XxBacktoBlackXx Posted May 31, 2008 Posted May 31, 2008 Never break NC. I just did. We talked on the phone. He acted like everything was normal and when we ended the conversation he said, "Bye babe". **** him. I can't handle this. I'm drinking tonight.
motive2002 Posted May 31, 2008 Posted May 31, 2008 That is an altogether different temptation Have one for me!
Author XxBacktoBlackXx Posted May 31, 2008 Author Posted May 31, 2008 I'm by myself. I don't want to be with others.
wareagle Posted May 31, 2008 Posted May 31, 2008 Have one for me to, I would be drinking but I have to get up early tomorrow and go to a graduation. I to also like to drink alone sometimes!
kizik Posted May 31, 2008 Posted May 31, 2008 I've had two beers, and it's just made me depressed. However, I was going to be depressed anyway... so let's get f*cking smashed.
0hpenelope Posted May 31, 2008 Posted May 31, 2008 I hear you, XxBacktoBlackXx. Thank you for the reminder.
northstar1 Posted May 31, 2008 Posted May 31, 2008 I've had two beers, and it's just made me depressed. However, I was going to be depressed anyway... so let's get f*cking smashed. Yep, I'm on beer #3. Let the better times roll.
Author XxBacktoBlackXx Posted May 31, 2008 Author Posted May 31, 2008 When we got off the phone, he said "Bye baby". WTF. I cried very hard when we got off the phone. I called a lot of people. I talked to my sister. I sent him one final E-Mail as he expects us to keep in touch plenty. This was my E-Mail. Now that I know what it's like to be in contact with him, I'm done: "I know that I called you this evening and so this E-Mail may seem a bit strange, but I need to send it. I must tell you that I need to close this chapter in my life. I felt happy to talk to you this evening, but when I hung up the phone, I realized that it won't be possible for me to be friends with you. In order for me to fully carry on with my life and close this chapter, so to speak, I must do it completely. I appreciate the time that we spent together and I wish you all the best in your future but it's not possible for me to ever be friends with you. Emotionally, I am a person that must put everything completely to rest. It is not to be an offense to you; it is the way that I deal with my life and prepare for my future. I am asking that you please bear this in mind and do not respond to this E-mail, write me messages on Facebook, or call me. I don't mean this to be harsh; it is something that must be done for me. I feel that it will take an emotional toll on me. I must continue to a new place. It will never be possible for me to be friends with you; this is the way I handle my life. I can't look back. Please respect my emotional well-being. Best wishes for your future :)"
Lonelystar Posted May 31, 2008 Posted May 31, 2008 Wow! very mature e-mail. You should be proud of yourself. Talk to friends and family and make sure you look out for yourself. It sucks when someone you care for so much lets you down, but I guess it is apart of life. I hope you feel better.
tealeafbud Posted May 31, 2008 Posted May 31, 2008 When we got off the phone, he said "Bye baby". WTF. I cried very hard when we got off the phone. I called a lot of people. I talked to my sister. I sent him one final E-Mail as he expects us to keep in touch plenty. This was my E-Mail. Now that I know what it's like to be in contact with him, I'm done: "I know that I called you this evening and so this E-Mail may seem a bit strange, but I need to send it. I must tell you that I need to close this chapter in my life. I felt happy to talk to you this evening, but when I hung up the phone, I realized that it won't be possible for me to be friends with you. In order for me to fully carry on with my life and close this chapter, so to speak, I must do it completely. I appreciate the time that we spent together and I wish you all the best in your future but it's not possible for me to ever be friends with you. Emotionally, I am a person that must put everything completely to rest. It is not to be an offense to you; it is the way that I deal with my life and prepare for my future. I am asking that you please bear this in mind and do not respond to this E-mail, write me messages on Facebook, or call me. I don't mean this to be harsh; it is something that must be done for me. I feel that it will take an emotional toll on me. I must continue to a new place. It will never be possible for me to be friends with you; this is the way I handle my life. I can't look back. Please respect my emotional well-being. Best wishes for your future :)" Back to Black, that's a very nice closing email. I learned that same exact lesson about a month ago, and now I'm faced with a similar problem. My ex is reaching out to me and I'm confused to say the least. I really don't want to be rude to her, but then again, I don't want to really speak with her. Our last closing conversation was that I'd be there for her whenever she needed me. DOH! I knew she'd contact me someday, just didn't know it would be that soon. Anyway, I'm glad you recognize the power of NC and the consequences when it's broken. Would you call it an empty hollowness?
