Lippy2 Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 Some of you may know my backround.... A month ago I sent an email asking him why the silence? He sent back I really wish not to speak to you. Now, he sends an email saying I am not trying to ignore you, just feel alot of ill will. What does this mean? That he feels hostility towards me or hate? It hit me like a ton of bricks....
sid33 Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 Not sure, when you figure out why an ex does something please let me know. I am wondering why myself. All I do know is that continuing to hear from someone who does care about your feelings in not healthy. It does feel like getting hit by a ton of bricks when they throw more ambiguity at you. I'm a big believer in letting them wonder and not satisfiying their curiousity. Not to be mean, but rather a way to protect your feelings. Most people eventually realise they don't want their ex back.
kizik Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 I don't know your background... if you dumped him, this makes perfect sense. Would you really expect to hear from him if you dumped him? That's just foolish. But if he dumped you, it sounds like you did something that offended him, thus the ill will. "Ill will..." not hate, but yes hostility and unresolved, unforgiven issues. You may think you have done nothing to offend him, but I suggest taking a personal inventory and checking your conscience. If it's clear--he's an as*hole.
Author Lippy2 Posted May 27, 2008 Author Posted May 27, 2008 I don't know your background... if you dumped him, this makes perfect sense. Would you really expect to hear from him if you dumped him? That's just foolish. But if he dumped you, it sounds like you did something that offended him, thus the ill will. "Ill will..." not hate, but yes hostility and unresolved, unforgiven issues. You may think you have done nothing to offend him, but I suggest taking a personal inventory and checking your conscience. If it's clear--he's an as*hole. He broke up with me... I assumed he did anyway.. We dated for 4.5 years and it's been over two months since he stopped speaking to me. I did upset him ... I did apologize... If you read my other post, it was something minor and I don't see where the hosility comes from and the still feeling angry/hostile gets me.... I feel like its just a way to walk away and put the blame on me. I would like to know why he feels so much "ill will".....
justaman99 Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 I feel like its just a way to walk away and put the blame on me. I would like to know why he feels so much "ill will"..... some people deal with hurt in a way that instills hurt on others. The im in pain so I'll be sure she is kind of syndrome. He knows he made a mistake and chances are he can't fix it so he decides to burn it all down with false direction of that anger and blame.
Author Lippy2 Posted May 27, 2008 Author Posted May 27, 2008 some people deal with hurt in a way that instills hurt on others. The im in pain so I'll be sure she is kind of syndrome. He knows he made a mistake and chances are he can't fix it so he decides to burn it all down with false direction of that anger and blame. I feel enough hurt and pain and I think he knows that... I don't need to feel more.... and I don't need his ANGER/HOSTILITY anymore, it makes me feel awful.. Why can't he just talk to me and tell me what it is? None of this text messaging or email stuff...
justaman99 Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 I feel enough hurt and pain and I think he knows that... I don't need to feel more.... and I don't need his ANGER/HOSTILITY anymore, it makes me feel awful.. Why can't he just talk to me and tell me what it is? None of this text messaging or email stuff... He isn't very mature is he. He likes to make you feel like ****. He texts you instead of calling and he intentionally hurts you. Just delete anything he throws your way. Don't let yourself get beat up by em anymore.
sid33 Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 agreed, pic up the phone, instead of hiding behind an email or a text
Author Lippy2 Posted May 28, 2008 Author Posted May 28, 2008 He isn't very mature is he. He likes to make you feel like ****. He texts you instead of calling and he intentionally hurts you. Just delete anything he throws your way. Don't let yourself get beat up by em anymore. No he isn't... he runs away..... there are two people in this, not just him... I just want to scream!!!!!!! This has been extremely painful for me!! 4.5 years and this is what I get? Oh and by the way justaman99, I have read many of your post and threads... You appear to be a very good man, with a good head on your shoulders and a straight shooter..
arian_ma Posted May 28, 2008 Posted May 28, 2008 Are you dating someone else? That's where all of my hostility towards my ex is coming from. It is irrational, it is unnecessary, but damnit it's there and it is very strong.
Author Lippy2 Posted May 28, 2008 Author Posted May 28, 2008 Are you dating someone else? That's where all of my hostility towards my ex is coming from. It is irrational, it is unnecessary, but damnit it's there and it is very strong. NO!!! I haven't dated anyone else.... I am not over him.... I didn't want to break up... I am not even sure what the heck is going on at this point... Sorry that you feel hostility, I can understand that you are angry because your ex is dating... How long have you two been broken up?
justaman99 Posted May 28, 2008 Posted May 28, 2008 Oh and by the way justaman99, I have read many of your post and threads... You appear to be a very good man, with a good head on your shoulders and a straight shooter.. Thanks Lip. I am far from perfect but I am trying to learn. This place and the people here have been a god send. For example I was a run away type when things would get tough. I'll never do that again.
Author Lippy2 Posted May 28, 2008 Author Posted May 28, 2008 Thanks Lip. I am far from perfect but I am trying to learn. This place and the people here have been a god send. For example I was a run away type when things would get tough. I'll never do that again. Yes, I noted that you would shut down from your threads... Honestly though, the one thing that is important is that you learn from your mistakes and don't keep repeating them. It sounds like you have done that and I commend you on that.... Communication is key.. although sometimes difficult, necessary...
justaman99 Posted May 28, 2008 Posted May 28, 2008 Yes, I noted that you would shut down from your threads... Honestly though, the one thing that is important is that you learn from your mistakes and don't keep repeating them. It sounds like you have done that and I commend you on that.... Communication is key.. although sometimes difficult, necessary... This is a lesson learned, but not too late. Thanks for your kind words.
