Linnor Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 Hi! I'm new here, and I'm happy to have found this site. You learn a lot from reading other people's stories. Thanks you guys for sharing! I'll try to keep my post short: How do you learn to live in the present and enjoy what you have in a LDR and not worry about the future? I spend so much time thinking stuff like: When we want to move closer to one another/live together, who would have to move? Would I be willing to move that far away for this relationship? Would I like it there? Would I find a job I like? What if I'd miss my family and friends terribly? etc etc... (What if, what if...) Of course we've discussed this, but haven't really come up with any solutions. We do have a good LDR, we're able to see eachother twice a month and have a good time together. In between we talk on the phone, email and send text messages. Things are good, but I keep thinking "Do we have a future?" I wish I could take things as they come, trust that we'll find some solution that'll work for both of us in the future. There are no guarantees in love anyway. And if we don't find a solution in the future (scary thought!), atleast we had a good time while it lasted. I think I'm missing out on the good things that are in front of me, while worrying what might be in the future. Is anybody in a similar situation?
mistieyed Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 hope someone replies because i am a destination oriented person myself, the day-to-day journey is much more difficult for me.
TMichaels Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 Linnor, welcome! Yes, you're not alone in the thoughts/feelings you have LDRs. Here's something that might be some food for thought... Dancing in the Rain It was a busy morning, about 8:30, when an elderly gentleman in his eighties arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb. He said he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 a.m. The nurse took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would to able to see him. The nurse noticed the man looking at his watch and decided since she was not busy with another patient she would evaluate his wound. Upon examination, it was well healed, so the nurse talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures, and redressed his wound. While taking care of his injury the nurse asked the gentleman if he had another doctor's appointment that morning as he seemed to be so mindful of the time. The gentleman told her no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife. The nurse inquired as to her health. He told her that his wife had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer's disease. As they talked, the nurse asked the man if his wife would be upset if he was a bit late. The man replied that she no longer knew who he was; that she had not recognized him in five years now. The nurse was surprised, and asked him: “And, you still go every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are?” He smiled as he patted her hand and said: “She doesn't know me, but I still know who she is.” The nurse got goose bumps on her arm, had to hold back tears as the man left, and thought: “That is the kind of love I want in my life.” True love is neither physical, nor romantic. It’s an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be. The happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything -- they just make the best of everything they have. Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain. Best, TMichaels
Karyyk Posted May 28, 2008 Posted May 28, 2008 I think anyone who's been in a long-term LDR has had these thoughts. One of the biggest issues is that because you're in this kind of "holding-pattern" LDR, is that a lot of the time, all you really can do is think about the future, you can't work anything out in the present, only take baby steps toward what you hope will be a positive solution. That's tough to deal with, but so long as you are both open and honest about everything you're feeling (and that's that much more important in an LDR) and as long as you both believe the other to be worth it (as in, the love of one another's life), then do everything you can to stay positive and keep moving towards your goal. There needs to be a goal though, a clearly-stated understanding between the both of you as to where you both want to be. You don't need to have a time-frame just yet, but both of you definitely need to be on the same page (unless you want to end up like me). I know a lot of people hear about the horror stories of LDR's, but the fact is that a lot of them do work, as long as they don't stay LDR's.
Country_Girl Posted May 28, 2008 Posted May 28, 2008 Great story TMichaels! Linnor, I know exactley how you feel! I'm in a LDR & struggle with the same! My situation is kind of difficult cuz this man lives in Canada & I'm in the U.S. One of us will have to make some huge sacrifices as this progresses, many of the same you are questioning. It's also more difficult cuz we are both students, so then u have to go through the student visa process & transfering credits- it will be no easy task. What gets me through it, is knowing time is on my side...for every day that passes, it just brings us closer to our goal of being together. Trust your gut, if you think it will be worth it, take the plunge. I know I'm willing to take the risk because I know I will regret not trying. I was in the same position as you, wondering "what if, what if". Ask yourself, "what if I didn't" instead. Try not to overwhelm yourself. Just take it day by day, step by step. For every door that closes, just remember, sometimes a window opens. Best of luck for you both!
Maggs Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 I must admit it, I do this too at times. Moreso on my bad days. When I'm feeling down and sick of being in an LDR. I wonder when it's ever going to end. I can't say as I really enjoy the experience of being in it. It's more of a case of--we have to do it so we might as well just get on with it. I try my best to just think about our visits. Think ahead to the next visit, then the next. Rather than try to dwell on the end. But as I said, that's difficult for me to do too. So I do know how you feel. With regards to having to move, missing family, getting a job, etc. I'm not concerned about that. I've already lived where he is--I feel like that's my home now. We have close friends and his family there and I'm not concerned about getting a job. I'm very familiar with the area already.
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