tealeafbud Posted May 31, 2008 Posted May 31, 2008 my ex is reaching out to me...she sent me a text yesterday which i ignored. now she just sent me an email, asking simply..how are you? I see her on Yahoo messenger, but I really do'nt want to talk. it's 1am where i am We've been NC for 3 weeks. i broke her heart, then we started talking again, then she met some guy who is basically living with her, and then we decided NC was best. now this?
kizik Posted May 31, 2008 Posted May 31, 2008 TLB, well, it sounds like she's testing you, in a way. I don't think you should ignore her. Like you said, you broke her heart and she at least deserves a response. She says: "How are you?" You should say: "I'm OK. I hope you're well. I don't think we should be talking, though, because it will make healing harder for both of us." And maybe she gets pissed, or keeps bugging you. At a certain point you have to say: "I'm sorry. I can't talk to you. I hope we can be friends one day, but that day can't be now."
Author tealeafbud Posted May 31, 2008 Author Posted May 31, 2008 I'm just so conflicted. I know she's thinking how immature I am for ignoring her, because the last time we went NC, I ignored her a LOT. finally I caved in a talked to her, but suffered the consequences of that hollow emptiness. I think even a simple response such as that would take me back to that feeling. I'm so very conflicted. to respond or not to respond...*sigh thanks, kizik
0hpenelope Posted May 31, 2008 Posted May 31, 2008 Aww, TLB.... How come you want NC again with her? Is it because you don't want her to start expecting things from your contact with her? I know you're still healing. And while it's still hard for me to believe that dumpers feel anything... you're making dumpers look human to me (I've had my share of dumping before too, but they're "puppy love" relationships). I hope things will be better than okay with you soon. And I hope that she'll come to the mindset that she's wasting her time... it sounds harsh, but sometimes force is what's needed.
Nevermind Posted May 31, 2008 Posted May 31, 2008 tealeafbud, in your case, you might even write her a (short) note. Saying more or less what kizik suggested. This way you're decent, but don't go through contacting her directly. However, do what's best for you.
motive2002 Posted May 31, 2008 Posted May 31, 2008 She still thinks about you. That has to be good in some way? My ex never reached out. Ever.
Nevermind Posted May 31, 2008 Posted May 31, 2008 Motive: my ex did reach out, to dish me more lies. He is still/again with her, planning a holiday and told me he wished we could be together again, some day. That he wanted to hear from me etc. When I called him at it, giving him a choice, not between me and her (ha!), but between lies and honesty, he chose lies. And told me to **** off. Believe me, at least by not calling you and telling you lies, she respects you as a person.
kizik Posted May 31, 2008 Posted May 31, 2008 Motive, I can guarantee you that your ex still thinks of you, too. It is literally impossible for her not to. The terms in which she thinks of you, though (pos. or neg.), are entirely based upon your personal situation. The difference is that TLB's ex actually texted him. She was proactive; but this doesn't mean anything, in itself. She didn't do him any favors by doing so, even if YOU might be envious (as I am, and which I totally understand). I too would like to hear from my ex, but I also realize that hearing from her would not solve any problems. Prob. just create more. It would merely get my hopes up. I am not yet recovered, not even close. To conclude, I completely understand your agony, Motive. My ex, who may as well have been the dumper (though I'll call the situation a 'mutual break-up') hasn't contacted me in a couple weeks, and won't. In not contacting me, she's doing me a favor by not f*cking with my heart, while making me feel like she doesn't think about me. It's a double-edged sword that is inherently contradictory, and it's neither here nor there. It simply IS.
motive2002 Posted May 31, 2008 Posted May 31, 2008 she respects you as a person. You assume too much here. I don't believe she respects me at all.
Author tealeafbud Posted May 31, 2008 Author Posted May 31, 2008 Thanks everyone for your replies. I think you're right that a short note would be best. But I have this strange feeling that it's more than a "how ya doin" thing and more like a "I need to tell you something" kind of greeting. So weird. guess I'll sleep on it and deal with it in the near future? haha Thanks again you guys. Penel, motive, nevermind, v33, kizik
Nevermind Posted May 31, 2008 Posted May 31, 2008 That's for you to decide. My point was simply, that contacting you wouldn't make you feel better. And that it could actually just prolong the pain. My ex made a cruel joke/ ego trip out of my pain. Not sure you'd really want that. She could not really say anything to you that would help (you said so yourself before the weekend she was supposed to call). I am not trying to talk you out of feeling bad about the NC, but there is another side to it.