4givrnt4gtr Posted May 31, 2008 Posted May 31, 2008 Im sorry to hear how badly that last comment hurt. Im not really trying to do NC...mostly my pride just wont let me contact my ex. I figured if he wants me he will look for me. He did sent me an email last week wishing me luck on my graduate entrance exam. I responded the next day telling him i did well. He responded to that text with a "Nice! now all the schools are going to be fighting for you!". I cant lie it gave me hope that he would try to fight for me...but so far that was all the contact he's made, and its making me awfully sad....sorry for rambling. Im alone, Im tired and all i want is to get wasted and just pass out. Would make the night that much easier. Is it just me or it gets much harder at night?? You are very brave to make that decision to cut him off entirely. I wish i had your strenght. Good luck
replicator Posted May 31, 2008 Posted May 31, 2008 Good for you.. I did one of those emails, my only problem was that I sent more after that, so the desired effect was lost. NC is definitely tough. I struggle on a daily basis with the temptation to reach out, but before I send it, I realize that she is the one who left me. Why should I reach out, and make myself vulnerable to someone who has ultimately decided to be selfish and disregard all the work we put into our relationship? You're so right. Don't break NC. There is no point even considering them in our thoughts, because they lost that privilege. I'll only consider if my ex comes crawling on her knees, with sincere regret.
Exl Posted May 31, 2008 Posted May 31, 2008 Is it just me or it gets much harder at night?? Hell yeah. You're thinking every second who your former SO is with, where's he going, who's he meeting. It's torture. Been through that yesterday. All I really wanted was to go out and get myself smashed too. But in doing so I knew I'd bump into her. There's not many places to go at night here. And I broke NC... Again. It's not like we're officially in NC, just apart. She just decides not to answer me. Breaking NC is tough, still for some reason I am simply compelled to do it. Even if she doesn't answer me it eases my mind. Not that I bug her all the time or anything. I don't know what I feel anymore. Silence makes me doubt everything and I go spiral. And I know I'll be spiraling down for a long long time. B2B, good luck!
Dirk Diggler Posted May 31, 2008 Posted May 31, 2008 When we got off the phone, he said "Bye baby". WTF. Well now that you have felt the sting of breaking NC and calling back such a total loser. Try to focus on the fact NC is meant to help you heal over the long term. For now all you should be helping yourself do, is getting completely f***ing smashed.
Author XxBacktoBlackXx Posted May 31, 2008 Author Posted May 31, 2008 Thanks everyone for the complete support! This forum is absolutely amazing and everyone here is incredibly kind and generous. I feel as if I'll better be able to give advice now as I better understand the direction to which I'm heading. I wouldn't respond to many peoples' problems on this forum before because I felt I had no advice to give...I didn't even know how to handle my own situation! Honestly, breaking NC last night was in a way good for me (ironically) as it forced me to understand the repercussions and to send the closing E-Mail that I sent. I struggled to not write a more angry E-Mail but today, I am extremely happy that I sent a mature E-Mail wishing him the best in his future. I know I will not break NC in the future. I had to send this E-Mail because I knew he expected our contact to continue and that he wanted us to keep in touch. When we broke up, he told me he felt this was an evolution to our friendship and that we would always be in each other's lives. Last night, I understood that regardless of what he wanted, I needed to do what was healthy and sane for me. I don't feel as if I will ever be able to be friends with him so I had to put a stop to our "friendship" completely and be honest with him. Frankly, I think it was completely presumptuous on his part to assume that we would always be in each other's lives. After I talked to my EX on the phone, I went to Wal-Mart and bought vodka and orange juice. I only had three sips of it before I realized this wasn't the way I wanted to handle the situation, although I do love screwdrivers. I'll save it for another day when I'm among friends. If I had continued to drink, there was a risk that I would call him. I then called my sister in tears and she told me I needed to send a closing E-Mail. I was very relieved to talk to her. I needed this advice. I am no longer on pins and needles thinking about when he will call me or contact me in the future. My sis told me that during my relationship with my EX, I compromised my boundaries a lot and that I needed to do what was right for me, regardless of what he thought or what he wanted. Even though he wants to remain friends, I now understand that it's not immature for me to not want this; it's simply healthy. It's not immature to want to proceed with your life and look toward your future, people. It is taking what you need and making your boundaries clear. Don't allow yourselves to suffer! It was inconsiderate for my EX to contact me as much as he did, when I told him that I would need at least 4 months to a year before we came into contact. After my phone call last night, I realized I didn't want to ever be friends, so what is the point of giving him an unrealistic deadline just to appease his wants? No. That's not the way this works this time. To be honest, before last night and the phone call, there was a part of me that was doing NC in the hopes that he would miss me. While that did work a little bit as he initiated lots of contact to which I didn't respond until last night, I now understand that I can't do NC with these hopes. It really does not allow me to move on. I had to extinguish these hopes with my closing E-Mail. Now that I am 100% confident that this is what I need, I know I will not break it. Now that I know that it's not rude for me to not respond to contact and that it's simply mature to demand what it is I personally need to remain a sane person, I am 100% confident that I will not break NC. Well, everybody, G-d bless you all. I have you in my thoughts as we all struggle to move on. I hope everybody thinks about what is in their best interest and doesn't appease their EX's want for friendship if that's not what you want or need. Today, I'm going out of town among friends to see "Sex and the City". We're making a day of it. I'm going with a sense of peace, knowing that I did what I had to do. I no longer feel uneasy. I feel free.
