guess what a lot failed to see was that you clearly stated in your OP that she didn't even say "thank you" after the first date and that to me 100% shows that she is in princess mode. Or it could be no one taught her manners, I would have taken her out one more time to see if she did it again.

 

It is one thing to let the man be the man on a date and to let a guy take care of you, but it is a complete other to take advantage of a man. To me she is not considerate or appreciative of what you are giving to be with here therefore she does not deserve to be treated in this way anymore.

 

Your call if you want to keep going out with a bratty princess.

 

If you do dump her you might want to tell her, "you know it's not that I have a problem with treating you to things I LOVE that, it's more that I don't like to be taken for granted when I do. A simple thank you goes a long way so BON VOYAGE princess"

[mixwell]

You know normally I would agree with all the other posters that said it is your duty to court her in the early stages and pursue her, since being a woman myself and also never doing the pursuing myself I am of that camp of thinking, but I guess what a lot failed to see was that you clearly stated in your OP that she didn't even say "thank you" after the first date and that to me 100% shows that she is in princess mode. Or it could be no one taught her manners, I would have taken her out one more time to see if she did it again.

 

It is one thing to let the man be the man on a date and to let a guy take care of you, but it is a complete other to take advantage of a man. To me she is not considerate or appreciative of what you are giving to be with here therefore she does not deserve to be treated in this way anymore.

 

Your call if you want to keep going out with a bratty princess.

 

If you do dump her you might want to tell her, "you know it's not that I have a problem with treating you to things I LOVE that, it's more that I don't like to be taken for granted when I do. A simple thank you goes a long way so BON VOYAGE princess"

 

This pretty much states how I felt about the situation. To the other posters that think I was wrong. I would have had no problem picking her up again but the way she went about the first date led me to think she was just taking advantage of me which made me want to see her reactions on putting in effort to see me if she was interested.

 

I do agree that it might have been a good idea to pick her up and see how date 2 went but I think its only polite to offer to to pay as a female even if you know the guy will pay. That way he wont feel like he is being taken advantage of. I don't know I suppose some females have different views on the situation.

[mixwell]

Totally and completely disagree with you and your stance.

 

I expect men to PURSUE and COURT me. This means I don't pay for early dates, and I certainly don't drive to meet a guy to *prove* my interest. But you sound so bitter about women anyway! How you would consider picking a girl up on a date makes her a "princess" and you "whipped"? Whhhaaattt?

 

Sounds like she is old-fashioned (like me in this regard) and wanted to be courted, not treated like a "hang-out." Having respect for yourself and knowing your value and how you want to be treated doesn't make you a primadonna, btw.

 

But, I hope digging your heels in to prove a point was worth it (so now she knows you don't think she's a princess and you certainly let her know you won't be whipped!), because chances are she has moved on to the next guy who is treating her a lot better than you did and won't play these foolish games.

 

Would you also expect a guy to go out and get you drink and popcorn and bring it back to you or would you go with him to get it if you wanted a snack ? She also expected me to hold the popcorn that she wanted during the movie and I told her to put it in the empty seat next to her. Those two things led me to thing she was just seeing how much she could get away with and was testing me which I don't think is cool.

 

There is a difference in being a gentleman (which I am) If a woman shows that she appreciates what I do for her then I have no problem putting in effort but when she more or less demands things and shows no signs of appreciation thats when I start to get stubborn and dig my heels in. I hope that gives you more insight on why I had a problem with picking her up again. I think if a woman knows she can get her way and act like a brat she will develop those patterns and expect nothing less. I don't want to get in the habit of dating a bratty girl.

[mixwell]

Just thinking out loud here but she has been texting me usually in the morning and saying have a nice day at work and what not so it leads me to think she is thinking about me and has some interest in me rather than just using me. I've been thinking about texting her and explaining my point of view and letting her know it left a bad taste in my mouth with the lack of manners she showed which let me to think she wasn't interested in me other than using me.

 

I kind of think it might come off as weird or at this point not even matter. Would you suggest at least contacting her to try to patch things up and start from scratch or just forget it and see if she contacts me or move on ? These things are usually simple but the last few girls I've dated I haven't had a really high interest level in like I do with this girl. I guess thats why I am soo confused and over analyzing the situation. I would hate to just stop talking to this girl over something like this especially this early on in the game.. Some input would be really appreciated.. :::sigh ::::

 

[D-Lish]

I guess my input has to be- when you say you don't want to "lose her over this"... that the "over this" part is your issue.

