twice_shy Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 I did a wrong thing. But is not ongoing. No reason to give up altogher. Whati is with "get divorce" is that always the answer? Because of how you described the other man and how TERRIFIC it was. That being the case, you will always wonder how "terrific" it can be with someone else and you are doing a disservice to your H. Thats why I say get a divorce. Nobody deserves someone who always wonders if they are missing out on great sex. Your H deserves to be free from that.
twice_shy Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 Well thats all that matters right? Dear Twice Shy....I went through and retorted to everything you said, but it took me so long, the system logged me out. Listen. I can see this has happened to you and you are bitter. You go to the answer of divorce like five tiimes in your beratement of me. Divorce is not always the answer. It is when you have a spouse that highlights how wonderful the sex was with someone else. Tell you what, tell your husband how great the other man was and see what he says, then get back with us. You have read things into my story that are not there and make many assumptions. You do not know the life I have had, the life my husband has had or really many of the details that brought us here, besides the ones I shared. And the one you shared is all that matters. You're husband takes in a so-called "friend" because he has no place to stay, and you go to him in the middle of the night and shag him. Some friend.......some wife. Your intolerant, mean, judgemental, bitter attitude might have something to do with why YOU were cheated on. Nice try. My attitude was never this way until after my divorce, which I was the one who filed. You can believe what you like. But your slamming of a BS says more about why YOU ARE a cheater. Sorry....had to get that in there after all the extremely hurtful and sarcastic comments you have posted here. I came to this place for help. Not a problem. Didn't faze me in the slightest. I have a feeling if we were in the same room you would punch me in the face. Nope, I'm not a violent man. This is not FIGHT CLUB. I thought this was to be HELP. Maybe if you didn't praise the great sex with this other man, it might have been different. The fact that you did indicates to me that you need to be divorced. If you don't have anything helpful to say, please do not respond to my problem anymore. Yes, I have something helpful to say. Get a divorce, spare your husband, and you can go get whatever it is you think you need. It is not helping anyone except you, because you are finally able to take safe agression out on people here that you don't know and can't see you. Safe aggression? Because this is an anon forum? You couldn't be more wrong there. I have turned down a few women on the basis that I knew they had cheated on previous men, and one that was known to date married men. I had words with one at a bar one night. She wanted to date me and I tried to avoid the conversation. She finally demanded an answer as to why I won't date her and by that time I had enough and told her very loudly so everyone could hear, "because you are a cheater!" But really, if you were sitting at a table telling this story of how you cheated on your husband, then told everyone how great the other man was when you went to him in the night, I'd tell you how despicable that was to your face. Then I'd have to leave the table before I I wish you luck and that YOU are able to change, cause even you TWICE SHY, I'll wager, have made mistakes in your life. Some little. Some big. NO ONE is perfect, except maybe you I guess. Nobody is perfect. But one thing I haven't done, and never will, is cheat. And once again. Cheating isn't a mistake. You WENT to this guy's room because you wanted him. There is no mistake there.
Author Terrible Person Posted June 2, 2008 Author Posted June 2, 2008 Cheating becomes a mistake only after the act. The act itself is intentional. You knew full well what you were going to do when you went into that room. You did it because you were lonely, horny from lack of sex and someone was showing an interest. You finally felt wanted. However this person was not your husband. Every marriage is salvageable if both participants want it. I think both you and your husband should go to counselling. You did say that the incident happened twice. Your husband was married to someone else before he married you. You tend to go for men you should not have. Why do you do that? How was the relationship between you and your father. A father-daughter relationship is very important to little girls early in their life. Incident happened twice. That is correct. Not other men during marriage. This the only event. I'm sorry. It sounded like some referred to my doing this with other men, and that is not true. That was only clarification. Dad is GREAT! He was a really great father. Mom and Dad married 50 years. I don't come from home where cheating or divorce was the norm.
