Author tealeafbud Posted June 1, 2008 Author Posted June 1, 2008 sorry, for some reason, I saw "when" and not "why". The "why" is simple. Some people like Neil Diamond, and some people don't. I don't like Neil Diamond.
Far Behind Posted June 1, 2008 Posted June 1, 2008 sorry, for some reason, I saw "when" and not "why". The "why" is simple. Some people like Neil Diamond, and some people don't. I don't like Neil Diamond. Good one, Bob!
Author tealeafbud Posted June 1, 2008 Author Posted June 1, 2008 Good one, Bob! Thanks FB, only "BOB" fans would get it. Nevermind, sorry for that facetious response. I was just trying to inject some humor into an otherwise bitter situation. I'm ok now, and as to why, I basically fell out of love with her. She was an absolutely wonderful person, but I knew I wouldn't be happy with her and I knew in my heart she wasn't the right one. We had some serious issues that she wasn't willing to compromise on, and we would argue about the dumbest things. There were other things to, but those are some.
whichwayisup Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 Get a buddy of yours to go get that guitar. She isn't going to send it to you because her having it is reason to contact you - And have some control over you.
Author tealeafbud Posted June 2, 2008 Author Posted June 2, 2008 Get a buddy of yours to go get that guitar. She isn't going to send it to you because her having it is reason to contact you - And have some control over you. I would, but she lives far away and with gas being the price it is, it's almost not even worth it to pick it up. Anyhoo, the guitar in and of itself doesn't mean much to me. The thing that it symbolizes, her last remaining important thing to hold on to, is what I wish she would let go of. Even though she's in a relationship, I have a weird feeling she does want to have that last bit of control, or whatever it is, over me.
Sunset_Cowgirl Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 Not so sure that her holding onto your guitar is for control. Did you used to play it for her? Just MHO but I think perhaps even though she is with someone else, this is last tangible piece of you that she has left and it represents good memories for her. Make any sense to you?
Author tealeafbud Posted June 3, 2008 Author Posted June 3, 2008 it makes lots of sense SunSet. My problem now is that I want to contact her and apologize for being cold to her. Maybe I'm using that as an excuse to talk to her, to hear her voice, to see how she's doing. but I really was a bit cold to her. I just should have been more normal to her, but I was scared of what it might lead to, which is why I went the cold route. will I ever move on and get over her? what is my problem?
Nevermind Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 Well, you could write her a note saying that you did not mean to be impolite or hurt her, but that you simply can't have contact with her. Ask her to respect it and to never ever contact you again. Then block her numbers, set her e-mail to be transferred to the Spam section and leave it. Or you'll just leave it. That's the safe way.
sedgwick Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 If you dumped her and broke her heart, why do you care anything about her at all? I mean, mine dumped me and just waltzed away -- isn't that what all dumpers do? Do you guys actually ever feel anything but happy? Why do you want to apologize for being cold to her? You broke her heart. You did something way, way more hurtful than being cold to her. My ex said to me once, "The problem with breakups is that one person gets to be happy and the other one has to be sad." You dumped her -- why aren't you the happy one?
serendip Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 Do you guys actually ever feel anything but happy? Umm...no. Not everyone is like your ex. You are intelligent enough to know that.
Author tealeafbud Posted June 3, 2008 Author Posted June 3, 2008 If you dumped her and broke her heart, why do you care anything about her at all? I mean, mine dumped me and just waltzed away -- isn't that what all dumpers do? Do you guys actually ever feel anything but happy? Why do you want to apologize for being cold to her? You broke her heart. You did something way, way more hurtful than being cold to her. My ex said to me once, "The problem with breakups is that one person gets to be happy and the other one has to be sad." You dumped her -- why aren't you the happy one? I know what you're saying. To this day, I'm still trying to figure that out and deal with it, but in my situation, it's not as logical as it could appear to be. Sedg, not all human emotion and break ups are as black and white as you categorize them as. Why can't both people be sad in a break up? And why can't both people be happy? It's true that I did hurt her. It's true that I crushed her heart in a million pieces. But we've talked previously and she's forgiven me. She understood the issues that couldn't be resolved at the time. She is truly a loving person that to this day has not said one evil word to me. I miss her. You see dumpers as the the worst people that the world has produced just because your musician left you. You can't fathom that some dumpers actually still can retain feelings for their ex and are not all evil spirited.
Nevermind Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 She forgave you? She might have, she might not. A heart break is really difficult to forgive, and maybe she said it before it was true, because she wanted to forgive you. My take is that she is contacting you still because she is not over it, and still misses you, too.
sedgwick Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 Sedg, not all human emotion and break ups are as black and white as you categorize them as. Why can't both people be sad in a break up? And why can't both people be happy? You see dumpers as the the worst people that the world has produced just because your musician left you. You can't fathom that some dumpers actually still can retain feelings for their ex and are not all evil spirited. I'm sorry. I know it's just that people are happy to leave ME, and that others actually do feel things for the ones they leave. I know that if losing me were something to feel sad about, he might have felt sad. But I guess it was just a relief since I have nothing to offer. If you miss her and you still love her, PLEASE go get her back. Please. Do it for those of us who want it more than anything in the world but will never be anything more than ignored. Do it for those of us who will never be worth loving. Please.