 

You decided you wanted her to drive to you- you decided you weren't going to give in.... So, it's really you that decided to make an issue of this- not her.

 

If you want to salvage things- I'd call her back and tell her you'll pick her up. Maybe she doesn't have a car????

[mixwell]

I guess my input has to be- when you say you don't want to "lose her over this"... that the "over this" part is your issue.

 

You decided you wanted her to drive to you- you decided you weren't going to give in.... So, it's really you that decided to make an issue of this- not her.

 

If you want to salvage things- I'd call her back and tell her you'll pick her up. Maybe she doesn't have a car????

 

I think I will let her know my side. Yes she does own a car because the first time I picked her up I actually met her at her work. She didn't drive because "she didn't feel like it" from her words.

[mixwell]

WOW !! She actually text me right now.. I am very surprised she did even though she just said "hey". I think if she were just using me she would probably have just left things as they were and moved on.. We have since exchanged a few so I guess she might be over it ?

 

I don't know if her actions were just a test and she is interested because I didn't totally give into her every whim (which a lot of guys do) and MAYBE she sees me as a challenge. I try to not give into a girl all the time because I know once a girl knows she dominates a relationship it gets boring and is a turn off.

 

My main approach was to let her know that I'm not going to be like every other guy and give her everything she wants. Some girls can handle it and some girls will look for the next chump I mean guy that will do that. Anyways I will just wing it and see how things go..

[whichwayisup]

If you like her, then let go of your ego and GO pick her up in your car.

 

This rule of yours, meeting half way or taking turns driving only occurs LATER on, once you two become more serious daters.

 

Though, I think her not thanking you for dinner wasn't cool.

[sid3]

I don't think you should tell her you think she has poor manners. Maybe you missed her thank you because you are so obsessed with the idea that she (and other woman) see you as a meal ticket. You need to lighten up about this for sure. It is a reoccuring theme of your posts. We get it, your not a chump. Why would you want to tell this cute girl something like that. Your actions will speak alot louder than what you say. You shouldn't be expecting a new girl to be driving to you on the second date. That is just rookie. Once your dating then it is expected for her to make that effort. That is when you are right to dig your heels in. It's wise to not put her on a pedestal. I would not conclude someone is a braty girl after only one date, or even one month.

[whichwayisup]

You shouldn't be expecting a new girl to be driving to you on the second date.

ESPECIALLY since you met eachother ONLINE.

[Tomcat33]

Would you also expect a guy to go out and get you drink and popcorn and bring it back to you or would you go with him to get it if you wanted a snack ? She also expected me to hold the popcorn that she wanted during the movie and I told her to put it in the empty seat next to her. Those two things led me to thing she was just seeing how much she could get away with and was testing me which I don't think is cool.

 

There is a difference in being a gentleman (which I am) If a woman shows that she appreciates what I do for her then I have no problem putting in effort but when she more or less demands things and shows no signs of appreciation thats when I start to get stubborn and dig my heels in. I hope that gives you more insight on why I had a problem with picking her up again. I think if a woman knows she can get her way and act like a brat she will develop those patterns and expect nothing less. I don't want to get in the habit of dating a bratty girl.

 

She sounds like an ungreatful princess. I bet she will do it again the second date. Liking that you treat her to the date is one thing but expecting you to pay and to not even say thank you is totally selfcentered.

 

And I totally agree with the second part of your post, you don't pay because you are trying to show off or because you are trying to throw your money away, you pay to show the girl that you are going out of your way to make her feel appreciated on the date, it is NOT unreasonable to expect the same in return. Gees a "thanks" is free.

 

I don't blame you for not wanting to get into the habit of dating brats, they are not the worth the value they profess to have.

 

As a woman who has had her fair share of men pay for her and treat her to extravagant dates, trips, gifts etc I wouldn't dream of not making the man feel appreciated for his shows of appreciation. It's common sense it is common courtesy it's called having manners.

 

It sounds like she might be immature, then again some people don't develop manners and always expect irrationally from others no matter what age they are.

[White Flower]

Women will always wanted to be treated as equal but as my older and wiser neighbor keeps reminding me, as long as men make more money than women they ought to pay. At your age you still might be making the same if she works but eventually you will be making more than every woman you ever meet possibly.

