MsCrazy Posted May 30, 2008 Posted May 30, 2008 I just broke up with my bf after 3 years and I need some help in realizing what is NORMAL in a R and what is NOT. After so long I just don't know anymore. Here are a few examples. • We fought weekly if not biweekly. • When we lived together he would often kick me out during a fight. Then he would apologize hours later and I would bring my stuff back. • Verbal abuse to eachother. He would say I am a whore, slut, my family is crazy, my friends suck, I don't do enough for him, b*tch, I don't make enough $, then apologize later on and act like nothing happened. • He pushed me once when I had my back towards him and I fell to the floor. I told him if he ever did it again I would leave, we broke up for 3 months but then got back together. • Gets mad when I don't go to the gym, even though he never goes. He told me if I loved him then I should want to look good for him. I am not fat I am a size 3. • Never opened up my door or IMO never was romantic at all. No random flowers, cards just because etc.... • Always wanted me to dress IMO inappropriately. Almost like he was showing me off. • Never wanted to do anything I wanted to do like watch chick flicks or hang out with my friends. • If I ate chocolate or some thing like that he would say you have to go to the gym extra next week. • The last thing that made me leave was him basically blackmailing me. I am just so confused. I don't love him anymore but my self esteem has gone down so much. I don't even know what's a good R anymore. How often should couples fight? We would fight and then he would cry and apologize. Then he would take me to a chick flick but NEVER just because. Could this ever get better?
motive2002 Posted May 31, 2008 Posted May 31, 2008 Well, here's some opinions of my own, for what they're worth I just broke up with my bf after 3 years and I need some help in realizing what is NORMAL in a R and what is NOT. After so long I just don't know anymore. Here are a few examples. • We fought weekly if not biweekly. Ok, that's kinda normal. Depends on how big the fights are and what they are over. • When we lived together he would often kick me out during a fight. Then he would apologize hours later and I would bring my stuff back. That sounds a bit manipulative to me. Maybe you should have called is bluff and stayed gone for a while. • Verbal abuse to eachother. He would say I am a whore, slut, my family is crazy, my friends suck, I don't do enough for him, b*tch, I don't make enough $, then apologize later on and act like nothing happened. Hmm, that sounds like a major deal-breaker for me. They would have to apologize profusely, and even then it would be hard to forgive that kind of behavior. I simply wouldn't stand for it. • He pushed me once when I had my back towards him and I fell to the floor. I told him if he ever did it again I would leave, we broke up for 3 months but then got back together. Ok, this is definitely a deal-breaker. • Gets mad when I don't go to the gym, even though he never goes. He told me if I loved him then I should want to look good for him. I am not fat I am a size 3. omg. Size 3 and he's pushing you to go to the gym? ew ew ew... find someone less superficial about looks. This is way out of line in my opinion. • Never opened up my door or IMO never was romantic at all. No random flowers, cards just because etc.... So he wasn't thoughtful? That's not good. • Always wanted me to dress IMO inappropriately. Almost like he was showing me off. Another sign of insecurity on his part. Does he also drive a big truck with all the accessories, chrome wheels etc? • Never wanted to do anything I wanted to do like watch chick flicks or hang out with my friends. It's ok to have different interests, but it's nice to have similar ones too. I don't think you could drag me out shoe shopping, but I'll take a walk with you, or even watch a chick flick, if it made you happy. Gotta give a little as well as take. • If I ate chocolate or some thing like that he would say you have to go to the gym extra next week. You don't have to do sh*t. What a jerk. Let me guess, he probably had a pot belly and some other unattractive features he didn't make any effort to improve.. meanwhile he's expecting perfection from you. • The last thing that made me leave was him basically blackmailing me. What kind? Emotional blackmail? Was he trying to get money from you? This guy sounds like a real piece of crap. I am just so confused. I don't love him anymore but my self esteem has gone down so much. I don't even know what's a good R anymore. How often should couples fight? We would fight and then he would cry and apologize. Then he would take me to a chick flick but NEVER just because. Could this ever get better? It will absolutely get better. This man you describe is selfish, has low self-esteem and also sounds very controlling. This is not normal or healthy. If you suspect it is a pattern for you when it comes to the kind of guys you like to date, you may have to re-evaluate what you're looking for in a man, and makes some changes there. Some of us are lured in by specific features or attributes to a person that doesn't necessarily speak well of their personality. Don't overlook the bad things just because the good things are so good. Set some boundaries for what you think is acceptable behavior, and don't settle form someone that wants to trample all over those boundaries. Again, all my opinion. Take care!
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