Lonelystar Posted May 31, 2008 Posted May 31, 2008 I have written tons of e-mails to my ex, which I regret so much! I have finally decided to cut it off. I can't keep making myself vulnerable. Yesterday I drank half a bottle of wine and came to the conclusion that I have a lot of things going for me, and if he can't see it oh well. It is his loss! I hope you feel better today... I hope you all do. It will take one day a time but I am sure we can all make it.
Author XxBacktoBlackXx Posted May 31, 2008 Author Posted May 31, 2008 What did you write in the E-Mails to him? I cried on the way home today. I can't wait for the day that I'm no longer crying and have moved on. Now that I made it absolutely, 100% clear that I am not interested in ever being friends with him and that I am moving on, therefore don't want to receive anything from him, I am pretty confident I will not hear from him again. This is a great relief for me. It is a relief for me to know that what he expected (us to hold hands by the fire, sing kumbaya, and be friends) will NOT happen with me. Now I am almost more sad as there is such a sense of finality to it, but after the breakup and before I sent this E-Mail, there was a false sense of finality which wasn't a reality. He assumed I would always be in his life, which is not the case.
Lonelystar Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 I told him I missed him and loved him. We didn't really "break up" but he said he needed space etc..( he suffers from aniexty). He says he still "loves me", but is hard to believe when he has been ignorning me for a couple of weeks now. He says he just needs time. I just don't know how long I can wait. I love him a lot, and wish I could turn off those emotions but I can't. I just know that it doesn't feel right. You will get to a point where you don't cry anymore. Somedays will be better than others. Just hang in there. You need to concentrate on the most important person if your life right now, you. I don't believe in being friends with exs. I don't think if it worked out as a relationship it won't really work out as friends either...but hey thats me. Go out and pamper yourself. I wish we could all find "the one" and that would be it. Most everyone deserves to feel love. I just eat a lot of chocolate and watch Sex and the City !
Meaplus3 Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 Never break NC. I just did. We talked on the phone. He acted like everything was normal and when we ended the conversation he said, "Bye babe". **** him. I can't handle this. I'm drinking tonight. Fist off throw down the drink it simply makes things worse been there. So you broke NC and most likely it was because of your altered state of mind. Please do me a favor and think of something other then him, it will serve you well. Hugs AP:)
Author XxBacktoBlackXx Posted June 2, 2008 Author Posted June 2, 2008 I didn't call him while I had been drinking. I called him after I got a message from him on Facebook. I drank a little after the call 'cause I was really upset but I stopped after a few sips. I realized that wasn't the way that I wanted to handle the situation.
joejoechen Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 Yeah, torturing yourself is not the way to go babes. Why torture while the man out there is having fun?! HE WON't KNOW BTW. Get moving on girls, I'm supporting! Joe
Author XxBacktoBlackXx Posted June 2, 2008 Author Posted June 2, 2008 Ugh, I feel so badly today. I can't believe I wrote this E-mail two days ago: "I know that I called you this evening and so this E-Mail may seem a bit strange, but I need to send it. I must tell you that I need to close this chapter in my life. I felt happy to talk to you this evening, but when I hung up the phone, I realized that it won't be possible for me to be friends with you. In order for me to fully carry on with my life and close this chapter, so to speak, I must do it completely. I appreciate the time that we spent together and I wish you all the best in your future but it's not possible for me to ever be friends with you. Emotionally, I am a person that must put everything completely to rest. It is not to be an offense to you; it is the way that I deal with my life and prepare for my future. I am asking that you please bear this in mind and do not respond to this E-mail, write me messages on Facebook, or call me. I don't mean this to be harsh; it is something that must be done for me. I feel that it will take an emotional toll on me. I must continue to a new place. It will never be possible for me to be friends with you; this is the way I handle my life. I can't look back. Please respect my emotional well-being. Best of luck to you and your future." This E-Mail is so cruel. I don't want to hurt his feelings. I feel so badly for sending this. Now I just want to cry. I can't believe how cruel I can be when upset. I know I can't be friends with him, but did I have to say "ever" and keep repeating myself about it? I bet this E-Mail will cause him to resent me. I feel very upset that I did this.
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