[Jilly Bean]

Would you also expect a guy to go out and get you drink and popcorn and bring it back to you or would you go with him to get it if you wanted a snack ?

 

She also expected me to hold the popcorn that she wanted during the movie and I told her to put it in the empty seat next to her. Those two things led me to thing she was just seeing how much she could get away with and was testing me which I don't think is cool.

Well, generally we stop at the concession stand on the way IN to the theatre and get snacks together, but if we were already seated, yep, he gets up to get the snacks.

 

See, honestly, if you treated me like this, I would think you were a total dick and had NO respect for women. Why do you seem to have such issues with doing NICE things for a girl on a date?

 

Well, we weren't there to see it all go down. I know I expect a lot from a date, but I also am very appreciative and verbal about it. I expect courtship, not "hanging out" and being treated like one of the guys or a hook-up.

 

For me, if a man invites me out on a date, then I expect him to pay for ALL of it (I have never, and WILL never offer to pay on a date before we are exclusive and in a relationship), and while we are on the date, I expect to be treated like a lady. This means opening my car door, holding my popcorn, my hand, my handbag, pulling out my chair - WHATEVER. If a guy doesn't put in the small efforts in the beginning, then I consider him classless or disinterested or just plain ill-mannered, and I move on.

[hip chick]

If you were a gentleman, you would have offered those things.

"Would you like some popcorn or anything?" Then yes, get up to get it (but you should have said this as you were walking into the theatre....if you were a gentleman.)

Also holding the popcorn would have been a gentlemanly thing to do, but you don't realize this.

If it was a second date, and you asked her to a movie, your next comment would be "The movie starts 7:30, I'll pick you up at 6:45." If you were a gentleman that is. It was only the 2nd date! Instead she got "OK, why don't you drive over here and then we'll go to the movie." WTF??? she was prompting you on good dating behavior, but I wouldn't have done that if I were her, I just wouldn't have accepted another date because you seem selfish and clueless.

[Tomcat33]

Also holding the popcorn would have been a gentlemanly thing to do, but you don't realize this.

 

For god's sake she is a woman, not crippled. Though "princess" and "crippled" are becoming pseudonyms.

[xpaperxcutx]

OP, you've met her online, and it was the first date. All of a sudden you seem to have so many assumptions about her. Do you know her well enough to jump to conclusions to judge? Maybe she hadn't said thank you, but you could've at least been a gentleman as to go out with her on a second date to really come to a decisive conclusion about her.

And what's wrong with paying for the dates? I think that if you had the courtesy to ask her out, then you have the courtesy to pay.

As for whether she was a brat, you're attracted to a 19 yr old. Besides how can she be a "princess" if she works and actually owns her own car. If anything I say you're way too miserly when it comes to money for a 25 yr old.

[Tomcat33]

I think some people are missing the point that this guy wouldn't even be here complaining or hessitating about asking this girl out on another date had she been a little more appreciative of him. "Thank-you" goes a long way, believe me I speak from experience, I have never gone out with a guy who didn't INSIST on paying even after years of being together. If you make a guy feel like you appreciate what he does for you he WILL bend over backwards for you.

 

Wouldn't you? Positive reinforcement goes a long way, a lot further than anything you can buy.

 

Every man has the potential to be a gentleman provided he encounters a lady. Golddiggers are a dime a dozen and a true gentleman keeps his antenae up to avoid those.

[mixwell]

OP, you've met her online, and it was the first date. All of a sudden you seem to have so many assumptions about her. Do you know her well enough to jump to conclusions to judge? Maybe she hadn't said thank you, but you could've at least been a gentleman as to go out with her on a second date to really come to a decisive conclusion about her.

And what's wrong with paying for the dates? I think that if you had the courtesy to ask her out, then you have the courtesy to pay.

As for whether she was a brat, you're attracted to a 19 yr old. Besides how can she be a "princess" if she works and actually owns her own car. If anything I say you're way too miserly when it comes to money for a 25 yr old.

 

I agree with you on jumping to conclusions and its not like I found her online, she found me and initiated the contact.. Also I am not miserable when it comes to money. Money comes and goes and I would rather spend my last dollar on having a nice time then being a cheap ass. I guess since every other girl I've gone out with has at least offered to pay for her portion that is what I have come to expect.