iloveherandihurt Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 pardon the grammar me and my wife have been together 6 years married 3 and we have 2 children. for the past few months we have been arguing, a couple weeks ago we talked about going to marriage counceling, i was all for it. we went to visit my mom this memorial day weekend and yesterday, i got hit with the "i think we need to separate for a lil while", "im just not happy right now", i asked her if it was anything that i did that caused this. of course she said "no, its me you did nothing wrong, i need time to figure out why im not happy".my biggest fear is that she will be happier without me, and i will lose my family....i dont know what to do... i asked her if she was still in love with me, she said "i dont know" which hurts me even worse... i have done nothing wrong, ...ive never cheated on her, ive always supported everything shes done, even when i didnt support it, i tell her i love her everyday..i want to give her space but i dont want to lose her. i love her and my kids to much...im so miserable right now..im a hour away from my wife and kids and cannot go see them..i want to help her figure out what is going on with her.... i want my wife and kids back.... i dont know what i can do...please please help
Sum1'sGot2RepThe530 Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 i tell her i love her everyday..i want to give her space but i dont want to lose her. Don't smother her, that will drive her further away. Probably why she went an hour away. Personally, I wouldn't tell someone I loved them more than once a week or so. More meaningful that way. It's something you say every once in a while, not everyday, you come off as desperate and clingy that way. At least that's the problem my wife has.
TrustInYourself Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 Don't smother her, that will drive her further away. Probably why she went an hour away. Personally, I wouldn't tell someone I loved them more than once a week or so. More meaningful that way. It's something you say every once in a while, not everyday, you come off as desperate and clingy that way. At least that's the problem my wife has. Bingo. Doing less is more. If you are being perfect, stop being perfect. Let her do some of the work. That may seem as a shock, but something is broken. You shouldn't be the one doing all the work to fix the relationship. Do not call, do not talk with her about the situation, just relax and try to remain calm and rational. LOL, trust me, I know this is hard. If you want to control the fallout from this situation, you have to learn to master yourself, to control your emotions. I know you hurt too. Everyone on this board has experienced that hurt, so you're not alone. It will come and go, you just have to keep fighting. Keep positive and have faith. Post here if you feel like ranting, I'll chat with you.
Seeking Posted May 30, 2008 Posted May 30, 2008 You may be a perfect candidate for Homer McDonald;s book. Go to his site, and read it... read it all... then read it again.. Dont make the mistakes I made juse 2 short weeks ago... But take Homer's advice, you can download the book, its expensive.. I;d offer the PDF if its allowed no problem... I am sure it can be shared if you want to message me or leave an email address I will send. Anyway, I listened to it, it was so hard, but I followed it and she is not as far away now. Its not worse anyway and it was getting worse when I smothered her, attention etc etcf... but mine was still in the house with me... so maybe its different. Dont call her. she will call you, it hurts, but dont call.. When she calls smile, make her proud, dont say you lonely, dont say how sad you are... Send her a good message.. maybe an email, I can send you my version and see if it will work for you. I was thanked, probably the best thing I ever sent or said to her I believe. Now that I have spoken read and listen to all the others, take away some hard liners maybe, but average all the ideas out and use them. None of us know it all, or we would not be here, we;d be writing books like Homer did. Good luck, resist the call and talk about you too when she brings it up only, deep talks hurt and push her away... resist.
Author iloveherandihurt Posted May 30, 2008 Author Posted May 30, 2008 well we talked a lil today..i know i screwed up, and got all emotional with her..i just had to let her know how i feel and that i'm willing to do whatever it takes to get us back on track...i let her know that i wasnt going to call her anymore or text her, she said she still wants to talk to me everyday, which is hard for me because i start thinking about her and how i want to be there with her and the kids...good news is that the kids are going to stay with me this weekend here at my dads house...i cant wait to see them, i miss my babies soooo much.... hopefully this will give her some time to figure out if she still is in love with me..so im giving her the space she wants...thank all of you for your advice..ill keep yall posted
Gunny376 Posted May 30, 2008 Posted May 30, 2008 I'm not positive but I believe it was "Ladies Home Journal" that changed its editiorial policy about advising women to leave "un-happy" marriage because they found out that women who did so still weren't happy and wished they'd never left their marriages. So I would suspect that its not you, but her, and I would further suspect that its probally hormonal. That's not to get on the "all women are hormonal" band-wagon. But the brain-chemicals that crack and crystal meth tie in with are the same ones that drive the "pleasure" centers of the brain ~ aka sex, attraction. etc. Bottom line? You may have to just ride this one out. How old is your wife? For example my wife and I went down hill once she had her tubes tide, which one poster pointed out to me that once off birth control, her sex drive would come back to that of a man. That combined with some store-bought boobs, increased self confidence, Okinawa ("Raining Men") = the demise of my marriage! IOW's ~ The Perfect Strom!
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