shelbygraham Posted May 30, 2008 Posted May 30, 2008 im 15, 5 months from my 16th birthday, so i AM mature and capable of intelligence, on a note. anyways.. i had been in a 10 month relationship with my 17 year old boyfriend who SEEMED perfect. we had started off well. he doesnt drink or smoke or intake drugs. he has suffered much emotional damage. his parents divorced when he was 2. his mother is basically a loon and his father died of wreck by being hit by a drunk driver when alex ( ex boyfriend ) was only 13. he then became angry in life and his mother was worse than ever in behavior basically. his anger is actually passed down from his father. within those 10 months i had almost cheated on alex because he became very jealous and controlling. i had created a facebook account and talked to other guys because alex kept me in such a tight buble. he and i were so comfortable together that we had each others passwords and emails and everything. he logged on after i had deleted my account and then reactivated it just to talk to other ppl for once other than he. he broke up with me after reading just a few messages that were actually very harmless and no real flirtation. i cried for hours in my moms lap and my dad basically wanted to kill alex. then next day he said we could get back together but id reallt have to prove to him i wouldnt lie. my friend, brett, let me wear his letterman jacket a few months after the first incident and i forgot to return it to him. i took a picture in it and alex saw it. alex had always thought there was a "thing" between brett and i bc i always saw brett as my older brother an d i always had him on my top ppl on myspace and what not. i lied and told him it was one of my girlfriends because she had one, too, like it. alex messaged brett asking if it was his and he told him the truth saying it was his. alexs caught me, and the only reason i did lie was because i was scared of what alex would say, and telling him the truth would have been better, i know. we didnt break up. i was talking to some girls one day after school and as usual, i always talked to alex on the phone since he and i lived almost 60 miles away from each other. alex said he had another beep, i proceeded to talk to the girls. i had a band shirt on, a band that had recently had a show an hour away from our school and one of the girls asked had i seen them when they came? and i said no, its paytons- i had then gotten cut off by alex saying babe? and i replied yes? he said whats paytons? now, payton is a boy that alex had a severe problem with because payton and i used to like each other. i said what? he hung up. i called back and said go f****** be with payton. it wasnt payton's shirt. it was his SISTERS. that im severely close with. payton's sister, dorothy's. i was hysterical. im in high school, and my old science teacher from junior high saw me crying, and came up and said you have to calm down, take deep breaths. i was still on the phone with alex. he hung up when my old teacher asked me what problem is going on and i replied my boyfriend. i called and i really dont remember what all happened. i just remember i was in the handicap bathroom stall in the floor balling. my mother drove up and beeped in and i threw the phone in her hands and told her the situation and honestly, my mom is very calm and non cursing. she told him i had no shirt of anyone elses on except another girls. he and i made up. to sum some long stories short: ive had to call ex's or messaged them saying to leave me alone, forever and what not. my friend brett, messaged me one day asking if i would make him a comment box for his my space, and i agreed and deleted it. alex saw it and called me while i was in study hall at school and put me in tears, but didnt break up. he always asked me if anyone had messaged me or text me or called or tried to talk to me and i would tell him no, and that was true. not everyone calls me or tries to contact me as well as he thinks. finally, last week, i was in st. louis and alex called me at 12 one night after i had called numerous times that day with no answers. he said he had to talked to a few ppl and he wanted a break. for someone who said they disapproved of lying, he kept his wanting of a break from me.i went to bed 500 miles from home crying in a hotel bed. the days before, i would have never guessed he'd want that. he would say youre so far away, i cant stand it, i miss you. the day i returned home he called me saying who's that guy you sent a friend request and i said what? i had recieved a friend request from a guy i didnt know and could reject or accept the persons request bc it was dial up connection. our hotel toilet overflowed one night and it leaked into the next room.isnt that just sanitairy? anyway, my parents go into the next room and call the manager to tell them what happened.my parents explained they were the correros and apologized for the accident; i went in the next room to see the damage and my parents introduced me to the family and my mom and the woman in the next room followed with my mom and i and we joked about it all and my mom said hi im gail correro and what not and i said i was shelby graham and we went thru the whole last name thing because the lady was really curious about the origins and what not because the family was polish. i guess their son or whoever it was overheard and sent me a request on here; i wasnt able to accept it because the whole "sorry! an unexpected error has occured. thisll be sent to myspace whatever.." so i sent him a request to understand what he wanted. i guess i should have let alex handle that.. he then said i had lied and never wanted to speak to me again.. i still want him back, as bad as that may be.tho i didnt committ a lie of any sorts, but how do you regain trust to someone who thinks you have lied?
motive2002 Posted May 31, 2008 Posted May 31, 2008 The bottom line here is it sounds like he can't trust you. He has to keep tabs on you, or keep you in the "bubble" like you described. Perhaps you should look for someone with a little more self-confidence. Someone you don't have to spend all this time re-assuring. It can be a drain on any relationship. If you took him back or whatever, it would be back to more of the same. He has to grow up a little and maybe work on his self esteem. Just remember, if you've done nothing to betray him, his lack of trust is totally his problem, not yours. You don't have to be in this bubble. If you're unhappy, then you're better off looking for something else. Also, don't cheat if you can help it. It will probably make you feel ten times worse than if you just broke it off with him before pursuing something else. Just my opinions. Good luck!
jimbob96 Posted May 31, 2008 Posted May 31, 2008 Neither of you are mature. In fact, you are very young and your own immaturity comes through very clearly. Slow down and settle down. You have lots of time. You are also learning a few lessons. Here are the most important ones for you. First, don't lie. I kind of lost track of all the details in your post but with, for instance, the letterman jacket, just tell the truth. If he has a problem with this other guy, and if you have not been cheating, then it is his problem. On the other hand, you need to display some consideration for him and avoid that kind of situation if you know it will upset him. Second, he is very immature, and you will encounter a LOT of this - from most boys, really - for a long time. He is not secure with himself (not a surprise) and his insecurity is manifesting itself as an attempt to control you rather than accept you. As I say, you will encounter that kind of behavior more often than not for at least the next several years. Most boys grow out of it as they become men, but not all of them. So, what you need to do is avoid becoming property or a possession, and avoid any relationship that seems to require that of you. Maintain your space, maintain your integrity. When you do have a BF, be careful about the flirting; most guys won't like that no matter how secure they are with themselves. Be honest and be consistent. Most importantly, be trustworthy. Then, if you aren't trusted, just move on. Saves a LOT of drama.
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