Author Lippy2 Posted June 7, 2008 Author Posted June 7, 2008 I'd walk away. Seeing how confused you are right now reminds me of how my head was not too long ago. It's exhausting, being confused. Reading the confusion's tiring too and I really sympathize with you. There's too much feelings involved in your situation right now. It's clouding your judgment. I'm not saying that your judgment is clouded in a sense that you've been doing things wrong or right. I'm saying that your judgment is clouded in that you should be taking care of yourself now. The break's implemented. You've done what you could and he wants space because of this "ill will". It's hard to do and I will still say if I were you, I'd walk away. First step of taking care of yourself: get away from all of this confusion so you can clear your head. Just my $0.02. Hang in there, ok? Thanks for you input... I am taking care of myself but you are right the confusion is really killing me. I just don't know what to make of anything. I feel horrible to be honest. I know I shouldn't think about it and just get on with my life but I love this man, he was someone I wanted to spend my life with and I feel like I am nothing to him now, like I don't exist????
9Lives Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 Thanks for you input... I am taking care of myself but you are right the confusion is really killing me. I just don't know what to make of anything. I feel horrible to be honest. I know I shouldn't think about it and just get on with my life but I love this man, he was someone I wanted to spend my life with and I feel like I am nothing to him now, like I don't exist???? Libby, 0hpenelope is absolutely right! I was until Friday in the same boat as you are in. I exploded from my feelings and hurt and I went off on him because I got tired of his attitude. He will call you. Im not saying he will want to get back together. Maybe he will but you are going to have to do the best thing which is....walk away. I have been crying everyday. I have been dealing with the sadness but the other way was not going to work. He dont want to be bothered and you will just get on his nerves because he wants to be by himself. It is hard. Im with you. but what can you really do. Let him go. I wouldnt think he will come back. I wouldnt play with that thought because it will keep you from getting stronger. I put 3 years in mines and I still love him but I just have to accept that we are not going to be together and it kills me. I know he cares but I dont know what else he feels. He told me not to surround my life around his. That told me he is doing his own thing and he dont really want to get too involved with me. That kicked my ass so bad. 3 years and he says that. I just cant tell you what that took out of me. I wanted to spend my life with him. One thing I can tell you is the more time away, you will get stronger. Sometimes that is what he needs to realize that your love was good. You will see more clearly and you will see if you want to be bothered. I would not be his friend right now. Just let it go.
Author Lippy2 Posted June 9, 2008 Author Posted June 9, 2008 Libby, 0hpenelope is absolutely right! I was until Friday in the same boat as you are in. I exploded from my feelings and hurt and I went off on him because I got tired of his attitude. He will call you. Im not saying he will want to get back together. Maybe he will but you are going to have to do the best thing which is....walk away. I have been crying everyday. I have been dealing with the sadness but the other way was not going to work. He dont want to be bothered and you will just get on his nerves because he wants to be by himself. It is hard. Im with you. but what can you really do. Let him go. I wouldnt think he will come back. I wouldnt play with that thought because it will keep you from getting stronger. I put 3 years in mines and I still love him but I just have to accept that we are not going to be together and it kills me. I know he cares but I dont know what else he feels. He told me not to surround my life around his. That told me he is doing his own thing and he dont really want to get too involved with me. That kicked my ass so bad. 3 years and he says that. I just cant tell you what that took out of me. I wanted to spend my life with him. One thing I can tell you is the more time away, you will get stronger. Sometimes that is what he needs to realize that your love was good. You will see more clearly and you will see if you want to be bothered. I would not be his friend right now. Just let it go. I am trying to stay strong..... You would think after almost three months this would be easier but it's harder. I feel like he blames me, he has said in those conversations that he feels like it is a shame because we were so good, he liked being with me. He said people break up and then they get back together saying things will change but they never do . I don't think that's true, I think it depends on the two people involved and if people have grown and learned from there mistakes and want to better themselves and the relationship......
orangehose Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 I don't know your background... if you dumped him, this makes perfect sense. Would you really expect to hear from him if you dumped him? That's just foolish. But if he dumped you, it sounds like you did something that offended him, thus the ill will. "Ill will..." not hate, but yes hostility and unresolved, unforgiven issues. You may think you have done nothing to offend him, but I suggest taking a personal inventory and checking your conscience. If it's clear--he's an as*hole. While being dumped and doing something hurtful to the other party are the biggest reasons for initiating no contact, I think there are others. Like the dumper also wants NC to heal. Or the dumper wants to just avoid the situation. Or it's their pattern to just have nothing to do with exes. Or they're too prideful to admit any lingering interest, even of a friendly sort. At least, I'm telling myself this because my ex has been NC (as have I, but I was the dumpee), and I'm not sure why other than it's his modus operandus. My slate isn't perfectly clean, but his is covered in sewage by comparison. I attribute it to his 'style' - he just cuts people out of his life on the slightest provocation and never looks back. Basically, dont' beat yourself up wondering why he doesn't want to talk. At some point if you love him, you gotta let him have what he wants, as painful as it might be. You might want to tell him you care about him but it's clear he needs space at this time, so you will be NC until he contacts you.
Author Lippy2 Posted June 11, 2008 Author Posted June 11, 2008 Now, after reading Lishy's post on "breaks", it's makes me think even more.. I was thinking this myself ! Does he really need time to figure this out or should I say more time ( it's been 3 months )? Yes, we have spoken twice ( posted above ). He needs time to sort through things and and find himself, needs to figure out if it would work, needs time to be angry at me.... Then says I'll understand if you don't want to wait. So, is he telling me as Lishy put in the "breaks" post... It's over and I don't want you anymore? Or does he really need time?
justaman99 Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 3 months is a long time to wait for someone. I think waiting for someone even a day is sorta cruel. It's a power play and not the way to handle things. Anything and everything that comes along in a relationship should be dealt with while in it, if it can't be the relationship is over. My opinion on this is to start living your life without him in the picture or even the background. You shouldn't be doing this to yourself.
Author Lippy2 Posted June 13, 2008 Author Posted June 13, 2008 3 months is a long time to wait for someone. I think waiting for someone even a day is sorta cruel. It's a power play and not the way to handle things. Anything and everything that comes along in a relationship should be dealt with while in it, if it can't be the relationship is over. My opinion on this is to start living your life without him in the picture or even the background. You shouldn't be doing this to yourself. I agree with you justaman.... I suppose it's my hurt getting in the way.... I thought that he would not treat me like this... I feel like I am hanging in limbo.... even though he said I understand if you don't want to wait... I myself feel like he has moved on, even though he hasn't said it... I feel like he is doing his own thing, while keeping me in the backround... maybe that's not fair...... but It's how I feel... Thanks for the input.... I much appreciate it, sometimes on hear I feel like I am talking to myself....
justaman99 Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 Thanks for the input.... I much appreciate it, sometimes on hear I feel like I am talking to myself.... We're listening, or errm reading..... smile today if you can.
Author Lippy2 Posted June 13, 2008 Author Posted June 13, 2008 We're listening, or errm reading..... smile today if you can. Thanks!!!! that made me smile much appreciated....
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