Nevermind Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 Yes, I talked to the man who broke my heart and soul, made me more miserable than I ever was and who didn't treat me well for a long long time. He had written e-mails with things in it like "I hope to hear from you" "I hope we will be together in the future" "You mean a lot to me". And I replied and it was so weird and I didn't believe him. I did check his facebook (yes, I didn't learn my lesson) when he stopped writing for a week. I wanted to know if he really had computer trouble or not. If he had been online, than he was lieing. And of course, he was. He is going with the girl, whom he had been with on the side, to have a nice holiday. They are (still/back) together. And I am not even jealous. Just hurt that he would disrespect me so much. So I called him, with two options: number a) He never loved me, but cared about me. He wants contact and he will be honest from now on. number b) He never loved me, he never cared. He didn't tell me the truth because he thought I was too weak to handle it. He wants me to **** off. He chose B. I was actually shocked, and after telling him that I could not believe that he really just wrote me lie after lie and then dump me. (Yes, how stupid can you be?) He then cried, and said that he didn't mean it, and that he would write me a letter when his exam is over. That the girl is nothing to him and just a way to pass the time (I don't care, really!). That he wanted contact. That he really loved me. So. If there will be a letter, I will read it. But I doubt it. (He offered to send the bear back. But I declined. It will bring back too many memories, although I honestly doubt if I made the right choice.) And strangely enough, it has given me peace. Because the last things I said to him, I said in a calm voice. No longer the pain-stricken, suicidal girl that he last spoke to. It might have been a bad idea, and I will still suffer, but at least I know that I tried to end it in a good way and to maybe even keep some of the early memories. He chose not to want it and then he unchose it. I don't expect a letter. But I feel more dignity know than I did before. P.S. I told him to change his facebook password. It was the very first thing I told him, and I looked at it on monday the last time. It is very calming to not having to believe in this anymore. I hope I will get back to being the girl who wouldn't read a sticker if it didn't belong to her. P.P.S. Will there be more agony? Oh, yes. But maybe I can finally just start to heal. Not rip wounds open all the time. Just heal. It wasn't the most dignified ending, but it was better than the penultimate. Kind of like taking the magic out of it.
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