angie2443 Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 I ended up on love shack because of a relationship my husband had with a female friend of his. I think I got what I needed when I came, in that I now understand that not everything was "all in my head". I also became a little stronger. Now, however, all I get from LS is a lot of negative feelings that sometimes last the whole day. I just want to quit the site, or at least not feel so low after reading all the sad storries that are posted here. The problem is, I'm kind of hooked and am finding it hard to not visit. Anybody else here feel the same? Or, for those who've posted here for a long time, how do you not feel negative and fustrated after reading all these post. P.S. I posted this on the infidelity board because this is where I started out and I don't know where else I could post this. Thanks.
Untouchable_Fire Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 What do you get out of using this site? If it's hard to quit then your getting something from it.
Owl Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 Its easy to avoid feeling negative about all these posts... Because once you've been here long enough, you learn that they're nearly all the same..."only the names have changed". And I know that these situations aren't MY situation any longer...they were ONCE...four years ago. But they're not now. And I look at each of the posters, and even those who I don't agree with or even can't stand, I realize that they've got their own POV, and that's why the post the way that they do. Even if they get "personal" with me...it doesn't bother me. If you decide to leave, I wish you the best. You've given some good advice, and straight shots as needed. If you decide to stay...I wish you the best! Just buckle on your insult proof armour and step into the fray anytime! People need to hear advice from those who've made it through things...from all sides of the fence.
Trialbyfire Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 If you decide to stay...I wish you the best! Just buckle on your insult proof armour and step into the fray anytime! People need to hear advice from those who've made it through things...from all sides of the fence. Most definitely flame-retardant outfits wrapped around your emotions, are best. You'll also find a contingent of stalkers. Ignore them unless they have something of value to you or you feel up to the game of dog pile. Most people have something of value to contribute, whether it's of value to members or people lurking without signing up. Also remember that LS is a historical databank of helpful information. If you can distance your personal feelings, you'll feel better. If it only makes you feel worse and worse, then it might be a good time to take an LS break.
michelangelo Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 Hi, I get what you are saying about feeling negative after reading the sad stories to be seen here. However, what keeps me staying and ultimately positive about posting and reading here is hope. I see hope in the pain of others shared here, especially in the infidelity forum. I don't feel so alone in the way that I am with those I deal with in real life: family, friends, etc. the things i can share here i cannot address to my family, especially to my wife who cheated on me. Yes, the forums are kind of flawed, not trained therapy. But our shared experiences give me a sense of not being alone, that there may be a way out of misery.
Owl Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 michelangelo, is there a reason why you can't share your feelings with your wife who cheated on you? It seems to me that this is a CRITICAL point of recovery after an affair. You might start your own thread on here to talk about it.
Kamille Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 angie, if you want to feed your addiction and find some more lightheated stuff, I would suggest you add pm privileges (somewhere in My profile) and check out the section at the bottom of the LS welcome page (where the Watercooler is). Also, I really like the "New posts" button in the pink bar on top of the page.
Author angie2443 Posted May 30, 2008 Author Posted May 30, 2008 Thanks to everyone for the responses. I think I was just having a bad day, and comming here made me feel worse. I think what Owl said is true. The posts are pretty much the same and "only the names have changed". I guess it can feel overwhelming reading the same painful stories over and over again, when you don't take into account that many of the people posting them do move on. I think for now I'll try to just come here a couple of times a week, and avoid the threads where I can see that the OP is not ready to overcome their problems (I don't mean this in an offensive way, it's simply that these kind of post make me fustrated and sad).
Trialbyfire Posted May 30, 2008 Posted May 30, 2008 I think for now I'll try to just come here a couple of times a week, and avoid the threads where I can see that the OP is not ready to overcome their problems (I don't mean this in an offensive way, it's simply that these kind of post make me fustrated and sad). We all do this to a degree. You can only take so much watching people spinning in a circle and going nowhere. I'm glad that you chose to remain on LS because you have experiences that are valuable to many people.
Author angie2443 Posted May 30, 2008 Author Posted May 30, 2008 We all do this to a degree. You can only take so much watching people spinning in a circle and going nowhere. I'm glad that you chose to remain on LS because you have experiences that are valuable to many people. Thanks:). I'd like to think that my experiences could help someone. This makes comming here a more positive experience.
whichwayisup Posted May 30, 2008 Posted May 30, 2008 Read up in the sex section, spiritual section, health and ofcourse the watercooler and rant / confession sections. The offtopic thread in the watercooler (anything goes as long as it's respectful and nice) is fun to jump on and just banter abit with the other members.
Trialbyfire Posted May 30, 2008 Posted May 30, 2008 Yes, come play in the Watercooler. Everyone needs some light, fun downtime from the emotionally heavier forums on this site. You must have read some of the goofing around.
Author angie2443 Posted May 30, 2008 Author Posted May 30, 2008 Thanks to everyone who sugested the Watercooler board:). I never knew it was there!
michelangelo Posted May 30, 2008 Posted May 30, 2008 michelangelo, is there a reason why you can't share your feelings with your wife who cheated on you? It seems to me that this is a CRITICAL point of recovery after an affair. You might start your own thread on here to talk about it. I have tried but she just thinks the past is past, when it is not for me. especially since she has revealed more of what went on (as in admitting it went on for years and years). When I I have some time, i might expand in a new thread.
Owl Posted May 30, 2008 Posted May 30, 2008 Please do. Because honestly, you're NOT in recovery if this is her mindset...you're just waiting for the affair to resume or a new one to begin. I don't want to T/J here anymore, so please, feel free to start a new thread to talk about where you need to go from here.
smartgirl Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 Angie, I'm glad to know I'm not alone with this. I do go away for long periods sometimes but then wind up coming back. I think that you have to protect your own emotions which sometimes means not engaging with the negative types and sometimes means just walking away for awhile. I don't go on as many boards as I used to and I am now highly selective about which threads I even read. I feel I can provide some help, sometimes, to some people and that makes me feel like I can get just a little bit of good out of my situation. So you don't have to leave for good if you don't want to, but maybe just be more selective in where you stroll and how soon you walk away from a particular thread.
OWoman Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 Hey Angie, If stuff is getting to you it's because you're a sensitive person, and that's not a bad thing. But you do need to insulate yourself against getting drawn into negative energy - whether it's depressing posts or bashing or the sheer weight of the human condition, let it pass. If you have something to contribute, add your voice but if it's just a downer, treat it the same way as you would seeing yet another earthquake or hurricane on the tv news. There are lots of positives too - friendships to be made, changes to be part of and lighter moments to be shared. I'm sure many people here have benefited from your insights and would be sad to lose you, so don't think it's been a total waste of electrons your being here.
Author angie2443 Posted June 3, 2008 Author Posted June 3, 2008 Smartgirl and OWoman, thanks for your replies. Your both right. I can be too sensitive sometimes, depending on how a post relates to me, and I need to insulate myself more from that. I'm also learning to avoid the threads where the posters are clearly not changing their situation. This has been helpful.
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