Untouchable_Fire Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 I am human and I made a mistake. Please review the meandering retorts to my story by Twice Shy. This person seems to believe people are incapable of changing for the better, and mistakes are conscious actions (of course! if you are conscious when you do something, you make a conscious action) that are deliberately done to hurt a third party. It was a moment of extreme weakness, frustration, desperation and fear. A moment that had been building up for two years. If you don't like Twice Shy... block him. There should be tools available so that he can't bother you anymore. Dad is GREAT! He was a really great father. Mom and Dad married 50 years. I don't come from home where cheating or divorce was the norm. I'm of the opinion that you first off have some self esteem issues, and that you seem to gravitate towards self destructive behavior. I get this from reading your whole history not just this one incident. Perhaps it's just the way you portray yourself in light of the recent adultery, however I get the picture of someone who is typically self sacrificing and docile. Does that sound accurate? Also, when your husband yells at you... any chance that kind of puts you into a parent-child type relationship thinking?
twice_shy Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 It is when you have a spouse that highlights how wonderful the sex was with someone else. Tell you what, tell your husband how great the other man was and see what he says, then get back with us. Oh wait, I forgot that you lied to your H about what happened. He doesn't even know you had sex with him. So maybe you should start there and come clean. Then after coming clean, you can tell H how great the other guy was in bed. See what his reaction to that would be.
TMCM Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 Is a marriage based on secrets, lies, abuse, betrayal and distrust salvageable? You tell me.
Author Terrible Person Posted July 9, 2008 Author Posted July 9, 2008 Our situation has changed dramatically since my last post. If you can believe it, even more stressors were added to our lives since I posted last. Some great things came out of the entire situation, some bad things too. We have basically gone through hell and back in the last several weeks. New things came to light, seriousness of medical situations for both of us and all this demanded regrouping of our lives. I have opted NOT to tell. This is the right decision not only for me but for my husband. I know there are posters that will strongly disagree with my decision, but they aren't wearing my shoes, or my husband's. My husband has to work with this man everyday. It is my belief that is much more tortureous (if that is what some responders would like to see happen to me) to live with that huge mistake than to tell. My husband's job adds to my husband's failing self-esteem. There would be terrible consequences if I unloaded and "came clean" that would ultimately be worse for my husband. I will not do this to ease MY OWN conscience under the pretense it is for "him" that I would "come clean". Coming clean would hurt more than my husband and there are children involved everywhere. For me, this is the right thing to do. Case closed on that. The "roomie" is gone and has completely altered how he interacts with me. This is how it must be I suppose. I'm old enough to know that. Let sleeping dogs lie as they say. We are both dogs, I know, but this brief but illicit affair needs to be behind both of us. I know I have more serious issues to deal with. Not to degrade the seriousness of what happened, but in life some things are even more serious. My marriage has improved dramatically and is totally back on track. I realize how much I still love him, more every day. I found out he actually did desire me but thought I didn't desire him. We have been together sexually, but more importantly we have connected again sensually, emotionally and spiritually. We both have quit drinking, are attending AA together and have been sober for for three weeks. Hey, its a start. Though more stressors have been added to our lives, our marriage at least is not one of them anymore. He has his own share of guilt to deal with regarding his behavior too, so as far as I'm concerned, it all must be let go, and it has been. I hope everyone here at LoveShack that responded to my situation is happy for us and consequently, for me. I still pray that the other stressors will resolve themselves, and I have to believe they will. It is a very scary time right now but at least we have each other. I may post again, but as far as this initial problem, it is working itself out. Believe it or not (to those who judged me so) I pray too...someone said in one of the threads, that even saints have fallen. Obviously, I am no saint, but that doesn't make me completely worthless as a human being. I am learning how to respect myself, which is where I have to start. Some may not agree with how I dealt with it, but the outcome has been good for everyone, so I will not question it now. I am no longer a Terrible Person! I am a human being. I deserve love and respect the same as anyone. If I acted out to find it, it was understandable I believe, but YES, it was wrong. Those who answered so cruelly have never heard the saying "love your brother/sister". I don't think that was conditional on judgements made by the individual. I am human. I am a sinner. I am still a very good person with many fine inner attributes. If people don't want to believe that, that is up to them of course. Thanks to all, even those with the mean posts. I learned there are still many people out there that don't seem to mind throwing stones even if they are themselves in live in a house of glass!
