I feel so weak.

[JustPassingThru]

Well, after almost a month of being shady and distant, the girl I fell in love with just let me go. I can't say I didn't see this coming, but I had really hoped it wouldn't. I'm not the type to give up, and I kept trying to break down the walls she would put up, but apperently that is what pushed her away.

She told me she doesn't want to do this anymore, and we're better off as "friends" That just blows my mind, because we were doing so well together. Then her ex came back to town and everything went to ****.

She said the break-up had nothing to do with him, I find that hard to believe.

Regradless, I'm absolutley devastated. I've been in love with this girl for almost 5 years, and I finally got my chance about 8 months ago. It was absolutely the best time in my life, and now it has come to a sudden end.

I wish I understood what was happening right now.

It's hard to believe it's only been a few hours since this whole mess, and I get to look forward to how ever long it will take to let go. I forgot how painful it is getting dumped.

Anyway. It's taking everything I have in me not to call or text her. I know all about the (No Contact) rule. But damn, it's so hard.

I just need to vent, I don't really have anyone to talk to about these types of situations. My guy friends all just tell me tough ****, find someone else. That is horrible advice.

It really amazes me how you can find yourself caring so much for someone who doesn't give a **** about you.

As I sit here surrounded by countless memories, I can't help but wonder. Do I just let go and act like nothing ever happened, or do I fight for her and show her I care? I think I already know the answer.

[BiAxident]

Regradless, I'm absolutley devastated. I've been in love with this girl for almost 5 years, and I finally got my chance about 8 months ago. It was absolutely the best time in my life, and now it has come to a sudden end.

 

I know how you feel, sir. I had known my ex-gf for 14 years before we began dating. After waiting for 4 years I finally got a chance and it worked flawlessly until we moved in together. Eventually, she came to decide that she wanted/needed someone different and it all ended as quickly as it had begun.

 

It's devastating to say the least. My recommendation is what you already except, NC. Women generally ruminate long and hard before making this kind of a decision. You can try to show her how much you care. You never know, you might be among the 5% that gets another shot. In all likelihood, you're going to spend the next couple of months in hell.

 

It happens to everyone eventually. Make use of this site, we're all in this terrible journey together.

[replicator]

A terrible journey indeed, but one that I believe will make you stronger in the end.

 

If there is any advice I can give, allow yourself to feel your feelings and consider her gone. If you've been with someone for a long time (10 years in my case), the thought of losing that person that has been your best friend and lover can be scary. It is like deafening silence, and every piece of your soul wants to win her back, but this is one of the rare situations where your will, no matter how strong, cannot win.

 

The sooner you accept that it is not in your hands, you can start working through the pain and grieve for your loss. I wish I went NC right away, I would have been better off. Stay NC and you can't lose.

[JustPassingThru]

It's really starting to get to me right now. I mean, she broke up with me over the phone... Who does that!?

 

I was not prepared, so I didn't get to say what I wanted. I feel like there is no closure.

 

There is so much I want to say and ask. I don't understand this whole NC game. I want to talk to her, but if I do, I'll just look even more pathetic.

 

This is all just BS. I'm so tired of feeling like ****.

 

I just want to be able to move forward. But can I move forward without the closure? Should I just say to hell with it and stick to the NC?

 

I'm lost and my mind is racing...

[thebam]

Hi buddy,

Nothing anyone can say to you will make you feel any better.Read my post.For the whole think you know someone then boom scenario.Pm if you need m2m mate i know EXACTLY how your feeling.

[Loukos_od]

dude nc nc nc !!!! do not call !!! i repeat . do not call !!! been there 5 months ago .still feel like s***.dunno how long will it take .but nc is the thing.

how can i pm with someone ?. i have so many things 2 tell ya. think i can help ya.

respect.!!!

[sunshinegirl]

It's really starting to get to me right now. I mean, she broke up with me over the phone... Who does that!?

 

I was not prepared, so I didn't get to say what I wanted. I feel like there is no closure.

 

There is so much I want to say and ask. I don't understand this whole NC game. I want to talk to her, but if I do, I'll just look even more pathetic.

 

This is all just BS. I'm so tired of feeling like ****.

 

I just want to be able to move forward. But can I move forward without the closure? Should I just say to hell with it and stick to the NC?

 

I'm lost and my mind is racing...

 

Not having closure is extremely difficult. I didn't get proper closure with two previous boyfriends, and it dragged out my healing for months longer than it should have taken.

