v33 Posted May 30, 2008 Posted May 30, 2008 I am in the NC process now and am very committed to it. I was wondering if those of you who have kept NC with the dumper for a long time felt stronger for it after a while, not just in terms of dealing with the breakup, but did it give you strength in other areas of you life. More self control? More self respect?
motive2002 Posted May 30, 2008 Posted May 30, 2008 I feel worse right now, but only because she hasn't broken NC herself. It's been 50 days since I heard from her. 50 days without a blip anywhere on the radar. Now, the whole point of NC is to heal, which I understand, but it's so heartbreaking sometimes. I think at some point I'm gonna call her. It's inevitable, but I've been strong so far.
kizik Posted May 30, 2008 Posted May 30, 2008 I've only got 10-11 days NC, but over 2 weeks no first contact. Lemme know if you wanna hear from me.
Author v33 Posted May 30, 2008 Author Posted May 30, 2008 I'm always interested to hear what you and Motive have to say. I know it's much to late for NC to do anything to change what happened in my situation, and really I know that I don't want it to change. Well, I don't want her back as a partner, but I wish we were on better terms. I have just decided to go total NC as the alternative (contact of any kind) has not been pleasant at all. I am hoping that this will teach me how to exercise restraint in other areas of my life.
kizik Posted May 30, 2008 Posted May 30, 2008 OK. NC is making me feel stronger, and it's helping me realize how unconditionally "there" I was for her, to the point of it being unhealthy for me and making me lose my self-esteem. I am very proud of myself for the way I have thus far handled the break-up. After the expected initial shock and bargaining, which lasted only a week, I took her call but withheld emotion. Since then I have not contacted her, and she hasn't contacted me. Part of me worries that she's mad at me, thinks I'm being immature. However, I am realizing that I don't owe her anything. I was supportive of her and tried to be there in every way I could. I dealt with an LDR for 9 f*cking months. So at this point, I am free to get ME back. This girl doesn't know what she lost in me. When I feel weak, I post on LS and a bunch of smart people talk me out of contacting her. It's great.
LikeCharlotte Posted May 30, 2008 Posted May 30, 2008 I don't think I had any trouble with self-respect or restraint prior to the relationship but after a month of bargaining and repair while in the relationship I was feeling pretty badly. The reasons I maintain NC are out of respect for his feelings and to avoid more rejection. I haven't gained anything. I feel that I've just gone back to the level of confidence I had before him. It was very difficult for me to accept that I was only a person to him if I was going to be his SO. NC has allowed me to remember that if he wanted me as a friend or gf he would have contacted me and his decisions about that are his alone.
foxh1234 Posted May 30, 2008 Posted May 30, 2008 I have 30 some odd days of NC and I feel better most days but still have really sad moments. It has made the whole thing easier for sure and I will continue it for as long as I feel the need. Getting her out of my head is my #1 priority. Contact was really bad for me so I had no choice. It will speed recovery but it is harder than it appears. The urge to call or email is a daily thing for me. It goes away but I want to contact her. I have no idea why, I don't have anything to say really. It seems like breaking an addiction. I felt the same way when I quit smoking 7 years ago. She was like a drug to me and I need to stop doing drugs. NC is the quickest way.
wareagle Posted May 31, 2008 Posted May 31, 2008 It's been almost three months of nc on my end. Yes I do feel stonger and my self esteem, self worth, confidence is growing with each day that passes. Yesterday she contacted me through text telling me she was marrying the man of her dreams. My stomach dropped when I read this, but not for long. Each time she contacts me with some snide ass remark or hurtful things, it just empowers me more to continue nc! I have had my share of bad day's, bad moments, but it seems that they don't stay with me very long. I was a mess for the first two months, but l am better off now than I was 3 months ago. There is no doubt in my mind that nc is the best way to go!
miss_28 Posted May 31, 2008 Posted May 31, 2008 I am in the NC process now and am very committed to it. I was wondering if those of you who have kept NC with the dumper for a long time felt stronger for it after a while, not just in terms of dealing with the breakup, but did it give you strength in other areas of you life. More self control? More self respect? the first month was a real killer for me... but i feel a lot better now... actually, since i got off of myspace (i didn't want any reminders)... NC forces you to be strong, so yes, i think it colors the rest of your life as well... i'm not 100% but i'm slowly getting there...