twice_shy Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 Our situation has changed dramatically since my last post. If you can believe it, even more stressors were added to our lives since I posted last. Some great things came out of the entire situation, some bad things too. We have basically gone through hell and back in the last several weeks. New things came to light, seriousness of medical situations for both of us and all this demanded regrouping of our lives. I have opted NOT to tell. Why am I not surprised? This is the right decision not only for me but for my husband. Wrong, its the right decision for you. As someone who had this kind of information kept from me for years, I was robbed of about 8 years of my life that I'll never get back because she didn't have the t!ts to come clean. I know there are posters that will strongly disagree with my decision, but they aren't wearing my shoes, or my husband's. Yes, I've been in your husbands shoes and by someone like you who kept that information from me. One tenth or more of my life was stolen from me because she only thought about herself. My husband has to work with this man everyday. It is my belief that is much more tortureous (if that is what some responders would like to see happen to me) to live with that huge mistake than to tell. My husband's job adds to my husband's failing self-esteem. And then you go off and cheat on him with a supposed friend. That sure didn't help. There would be terrible consequences if I unloaded and "came clean" that would ultimately be worse for my husband. I will not do this to ease MY OWN conscience Please. You are taking the easy way out. under the pretense it is for "him" that I would "come clean". Coming clean would hurt more than my husband and there are children involved everywhere. Where were your children in your mind when you went to this guy's room to have sex with him? For me, this is the right thing to do. Case closed on that. Unfortunately yes, case closed. Your husband doesn't know what kind of wife he really has now. He has his own share of guilt to deal with regarding his behavior too, so as far as I'm concerned, it all must be let go, and it has been. I hope everyone here at LoveShack that responded to my situation is happy for us and consequently, for me. I still pray that the other stressors will resolve themselves, and I have to believe they will. It is a very scary time right now but at least we have each other. uh huh, and what happens when this so-called "friend"'/coworker of his decides to tell him what happened? Lets say they get together, they get drunk and the guy blurts it out? Or they get in an argument and the guy just decides to say, "ya, well I @#$@#$ you wife in your house!"?? don't ever think your H won't find out. My xW didn't think I'd ever find out. 8 years later....I found out. Someone came forward. Obviously, I am no saint, but that doesn't make me completely worthless as a human being. I am learning how to respect myself, which is where I have to start. No, you have to learn to respect your husband. THAT is where you start. You can respect yourself later all you want. I am no longer a Terrible Person! I am a human being. I deserve love and respect the same as anyone. You do? But i guess you're husband doesn't. You disrepected him in the biggest way, so I guess you didn't feel he desreved it. If I acted out to find it, it was understandable I believe BOOM. That comment there says more than anything. You think your cheating is understandable. In other words, it was justified. but YES, it was wrong. Those who answered so cruelly have never heard the saying "love your brother/sister". I don't think that was conditional on judgements made by the individual. I am human. So am I. I never got all my needs met by my xW, or other women for that matter, but you didn't see me going out and sticking my member in other women. Thanks to all, even those with the mean posts. I learned there are still many people out there that don't seem to mind throwing stones even if they are themselves in live in a house of glass! that phrase only works if the people throwing the stones are cheaters themselves.
Author Terrible Person Posted July 10, 2008 Author Posted July 10, 2008 Yes. We are on the right track and I want to focus on that now; on our relationship and how we relate. We have made great progress. Our relationship is not BASED on secrets and lies. That is not how our love began. We were going through a rough time and we both did and said some things that put real dents in the marriage. That is true. But in my heart of hearts I believe working together for the same goal, agreed upon by both of us (of staying together), we WILL make it. Neither of us wants to lose the other. We are mending fences. I hope people are happy and do not go to the dark side of the road on this one. We are going to be ok.
Author Terrible Person Posted July 10, 2008 Author Posted July 10, 2008 You see. You ARE bitter because something like this happened to you. You're holyier than thou attitude is pathetic. There are probably terrible things you have done, Mr. Twice Shy, that I would NEVER do, but we won't know those things because YOU take the easy way out by berating other people, instead of learning from the past and trying to get something positive out of it. I do not judge you for the things you have done that I supposedly would NEVER do. Because I never say never. You don't know what you will do or what you are capable of until you are in the situation, and if you say differently you are lying to yourself. I can't imagine what it would have been like to be married to you. My sympathies to your ex. You are just a nasty, self-absorbed, hater who has never had anything positive to say. Many people on this thread did not think what I did was right, but they still tried to give me some positive ways to go forward. All you have ever said is negative. Get a divorce. You &*^U%%* (I assume that is swearing!!! tisk tisk!) whatever you have called me. There are different kinds of glass houses, sir, and not all them only reveal an affair. You seem sure that we could all look in your "glass house" and see a perfect human. I can tell you right now you are NOT perfect because you spread hate and malice when people need support and clarity. What is right for me and my situation is not what would be right for someone else's situation. The little bites you have inflicted are becoming humorous. Of course I wasn't thinking about the children when I did it. I wasn't thinking of anything but myself. Absolutely. And you degraded me for this before. I have freely admitted I did something terribly wrong. That was never at issue. I never said what I did was ok, or a good idea. But I wanted to learn from this mistake. You answered as if you never have a made a mistake in your life and once a mistake is made it the "sinner" can never redeem themselves. That is a completly unloving place to be. When marriages fail, it takes two, sir. Did you look at your marriage that "wasted" your time and confront yourself about how you contributed to its demise? If you think you had nothing to do with it yourself, that you did not contribute to your marriage falling apart, you are surely mistaken. You spit only bile. I am through with your hateful comments. You can answer me once more if you like and get in a few more swings. But after that sir, I will insure I listen to your self-righteous prattling anymore.