Author Lippy2 Posted May 28, 2008 Author Posted May 28, 2008 Now I feel angry.... Just plain angry....... I feel like crap.... I mean that's all he has to say to me, I don't even know why all the ill will??? Should I ask him?? I mean I already asked him why the silence a month ago in the email I sent and I got nothing then except I really don't wish to speak to you and now I get:confused: not trying to ignore you, just feel alot of ill will. I am just dumbfounded. I am not even sure he even cares one way or the other...
Author Lippy2 Posted June 1, 2008 Author Posted June 1, 2008 So, after the email that I had gotten we spoke a couple of days ago... I just don't even know what to think anymore. He says he still feels alot of "ill will" towards me. That I always ( okay not always) but recently up until we broke up made him feel like he never said or did anything right. That he isn't necessarily happier without me but he is happier with himself because he doesn't feel like he is always doing something wrong. He said I can't just stop loving you.. I tried to explain why . It's difficult and hard to explain but I did try. I explained that I felt abandoned when he would just "dissappear on me" for weeks or months at a time and normally it wasn't anything I did( now he hasn't done that for a year) but it just scares me and I said that I feel like I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop so to speak. He said you don't even give a guy a chance to change. He said he liked the old me and that he didn't think I was a bad person and that I was always good to him and always did things for him. He said you say you trust me but sometimes you don't act like it. He sounded really angry with me. I really just tried to listen the whole time. At the end of the conversation, I asked if he wanted anything to do with me and he replied with "I don't know". Haven't spoken to him since. There is a lot of backround here... Honestly, I never felt like a priority in his life, everything else always came first. I don't know what to think anymore... I feel so confused and hurt. I am sure he feels hurt and confused as well but I just don't know what to do?
Template Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 At some point, with all attempts of communication, the relationship has run its course. From what I read just above, it looks like you guys just grew apart. I'm sure there is still love, but is it love for the person in front of you, or for the person you once knew? This is actually a question for both of you. We all hope to get into relationships where we all travel down the same paths at the same time for the rest of our lives; but many times, someone will take a left, and someone will take a right. We only can hope in time, that somewhere down the road we go back onto the same path. I'm sure you spent 4.5 good years with him, and I think you should just move on with your life, and take the happy moments with you. Look down you own path, and you'll find people that are on there ready for you to walk with them.
Author Lippy2 Posted June 2, 2008 Author Posted June 2, 2008 I understand what you are saying and maybe I should just move on. I am just uncertain at this point. I know I love him and I know he loves me, I don't think we have taken different paths or maybe I don't look at it that way. It's always good to get an outsiders point of view. I want to reach out to him and talk to him. I just don't know what to say or how to say it at this point??? I am afraid.
Author Lippy2 Posted June 3, 2008 Author Posted June 3, 2008 I just spoke with him... He told me the things that were bothering him about our relationship and that he just didn't know. He is torn... He says he needs time. He said he understands if I don't want to wait around for him to figure it out. He still seemed angry, not directly but I could here it in his voice. At the end of the conversation he said and I do miss you. I said I miss you too and I love you... He said I love you too... I don't know what to make of anything anymore... My heart is broken.. I don't know what to do.. There isn't anything I can do... I just don't know what to think of it or feel....???
justaman99 Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 Anyone has any opinions or thoughts...? I think you've done about everything you could have for now. As cliche as it seems to say here, you have to let him sort it out in his own mind and leave him be unobstructed by your contact.
Author Lippy2 Posted June 6, 2008 Author Posted June 6, 2008 I think you've done about everything you could have for now. As cliche as it seems to say here, you have to let him sort it out in his own mind and leave him be unobstructed by your contact. I know he has to sort through this on his own. He didn't say not to contact him or anything, he actually said your not bothering me if you call. I am just kinda lost I suppose. I feel like I should call him every once in awhile, to let him know that he is in my thoughts. I guess that's where I am somewhat confused??
Author Lippy2 Posted June 7, 2008 Author Posted June 7, 2008 The more I think about it.... Maybe he is just trying to let me down easy or maybe he just wants to go do his own thing... Hence the I will understand if you don't want to wait comment. That really makes me feel like he is saying hey I don't know right now but it's cool if you move on or date other people. Am I just being ridiculous here or could it be that?
0hpenelope Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 I'd walk away. Seeing how confused you are right now reminds me of how my head was not too long ago. It's exhausting, being confused. Reading the confusion's tiring too and I really sympathize with you. There's too much feelings involved in your situation right now. It's clouding your judgment. I'm not saying that your judgment is clouded in a sense that you've been doing things wrong or right. I'm saying that your judgment is clouded in that you should be taking care of yourself now. The break's implemented. You've done what you could and he wants space because of this "ill will". It's hard to do and I will still say if I were you, I'd walk away. First step of taking care of yourself: get away from all of this confusion so you can clear your head. Just my $0.02. Hang in there, ok?
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