Little brother watching porn-my bf thinks it's okay and i'm very upset (Long)

[ahah2322]

fantasies are fantasies and as long as one is not CONSUMED by it and knows how to keep them as fantasies, it goes under my radar.

 

However, if you fantasise something violent on a regular basis and it starts to become something you want to act out in reality, then you may have a problem and should probably talk to someone.

i totally agree.

 

many women have fantasies of being raped. that being said, of course, they do not want it to happen in real life. people watch porn to relieve those fantasies (that they won't act on in real life because it's wrong, illegal, morally-wrong, unrealistic et cetera) and it's at best carthartic.

 

i'm giving her brother the benefit of the doubt because i believe that majority of men knows how to distinguish fantasies from reality. and they know what they cannot do in real life. who is anybody to judge fantasies really?

[dreamergrl]

fantasies are fantasies and as long as one is not CONSUMED by it and knows how to keep them as fantasies, it goes under my radar.

 

 

i totally agree.

 

many women have fantasies of being raped. that being said, of course, they do not want it to happen in real life. people watch porn to relieve those fantasies (that they won't act on in real life because it's wrong, illegal, morally-wrong, unrealistic et cetera) and it's at best carthartic.

 

i'm giving her brother the benefit of the doubt because i believe that majority of men knows how to distinguish fantasies from reality. and they know what they cannot do in real life. who is anybody to judge fantasies really?

 

How would you feel about having your child (if you have one) fantasizing about raping you?

[macon]

Ahah, he's not just fantasising about this in his head - he's viewing it! Do you not see that that's where the difference lies?

[ahah2322]

IMO, fantasizing = OK. viewing = OK. (so long as the viewer has discretion and most people do) doing = not OK.

 

whatever fantasies he has, he keeps it to himself. and we have no right to judge.

[macon]

"IMO, fantasizing = OK. viewing = OK. (so long as the viewer has discretion and most people do) doing = not OK."

 

So it is ok for someone to watch a child being raped, discreetly of course, if it turns them on - so long as they don't participate themselves? Can you not see how insane and immoral that logic is?

[dreamergrl]

Again I ask, how would you feel if they found out your child is fantasizing about raping you?

[The Collector]

Again I ask, how would you feel if they found out your child is fantasizing about raping you?

 

Not that it sounds much better, he was presumably fantasizing about another person raping that person's mother, not him raping his own. I once enjoyed a porn supposedly about a brother having sex with his sister - I just ignored that contrivance and focused on the fact that the sister was hot.

 

Incest doesn't do it for me, but I don't think it's fair to judge someone purely on the title of the porn he may have once watched, not do I trust the OPs post as a balanced report of what he is into.

 

The OP should just move on - what can be achieved except clucking away disapprovingly or causing unnecessary drama?

[Mahatma]

Porn is perfectly normal. I'm 18 and watch it a lot. I understand your problem here is when your brother is viewing porn where the woman is "bleeding" and clearly not enjoying it. I think this is the wrong thing to have reinforced in any mind. But what you need to realize is when males watch porn, we generally put ourselves into the man's spot. When a man is totally dominating the opposite sex, it is just plain arousing for us. Whether or not we would ever possibly think of doing it in real life, it can still safely be a fantasy. I draw my own line and have a hard time enjoying porn when the woman is clearly not having a good time, but all males are different in their taste in porn.

[ahah2322]

to dreamergrl: i wouldn't know if my child was fantasizing about me because fantasies should be kept discreet. no need for anyone to judge or probe. i trust that he knows that those would be fantasies and that it would be way out of bounds to engage in in real life because it is illegal to rape someone. it infringes upon personal safety. i.e. if he has such fantasies, i wouldn't know and i wouldn't mind. it is healthy to the point that it doesn't CONSUME him.

 

to macon:

So it is ok for someone to watch a child being raped, discreetly of course, if it turns them on - so long as they don't participate themselves? Can you not see how insane and immoral that logic is?

 

please refer to my previous posts about 'pornography being scripted'. so long as what he is watching is NOT ACTUAL raping/ ACTUAL abuse/ ACTUAL minors, it is perfectly normal because it shows the maturity that what he is watching is scripted to his fantasies and that they are not illegal i.e. the pornograhy reel is being made by consensual adults and everybody recognizes that they are re-enacting fantasies that viewers might have. so what if they are a little deviant? who are we to judge? who is to say that normal bubble-gum porn is ok, but bdsm (that involves 'abuse') is not, and AN ADULT dressed as a young teen is not?

 

so long as they are not ACTUAL videos, and they are not illegal i.e. involving actual minors, the viewer knows how to separate fantasies from reality (which most do), it's perfectly alright.

 

i think you've misunderstood me, macon. in no degree have i commited in saying that it's alright watch an ACTUAL video of a child being raped. that would be illegal and deplorable. because that has delved out of the safe zones of fantasies.

[dreamergrl]

I'm sorry, but I truly feel if a child is having fantasies about raping their parent, there is some issues there.

 

I don't have a problem with porn in general, but even acting out rape - displaying it or other acts are abusive, to me is wrong wrong wrong. While some leave fantasies just as that, other's want to carry them out. So where do we drawn the line in what's acceptable? Getting off on watching a person bleed during sex? Child rape? Parent rape? These are disgusting acts that I feel should not be displayed as "normal". Especially to a young mind that is still growing and "figuring" things out.

[inloveandhurt]

j2ft1, citizenerased,forrest-i think it's rude (at the least) to download porn on someone else's computer, especially a family computer. Obviously I am going to see it. The password is a good idea but now I'm too grossed out by thinking him jacking off in my computer chair...I told him to use his own computer.

