uRabbit Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 So I'm a GREAT communicator... when writing/texting/what-have-you. But when it comes to face-to-face, confrontational communication - such as discussing a problem with my girlfriend (of almost two years now) - I am downright horrible at it. I get frustrated. I can't think or act correctly. And I usually end up sputtering words that make no sense. But on paper, or any type of writing, I speak my mind/heart fully. I explain exactly what is going thru my head. Is this unacceptable? Will this not work in a marriage? She likes to get face-to-face for it, and I wish I could do so. But growing up in a household where face-to-face confrontations/discussions turned into a shouting and sometimes physical contest, I just simply don't have the background that allows me to. As a child, I would write stories, and write in journals. I've never been good with spoken words.
sunshinegirl Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 It's good to recognize where your strengths and weaknesses are in communication. That being said, you really do need to develop and work on your verbal skills. In the intimacy of a marriage relationship, you can't expect to be able to pass notes every time you have to deal with something unpleasant. The good news is that there are plenty of self-help books, clinics, workshops, or therapists you could turn to for help. It is definitely possible to improve one's communication methods. I say this having just come out of a relationship where my BF could not communicate his thoughts and feelings....nor did he do so in his previous marriage and it was likely one of the main causes of its downfall.
SpikeyChick Posted May 28, 2008 Posted May 28, 2008 So I'm a GREAT communicator... when writing/texting/what-have-you. But when it comes to face-to-face, confrontational communication - such as discussing a problem with my girlfriend (of almost two years now) - I am downright horrible at it. I get frustrated. I can't think or act correctly. And I usually end up sputtering words that make no sense. But on paper, or any type of writing, I speak my mind/heart fully. I explain exactly what is going thru my head. Is this unacceptable? Will this not work in a marriage? She likes to get face-to-face for it, and I wish I could do so. But growing up in a household where face-to-face confrontations/discussions turned into a shouting and sometimes physical contest, I just simply don't have the background that allows me to. As a child, I would write stories, and write in journals. I've never been good with spoken words. " Acceptable " ? Not the right word here. Your reluctance to discuss issues face-to- face may cause difficulties or not. Why is this a big problem ? PLease do not think that you are defective and need to "fix" yourself just to please your G/f. However,y ou may want to practise being a little more vocal with your G/f and she may like to consider expecting less "talk " from you. You also may want to write her about your "dilemma" so that she understands your reluctance to speak, and your family history which shaped you.
monkey00 Posted May 28, 2008 Posted May 28, 2008 I used to be like that and I still am on certain occassions. Like you I used to be able to communicate fluently, coherently, and with big vocabulary terms perhaps. But not so well when face to face in the social aspect. Though I'm much better at it now than I used to be, I'm still not perfect in all areas. Though I would recommend you take a speech class, it would be very helpful in raising your confidence and social abilities. I've never take that class before, though a key i find in getting through this is by being more socially active and practicing with people - even your friends.
sfsassy Posted May 28, 2008 Posted May 28, 2008 I have a speech impairmeent that affects my breath control when I'm nervous, so if I'm emotional or afraid of what my b/f or potential boyfriend might say, I litearly can't tallk. (The two times I first told my long term boyfriends I loved them, I didn't tell them, so much as looked at them with a big grin on my face, and no way to breathe! They both thought it was cute. ) I thus tend to email a lot when nervous. I have learned some breathe control, and my boyfriends have known to give me an extra minute to collect my thoughts if it gets heated. I tend to still hate the phone though. lol.
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