LikeCharlotte Posted May 31, 2008 Posted May 31, 2008 TLB- Respond: "I'm doing fine. Thanks. Please send my guitar." or "I'm doing fine. Thanks. I'm really not ready to talk. I'll let you know when I am. Please send my guitar." It's going to keep bothering you until you do something. I don't think she means to upset you at all. Still, somehow you don't have that guitar yet. (((TLB)))
Author tealeafbud Posted May 31, 2008 Author Posted May 31, 2008 ok I replied. "fine, thx. u? Please send my guitar." *sigh.
Far Behind Posted May 31, 2008 Posted May 31, 2008 ok I replied. "fine, thx. u? Please send my guitar." *sigh. TLB...how are you now? Any response? I told you our situations were completely different, that's why it was so easy for me to "win" our little wager. (Hey, I really don't think of you as a LOSER, btw.)
Author tealeafbud Posted May 31, 2008 Author Posted May 31, 2008 I'm ok. Thanks Charlotte for your input. I really do appreciate it. FarBehind, I'm still going to make good on that wager. The thing about email is wondering if she got it, when and if she'll respond. But after this little exchange, I'm still continuing on the 3 week NC streak that I'm on. As far as I'm concerned, I really don't care if she responds. I am ok, I promise.
whichwayisup Posted June 1, 2008 Posted June 1, 2008 my ex is reaching out to me...she sent me a text yesterday which i ignored. now she just sent me an email, asking simply..how are you? I see her on Yahoo messenger, but I really do'nt want to talk. it's 1am where i am We've been NC for 3 weeks. i broke her heart, then we started talking again, then she met some guy who is basically living with her, and then we decided NC was best. now this? Sounds like abit of an ego feed and her sending out an olive branch to you - Testing to see if you are mad at her. Some women cannot stand it if the guy is pissed at them, so they try to be 'friendly' ... The thing is, in the same breath, she let a bomb drop on you about her seeing and living with some guy? What was the point of that? You two can't be friends, get back into NC mode. She isn't worthy of any friendship from you. Besides, she has someone else now so in all honesty, it isn't fair to him that she is trying to contact you, her ex.
Author tealeafbud Posted June 1, 2008 Author Posted June 1, 2008 After I ignored a text from her last thursday, she wrote me an email late friday night asking how I was. I responded to her: fine, thx. u? send my guitar plz. She just responded. Why are you numb? (I had just changed my mood on myspace) I wrote: Why are you contacting me? Her: I'm sorry, I'll stop. I was just wondering how you were.. I wrote back: Please stop contacting me. and send my guitar like you promised. She wrote back: ok, again i'm sorry and i will I wrote back: good..you're really something else..u know that? She wrote back: i am very sorry, it was a mistake. i will get the guitar to you. I did not and will not respond to her ever again.. What the hek would her live in boyfriend think of her wondering how I was doing? And I don't give a crap if she's going to Six Flags, which was on her myspace. I wish I hadn't responded now that I think of it. God, I feel so numb right now. I just want those yucky feelings to end.
Nevermind Posted June 1, 2008 Posted June 1, 2008 Are you sure she has a new boyfriend? You wrote that you broke her heart...maybe she just wanted to not lose you completely?
Author tealeafbud Posted June 1, 2008 Author Posted June 1, 2008 yea i'm sure why can't she just stay gone, like I left it as? I've no idea why she wants to know how I'm doing. All I know is that I'm in worse shape than before she responded.
Nevermind Posted June 1, 2008 Posted June 1, 2008 I am guessing that the new boy is just a rebound and that she isn't over you, not at all. Which doesn't make it better, especially for the guy. Maybe it helps to think that she didn't mean it badly? She apologized. Sorry you're feeling bad.
Author tealeafbud Posted June 1, 2008 Author Posted June 1, 2008 thanks Nevermind. I really don't care if it's a rebound or not. I shouldn't care. the thing now is that I'm missing her and it sucks. And what is worse is that I'm second guessing my decision to put her through all that pain, and if I'll ever find someone who will love me as much as she did. WTF? I've been sooooo good lately, and now this. I just feel like I'm drowning in sorrow, like Triple Y's earlier thread. OMG i haven't felt pain like this in a while.
Nevermind Posted June 1, 2008 Posted June 1, 2008 May I ask...why did you put her through all this pain?
Nevermind Posted June 1, 2008 Posted June 1, 2008 Huh? Why...4 months.. It's okay, you don't have to tell me. I was just wondering. Hopefully you'll get better soon.
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