DunnoWhat Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 q1 - If you went on a date and didn't like somebody would you care or just enjoy the date? I'm asking because I went on a date the other day and we met and it was all smiles and laughter. She seemed to be giddy and smile and laugh at and little thing I done like pull a funny face etc. The date kind of fizzled out towards the end. q2 - If you thought the man DIDN'T liked you and you DID like him would you want to avoid him/not speak to him? Now I'm not saying I don't like her and she likes me I'm asking because I didn't contact the girl for a few days after and I don't know if she was offended by that because when I did contact her to chat she said she'll try to be online next week she's busy this week. I'm not the best at displaying my feelings and didn't compliment her or nothing but we did get on and she seemed to like me because when we met she was smiling alot. I also think I may have offended her because when I was ordering her a drink I knew she was drinking Millar but I asked her was she drinking Millar light (she's a bit overweight). She asked jokingly did she look as though she needed it. Any thought? Thanks!
Raiatea Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 Hypothetical situation: On a first date with a guy. He asks me if I am having a low calorie drink because I am slightly overweight. He asked me out on a date anyway so I know he likes me, and because of that I would think my weight wasn't an issue. I would jokingly ask him what he meant by that comment, but the date would be ruined as far as I am concerned. I would keep it light from then on with the full intention of never contacting this person again. I certainly wouldn't ever bother with someone making assumptions about my weight and choice of beverage. Yes, it's only a minor thing, but on a first date all you have to go on is the first impression you make. Sorry, but I wouldn't call you either.
Author DunnoWhat Posted May 29, 2008 Author Posted May 29, 2008 Hypothetical situation: On a first date with a guy. He asks me if I am having a low calorie drink because I am slightly overweight. He asked me out on a date anyway so I know he likes me, and because of that I would think my weight wasn't an issue. I would jokingly ask him what he meant by that comment, but the date would be ruined as far as I am concerned. I would keep it light from then on with the full intention of never contacting this person again. I certainly wouldn't ever bother with someone making assumptions about my weight and choice of beverage. Yes, it's only a minor thing, but on a first date all you have to go on is the first impression you make. Sorry, but I wouldn't call you either. Really! I didn't think it was such a big deal. I just laughed it off and didn't apologise... Now that I think of it that was when it sort of fizzled out a bit but on the other hand she did mention her weight herself and she said she was a confident person.
Raiatea Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 A woman sensitive about her weight will think this is a huge issue! And although she acted confident and mentioned her weight, this could just be a story so you don't think she's insecure about it. I could be wrong, but that is how I would see it.
Kamille Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 Without assuming that that incident is what made the date fizzled, if I was on a first date with a guy and he offered me a light drink or made a comment about my weight, I would take that as a sign that he could be controlling. As women, we are almost expected to have some kind of body image issue, and breaking out of the diet ideology is hard work - and involves surrounding yourself with people who think you are beautiful as you are and that you are fully capable of taking care of yourself and your body without any tutelage. The last thing a healthy girl who is comfortable with her body wants in her life is a man who will make her feel like she should be dieting.
Author DunnoWhat Posted May 29, 2008 Author Posted May 29, 2008 Anybody any answers to the questions? Thanks. I still don't know why she's been so distant. She was also insecure about her height. She's 5ft 10 but thinks thats too tall even though there are plenty of girls taller than her.
Kamille Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 q1 - If you went on a date and didn't like somebody would you care or just enjoy the date? I would enjoy the date, be myself and have a good time. Just because I'm not attracted to somebody doesn't mean I can't still enjoy getting to know them. q2 - If you thought the man DIDN'T liked you and you DID like him would you want to avoid him/not speak to him? No. If he tried to speak to me I would think to myself: I guess I was wrong and he does like me a bit. If I was interested I would give him the benefit of the doubt.
Author DunnoWhat Posted May 29, 2008 Author Posted May 29, 2008 Thanks q1 - If you went on a date and didn't like somebody would you care or just enjoy the date? I would enjoy the date, be myself and have a good time. Just because I'm not attracted to somebody doesn't mean I can't still enjoy getting to know them. q2 - If you thought the man DIDN'T liked you and you DID like him would you want to avoid him/not speak to him? No. If he tried to speak to me I would think to myself: I guess I was wrong and he does like me a bit. If I was interested I would give him the benefit of the doubt. Thats what I wanted to know. She probably has no interest and I doubt the millar light comment would do that.
serial muse Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 Thats what I wanted to know. She probably has no interest and I doubt the millar light comment would do that. I disagree. It might keep her from wanting a second date, if she were otherwise on the fence about you. I've had someone say something like that before (along the lines of, "you'll probably want Lite This" because you're a woman, or some similar thing); however, as I'm quite slender, I knew it was just a joke and didn't take it personally. But it kind of killed my interest in the guy, because to be brutally honest, that kind of thing is pretty much the opposite of funny and charming. I was pleasant for the rest of the date, but afterward...done.