Kamille Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 I'm sorry. I know it's just that people are happy to leave ME, and that others actually do feel things for the ones they leave. I know that if losing me were something to feel sad about, he might have felt sad. But I guess it was just a relief since I have nothing to offer. If you miss her and you still love her, PLEASE go get her back. Please. Do it for those of us who want it more than anything in the world but will never be anything more than ignored. Do it for those of us who will never be worth loving. Please. Sedge, don't do this to yourself. You don't actually know that leaving you was easy for him - and I'm sure that if you were honest you would recognize that none of your exes were 'happy' to leave you. My ex loved me and still decided to leave me because, like TLB, he realized that our relationship wasn't what either one of us needed. We were getting stuck in an unhealthy dynamic where it was all effort, a majority of the time. It takes courage to walk away when you know in your heart it's the right decision. It doesn't make it any easier for either partner.
Nevermind Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 If you miss her and you still love her, PLEASE go get her back. Please. Do it for those of us who want it more than anything in the world but will never be anything more than ignored. Do it for those of us who will never be worth loving. Please. No, sedge. No. We have not been in that relationship, we do not know the pain tealeafbud is suffering from. It is obviously not easy for him, or he wouldn't be here. It would not make us feel any better. In fact, I think it would make us feel worse. It would cause us to ask : why couldn't it happen to us? Today, I know I would take my ex back if he wanted it. He doesn't. What about tomorrow? I don't know. But..even if we were getting back together, it wouldn't change anything for anybody else but us. You can't live your life for other people. And judging from your posts, I doubt that you'll be ignored forever. Once you've found that fountain of happiness inside you, somebody else will come and you will be happy. You are somebody worth loving.
sedgwick Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 Sedge, don't do this to yourself. You don't actually know that leaving you was easy for him - and I'm sure that if you were honest you would recognize that none of your exes were 'happy' to leave you. I think they were all thrilled to. None of them ever apologized. So yeah, I know he was happy. And I'm sure he has a dozen musicians lined up waiting to tell him they love him unconditionally. I guess it's easy for guys to get girls to feel that way about them. I meant nothing to him, it was all a lie, and yeah, I know he's happy as a clam -- he was able to replace me with someone who was worth something. At least I learned from this breakup that girls like me are a dime a dozen, and as such, I shouldn't burden anyone else by liking them. At least I'll never humiliate myself again. So that's the positive side, I suppose! You are somebody worth loving. Unfortunately, I'm not. The actions of my ex proved that to me once and for all. I'm only a writer and dancer, I can't offer anyone what a musician could. But I appreciate you saying it, that was sweet of you.
Kamille Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 I think they were all thrilled to. None of them ever apologized. So yeah, I know he was happy. And I'm sure he has a dozen musicians lined up waiting to tell him they love him unconditionally. I guess it's easy for guys to get girls to feel that way about them. I meant nothing to him, it was all a lie, and yeah, I know he's happy as a clam -- he was able to replace me with someone who was worth something. At least I learned from this breakup that girls like me are a dime a dozen, and as such, I shouldn't burden anyone else by liking them. At least I'll never humiliate myself again. So that's the positive side, I suppose! Sedge, what if I wrote what you said above about my own situation? "You know what, now that I think about it, if I truly mattered, my ex would have never left me. After all, I am unlovable. He proved it. I'm sure now he's living it up with some super bright highly sexed women who recognizes he is the one true perfect human being on the planet. I am worth nothing because I meant nothing to him. Well, the positive side is that now at least I know ." What would you tell me?
sedgwick Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 Sedge, what if I wrote what you said above about my own situation? "You know what, now that I think about it, if I truly mattered, my ex would have never left me. After all, I am unlovable. He proved it. I'm sure now he's living it up with some super bright highly sexed women who recognizes he is the one true perfect human being on the planet. I am worth nothing because I meant nothing to him. Well, the positive side is that now at least I know ." What would you tell me? Well of course I'd tell you you had worth! You're not me!!! You guys, I'm really NOT worth anything, and I DO know that. I'm simply not a musician! I'm sorry for hijacking the thread, I really am. I didn't mean to. I just get so sad when I see other people not being in relationships with someone they really love, because I would give anything in the universe to be worth loving!!!!
Kamille Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 Well of course I'd tell you you had worth! You're not me!!! You just made me spit my coffee all over my keyboard when I guffawed. Of course you have worth too! You've proven yourself to be so strong in so many ways on this board: you're an accomplished writer, a great dancer and you continuously seek answers through spirituality. I wish you would apply that determination of yours to loving yourself, as you are Sedge. Why can everyone here but you see how lovable you are?
