JackhammerGemma Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 Day one after breakup. Dishes piling up, laundry piling up. My pajamas don't match and I didn't wash my face or brush my teeth last night. Ate very little. Now have a headache from not eating. No motivation to go get food at all. Took the day off from work today. I used to be a normal person who could get over these things easier but nowadays I'm just a big pathetic ball of sorry. I can't sleep and all I do is cry. My therapist said to consider being hospitalized but I wonder what good that would do. All I would do is lay there in the bed watching bad movies, and continue to cry and feel sad and wronged. I don't think he is hurting over the loss of me. He let me go because I made sure his mistress's husband knew what they were doing. Says I promised not to say anything if he stopped what he was doing with her. I don't remember promising not to say anything. I know he is in the wrong about all this and always has been, yet I'm made to feel like I'm the bad guy for exposing the affair. I kissed him goodbye in the morning on my way to work yesterday as usual and before noon it was over. I just want to die inside. I'm not going to kill myself, I just wouldn't care if something happened and I died. I'm so broken and shattered and bitter now that I feel I won't give another man a chance to hurt me. I'll just hurt them because once they try to get close I'll cut it off from fear of pain and end up hurting them. It is so very hard to forget, to unlearn all the things you did with the person. How to start over without them. It's like everything I know is wrong and everything is upside down. Everything I do, everywhere I go, everything I say, reminds me of him. When I see an attractive guy the first thing I think is "Yeah, he'd cheat on me". I'm so alone here in my head all the time. I have friends and family who love me and care but it doesn't help. Nothing helps. Time doesn't always heal everything. One of my exes I split from 4 years ago is still sad over losing me and asks me back every time we talk, and he has not had a relationship since me. That's what I'm afraid of, I don't want to be him in 4 years. Oh, how I wish I could just forget the last year of my life and start over. Whenever I say that I'll never find someone like him again the first thing people say is God, I hope not. I don't think anyone can help me. I can't even help myself. I used to be normal. Now I'm just broken.I thought I was so much better than this, but I'm just so weak now. He doesn't care about my pain. Only whatever is going on with him. Selfish. I hate him. I love him so much but god do I hate him for doing this to me. But I hate myself even more for letting him. I gave him the noose.
ARDriver01 Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 Hey there, When my wife cheated on me while I was deployed to the middle east, I came home and my life fell apart. I couldn't leave her for it because I had been missing her so much for five months. My NCOs had to put me in a hospital to get me eating and back to working capability. I lost like, 30 pounds in three weeks. I was a away for a week and a half at an Army hospital. It did do me some good. Maybe you could go out with some friends and get some margaritas? Ole! Just kidding, but seriously... My wife and I are finally split, divorce final in October. She cheated again. Lol You will get better. I'm still angry from time to time. It never goes away totally, but you don't care as much and slowely life starts making you happy again. You'll be driving down the road and listening to a great song and you'll feel impowered. I promise okay. You'll be fine without him.
cordy Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 I understand you so well My ex-bf didn't cheat on me (I think) but he hurt me more than I thought anyone could ever do. The first couple of days are the worst. I'm still in my first couple of days...but it'll get easier. Give yourself the chance to mourn, be angry and get out of the house! Try and talk about it, your friends will understand. Even if you keep repeating yourself. That's all the advice I can give you right now as I'm not in my best shape either
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