SarahT111 Posted May 30, 2008 Posted May 30, 2008 Hi all just really need some encouragement to keep going right now You may remember my story from a while ago. If not I will briefly fill you in. My ex who I was with and loved more than anything for 3 years left me for someone else in December 07. I was utterly devastated and honestly thought I would die of pain. I went throught hell and back and just wanted to die! Finally in April this year I met another man whom I fell for very quickly. It was like all my hurt just disappeared and turned into very strong feelings for this new man. I was so extremelly excited to be happy again and I really enjoyed being with my new man. However after about a month he told me he didnt really like me that much after all and it would be better if we were friends. He still continued to talk to me and txt me etc and was really good about the whole thing. But for me it hit like a ton of bricks. It has been a month since he told me and im getting to the stage where I just dont want to go on anymore. I am so hurt right now. I have no one. No one wants to be with me I go through the days with a massive physical heart ache, Whenever I get a moment alone I burst into tears. I am so incredibally depressed. I miss both my exs so much that its tearing me to shreads more and more each day. They say it gets better in time but for me each day hurts more watching them enjoy life without me and feeling my heart tear more and more each day. I guess I just need some words of encouragement right now so I dont do anything stupid. Im sitting home alone on a saturday night crying my eyes out as im hurting so bad. I dont want to go out, I dont want to do anything I once enjoyed. I cant escape the pain no matter how much I try and I just cant take it anymore. please help me! i just dont want to be here anymore.It hurts to bad
Nevermind Posted May 30, 2008 Posted May 30, 2008 Hello Sarah, take a deep breath. It will be okay again. Not today, not tomorrow, but it will be. You experienced something that you might not have been ready for, you fell for a man and you thought that this would make all your pain go away. And it didn't. But: this time you won a friend. You are still hurting for your first ex, and this ending made you feel as if you're not going to live your life and be happy. But that's not true. The new man likes you, and he tries to be in your life and help you. You have been together one month, and he realized that it wasn't going anywhere. But he likes you, and this means a lot. It means that you are a great person, that people want to be with you, that it is not your fault (and it really isn't). He does appreciate you, and therefore he was honest. I know you cannot be glad about this right now, but some day you will be. For now...grief, cry. But don't let it sink you down. Remember the happiness? It means you're over your first ex, or nearly so. You can be with somebody else. This is a huge step! Be proud of yourself. Listen to music, eat chocolate, go shopping, watch a movie. Whatever. Call somebody, a friend (not the ex), a family member. Take a walk. Take a bubble bath. Be good to yourself. You're not alone.
mollers Posted May 30, 2008 Posted May 30, 2008 Hello SarahT. I guess the recent break up has just reopened old wounds of your previous ex which I reckon probably hadn't fully healed anyway. You now are feeling unloveable and alone and it hurts like hell. The fact that the guy who broke up with you very recently is still texting and contacting you probably isn't helping you heal either. Are you happy about him contacting you or would you prefer NC? I know you probably don't want to hear this but you have to force yourself to get out there and do things, I don't mean going clubbing every weekend and trying to meet new men, but just seeing friends, pampering yourself and generally looking after yourself. Do you have good friends to talk to?XX
borelandkaren Posted May 30, 2008 Posted May 30, 2008 Good to see another Aussie on here! Listen darl, to start with it's Friday night and also I'm sitting here on my own as well, without who I thought was the love of my life. But I also know that I've got other people, as would you, who love me. What sort of things are you into, how old are you, what area are you living in, etc, etc. I am interested. Talk to me. I've got till about 8:30 pm (our time) before I have to go to work and I'd love to find out some about you. Talk 2 me.
sedgwick Posted May 31, 2008 Posted May 31, 2008 I know you feel like hell, and I am so sorry for that. But I would give anything to fall in love again four months after being dumped! At four months out I was still sobbing every day and barely eating. Now I'm 11 months out and I still can't even LOOK at anyone else. No way. Be glad you can love again...some of us never will.
Nevermind Posted May 31, 2008 Posted May 31, 2008 Triple Y: Please, seek help. Your agony is going on for too long. I have been there, maybe even deeper than you, but the real insane-pain should not be that long. You are obsessed. Please, seek professional help. You are not giving yourself a break from this. You need to de-focus. Go somewhere you've not been with her, go somewhere you can rest and find peace.
replicator Posted May 31, 2008 Posted May 31, 2008 "If you believe yourself unfortunate, because you have loved and lost, perish the thought. One who has loved truly, can never lose entirely. Love is whimsical and tempermental. It comes when it pleases, and goes away without warning. Accept and enjoy it while it remains, but spend no time worrying about its departure. Worry will never bring it back." - Napolean Hill I was rereading the book "Think and Grow Rich", I really like this quote above.. Love is truly life's greatest experience - feel thankful that you had love, and keep faith that you will find it again. Don't give up on yourself. Stay strong, and love yourself first. If you can't love yourself, how can you expect someone else to love you? Find happiness within yourself. You owe this to yourself. Once you find this, you'll find you are stronger than you know! I'm not there yet, but I know this is true. It is hard to see when you're in agony, but don't let yourself slip into depression. You need to come up for air.
