backto1 Posted May 28, 2008 Posted May 28, 2008 I've just gone through the most painful breakup in my entire life - I was with my girlfriend for 4 and a half years and had plans to marry her some day. We lived together for almost 2 years. We'd been having problems and decided to take a mutual break. All week long we both went out to clubs etc and she texted me every night saying how much she missed me. I was starting to feel good again - until one minute without warning she stopped texting, calling or even responding to me. The hardest part is being alone, feeling like you don't have any friends and questioning your future happiness / career. (I'm 24 by the way). Here's what helps: Get to know your friends better - this has been the single biggest thing for me. When you've been in a relationship for a long time, a lot of your friends become more of acquaintances rather than true, deep friends. Tell them you're hurting but you'll be OK and are glad you have them. I just had some long talks with two of my friends and I realized how good they really are. If you've lost touch with many of your friends, don't worry, you'll be amazed at how fast you can build back up. Don't rebound - This is the biggest mistake (IMO) that people make after breakups. It's hard to stay single but you need to do it the right way, not the easy way. My ex is going out and getting drunk every night with her friends. It hurts to know she's having a great time while I'm hurting and lonely but I know that she will eventually have to learn how to deal with lonely nights at home too. You can't just jump out of a long term relationship and think there's not going to be pain. Deal with the pain first so you don't waste your time or anyone else's. You can tell yourself there are more fish in the sea but I haven't found that useful. What I have found useful is realizing that as time passes I've come to see more things about her that I didn't like but ignored while we were together. This will eventually lead you to feeling the "more fish in the sea" thing. It's only been a week but I've been through this before. It's different for everyone but everyone finds happiness in the end. Last: There will be pain, regret, depression, sh.itty nights alone, wondering why the future you had in mind is gone... After you get through that part, you'll feel great again. It's a trial by fire and I very much believe it makes you stronger and more mature. Don't go through all this pain and suffering for nothing - learn something from it.
kizik Posted May 28, 2008 Posted May 28, 2008 Thanks my friend! Some well-put, insightful advice. You rule.
Author backto1 Posted May 28, 2008 Author Posted May 28, 2008 Thanks! It still hurts like a mutha but it helps to know other people go through the SAME SH** and emerge on the other side alive....without even any major deformities! You would never know they went through hell and back just by looking at them. Hell, most of the time they seem even happier than they were while in the relationship.
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