Taramere Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 Really! I didn't think it was such a big deal. I just laughed it off and didn't apologise... Now that I think of it that was when it sort of fizzled out a bit but on the other hand she did mention her weight herself and she said she was a confident person. It's not necessarily a big deal to let someone know you think they could lose a few pounds, but it does convey the message that you're not all that attracted to them. q1 - If you went on a date and didn't like somebody would you care or just enjoy the date? q2 - If you thought the man DIDN'T liked you and you DID like him would you want to avoid him/not speak to him? By "like" do you mean sexually attracted to? If I actively disliked someone then I wouldn't enjoy being with them and I would avoid future contact. What you said wasn't overly harsh, but it does sound a bit too much like brotherly/platonic male friend teasing to promote much in the way of sexual chemistry.
Author DunnoWhat Posted May 29, 2008 Author Posted May 29, 2008 It's not necessarily a big deal to let someone know you think they could lose a few pounds, but it does convey the message that you're not all that attracted to them. And if that was the message I sent out how would she take it? She'd still want to talk anyway surely. I should add that I didn't text her for a few days after though I told her as we were saying goodbye that we'd chat during the week if she was online.
Taramere Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 Really! I didn't think it was such a big deal. I just laughed it off and didn't apologise... Now that I think of it that was when it sort of fizzled out a bit but on the other hand she did mention her weight herself and she said she was a confident person. It's not necessarily a big deal to let someone know you think they could lose a few pounds, but it does convey the message that you're not all that attracted to them. q1 - If you went on a date and didn't like somebody would you care or just enjoy the date? q2 - If you thought the man DIDN'T liked you and you DID like him would you want to avoid him/not speak to him? By "like" do you mean sexually attracted to? If I actively disliked someone then I wouldn't enjoy being with them and I would avoid future contact. What you said wasn't overly harsh, but it does sound a bit too much like brotherly/platonic male friend teasing to promote much in the way of sexual chemistry.
Trialbyfire Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 q1 - If you went on a date and didn't like somebody would you care or just enjoy the date? I've never dated anyone I didn't already get to know and like first, so this is a difficult question for me. If I were uncertain, I suspect I would already have some way to exit the date early. q2 - If you thought the man DIDN'T liked you and you DID like him would you want to avoid him/not speak to him? Based on my above response to q1, I've never had this happen after a first date. If I felt insulted, which I would've expressed at the time that it happened, I would probably ignore him. Overall, rule of thumb from my own experiences, if a guy doesn't ask for a followup date the same night or at the very latest the next morning, he's not terribly interested.
Author DunnoWhat Posted May 29, 2008 Author Posted May 29, 2008 Overall, rule of thumb from my own experiences, if a guy doesn't ask for a followup date the same night or at the very latest the next morning, he's not terribly interested. Ah but if he called back a few days later you'd want to talk to him if you were interested, right? Thats the point i'm getting at really. Though i didn't call or text back I sent an email a few days later and sent her a text later that night saying I havn't forgotton her and letting her know that I sent the email.
dreamergrl Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 I think the comment killed it. If you are already making comments about what you think she "should" drink, it gives her an idea of what's to come. Maybe the comment itself wasn't extremely harsh, but the fact that you said it on the first date is just crude. If it were me, I'd try to make the best of it, but even if pigs where to fly out of frozen hell, you still wouldn't get a second date. Next time, keep those thoughts to yourself.
Author DunnoWhat Posted May 29, 2008 Author Posted May 29, 2008 I think the comment killed it. If you are already making comments about what you think she "should" drink, it gives her an idea of what's to come. Maybe the comment itself wasn't extremely harsh, but the fact that you said it on the first date is just crude. If it were me, I'd try to make the best of it, but even if pigs where to fly out of frozen hell, you still wouldn't get a second date. Next time, keep those thoughts to yourself. You're right I'd say.. I didn't say it on purpose. Is there any way back? Could I say how beautiful I think she looks? I would have said it but that sounds like I'm desperate.
dreamergrl Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 You're right I'd say.. I didn't say it on purpose. Is there any way back? Could I say how beautiful I think she looks? I would have said it but that sounds like I'm desperate. And how do you plan on her taking you seriously, when: 1. You didn't apologize 2. You said yourself you saw nothing wrong with the comment 3. You've already came out and made the comment And no, compliments don't make your look desperate, and jabs about her weight make your look self centered.
