Hipgal23 Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 Seriously help! So here's the thing. I've been "dating" this guy for about 3 and half months now. Great personality we make each other laugh all the time and I really enjoy spending my time with him . He is 32 and Im 23. He's very attractive and he has a great big heart. Only thing is..well he's divorced. Ive never been married but I have been in an extremly commited relationship in the past. Which resulted in the birth of my beautiful 5 year daughter. he also has children so this is not the issue. He has been divorced for a little over a year now. Is this is bad move on my part? He is also a very quiet guy. Although he has opened up to me alot , and is very comfortable with me. Still waters really do run deep. I initiate alot of physical touch with him. Sometimes I feel like he dosent want to touch me toooo much.. is this because He's afraid he might fall for me? Does it seem like some type of defense mechanism?? I'll tell you maybe IM just over analizing things!! Question. How do you know if you are exclusive in a relationship with somebody or if your just casually dating? From my past experiences I was lead to believe that when you are casually dating someone you don't spend the night at their house often, cook dinner together , sleep together, spend time with each others children etc etc etc. You go out a few times and "Casually Date". I dont believe this is about the sex either. He dosen't put any pressure on me for it or do anything out of line. He truly enjoys spending time with me. Im getting some strong mixed signals. I have never "DATED" a man who wants to take things so slowly and respects me the way he does. It turns me on even more. I had my first "moment" so to speak yesterday while I was at his house. I realized I was really falling for this guy . Then I did something he didnt expect. I gathered my things that I have non-chalantly left at his house ( movies that we have bought together and I havent seperated and taken home ) took my shoes distanced myself and left. He has made it clear to me that he is in no way jumping into any serious relationship any time soon. Shouldnt this be one of those things you just " KNOW" ? I mean if we had been casually dating then sure this would be understandable. But this is clearly beyond casual dating. So basically in a nut shell Im not his "GIRLFRIEND".... Whats that all about? He says he dosent like "Labels" Yet he wants my true company and companionship.I know he's got feelings stirring in there somewhere. Do you think he's just scared because of his past relationship? I try to be understanding And now im freakin out because I told him I cant continue "Dating" him if he dosent even consider me his girlfriend. My feelings have grown for him, and I called him back. i told him i still wanted to see him Im just afraid of getting hurt. He seemed okay with that. Although now I feel like a total flake and maybe I turned him off even more. Its just that when he understood my feelings and respected them I was in total shock, I thought hey, maybe this guys worth stickin around longer for, maybe he really is a great guy. Maybe IM just confused. Does this seem like he's using me or do I really stand a chance?? It would really suck if he was because He really is a great guy even if there arent any strings attached:confused:
fishtaco Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 It's not an exclusive relationship unless you talked about it and both sides agreed to it. Anything less than that, doesn't even matter if you've met each other's family, had sex, living together... it doesn't count. This is for the protection of both sides. There are times when a woman assume there's more to the relationship just like there are times when a man assume there's more to the relationship. That you just "know" thing usually is one-sided. He's doesn't seem like a bad person. Seems like he didn't try to trick you or push you into anything. Sounds like he's on a different time schedule as far as moving forward with the relationship as you. You want what you want, he wants what he wants. If these wants don't match, that's enough reason to end whatever you have between you two. He understands that, so he didn't give you crap about backing off. So, now you have to make a decision. You have to look at what you have currently, and don't guess what may come in the future. What you have now seems to be a nice and pleasant casual relationship. There's no guarantee it will move forward into something more serious. What do you want? If you are capable of enjoying a causal relationship, then keep going. If not then break it off and go find someone else that's willing to get into a more serious relationship. The best of both worlds... is to causally date more than one man until you find the right one. Have an exclusive talk with him. Since he doesn't want to be exclusive, get him to admit he only wants to date non-exclusively. That's basically a green light for you to date other men while dating him at the same time. Then you'll have choices. If you don't want to date multiple men, another choice is sexual exclusivity. Basically you date multiple men, but are only sexually active with one of them, until you make a choice.
tgrgrlx Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 I really enjoyed reading the reply to your post. The reason for that is b/c i'm in a very, very similar situation & the advice really gave me a new insight into my own relationship & the choices that I have available to me.. Thank you! P.s Whoever wrote that reply.. could you read my post? And possibly give me your insight inot my situation? It's titled "Hang in there or give up?? thanks Tgrgrlx
mistieyed Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 I really enjoyed reading the reply to your post. The reason for that is b/c i'm in a very, very similar situation & the advice really gave me a new insight into my own relationship & the choices that I have available to me.. Thank you! P.s Whoever wrote that reply.. could you read my post? And possibly give me your insight inot my situation? It's titled "Hang in there or give up?? thanks Tgrgrlx this must be the month for it i found a slow one too, but am thinking that is not such a bad thing. just different.
Author Hipgal23 Posted May 28, 2008 Author Posted May 28, 2008 Wow, thanks for the great response : ) Im feelin better already. I went to his house and layed it on the line. Had the exclusive talk... Im begining to think he really is falling for me. He touched me in a way tonight that I couldnt get enough of.... Now I want him even more, the way he looked me in the eyes and held me... priceless, IM really starting to fall in love with him.. I feel it in my heart, and Id like to take my chances on him.
Author Hipgal23 Posted May 28, 2008 Author Posted May 28, 2008 Another thing.. do you think theres anything to be leary of by taking these chances??
SpikeyChick Posted May 28, 2008 Posted May 28, 2008 Another thing.. do you think theres anything to be leary of by taking these chances?? Dammit, woman- some of you need a'slappin. What do you WANT from men ? Where is the problem here with this guy ? He is not the problem at all . YOUR 'written in stone' expectations are all screwed. He is recently divorced - in his mind he married the wrong woman . He sees his choice of her as A MISTAKE and a huge one. He is going slowly to avoid making another one. Respect his wishes or move on and find a guy who is more like you.
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