Nevermind Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 After I realized that he never loved me, despised and ridiculed me in front of others, cheated on me, told me didn't care if I lived or died, I finally managed to throw everything away. It wasn't much, mind you. There was only one thing that caused me pain. He had me given me a ring (actually slipped it on my finger in the jewel store, it was a cheap Breil ring, but I liked the moment). Whenever I felt little and insignificant I slipped on that ring and I said to myself "Hey, there is someone who loves me, just the way I am. And whatever happens, I have that. There is nothing that can hurt me." and I realized that it had been a lie all over. I could never wear that ring again, so I threw it away just like the rest of the stuff. I deleted every picture that was on the pc (some are left on dvds), it was little enough. And that's it. I regret one thing that I gave him, not the expensive watch, but a teddy bear, that I had kept for years and that I had loved. Sounds strange, and I am not a teddy bear girl. It was the only toy I had kept. And I had given it to him, "to guard him, and be close to him when I couldn't". He still has that bear, and the last thing he said "he would never throw him away and that he would like to keep it". He probably already has thrown it out already. Or it's dusting somewhere in the dark, meaning nothing. It's strange, but I had this bear for so long. Can't change it. Gone forever. Anyway...that is a good sign, right? Now, there is nothing that connects me to him anymore. It wasn't that hard, because it never meant anything. I just felt a pang when I saw the ring...and I thought about the bear.
motive2002 Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 I kept the ring. Everything else went in the dumpster. The pictures are burned onto a CD and put away. The ring is also stashed somewhere where I can't see it. I was a mess when I started gathering things to throw out. When she was visiting here (LDR), before she left, while I was sleeping, she hid little Hershey's kisses all over my apartment for me to find. It was a very sweet gesture. God, it was hell trying to find every one. I didn't want a few weeks to go by and then stumble upon one that I'd missed. Now I find myself looking for reminders, when I know they aren't there. I haven't looked at the pics in over a month. It's all still in my mind though. As vivid as if it all happened yesterday.
LikeCharlotte Posted May 28, 2008 Posted May 28, 2008 Whenever I felt little and insignificant I slipped on that ring and I said to myself "Hey, there is someone who loves me, just the way I am. And whatever happens, I have that. I got rid of everything that could possibly remind me. I threw away the few things he left behind. I gave away his gifts. I deleted all the IM's, texts, emails and their histories. I tossed the fun things that we shared. I removed him from my phone and contacts in every possible way. I deleted some photos others I cut him out of. I deleted him in every way. I couldn't call him if I was dying on his street. I do not have a single reminder. Nothing. Why? Because I had this thing above my bed that reminded me that someone loved me everyday and showed me in a million ways. Because I was wrong to believe that. Because I never want to see that thing again. I'm saving that feeling for someone who can return it and I don't want any evidence that I gave it away...
Author Nevermind Posted May 28, 2008 Author Posted May 28, 2008 I feel sick when I think of all the ways I showed my love for him. Must be a big ego thing for him. Wish I could destroy that "evidence".
LikeCharlotte Posted May 28, 2008 Posted May 28, 2008 I feel sick when I think of all the ways I showed my love for him. Must be a big ego thing for him. Wish I could destroy that "evidence". Me too. I'd love to take back everything. Every stupid pathetic word. I can still draw him. That is something I can't throw way. I love my hands but I curse their ability to create what is in my head.
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