CaliGuy Posted May 31, 2008 Posted May 31, 2008 I am in the NC process now and am very committed to it. I was wondering if those of you who have kept NC with the dumper for a long time felt stronger for it after a while, not just in terms of dealing with the breakup, but did it give you strength in other areas of you life. More self control? More self respect? Yes, yes, and yes. 1000 times yes.
kizik Posted May 31, 2008 Posted May 31, 2008 I want to contact her. I have no idea why, I don't have anything to say really. YES! This is what I think about all the time. Sure, I want to talk to her, but I want to talk to the OLD her - the one that loved me and treated me well. I've got nothing to say to the new her, except for "Screw you, you selfish whore," and well, that won't accomplish anything positive. Also, fox, your allusions to you ex as a drug is spot-on. A lot of the emotions I'm feeling now are similar to when I quit pot, to which I had a serious addiction.
0hpenelope Posted May 31, 2008 Posted May 31, 2008 I am in the NC process now and am very committed to it. I was wondering if those of you who have kept NC with the dumper for a long time felt stronger for it after a while, not just in terms of dealing with the breakup, but did it give you strength in other areas of you life. More self control? More self respect? Strength in other areas of my life, yes. I think what you're saying is regaining the strength that's always been there, only this time it's reforged, reintroduced as "stronger" strength. Strength, yes. But not as much as regaining focus. When I'm focused, everything else falls into place.
tealeafbud Posted May 31, 2008 Posted May 31, 2008 I am in the NC process now and am very committed to it. I was wondering if those of you who have kept NC with the dumper for a long time felt stronger for it after a while, not just in terms of dealing with the breakup, but did it give you strength in other areas of you life. More self control? More self respect? Pretty much, although I don't feel extra strong or feel that I have more self control. It's just something you have to do. More self respect? I guess it depends on what your ultimately seeking. If it's more self respect, then you'll get that. If it's to find inner strength, you'll find that. I find it very difficult to not contact my ex, but then again, I was the one that left her, so logically, I shouldn't even consider it, although I do sometimes. I have no idea why. Maybe I'm screwed in the head.
ioncebelieved Posted June 1, 2008 Posted June 1, 2008 Three weeks is about I have mustered. I have done this several times in the past. As a result, for some strange reason when going NC, when I near the 21 day mark of the past it messes with mind and I screw it up. All one can do is try. At least that is what I keep telling myself.
replicator Posted June 1, 2008 Posted June 1, 2008 For me, doing NC is out of necessity. I find whatever contact I have with her, will only hurt me. I want her back, but I can't get her back right now. Knowing this, what purpose is there in hurting myself time and time again. I want to talk to her, but I remember how much it hurt last time when I heard her voice. I can't beg her anymore. This is the last bit of dignity I can afford, and I don't want her to remember me as someone who was weak willed. I want her to see that I'm still alive and well, and rebuilding my life into something even greater. So for me.. It isn't anything but my last option. The only power I have, is to do simply nothing. To hope and pray that time will heal my wound, so I can focus again on reaching my potential.
Author v33 Posted June 1, 2008 Author Posted June 1, 2008 I am finding it much easier to resist the temptation to text or call or email or whatever. Unfortunately I find myself getting into "visual" contact every couple of days as we still live VERY close to each other. She moved into a new place recently, near here but I didn't know exactly where, but as I was out for my run this morning I saw her and her new man coming out of one of the many apartment complexes around here. It's funny, I seem to run into her more NOW than when we were together. She didn't see me, as far as I know, and as soon as I realized what I had seen I looked away and turned down another street. Still, it feels like contact. As in it got me thinking about her.... I quickly reminded myself of all the things that I didn't like about her, how bad she treated me, how messed she is and got my head cleared on the run home. An old friend just asked me to go out for breakfast.... nice surprise! Just what I needed this morning.