 

Others will disagree with my view, but frankly if you think it would help to be able to tell her everything you wanted to say, to ask more questions, to try to get more clarity on what happened and why, then do it. Write a letter. Sit on it. Edit it. Decide if you want to send it. Decide if you'd rather talk. Be prepared to hear some really hard, painful stuff.

 

I made my ex meet me last week and talk... for some reason I wasn't even sure that we were completely through at that point. But our closure conversation made it abundantly clear that it is o.v.e.r. - he cheated and is now with someone else. SO painful. But at least it doesn't leave me wondering if he's 'confused' and is going to come back again.

[Mark UK]

I feel for you mate I really do. My story is on here too and it's horrible but you should try to keep to the no contact rule cuz I didn't and I messed things up even worse than they were. I called when I was vulnerable and just broke down and although I don't think she would have ever have got back with me at least I would have at least kept some dignity. There is also a danger of saying nasty things cuz you're hurt and in the end those words will hurt you more than her that's something i'm dealing with also.

 

When the other person stops loving you they become a different person and what you feel it seems doesn't really count for much any more.

[JustPassingThru]

Thanks everyone. It helps having people that are in the same boat.

 

I guess I'm just having a really hard time accepting this whole situation.

I mean, we were just telling eachother we love eachother the other day.

 

I woke up this morning after a night of tossing and turning. Hoping I could just wake up and this would all be a nightmare. I've been through break-ups before, but never anything like this. I feel worse than ever.

 

The whole NC thing is hard for me, because I feel like there is no closure and I keep hoping she'll just call or text me saying she made a mistake and misses me...

 

I'm full of sadness and frustration, yet I feel so empty. Sorry if I sound pathetic, but this is killing me inside.

[replicator]

I feel for you. My ex also ended it on the phone, but she is across the ocean so I guess I can't blame her for that part. Still, I don't know what the real reasons were. I keep imagining another man, and that drives me crazy.

I don't understand at all, and I don't have 'closure'.

 

However, we need to create our own closure. Whatever she says, will it change anything? If anything, it might make you feel worse. I wish I listened to the advice of everyone else and went NC. I hope you do the same too. Keep your head up, and understand that what you're going through is normal. It is my first experience with true emotional pain, and I've never ever known how traumatic losing someone you love can be, but it is torment. Take it easy on yourself, and take baby steps - just focus on taking care of what you need to do for now. Right now is the most difficult time.

[JustPassingThru]

I'm am having the hardest time not sending this text message I wrote her. It's killing me right now...

I just hate not understanding what happened. I need some sort of closure with this break-up. Things were going so well, and then she just changed.

 

My friends have been trying to keep me busy, but it is not working. Thoughts of her are plaguing me. All those memories rushing around.

 

I want to talk to her, but I don't want to make the situation any worse.

Maybe I should just give her some time, see if she contacts me, if not I will say my part, and find some closure in this mess.

 

We had all the potential in the world....

[Loukos_od]

Nth matters now.Whatever u say .Whatever she says.The only thing u want is to b with her again.And she knows it.My best friend told me once."She broke up with u ,so u don't contact.Let her have her doubts OR let yourself believe that she has her doubts" .We are men and you must get through this by yourself.This will be "food" for you.For your soul m8. I lost 20 pounds.Had my nose bleeding every night .Sleeping 3-4 hours.Do not text do not ask for explanations . If she needs time to think give her the time . Don't think that you can manipulate her.She will understand it.Just hang on .You will feel so much better after this.And who knows.I have mates they went nc and they got back 2gether after 9 months.After 6 months .After ! year.Hang on .It is almost sure that everything you do you will regret it .They know that we love them .That is not the reason they dumped us.Women want to feel secure with a man = you must be strong --->now is your chance to prove it .To her ,to yourself.

[kizik]

I want to talk to her, but I don't want to make the situation any worse.

 

Everything everyone says here is to just let it be. Wanting to talk to that person you still love is the most NATURAL thing in the world. Unfortunately, it just gives mean people a chance to crush you even further.

 

People only come around on their own terms. They rarely change their minds, but when they do, it's because THEY'VE been thinking withOUT your influence.

 

My ex knows what she wants, and it doesn't involve me. Tough reality but one that I REFUSE to allow to affect my self-esteem.

[ShyguyRod]

Hi there JustPassingThru.

First off I just want to say sorry to you mate! It pisses me off to no end that women complain about and stereotype men as horrible emotionless beings. I don't know how many girls have said to me 'Oh boys are so horrible, all they want is sex. They are ALL the same.' Those girls probably never see this side of us guys, not all of us are complete pigs. In your situation she probably won't ever know what she has just lost. You are clearly one of the good people who deserves so much more but somehow all the arseholes around choke up all our supplies.

