ddkeifo Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 Hi, I'm wondering if anyone might be able to offer me some advice. I've been in a relationship for a few months now, and things are going fine. However, all is not well. one of my close friends has completely given me the cold shoulder over my relationship. Before I was in a relationship I used to spend more time with her, but now I may only spend 1-2 nights a week hanging out with her. I try to make time for my friends, because I realize they will always be around, whereas boyfriends don't carry a lifetime guarantee. However, she never acted very kind to my bf, she gives him the silent treatment for no reason. When I am with him and encounter her, she barely stops to say hello. Trust me when I say my bf wouldn't hurt a fly and is a kind person. The straw that broke the camel's back was when we were going to go to a concert, which I thought would be an opportunity to socialize in a large group with my bf, something we haven't really done but I think is important. I asked her before I invited him along and she seemed excited, but then after I invited him she changed her mind and basically went off on me and wanted me to uninvite him. Basically she doesn't treat him like a human being. I wanted it to be a large group, and didn't think it would make anyone uncomfortable to have a couple. Now I realize, but our friendship is basically over. Who is in the wrong here? Any advice for reconciliation or should I let it go?
Ashbash11 Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 I have been in a similar situation! Is your friend single or does she have a BF? When I started going out with my first boyfriend, my best friend acted the exact same way- she'd give him the silent treatment or usually just act downright rude toward my bf.. It used to make me really angry and uncomfortable. The problem was that she was still single and she was jealous that my time was being consumed by a new person. What I found helped was to set aside several times during the week that we would get together and have our "girls only" time: say, Tuesday night for dinner, and Thursday night for a movie. I also found that telling her that she was important to me and how much I valued our friendship seemed to help. I have been on both sides and honestly, it's hard when you are the friend of someone with a new BF.. I felt neglected, insecure and even sad at times when my friends would start spending a lot of time with a new guy.
Author ddkeifo Posted May 27, 2008 Author Posted May 27, 2008 She's single. I understand, but it's not at all like I spend all my time with my bf. I always made time for her, at least one night a weekend and called her during the week, no questions asked. I tried to talk to her about it, but it seems like she'd rather act stubborn. So, I'm not sure what my options are or it it's even worth it to pursue this.
Carmen87 Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 I had a friend that sounds EXACTLY like yours. No matter what I did, she was always pissed that I "put my boyfriend before her." The fact of the matter was that eventually my boyfriend was a much nicer person to me than her and she ended up pushing me away. I cut off contact with her not too long ago because it wasn't healthy for me to have friends like that.
SpikeyChick Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 I had a friend that sounds EXACTLY like yours. No matter what I did, she was always pissed that I "put my boyfriend before her." The fact of the matter was that eventually my boyfriend was a much nicer person to me than her and she ended up pushing me away. I cut off contact with her not too long ago because it wasn't healthy for me to have friends like that. Carmen said it well - Your "friends" are not true friends when they act all hissy when you get a boyfriend. Some women are such possessive baitches . A true friend will be happy that YOU are happy. Your friend is 100% in the wrong here. To the OP - do NOT pander to your hissy friend - she needs to know that you have made a choice to have a guy in your life and she better get used to it OR get out of your life. THis is so high school.
sfsassy Posted May 28, 2008 Posted May 28, 2008 I had a friend like this Whenever I got a boyfriend, she would be very disparging, At first I would share issues i had with my b/f but she would makke a drama out of somrething that was just a iirritation to me, so I tried to see her as just a good time friend. (We both love Bailey's and cream, and listening to music) However, even when I mentioned something GOOD about my boyfriend, she would find a problem with it The twist is that she is a lesbian, so my friends and mom thought she might have a crush on me. She also hasn't had a real g/f since like 1998. Finally with my last boyfriend when we first got together he was very nice, and she ridiculed him without even meeting him! So I just cut her out of my life. I don't miss my ex that much anymore, but I miss him more than my so called friend!
Miss Right Posted May 28, 2008 Posted May 28, 2008 Carmen said it well - Your "friends" are not true friends when they act all hissy when you get a boyfriend. Some women are such possessive baitches . A true friend will be happy that YOU are happy. Your friend is 100% in the wrong here. ... THis is so high school. Well said. Why the heck is she so bitter? Unless he's cheating on you, slapping you around, talking to you like you're a dog etc, then she has no reason to behave like this. And if her actions are unjustified now, they will continue to be unjustified in your next relationship (if this one doesn't work out ). She's hating...and retarded might I add.
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