larrysb Posted May 30, 2008 Posted May 30, 2008 I recently met this girl a couple weeks ago, she's friends with a few other people I know. In fact her best friend is going out with a friend of mine. Sounds like she's known me awhile before I was introduced to her. She's cute and has many of the qualities in a woman that I admire; intelligent, funny, non-drinker, and very positive and well-mannered. I can tell she's crazy about me because she texts me pretty frequently and responds quickly to my texts and she keeps asking me to hang out, though I'm usually busy . I'm pretty interested in her and I'm positive that it would be a good relationship. Here's the thing; I have a view of the 'ideal' girlfriend for me and she isn't entirely it. I haven't had a relationship for over a year because I've gotten pretty strict about who I would want to date. She also sort of just "fell" into my lap. I wasn't the one to initiate anything. She insisted I 'owed' her time to hang out and so I asked her for her number and later started texting one another. It feels like I wouldn't be in control of the relationship much, which has its ups and downs. I definitely don't want to have to hang out with her friends all the time, which seems to be the case with her best friend and my friend, who're going out. I'm starting college in the fall and I was planning on placing my luck there. I'll be meeting tons of new people and I just figured there would be at least one girl there that would be as prefect as possible for me. So I'm torn between holding out for that possible ideal relationship or going out with this girl now, because I really want a relationship right now and she is pretty darn close to what I would settle for.
Untouchable_Fire Posted May 30, 2008 Posted May 30, 2008 So I'm torn between holding out for that possible ideal relationship or going out with this girl now, because I really want a relationship right now and she is pretty darn close to what I would settle for. So, what about her do you find lacking?
Author larrysb Posted May 30, 2008 Author Posted May 30, 2008 Small things that really shouldn't matter, I suppose. Its seems that I'm just trying to find problems. I tend to do that a lot. She's told me that some of her closer friends are drinkers and partier's, but she doesn't drink or isn't much of a partier. Idk, I would say I'm really just afraid of commitment at this point. Afraid that I can't live up to expectations or afraid that someone else will come along that I'm more attracted to.
Krytie TV Posted May 30, 2008 Posted May 30, 2008 Here's the thing; I have a view of the 'ideal' girlfriend for me and she isn't entirely it. That cracks me up. By going to college does that mean you're 18? Life is not like Weird Science. There is not usually such a thing as a girl that encompasses every preconceived idea of what an ideal girlfriend is. For example, does you ideal girlfriend call off of work to stay home and pamper you when you're sick? Does she hang with you at the bar like and be your social equal? Is she a kickass bowler? Silly questions, but my point is there is no ideal larry. Ideal is relative. You'll learn that in time, but the best thing you can do is start to understand that no person can live up to an imagined ideal. Everyone's a different package and whether that package is a good fit with you depends on what's most important to you in life. There was a time in my life where physical attractiveness was one of the most important things to me in a partner. I married a woman that was absolutely gorgeous and that always got the looks when we went out together. Not only was she gorgeous, but she ended up being a complete bitch and began treating me like no one should be treated. Good trade off? No, and I have a divorce to show for it. Hangups are fine, but just don't let them blind you from other things that are important in a partner too. Otherwise, you never have to be sure about someone before you date them... that's what dating is for. It's OK to date someone for a little while then decide they're not your type. As long as you act with dignity and respect, everyone should be fine, if not better, for the experience.
Untouchable_Fire Posted May 30, 2008 Posted May 30, 2008 Small things that really shouldn't matter, I suppose. Its seems that I'm just trying to find problems. I tend to do that a lot. She's told me that some of her closer friends are drinkers and partier's, but she doesn't drink or isn't much of a partier. Idk, I would say I'm really just afraid of commitment at this point. Afraid that I can't live up to expectations or afraid that someone else will come along that I'm more attracted to. Well, there will always be someone you are more attracted to. I think your right. Most of your issues and reservations are not about her so much as they are about you. Here is what I would do. I would be totally honest with her about where your at, and where you think your going. Tell her that you like her... that your interested, but maybe the timing is off. As long as your honest... you really can't lose. Maybe she would be interested in something casual with no commitment. If she is... I suggest you keep the physical stuff to a minimum, otherwise somebody might get hurt.
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