I recently had a similar situation to yours. She was very distant for a week and then it was over.

You know her better than any of us here, and it's going to take a while to get over that connection. It's perfectly normal to struggle with it. There is no set period for when you should 'get over' something like this, so take your time. To help yourself you could vent all your feelings, be it with one of your very close friends who you can trust, through a forum such as this or be it personal like on a piece of paper. Personally I found that when I wrote my feelings and thoughts down onto a piece of paper it was like removing them from within myself. If you are more of the talking type try that instead. I also talked to my best friend and he was very helpful.

Few small tips;

Don't let her see you down.

Go with NC as long as you can and if you have to break it, don't get too emotional.

Get out and exercise, it can make you feel a bit better.

 

Good Luck my friend

[JustPassingThru]

Ugh!!! I can't stand this feeling!!!!

 

I'm feeling absolutley overwhelmed righ now. I'm just missing her so bad, and having no contact just makes it that much worse. I keep going through the emotions; Sad, Angry, Confused, Hopeful, Restless, etc.

 

Trying to stay strong is so hard guys...

 

I really applaud the people who can do the who NC thing. It's killing me.

 

I know, she ended it, I should just accept it. But I can't. I want to fight for her. I just want to tell her I miss her.

 

Why am I so weak?

 

I keep beating myslef up for being so good to her. I feel betrayed and used and taken for granted. Will she ever realize how well I treated her, that I never once did anything to hurt her in any way?

 

Oh, and I started smoking again. Noooooooo!!!!!

[tealeafbud]

Ugh!!! I can't stand this feeling!!!!

 

I'm feeling absolutley overwhelmed righ now. I'm just missing her so bad, and having no contact just makes it that much worse. I keep going through the emotions; Sad, Angry, Confused, Hopeful, Restless, etc.

 

Trying to stay strong is so hard guys...

 

I really applaud the people who can do the who NC thing. It's killing me.

 

I know, she ended it, I should just accept it. But I can't. I want to fight for her. I just want to tell her I miss her.

 

Why am I so weak?

 

I keep beating myslef up for being so good to her. I feel betrayed and used and taken for granted. Will she ever realize how well I treated her, that I never once did anything to hurt her in any way?

 

Oh, and I started smoking again. Noooooooo!!!!!

 

Hello justpassinthru, I know exactly how you feel. Those emotions are so common among the people in this community, but we somehow find a way to stick together and fight it, and get over it in time.

 

I know it's a very very difficult time right now, and I don't blame you for smoking again. But just realize that you need to quit eventually. I'm on day 9 of not smoking and think I can beat it after a few weeks. In the meantime, I'm going to avoid the bars and places that will make me smoke.

 

Regarding feeling weak, you are NOT weak. you might feel weak right now, but you are Strong and just have a feeling of weakness temporarily.

 

Also, don't think for one minute that she has forgotten about you already. It shouldn't matter, but she knows how well she treated you, probably. As soon as you accept you are no longer together, you'll start to move on.

 

good luck and take care of you.

[Loukos_od]

Man "I really applaud the people who can do the who NC thing. It's killing me"

That's one reason u have to do it to.Cuz one day u will applaud yourself .Another reason is that everythin you say it is 99% u will one day regret it.Another reason is that with nc she MIGHT come back.Another reason is that she will not lose the respect she has for you.She will not see you as a pathetic little man .U need anymore reasons ? And sth almost funny now .U said "I keep beating myself up for being so good to her" IS THIS POSSIBLE DUDE ?The only things i regret is that i wasn't so good to her.Though she was tricky and she made me act like that.\I regret.I wish i was only good to her.Leave her alone man .Dissapear from her life.If you were just good to her she will realize what she lost.U r in a good position just cuz u were good to her.Don't blame yourself for that.The only way to screw it up is that you start callin her .That way u will show her that u were good only for keeping her next to you.U must show her that u were good not cuz u needed her but cuz you r a strong man that knows what he wants from his life and is sure for his feelings.The game is yours man . Think about it .

[roghornio]

Another reason is that everythin you say it is 99% u will one day regret it.

 

Ha - yep.

Never sent anything “desperate” sounding or “bad”, but I wish I hadn’t said anything now. Complete waste of time… and I look back with a slight feeling of embarrassment for being one of those Ex’s who kept up contact for weeks/months after the breakup… BAD MOVE.