sumdude Posted May 31, 2008 Posted May 31, 2008 I am so hurt right now. I have no one. No one wants to be with me Not no one... just these two guys.. there's a few billion more out there and when you've healed up from this pain they'll come looking. Find a trusted freind or family member who'll listen. Consider seeing a therapist to help get through this pain. Keep posting..
kizik Posted May 31, 2008 Posted May 31, 2008 "Accept and enjoy it while it remains, but spend no time worrying about its departure." - Napolean Hill Thanks rep, that's a great quote. Life must be lived FORWARD. Doesn't mean we should feel guilty if we catch ourselves thinking about that person. No way. But there are always things to look forward to, and other people to meet that can make you smile and laugh. And this doesn't have to be romantic! Think about it: the ex dragged you down until you thought you WERE who he/she SAID you were. You're not! Rediscover yourself through time spent alone with your thoughts and with fun, non-judgmental people.
foxh1234 Posted May 31, 2008 Posted May 31, 2008 I can't cope. I hate this. Someone make it stop. You really need professional help man. You cannot handle it by yourself. Go see a doctor and get some help.
Lucky555 Posted May 31, 2008 Posted May 31, 2008 Relationships i don't quite understand. BUT i do understand Coping. Sarah, i have been through heartache recently myself. At first it hurt like hell and i posted here. Words of encouragement are a great first step. I think you need to realize that you are a wonderful person and that you will get through this. I actually went and played tennis and i felt really good after. I said wow i am amazing and its helped me to VALUE myself and to see that I don't NEED to be with someone to feel closeness.LOVE YOURSELF FIRST! Take some time and do something for you then pick up a hobby or do something active and social! Its amazing what compliments from other people can boost your inner ego. I found after i have been getting through the break up and regaining my confidence in myself and LIVING that i have more responses from people. I also get guys checking me out now and i NOTICE. before all i could think about was him and i still do from time to time but its been 2 months now and i am glad that i took some steps to move forward. I swear it felt like concrete on my feet and pain that lingered in my crushed heart. BUT I kept saying be strong and move forward and better yourself. hope this helps
sedgwick Posted May 31, 2008 Posted May 31, 2008 I can't cope. I hate this. Someone make it stop. Triple Y/YYY/Why why why: I worry about the fact that you so often come into other people's threads just to say how much you're hurting, but not really say anything to them. Are you okay? It seems like you may be getting a little delusional...forgive me if I'm wrong!
Lucky555 Posted May 31, 2008 Posted May 31, 2008 sumdude says "when you've healed up from this pain they'll come looking." I have experience this before. Do you know why they come looking again? is it for their ego?
BiAxident Posted June 1, 2008 Posted June 1, 2008 Hey there Sarah. I know how you feel. When all you are doing is "coping" it certainly doesn't feel like you're "living". However, you said that when you found your 2nd guy, all the pain from the 1st one went away. As Sedg pointed out, many of us would be elated to have that occur. I'm not trying to say you shouldn't feel sad, that's natural. However, if you found another man you liked that quickly, you're bound to find another. As for your pain, if it's been a while, or if it's really bad, you might consider some anti-depressants. They've helped me a bit, though I had reason to take them before my relationship broke up.
sumdude Posted June 1, 2008 Posted June 1, 2008 sumdude says "when you've healed up from this pain they'll come looking." I have experience this before. Do you know why they come looking again? is it for their ego? Hmm. well I was talking about the biliions of other men/women in the world. They'll come looking when you're feeling good again. But there seem to be times when exes will come sniffing around right about the same time you've found some new happiness. Who knows why... haven't been on that side of the equation yet.
Author SarahT111 Posted June 1, 2008 Author Posted June 1, 2008 Hey everyone! Thankyou SO much for all your replies!! I really appreciate it! I attended a party last night where my '2nd' ex was. For the first half of the night he was all over me and I was so happy, then all of a sudden he disapperaed with another girl and I didn't see him for the rest of the night. I recieved a msg the next day saying he was sorry and that we should just be friends. It was just like being crushed all over again. This happens soo often with him and its really tearing my heart out. One day he likes me and is all over me then the next he doesn't want to talk to me. I get so happy when things are working only to get crushed everytime he apologises and says he just wants to be friend I know there are a billion other guys out there but I find it so hard to fall for someone and im so crushed right now that I cant seee it happening again. I dont think I fell in love with the new ex. I just desperatly wanted to be happy again after my 1st devastating split and I thought this was the only way. Now i don't know what to do I know I have to get a hobby and get out there and do something but its just so hard when your heart is physically aching and you cry at the drop of a hat. Its gotten to the point where I get so upset that I cant even breathe. I dont eat anymore, all I want to do is sleep to escape the pain but i cant even get to sleep! And i understand that I have to love myself but again its very difficult when you have just been rejected by two of the most important people to you. I have to wonder what is so wrong with me! But again thank you so much for replying! I appreciate it so much!
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