Owl Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 TP, I'm not a bile-spitter, but at the end of it all, I do have a ton of curiousity on how you can feel comfortable rebuilding your marriage and reaffirming your love with your H when there is this HUGE power dichotomy in the marriage. You know you cheated on him...he doesn't. There's no 'balance' in there. Its one-sided, completely. I don't understand how you'd be comfortable with rebuilding your marriage around that. Its like building a house around a giant rock and pretending its not there. Do you think your H would WANT to know the truth here? Do you think that your H DESERVES the truth? Do you think that you deserved the truth about HIS situation prior to this?
Author Terrible Person Posted July 10, 2008 Author Posted July 10, 2008 First Owl, the message that follows is my revised version to Twice Shy. I revised it to take responsibility for my own feelings, at least I tried. So, Twice Shy, you see? You ARE bitter because something like this happened to you. I feel your holyier than thou attitude is pathetic. There are probably terrible things you have done, Mr. Twice Shy, that I think I would NEVER do, but when push comes to shove I have to reserve my being too pompus by saying something like "I would never" do xxxxxx. You don't have to explore this possibily, of course, but in my opinion you take the easy way out by berating other people, instead of learning from the past and trying to get something positive out of it. I do not judge you for the things you have done that I supposedly would NEVER do. Because I never say never. You don't know what you will do or what you are capable of until you are in the situation, and if you say differently you are lying to yourself. To me, you have come off as if your are just a nasty, self-absorbed, hater who has never has anything positive to say. Maybe that isn't you, but that is what you make yourself here. I expect your hater attitude comes from your rumanting in your own self-pity over what happened to you. There were many people on this thread, and other threads, that did not think what I did was right and told me so BUT they also tried to give me some positive ways to go forward too. All you have ever said is negative. Get a divorce. You &*^U%%* (I assume that is swearing!!! tisk tisk!) whatever you have called me. There are different kinds of glass houses, sir, and not all them only reveal an affair. To me it seems you are sure that we could all look in your "glass house" and see no sins, no vile, no hate, no mistakes, etc. I can tell you right now you are NOT perfect because in my case you have only offered judgement, hate and malice when what people need is understanding, love and support. Everyone is hurting in all these situations. I own this mistake and its seriousness, but having done this bad thing I also realize that that act does not dictate what I am or will be in the person, and, yes, my innate goodness. What is right for me and my situation is not what would be right for someone else's situation. Of course I wasn't thinking about the children when I did it. I wasn't thinking of anything but myself. Absolutely. Old news. You've degraded me for this before. You should have chosen something else about me to drive your nails into and bless me (us) with your sage, play by play commentary. I have freely admitted I did something terribly wrong. That was never at issue. I never said what I did was ok, or a good idea. But I wanted to learn from this horrible mistake. You answered as if you never have a made a mistake in your life. Further, you intimated that once a mistake is made the "offender" is now beyond being redeemed and is incapable of change. Nonsense! If people couldn't change, the civil rights movement would have never come to be. People had to change their outlook, their beliefs and reach out. And people did. THEY CHANGED!!!! My game plan for my life revolves around change, my own, not others. I own my mistake, I have looked deep into myself (which I did) to find how I needed to change to make my life and the people in my life happier and more positive. I would ask that perhaps you take some time to evaluate how you contributed to your own bad behavior in your marriage (I did) and make a true effort to change and start from a better place. Where you are, to me, is a completly unloving place, that is dark and cold, and where the word "understanding" is not free to enter. When marriages fail, it takes two, sir. Did you look at your marriage that "wasted" your time and confront yourself about how you contributed to its demise? What I perceive as your negativity,lack of onus, and refusal to admit your own shortcomings are almost sad. If you say you weren't like this until you found out you had "wasted" all that time, then it is curious, because that would