 

maddog-the big deal (to me) is the implications for real-life relationships.

 

mahatma-I know guys think it's just fantasy, but when you are mentally painting yourself as an aggressor thousands of times a year watching porn, i can't accept that it has zero impact on how you view women (or men..whoever you watch)

 

trailbyfire,sweetbutcheeky,carmen87,macon-You guys said porn is ok but raping scenarios are not. Well i just mentioned the most shocking things I saw, a lot of it was relatively 'ok'. I mean, judging from the titles and the opening scenes of each. I freaked out before i could see them. my question is suppose someone is getting 'fisted' or a 'facial' by 10 different guys...where does it go from porn to demeaning the person to plain abuse? Sometimes it's a very fine line and I think that's what agitates me...that a lot of it seems like degrading the person.

 

ahah2322-Freedom of thought is great, but I think every society should have some encouraged and discouraged ideas. I don't think it is in anyone's interest to have child porn as an encouraged, normal or even neutral idea, whether as fantasy or action.

 

dreamergrl-Thanks for trying to understand instead of just attacking me to 'get over it'.

 

Well...I'm a lot more calm now since it happened. Have just been reading a lot and think about stuff. I still don't like the idea of my bf watching abusive porn and I really feel hurt when I imagine him being turned on by forcing himself down someone's throat or cumming on a girl's face. Sometimes I want to breakup and not have a relationship with any guy...just to be safe from being treated as his ***toy. And sometimes I miss him He said he will call me tomorrow...now that I've vented here, at least I will be calm tomorrow...who knows, maybe I will change my mind.

[macon]

I am absolutely amazed that so many here see nothing wrong with viewing abuse and rape - whether simulated or real. I am amazed that so many think it's perfectly acceptable to be turned on by watching a woman suffer sexual abuse.

 

Pornography is perfectly healthy - viewing sex is perfectly healthy. As a 33 year old woman I've watched my share, on my own and with partners! But viewing something where the woman is clearly not enjoying herself, when she doesn not want to take part, where she is being forced, where she is being physically harmed, is not normal pornography. That is not healthy. That is not 'kinky', or domination, or any other fetish - that is sexual abuse.

 

The OP may now be saying that she exaggerated what she thought she saw, and that she was really just reacting to words. In which case she may not have witnessed abused, just more hardcore pornography than she's used to - where the partners are consensual adults. Consensual sex is absolutely fine.

 

What I have a problem with is the idea that it could be acceptable to view abuse and rape or child porn at any time. Ahah said it was ok as long as you're discreet and you're not actually taking part! That viewpoint is so amoral it's unbelievable. If you view something you are condoning it - you are providing the market for such a thing to exist - and as such you are effectively taking part.

[dreamergrl]

I am absolutely amazed that so many here see nothing wrong with viewing abuse and rape - whether simulated or real. I am amazed that so many think it's perfectly acceptable to be turned on by watching a woman suffer sexual abuse.

 

Pornography is perfectly healthy - viewing sex is perfectly healthy. As a 33 year old woman I've watched my share, on my own and with partners! But viewing something where the woman is clearly not enjoying herself, when she doesn not want to take part, where she is being forced, where she is being physically harmed, is not normal pornography. That is not healthy. That is not 'kinky', or domination, or any other fetish - that is sexual abuse.

 

The OP may now be saying that she exaggerated what she thought she saw, and that she was really just reacting to words. In which case she may not have witnessed abused, just more hardcore pornography than she's used to - where the partners are consensual adults. Consensual sex is absolutely fine.

 

What I have a problem with is the idea that it could be acceptable to view abuse and rape or child porn at any time. Ahah said it was ok as long as you're discreet and you're not actually taking part! That viewpoint is so amoral it's unbelievable. If you view something you are condoning it - you are providing the market for such a thing to exist - and as such you are effectively taking part.

 

Much agreed. Also it's important to keep in mind that different cultures will view things in a different manner. What is acceptable to some people isn't to others. We cannot expect everyone to view even just general porn as acceptable.

[Lizzie60]

WOW.. your brother is not your 'little brother' he's a man, in college.. geezzz ... first you have no business sneaking up on his computer..

 

This is none of your business what he does in his spare time..

 

We have no control over our fetishes and our fantasies.. some men do fantasize about having sex with their mother or even their daughters BUT would never even think of doing it in real life.. it disgust them but they fantasize about it..

 

This is 'normal' stuff...

[ahah2322]

What I have a problem with is the idea that it could be acceptable to view abuse and rape or child porn at any time. Ahah said it was ok as long as you're discreet and you're not actually taking part!

 

to no degree have i commited to this. why do you keep insinuating this? pls. refer to:

 

please refer to my previous posts about 'pornography being scripted'. so long as what he is watching is NOT ACTUAL raping/ ACTUAL abuse/ ACTUAL minors, it is perfectly normal because it shows the maturity that what he is watching is scripted to his fantasies and that they are not illegal i.e. the pornograhy reel is being made by consensual adults and everybody recognizes that they are re-enacting fantasies that viewers might have. so what if they are a little deviant? who are we to judge? who is to say that normal bubble-gum porn is ok, but bdsm (that involves 'abuse') is not, and AN ADULT dressed as a young teen is not?

 

so long as they are not ACTUAL videos, and they are not illegal i.e. involving actual minors, the viewer knows how to separate fantasies from reality (which most do), it's perfectly alright.

 

i think you've misunderstood me, macon. in no degree have i commited in saying that it's alright watch an ACTUAL video of a child being raped. that would be illegal and deplorable. because that has delved out of the safe zones of fantasies.

 

cheers!