Author DunnoWhat Posted May 29, 2008 Author Posted May 29, 2008 And how do you plan on her taking you seriously, when: 1. You didn't apologize 2. You said yourself you saw nothing wrong with the comment 3. You've already came out and made the comment And no, compliments don't make your look desperate, and jabs about her weight make your look self centered. It wasn't a jab it was an actual mistake cause girls usually drink millar light but i see your point. When we met I said "see I'm alot taller than you are" and she said "yeah but I'm wider" (she isn't). I said nothing but that was early on and we got on great after that. Well it's probably over now anyway... I could make a last desperate plea but that'd make me look really desperate so that won't work. If I liked somebody and she made a comment about my appearance I don't think it's stop me from wanting to see her again..
Trialbyfire Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 Ah but if he called back a few days later you'd want to talk to him if you were interested, right? Thats the point i'm getting at really. Though i didn't call or text back I sent an email a few days later and sent her a text later that night saying I havn't forgotton her and letting her know that I sent the email. In all honesty, I've never had a guy do that. My experiences have been primarily the same night. If it happened, more than likely I would turn him down. Keep in mind, this is just me and not the girl you're talking about. Everyone is different. If she's really interested, more than likely she'll play the delay game back. Otherwise, she won't respond at all.
dreamergrl Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 It wasn't a jab it was an actual mistake cause girls usually drink millar light but i see your point. When we met I said "see I'm alot taller than you are" and she said "yeah but I'm wider" (she isn't). I said nothing but that was early on and we got on great after that. Well it's probably over now anyway... I could make a last desperate plea but that'd make me look really desperate so that won't work. If I liked somebody and she made a comment about my appearance I don't think it's stop me from wanting to see her again.. The bold text is her already showing what she feel is her physical faults. While she appears confident, that there is a dead give away that she has some insecurity. You added too it. Maybe you don't care if someone makes a comment about your appearance or about you now, but wait till it's something that hurts your pride.
Author DunnoWhat Posted May 29, 2008 Author Posted May 29, 2008 Anybody have any suggestions what would be the best course of action? She said she'd get back to me next week (i doubt she will) so should I just wait or contact her before that.. Think what you would do if it was you.. thanks
AriaIncognito Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 You're right I'd say.. I didn't say it on purpose. Is there any way back? Could I say how beautiful I think she looks? I would have said it but that sounds like I'm desperate. If it was in your nature to have paid her a compliment, you would have. At this point, you're just complimenting only because you're upset that you blew it with her. And believe me, you blew it with her. Take this as a learning experience, and don't do it with the next girl you date. When a girl is sensitive about her weight, she will take comments, regardless of whether or not they were direct jabs at them, as being towards/about them. For example, a guy i am dating said something about a shirt looking like a maternity shirt. Is that flattering to a girl? Esp a girl who is admittedly overweight? No. Immediately she'll think he thinks she looks like a fat/pregnant woman. Does it mean he's not attracted to her, not necessarily, but I'm just telling you how the "comment" is received, regardless of intent. Compliment women, dont give them weird comments regarding what they drink/wear/etc. Plenty of time for that during marriage
Trialbyfire Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 Whether you blew it or not, take a wait and see approach. If she doesn't call, you can always contact her again, to show your interest. Sometimes persistance does work, reliant on her level of interest.
Tomcat33 Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 I say you contact her now, why wait there is no point in waiting if you offended her she will blow you off now or she will blow you off in a week, she WILL blow you off if she is offended. And so if she does you can move on and chalk this up as a learning experience. If you didn't offend her and we are all hyperanalizing the situation she will be more than happy to hear from you again, since contacting her will show 1. interest 2. self confidence and determination to get what you want 3. interest what more can a girl want? (well actually A LOT MORE but that's a good start LOL) PS are you sure you want her because you are interested or is it because you want to save face?
MakeLemonade Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 Does anyone even drink Miller High Life anymore? Can you even get it in a bar? For me, that would be the only question if you knew she was drinking Miller, it would be "you're drinking Miller Lite right?", I don't think what you said was so awful - a bit insensitive, maybe because she is husky, try a few compliments on your next attempt whether it be her or a new gal - this one sounds too sensitive/insecure to pursue anyway - you don't want to have to already be catching up from negative ground, unless you are head over heels for her that is.
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