mean you CHANGED. In your case, I hope what you have written here is your best half. Were you a positive, loving, supportive person before and SHE changed you? If so, then it means you have given your power away. It is her fault you are the way you are, because you have no control over your own psyche. Using this method, you don't have to take responsibility for your ANYTHING much less your outwardly cruel demeanor (at least that is all I have experienced of you). I believe there many easy ways out. To me, your easy way out is blaming your ex's behavior for your brutish personality. Because of what SHE did, she changed you for the worse. So, you are nasty because of her. Really? It is ALWAYS someone else's fault in your world, I'll wager. Again, if you think you had nothing to do with that contributed anything to your marriage falling apart, you are mistaken; whether you believe this or not it is simply part of being human. You can berate me once more if you like and get in a few more swings. But after that sir, I will insure I that I will not have to read what I believe to be self-righteous prattling anymore. I am sorry you are so sad that it seems you must lash out at others mercilessly and anonomously (?spelling?) no less, to feed your anger and hate. This is not a way to live sir. I will try to learn how to CHANGE my attitude toward you and be more understanding in knowing that the hatefulness I feel coming from you comes from your own pain and fear. I wish you happiness and maybe someday, peace.
Mr. Lucky Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 I have opted NOT to tell. This is the right decision not only for me but for my husband. I know there are posters that will strongly disagree with my decision, but they aren't wearing my shoes, or my husband's. My husband has to work with this man everyday. It is my belief that is much more tortureous (if that is what some responders would like to see happen to me) to live with that huge mistake than to tell. My husband's job adds to my husband's failing self-esteem. There would be terrible consequences if I unloaded and "came clean" that would ultimately be worse for my husband. I will not do this to ease MY OWN conscience under the pretense it is for "him" that I would "come clean". Coming clean would hurt more than my husband and there are children involved everywhere. For me, this is the right thing to do. Case closed on that. You post proves the theory that, given enough motivation, people can rationalize and justify any course of action. History has proven this true over and over again. Your conduct does not make you a bad person, it simply means that you're doing a bad thing. As other wiser posters have said, let your husband decide what is the "right" thing to do. Were the roles reversed, I'd wager that you'd feel informed consent was the very minimum you were owed... Mr. Lucky
Author Terrible Person Posted July 10, 2008 Author Posted July 10, 2008 I understand what you are saying. In other circumstances telling him WOULD be a good idea. But because of the intricacies here that I just cannot devulge, you must believe that the only reason I do not tell him now is because it would hurt too many people. Honestly. This is a fact. I am a person who likes things out in the open and normally this is something I would reveal, truly. But there are unusual circumstances and nuances here that are very delicate. I do believe we are going to be alright. I think I probably painted the situation so (leaving out some important factors) it seems that our being happy and moving forward would be impossible. But that is not the case. We can make it. We want to. We are living it day to day and we are succeeding. This is all anyone can do. Telling is good. I agree. But sometimes telling is not the right thing for everyone. My (and his too, lets not forget the guy here) horrible mistake should be revealed, absolutely. But I cannot do so without hurting more people who don't deserve it and are relatively uninvolved. Telling would be an extremely selfish thing to do here. I don't know how to put it to make it more clear. Telling relieves my conscience. Telling reestablishes honesty on that level. I know this. Again, telling sometimes is NOT the right thing to do. That's all.
Author Terrible Person Posted July 10, 2008 Author Posted July 10, 2008 I agree with your analysis. I am not justifying my behavior or actions, by no means. The nature of this forum does not permit me to share all details of our lives that have contributed to my decision to not tell now. Yes, I would want to know. Of course. I can't get to the meat of it here. Honestly, I would normally be telling. Would have told a long time ago. I just can't. Again, it would be selfish of me to do this at this time. It just would. But thank you for being totally mean to me.