foxh1234 Posted June 1, 2008 Posted June 1, 2008 I am finding it much easier to resist the temptation to text or call or email or whatever. Unfortunately I find myself getting into "visual" contact every couple of days as we still live VERY close to each other. She moved into a new place recently, near here but I didn't know exactly where, but as I was out for my run this morning I saw her and her new man coming out of one of the many apartment complexes around here. It's funny, I seem to run into her more NOW than when we were together. She didn't see me, as far as I know, and as soon as I realized what I had seen I looked away and turned down another street. Still, it feels like contact. As in it got me thinking about her.... I quickly reminded myself of all the things that I didn't like about her, how bad she treated me, how messed she is and got my head cleared on the run home. An old friend just asked me to go out for breakfast.... nice surprise! Just what I needed this morning. I am in a similar situation as my ex lives just down the road a bit. I stay away from there most of the time but I have run into her once and it wasn't good for me. NC is the only way and so far so very good. I am 100% better than I was 2 weeks ago and I feel that at this rate I will be done with this shortly. I want to get back to the way I was before this happened. I miss the old me and so do my friends and family. Man, I never thought that I could get so messed up over a woman. I did it to myself by making her too important in my life. I lost who I was and only thought of myself with her. I will never make that mistake again.
Author v33 Posted June 1, 2008 Author Posted June 1, 2008 I saw her drive by just a couple hours ago in her new man's fancy SUV, and it shook me for a moment, but it went away pretty quick! This is good, it's what I have been waiting for. A few weeks back it would have completely devastated me to see them together. The fact that I also just heard from a friend that she had told me most horrible lies about me for the last year also helped me to realize that I haven't lost much.
nyx415 Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 I'm never talkin' to that bitch again. That's the most awesome statement ever! I'm framing it and hanging it on my wall...for real.
kizik Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 Yeah, Triple Y's got his own... style. I think if you read his posts, you'll be slightly less impressed.
borelandkaren Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 YES! This is what I think about all the time. Sure, I want to talk to her, but I want to talk to the OLD her - the one that loved me and treated me well. I've got nothing to say to the new her, except for "Screw you, you selfish whore," and well, that won't accomplish anything positive. Also, fox, your allusions to you ex as a drug is spot-on. A lot of the emotions I'm feeling now are similar to when I quit pot, to which I had a serious addiction. We have addictive personalities with drugs, why not relationships too? I let go of pot a week before I ended things with him. AAaaarrrggg!!!!! God, what a mess!!!! I was exactly the same, kizik, when I gave it up, all hollow stomach and messed up head. Never want to give that up again, so won't take it up again. Or him. NC is the only way if you want to move on with your life.
mousse Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 Hi V33 I'm maintaining NC since 1 year and a half. It's making me stronger and helps me thinking less about my ex. I'm very proud of myself for maintaining it. In the beginning, it was really difficult not to contact him, so I wrote him a lot of letters that I never sent. He sent me a weird email after 5 months of NC and I didn't answer it. After 6/7 months of NC, I reached a "crisis point" where I was missing him a lot and where I was really tempted to break NC. Now I'm not tempted at all to contact him and think a lot less about him.
marlena Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 Most definitely. I was proud to be able to discern how damaging, not to my self-esteem,that was always there, but to my life this particular person was. The time away helped me put things into their proper perspective and I was glad that I had finally come to my senses. There was an added bonus. I resolved never,ever to settle for anything less than I merited. The lesson I learned is to watch for those red flags and go running once they start popping up.
Surfer Girl Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 As time goes on with NC... There are certain realizations that become more prevalent... Perhaps the Rose Colored Glasses come off and you can get to the point where you know "enough is enough" The longer you do the NC the more you see clearly....
justaman99 Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 I am in the NC process now and am very committed to it. I was wondering if those of you who have kept NC with the dumper for a long time felt stronger for it after a while, not just in terms of dealing with the breakup, but did it give you strength in other areas of you life. More self control? More self respect? Without question. It caused me to put myself first and realize what is important and healthy for me. It also made me realize that I am not weak and I know that I am a good person, I treated her well, I wasn't perfect but all in all I am a good guy. I don't need to keep running back to her. Now I am at a place where I can talk to her civilly, without any confusion or regret. I can get over it and I know that I am stronger because of it and I learned a lot from that relationship about my own faults and about what I need. I am of an honest mind that she made the wrong decision to break up with me but I still wish her well and happiness, truly and I forgive. I am even more confident at work. My life has seriously changed. My mind and priorities are not on her anymore, they are on me, my career, my hobbies and my goals. Sure, I still think about her but it doesn't fog my new reality. What will happen will happen but for the things I have a choice in I will make happen. I wouldn't have this mindset if I didn't set some time out for myself, to really think about me and my life without the confusion of a fresh break-up. It cleared my head more so than ever.
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