Nevermind Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 Unfortunately, I'm not. The actions of my ex proved that to me once and for all. I'm only a writer and dancer, I can't offer anyone what a musician could. How can somebody who is so great in so many ways be so stubborn and stupid in one area? It is a safe place to put all the blame on you, but I honestly can't see how you can actually say that you're a writer and a dancer and think nothing of it. I wish I could help you realize that you were not to blame. I would love to be a writer, or a dancer. Many people would. I would love to have your travelling experience. I would like to befriend you if were in the same area, and if I were a man I'd be attracted. You said in another thread that any mature and intelligent woman would run away from a player. He played you. RUN. What do you think of me? I mean, honestly, I have none of your accomplishments. Did I deserve what came to me? Do I have to accept that I'll never be loved?
sedgwick Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 You just made me spit my coffee all over my keyboard when I guffawed. Of course you have worth too! You've proven yourself to be so strong in so many ways on this board: you're an accomplished writer, a great dancer and you continuously seek answers through spirituality. I wish you would apply that determination of yours to loving yourself, as you are Sedge. Why can everyone here but you see how lovable you are? Cool, I'm glad I'm at least good for a laugh! I know everyone here thinks I have something to offer, but my ex didn't, and as such, I know I don't. If there were anything good or worthwhile about me, he'd love me. I feel really stupid that I didn't know how easy it is for guys to get women to tell them they love them unconditionally. I'm SOOOOOOO embarrassed and ashamed of having said that. Right now I'm just trying to live that down and figure out a way to forgive myself for it. But it's really hard to forgive myself knowing he doesn't forgive me. Earning his forgiveness is, like, my major dream in life!!
Nevermind Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 Seriously, your ex doesn't know that a book can open the door to a new universe. He doesn't know that there is beauty in words, and that a sonnet can make your soul sing without there ever being music. He does not know anything about this, but you do. Are all the books in this world worthless because he will never understand them? His judgement, like that of any other person, is flawed. And this obvious, because he left you. And he will never have somebody like you again. You're special, sedge.
Kamille Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 Sedge, do me a favor: apply that strenght of yours onto loving yourself. Give loving yourself a chance. Loving yourself is the fondamental basis of yoga's spiritual side. Your yoga practice will improve if you listen to that voice inside your head that tells you that you are beautiful, loving and lovable human being. Stop shutting it out. Your ex is an excuse Sedge. You"re using him so that you don't actually have to work up the strenght to love yourself. It is a very frightening thing to do because it means facing our worst fears and letting go of old thinking patterns. But all you need to do, next time you're in child's pose, is listen to that little little voice that tells you everything is ok. The more you listen to it, the easier it will get to hear it. Please do this Sedge. I want to say: promise me that you will, but really, this is a promise that you should make to yourself.
sedgwick Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 Thank you so much, NM. And no, of course you're not worthless! You seem to be very intelligent and sweet. My accomplishments are really not all that. If they were he'd still be here, y'know? Yes, *I* think books are the most beautiful thing in the world. I'm reading lots of Faulkner right now and his work is so stunning it makes me cry. I long to have that kind of gift for putting words together. I read James Joyce and my eyes roll back in my head. I will work for the rest of my life to develop that kind of skill. And I think dance is a divine kind of beauty for which there ARE no words -- watching Suhaila Salimpour dance takes my breath away and gives me goosebumps. But I know nothing about playing music, so I can only assume it's way more difficult than writing or dancing. I mean, hell, there are no frets on a bass or a fiddle, how do you ever learn to play one in the first place?!? I hope so much that he's with someone who's worth his love. He's such a beautiful person. I hope he has an amazing musician who gives him everything I couldn't. And Kamille, of course I know how beautiful and challenging yoga is, and I love and respect the discipline with all my heart. When I was with him I used to think maybe he thought it was kind of cool to have a girlfriend who could do a back walkover, put her feet behind her head, and do belly rolls underneath him in bed! But he didn't. He actually told me a few times that he didn't want to spend the night because he hadn't slept with his bass in several days. He liked to put it on the side of the bed I would have taken up. He told me a couple of times, "If the bass could f*ck me back, you'd be outta luck." How do you come away from that with any self-worth at all? I thought I was pretty rockin' before I hooked up with him. But he completely decimated all that. He put me in my place. I'm trying to see the positive in that and think maybe he did me a favor.
Nevermind Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 Einstein was a really crappy violine player. Seriously, sucked at it. Could barely play. He was not a musician. So I guess he was just a loser. Schiller (if you're familiar with his plays) couldn't play an instrument either. Neither could Goethe, I think. Though he loved music. Shakespeare? Aaah, forget it. All losers. Wikipedia needs a category: people who are not musicians/losers.
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