Owl Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 Here's what I don't get. Its not the TELLING that would hurt these people. Its the FACT that you had an affair with this other guy that would. See the difference? They wouldn't be mad at you for telling your H...they'd be mad because you cheated on him. You inflicted that pain on those people WHEN YOU HAD THE AFFAIR...they just don't know it...YET. The odds are very, very high that it will come out at some point. What you're doing is just POSTPONING the pain for as long as you can...you're not preventing it. You CAN'T prevent it...its a foregone conclusion from the moment the line was crossed. The other difference is ownership. You could OWN how this was revealed, own recovering your marriage from all that's happened. But you're choosing not to do so. This isn't a noble sacrifice that you're making to prevent hurting others...that "sacrifice" would have been saying no at the beginning of your affair. Its WAAAAY past that point now. What you're doing now is protecting YOURSELF more than anyone else, and rationalizing that choice by convincing yourself you're being noble by "protecting" everyone else. You'd be amazed at how many times I've seen that EXACT same rationale played out on this site in the last four years. There is NOTHING unique about your situation that prevents you from telling...NOTHING. You're simply following the standard script that every single wayward person does. The choice is yours...but ONLY because you refuse to allow anyone else who would be impacted have a say in that decision. I do hope you can rebuild your marriage...but honestly, I highly doubt that you'll be successful. A SUCCESSFUL marriage doesn't have this gaping hole in the middle of it that you've created with this affair and the continuing lie by omission that you're living. Good luck to you and your H.
Mr. Lucky Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 But thank you for being totally mean to me. Here's what I said: Your conduct does not make you a bad person, it simply means that you're doing a bad thing. If that's "totally mean", you need to spend more time on internet forums... Mr. Lucky
SerenityX2 Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 So you've already became upset b/c you aren't hearing the accolades that you wanted, so I'm not sure why you think anyone should be congratulating you on this. Owl (as usual) nailed this. In plain terms you're kidding yourself living with this deception and *thinking* you can control *if* it comes to light. It always does. To say that ordinairly you would tell, implies that you do have some guilt over this, do you honestly think you can hide that? Poe's not far off on the tell tale heart...the mind is a funny thing. That's why guilt is never a good long term thing, it's just a check and balance, done to forgive yourself then move on, but make no mistake guilt serves it's purpose. So your orig M wasn't "based" on lies and deceit...but the rebuilding is. There's really no difference. You cannot pick and choose what you want to be truthful about in a M. It doesn't work that way...if you believe so you are making a total mockery out of your vows. Trust with the one you are commited to requires you to bare your soul. If your marriage is truly becoming great there should be NOTHING that you fear to discuss with one another, if you are as Owl said it's only a matter of time before it's not as successful as you'd hoped. There are ALWAYS consequences to the affair, you cannot just think you are being nobel by bearing the burden of this. It's as Owl said the damage HAS been done, just b/c people aren't aware doesn't take away that FACT and you cannot successfully rebuild a marriage without ALL the facts. I do hope you'll open your mind/heart to the advice you are getting here and heal this. Right now you've just slapped a big bandaid on it and a wound not properly treated in the first place will just become infected down the line. Good luck
lkjh Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 Look do what you think is best not easiest for you but one day down the road if your husband does find out he is giong to hate you for not telling him that someone he considered a friend and coworker has had an affair with his wife. He is going to feel like a fool and less of a man. Honesty is the best policy even if it doesn't work out for you.
twice_shy Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 You see. You ARE bitter because something like this happened to you. Even if I am, so what? Being bitter isn't a bad thing. Alot of people are when someone like you betrays them. Bitter? Nah, she is with her own kind now.....oh wait, he's in prison. Guess she'll have to wait. You're holyier than thou attitude is pathetic. It doesn't take a holier than thou attitude to recognize despicable behavior when one sees it. Nice try. There are probably terrible things you have done, Mr. Twice Shy, that I would NEVER do Don't think so. I have never stole, killed anyone, beat anyone up, etc...etc....and most of all, I never cheated on anyone. but we won't know those things because YOU take the easy way out by berating other people, instead of learning from the past and trying to get something positive out of it. The positive thing I have gotten out of it is that I came to the realization that staying with a cheater is settling for less than what one could have in life. I won't best those that stay that have been betrayed, I just know there is something better for them out there than a cheater. I do not judge you for the things you have done that I supposedly would NEVER do. And what things would those be? Are you a magician or something? Pulling things out of thin air? Because I never say never. You don't know what you will do or what you are capable of until you are in the situation, and if you say differently you are