alexg Posted May 30, 2008 Posted May 30, 2008 I'd like to know how people feel about emotional cheating, this is the 5 th time I've caught him "talking" cell and emails to other women..mostly co-workers...it has caused so many problems in this marriage because he hides this from me, then i discover it and he begs and promises he'll never do it again, and it's just a friendship and someone to talk to...so who am I? he's taking valuable time away from me...I let him run his own business till 1am and raised his 4 kids like a fool. now i'm done..any advice?
angie2443 Posted May 30, 2008 Posted May 30, 2008 I'd like to know how people feel about emotional cheating, this is the 5 th time I've caught him "talking" cell and emails to other women..mostly co-workers...it has caused so many problems in this marriage because he hides this from me, then i discover it and he begs and promises he'll never do it again, and it's just a friendship and someone to talk to...so who am I? he's taking valuable time away from me...I let him run his own business till 1am and raised his 4 kids like a fool. now i'm done..any advice? This is what helped me when I was trying to figure out if my husband's relationship with his female "friend" was appropriate. Forget about the labels "cheating", "EA", etc. Are the friendships harmful to your marriage? If they take away time needed for your marriage, if they become intimant (talking about deep, personal feelings), if the friends are placed above you, if their opinions, thoughts and feelings are valued more than yours, then the friendships are harmful to the marriage. A big tip off is the deffensive line "their just friends". When this is said, their most likely more than just friends. An EA (I don't have a better term for it) can be more harmful than a PA. Don't let your husband gaslight you if you sense there's something wrong. Trust your instincts and find a way to tell your husband what you feel. If this doesn't work, try MC. Best of luck:)
Author alexg Posted May 30, 2008 Author Posted May 30, 2008 Thanks for your candid reply, i tried 2 days of mc and he said he's european and that' just the way they are..how do you like that?
angie2443 Posted May 31, 2008 Posted May 31, 2008 Thanks for your candid reply, i tried 2 days of mc and he said he's european and that' just the way they are..how do you like that? Please get another counselor! Just because someone has a degree, it doesn't mean that they know what their talking about.
child_of_isis Posted May 31, 2008 Posted May 31, 2008 If they were just "friends", surely you would have met them? Spouses usually do not hide their friends from one another.
darane Posted June 1, 2008 Posted June 1, 2008 He's crossed the line with his friendships. I've always lived by the creed that an emotional affair is much worse than a one night stand. Whenever he converses with females, he should pretend that you are standing right next to him. If he is having conversations with someone that he wouldn't want you to hear, he's being disrespectful.
carhill Posted June 1, 2008 Posted June 1, 2008 Yeah, I especially like that rule when my wife is ranting about me to her girlfriends I do believe in that rule. I talk to my female friends in front of my wife as often as possible. No ambiguity
angie2443 Posted June 1, 2008 Posted June 1, 2008 Yeah, I especially like that rule when my wife is ranting about me to her girlfriends I don't think anyone shoulf bad mouth their spouse in frond of anyone else. Carhill, I hope all is going well:)
carhill Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 Working on journals as I type this from now-sunny VA. "Well" is a matter of perspective, I suppose I will say I think challenges in life teach us lessons about both life and ourselves. Glad to be part of the process
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