martita Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 For starters this is my first post I am new to this site. Well I have been having alot of issues with my boyfriend. We constantly argue and over the little things which always leads to bigger fights were he begins to scream and yell because i do not agree with him. I dont know but im starting to second guess our relationship. I love him so much but im not sure if were good for each other. He always tells me i cant do certain things but its ok for him to do it. I dont understand why is it okay for him but i have to fight with him when i want to do something similar. I really want this relationship to work but i hate to argue and fight. It has come to the point where i just walk away i dont want to prove my point or be heard but i dont want to fight so i avoid it altogether. Im confused any advice? Anyone?
Untouchable_Fire Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 If you can't communicate freely, then it's over... time to break up.
SpikeyChick Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 For starters this is my first post I am new to this site. Well I have been having alot of issues with my boyfriend. We constantly argue and over the little things which always leads to bigger fights were he begins to scream and yell because i do not agree with him. I dont know but im starting to second guess our relationship. I love him so much but im not sure if were good for each other. He always tells me i cant do certain things but its ok for him to do it. I dont understand why is it okay for him but i have to fight with him when i want to do something similar. I really want this relationship to work but i hate to argue and fight. It has come to the point where i just walk away i dont want to prove my point or be heard but i dont want to fight so i avoid it altogether. Im confused any advice? Anyone? You and he are clearly not compatable.. You argue over so many different things. We only have your version of events and I am sure that he is equally as distressed about all this conflict. SO the way I see it is either get professional couples counseling or break up.
iwanttolive Posted May 30, 2008 Posted May 30, 2008 Hey martita, picture this.. Can you take this for the rest of your life? I want my life to be peaceful, it's tiring to have the same arguments again and again. He sounds like my first bf. I think arguments are ok if you both can resolve the differences and grow together. But if nothing comes out of it, it's a sign of incompatibility.
OpenBook Posted May 30, 2008 Posted May 30, 2008 Hi Martita. I think you should buck up. "Love is a battlefield." (Thank you, Pat Benatar.) It's a power struggle. Anyone who has a significant relationship with another human being - whether it's your kids, your H, your BF, your sister, your Mom, your Dad, your friends, whoever - there's a power struggle involved. "We teach other people how to treat us." (Thank you, Dr. Phil.) You've got to show the people in your life who you are. Assert yourself, or you'll just get run over, overwhelmed, completely drowned-out by other (more assertive) personalities. The trick is to assert yourself without being mean to the other person. Calmly and firmly let him know what you will and will not put up with. Determine your own boundaries, and then be crystal-clear in establishing them with him. And stick to your guns. But be prepared to walk away from the relationship if he refuses to honor those boundaries! I had this exact same battle with my exH. It was OK for him to go out with his friends, but it was an act of Congress for him to be OK with me going out. (He actually claimed, out loud, "It's not the same thing." Has your BF said this yet? If not, it's coming!) I regret that I didn't stand up for myself more, in EVERY way (not just over that argument). It probably wouldn't have worked out anyway - boy was he a stubborn man!! - but I would have felt better about how I handled it. Throughout the relationship with him (starting with the first night I met him!) I taught him that I would put up with just about anything from him. And so, being human, he took full advantage of it. And I regret that to this day. Don't be like I was!! (I'm playing around with formatting a little... hope it doesn't bother you!)
Trialbyfire Posted May 30, 2008 Posted May 30, 2008 He always tells me i cant do certain things but its ok for him to do it. How do you call him on his hypocrisy? Also, maybe you could provide examples of what he does that's similar to what you do, that he attempts to enacts his "veto power" on.
AndyW Posted May 30, 2008 Posted May 30, 2008 Hi Martita. I think you should buck up. "Love is a battlefield." (Thank you, Pat Benatar.) It's a power struggle. Anyone who has a significant relationship with another human being - whether it's your kids, your H, your BF, your sister, your Mom, your Dad, your friends, whoever - there's a power struggle involved. "We teach other people how to treat us." (Thank you, Dr. Phil.) You've got to show the people in your life who you are. Assert yourself, or you'll just get run over, overwhelmed, completely drowned-out by other (more assertive) personalities. The trick is to assert yourself without being mean to the other person. Calmly and firmly let him know what you will and will not put up with. Determine your own boundaries, and then be crystal-clear in establishing them with him. And stick to your guns. But be prepared to walk away from the relationship if he refuses to honor those boundaries! I had this exact same battle with my exH. It was OK for him to go out with his friends, but it was an act of Congress for him to be OK with me going out. (He actually claimed, out loud, "It's not the same thing." Has your BF said this yet? If not, it's coming!) I regret that I didn't stand up for myself more, in EVERY way (not just over that argument). It probably wouldn't have worked out anyway - boy was he a stubborn man!! - but I would have felt better about how I handled it. Throughout the relationship with him (starting with the first night I met him!) I taught him that I would put up with just about anything from him. And so, being human, he took full advantage of it. And I regret that to this day. Don't be like I was!! (I'm playing around with formatting a little... hope it doesn't bother you!) Just a really great post. For almost anyone!
AndyW Posted May 30, 2008 Posted May 30, 2008 Btw to answer your question. Is love really worth it? NO
Replicant Posted May 30, 2008 Posted May 30, 2008 For starters this is my first post I am new to this site. Well I have been having alot of issues with my boyfriend. We constantly argue and over the little things which always leads to bigger fights were he begins to scream and yell because i do not agree with him. I dont know but im starting to second guess our relationship. I love him so much but im not sure if were good for each other. He always tells me i cant do certain things but its ok for him to do it. I dont understand why is it okay for him but i have to fight with him when i want to do something similar. I really want this relationship to work but i hate to argue and fight. It has come to the point where i just walk away i dont want to prove my point or be heard but i dont want to fight so i avoid it altogether. Im confused any advice? Anyone? I think it's time to have a talk with your boyfriend and have some self respect and make it clear in how you wish to be treated (and settle for no less). He seems like a drama queen hinged on control issues, making the relationship here rather one sided wouldn't you agree? If he agrees to knock it off and then falls back on his original routine, then walking away like you done to avoid a fight is a good option. Only make it for good.
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