lying to yourself. Nope. You are in denial that anyone, if tempted enough, will cheat. Sorry. It just aint so. I know you want to believe it, but it just aint so. don't project your weaknesses on to the rest of us that have never cheated and never will. I can't imagine what it would have been like to be married to you. I was a very understanding husband. She pretty much called the shots. There wasn't anything I'd deny her. And she did her cheating when I would stay home watching the kids because I thought it was a good thing to give her that space. And I was glad to do it. I was simply a fool...as is your husband. My sympathies to your ex. Birds of a feather flock together. All you have ever said is negative. Get a divorce. Thats right. I believe nobody should stay married to a cheater. Sorry if you don't like it. I know a better life awaits someone as opposed to staying with someone who betrayed them. There are different kinds of glass houses, sir, and not all them only reveal an affair. You seem sure that we could all look in your "glass house" and see a perfect human. Nobody is perfect. thats stating the obvious. But one thing I will never do is cheat on someone. Its just downright despicable. I can tell you right now you are NOT perfect because you spread hate and malice when people need support and clarity. What is right for me and my situation is not what would be right for someone else's situation. Then you can just ignore my suggestion of getting a divorce. Your husband will simply have to take his lumps and learn the hard way. The little bites you have inflicted are becoming humorous. Of course I wasn't thinking about the children when I did it. I wasn't thinking of anything but myself. Absolutely. And you degraded me for this before. I have freely admitted I did something terribly wrong. That was never at issue. I never said what I did was ok, or a good idea. But I wanted to learn from this mistake. First off, what you did wasn't a mistake. You did it to gratify yourself at your husband's expense. Secondly, you came in this forum belching platitudes of how great the sex was with this OM. That alone was disrepectful to your husband. As long as you are pining for the good sex you got, you'll never be satisfied with your husband. And then guess what??........ You answered as if you never have a made a mistake in your life and once a mistake is made it the "sinner" can never redeem themselves. Again, cheating isn't a mistake. And that is something I have never done. We aren't talking about mistakes like a subtraction error in a checkbook here. That is a completly unloving place to be. No, cheating on someone is a completely unloving place to be When marriages fail, it takes two, sir. But it only takes one to decide to commit the despicable act of cheating. Did you look at your marriage that "wasted" your time and confront yourself about how you contributed to its demise? You mean like watching the kids so she could have her time out with the "girls"...ya, I took that into consideration. never will I stay home like a good little husband while a SO uses me to watch her kids again. If you think you had nothing to do with it yourself, that you did not contribute to your marriage falling apart, you are surely mistaken. Well gee....if that is your reasoning, then why didn't I go out and stick my member in another woman? I sure didn't get my needs met, but you aren't going to see me going out and cheating. Nice try. You spit only bile. I am through with your hateful comments. Suit yourself You can answer me once more if you like and get in a few more swings. But after that sir, I will insure I listen to your self-righteous prattling anymore. And I'll say again, the fact that you are taking the easy way out and keeping this from your husband is more selfish than the act of cheating in the first place. Again, I am not surprised you chose this path. It isn't for his benefit either...just yours.
twice_shy Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 Were you a positive, loving, supportive person before and SHE changed you? I feel so. But I don't expect you to believe me and don't care. I believe there many easy ways out. One of them is continuing to lie to your husband and keep this from him. Because of what SHE did, she changed you for the worse. Nah, she helped me realize what a fool I was. A wall is now up that will help me in the future. So, you are nasty because of her. Really? Nope...just to cheaters like her.
Author Terrible Person Posted July 18, 2008 Author Posted July 18, 2008 Here's what I said: If that's "totally mean", you need to spend more time on internet forums... Mr. Lucky I don't know how to work these links! You were not mean!! No no!! I was referring to TS who makes me feel so veryb bad. Not you! Just a mistake...oh....I've made another mistake TS I guess I chose to do it.
ohmy3 Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 wow if this aint a true soap op ? gosh ........... ingore twice shy he's a women hater (well w/ any that have a backbone) ................
twice_shy Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 wow if this aint a true soap op ? gosh ........... ingore twice shy he's a women hater (well w/ any that have a backbone) ................ Nope, I love women with backbone. But there is a difference between a woman with backbone and a woman that is an entitlement princess who trashes her husband with so much hatred that its clear to see why your husband is the way he is.
Mr. Lucky Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 I don't know how to work these links! You were not mean!! No no!! I was referring to TS who makes me feel so veryb bad. Not you! Just a mistake...oh....I've made another mistake TS I guess I chose to do it. No problem. Twice_Shy's marital history has definitely given him a specific POV... Mr. Lucky
Recommended Posts