jazzyjazz22 Posted May 30, 2008 Posted May 30, 2008 My partner cheated on me for over a year and I don't feel safe or comfortable having sex with him since I found out. I made an appointment for myself to go to the Dr. How do I ask him to get tested for STD's HIV and any other diseases that he may have contraced while being unfaithful? I want to say the right words at te right time that will make him understand that this has to be done and make him view this as a positive step forward in our relationship rather than a punishment for wrong doings. Advice from Love Shack would be appreciated. Thank You.
Owl Posted May 30, 2008 Posted May 30, 2008 You tell him EXACTLY what you said here. He stepped out, and you no longer feel safe with "being with him". You're getting tested, and you need for him to do so as well, so that you CAN feel safe with him again. Anything less, and you will never feel safe enough to "be" with him again. Be honest about what you feel. Don't be apologetic or whiny. Be up front, calm, and honest.
angie2443 Posted May 30, 2008 Posted May 30, 2008 My partner cheated on me for over a year and I don't feel safe or comfortable having sex with him since I found out. I made an appointment for myself to go to the Dr. How do I ask him to get tested for STD's HIV and any other diseases that he may have contraced while being unfaithful? I want to say the right words at te right time that will make him understand that this has to be done and make him view this as a positive step forward in our relationship rather than a punishment for wrong doings. Advice from Love Shack would be appreciated. Thank You. Sorry you have to go through this. What I wanted to say, is that I think you have to ask specifically to get tested for HPV when getting tested for STDs. It's been a while since I was tested so they might do it automatically now or you might have already have known to ask. I just wanted to make sure. I hope everything goes well with the talk with your husband.
twice_shy Posted May 30, 2008 Posted May 30, 2008 You don't ask him to get an STD test...you tell him. And if he doesn't want to, you walk.
michelangelo Posted May 30, 2008 Posted May 30, 2008 I recommend getting yourself tested for your peace of mind. If he is a volatile person, gets violent or abusive to you on this subject, maybe you should reflect on why you want to stay with him. And not bother to tell him to do it, just leave. If that is not the case, just tell him to get tested or you will leave. It puts the ball in his court. BTW, I just got tested last week at a county hospital, it cost me 20 bucks. My partner cheated on me for over a year and I don't feel safe or comfortable having sex with him since I found out. I made an appointment for myself to go to the Dr. How do I ask him to get tested for STD's HIV and any other diseases that he may have contraced while being unfaithful? I want to say the right words at te right time that will make him understand that this has to be done and make him view this as a positive step forward in our relationship rather than a punishment for wrong doings. Advice from Love Shack would be appreciated. Thank You.
Potatocakes Posted May 30, 2008 Posted May 30, 2008 He should be understanding, its just a little blood work. I asked my ex to get tested as he had been with a lot more partners and I had only been with one(a virgin but I would have gotten tested anyway if he had asked). He did not see a problem at all even though he hates needles. Testing shouldnt be a big deal, if he turns it into one he needs to grow up and I wouldnt waste my time with him.
blind_otter Posted May 30, 2008 Posted May 30, 2008 He should be understanding, its just a little blood work. I asked my ex to get tested as he had been with a lot more partners and I had only been with one(a virgin but I would have gotten tested anyway if he had asked). He did not see a problem at all even though he hates needles. Testing shouldnt be a big deal, if he turns it into one he needs to grow up and I wouldnt waste my time with him. Oh they get the swab up the shaft for chlamydia. OP - don't ask, tell. He needs to be considerate of your health, or he really doesn't deserve to have sex with you.
Trialbyfire Posted May 30, 2008 Posted May 30, 2008 "Partner, before I allow you to touch me again, I want you to get a cross-the-board testing for STDs. This means NOW and once again in 3 - 4 months time. Thank you for your cooperation for both our health's sake. You also realize that there's no valid test yet for HSV for men, although one is in the works. Until it's been approved by the FDA, we will not be having sex." I would also highly recommend that you get tested across-the-board as well, including a follow-up in 3 - 4 months time. There is an existing females only DNA test for HSV which has over a 98% accuracy rating. While many people are confused that the virus must be in an active state before it's conclusive, that is inaccurate.
2sunny Posted May 30, 2008 Posted May 30, 2008 my initial reaction is - WHY ARE YOU AFRAID or reluctant to make the request, much less tell him? good god, this is your health and your life on the line and you are approaching this with kid gloves... why? HE was the one to cross the line - shouldn't HE be in a position to want the best for you - or to give you an extreme amount of reassurance? please assess the reason why your approach seems to be so whimpy - when you have every right to be angry and demanding!
angie2443 Posted May 31, 2008 Posted May 31, 2008 [quote=Trialbyfire;1682251 I would also highly recommend that you get tested across-the-board as well, including a follow-up in 3 - 4 months time. There is an existing females only DNA test for HSV which has over a 98% accuracy rating. While many people are confused that the virus must be in an active state before it's conclusive, that is inaccurate. What is the reason for the 3-4 month follow up and what HVS virus?
Lizzie60 Posted May 31, 2008 Posted May 31, 2008 My partner cheated on me for over a year and I don't feel safe or comfortable having sex with him since I found out. I made an appointment for myself to go to the Dr. How do I ask him to get tested for STD's HIV and any other diseases that he may have contraced while being unfaithful? I want to say the right words at te right time that will make him understand that this has to be done and make him view this as a positive step forward in our relationship rather than a punishment for wrong doings. Advice from Love Shack would be appreciated. Thank You. WOW.. you sound more like his mother than his wife.. 'punishment' geezzzz ... I have to shake my head when I read posts like this one.. Gawd.. why don't you apologize to him for cheating on you.. once you're at it.. Gawd women.. get a backbone!!!!
Infinity888 Posted May 31, 2008 Posted May 31, 2008 My partner cheated on me for over a year and I don't feel safe or comfortable having sex with him since I found out. I made an appointment for myself to go to the Dr. How do I ask him to get tested for STD's HIV and any other diseases that he may have contraced while being unfaithful? I want to say the right words at te right time that will make him understand that this has to be done and make him view this as a positive step forward in our relationship rather than a punishment for wrong doings. Advice from Love Shack would be appreciated. Thank You. Based on the tone of your voice, it seems that 1) you're not sure if he is still cheating (occasionally) and 2) you're not sure whether he will do it again a year or two down the road. The fact that you're scared or even hesitant to ask him to get a STD test after he cheated on you shows either insecurity or some unhealthy fear on your part. There is just so many things wrong with "this" that the above two issues I spotted are just the tip of the iceberg.
whichwayisup Posted May 31, 2008 Posted May 31, 2008 How do I ask him to get tested for STD's HIV and any other diseases that he may have contraced while being unfaithful? "You and I are going together to get tested for STD's, you have no say in the matter since you were the one who cheated on me." Book the appointment and go with him. Period, end of story. He does NOT get a say in this, only a YES DEAR. I want to say the right words at te right time that will make him understand that this has to be done and make him view this as a positive step forward in our relationship rather than a punishment for wrong doings. Please do marriage counselling. Something is kind of 'off' with how you are reacting to this.
Recommended Posts