cordy Posted May 28, 2008 Posted May 28, 2008 If anyone of you guys have an idea what's going...maybe they can clue me in? Because all I know right now is that I know nothin'. Here's my story. I was in a LD relationship for 5 months until last Thursday night. My bf and I had known each other online for 7 years, it's a long story and he was chasing me back then. Eventually I visited him last December and we hit it off. Before meeting me hadn't been in a relationship for at least 3 years and those others he had between the last ten years and myself were even shorter than ours. I heard from him every two three days and things seemed to be going well. I visited every two weeks for the weekend. Two weeks ago, when I was there last time, everything seemed ok. We both agreed that we had had a nice weekend when I left. Somehow the communication in the following two weeks was...I don't know...I couldn't put my finger on it but there was something that bothered me. Last week, three days before I was going back to see him I asked him whether we were ok. His response was "Yeah, we are ok, I think. I'm ok, are you ok?" So I thought it was just in my imagination as he asked me the next day if I was coming over for the weekend. I said yes. We usually arranged where we were going to meet the evening before I was coming over. This time I didn't hear from him...I'm a bit insecure and usually react with distance so I sent him an email telling him that if he wasn't interested in my coming or in our relationship generally then he should tell me. His reaction an hour later was absolutely blown out of proportion, he told me "What is it now? It seems as if a distance relationship might be too difficult for us. Maybe we should call it off." Maybe? I was like WHAT THE...and tried to get a hold of him. He didn't pick up the phone. I wrote him an email telling him it would be pretty harsh of him to throw something like this into my face without talking about it then. And that he must have thought about it for some time if he is so quick calling it off. He wrote next morning, stating that he had to go to bed in order to be fit for work, that he didn't mean to be harsh but yeah, he had thought about things. We would have to talk about it later though as he would have to go to work. I tried to call him in the evening. Line was busy. Next day...nothing. I asked him how I would deserve this treatment, this lack of respect- I said I would need this talk for closure (I know some of you think closure is overrated but if you have no idea what's going on it helps if you can clear things up) but if he wasn't interested in a peaceful separation that I'd have to ask him to put my stuff in a box and send it to me. No reaction. I tried to call next day (my birthday btw. yippie) and finally I sent him an sms stating exactly the same, to put my stuff in a box and send it to me. Now I got an email telling me to please stop calling as he'd need a couple of days. That he'd want to talk but not "under these conditions". He'd let me know when he was ready to talk. Now, why would he need time? He was (or suggested) breaking up with me??? What conditions??? I'm totally at a loss here. To me it seems as if something really bad must have happened...in his head...or whatever? Or he wasn't sure whether he wants to call it off? Or whatever. I'm totally at a loss here and this lack of respect hurts me more than the possible separation. I have no idea what's going on, I keep crying on an off...
MsActual Posted May 28, 2008 Posted May 28, 2008 I don't know the answers, but sometimes people really don't want to give "too much" of themselves. Self absorbed people are exhausted by the interaction, and only want to deal with you when they want to. Some people also are annoyed by what they think of as neediness. The reality, though, is that if he were "feeling you" (or "into you"), he would have reassured you that he WANTED you to come - not respond to you like you were being a nuisance. That's my .02, maybe others can provide different perspectives.
Author cordy Posted May 29, 2008 Author Posted May 29, 2008 I suppose you are right. I'm just really heartbroken about all this. To me it's over, if somebody pulls something like this once, they'll do it again...yet it hurts I just don't know why he's avoiding me, I make it so easy for him to just go his way. I thought talking would be for his own good too *shrug* Being able to just separate without a huge fight...I don't know if that is possible now. I do think he'll get in touch but he's done so much damage that I doubt it'll be peaceful.
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