ARDriver01 Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 My girlfriend and my best friend don't get along. They got into an argument the day after they met over some money. (We were all going to move in together and she paid for his aplication fee, she called him the next day to tell him to give her money back and he agreed, then she asked him for the extra fifteen dollars for having to put a stop payment on her check, he said no way, I don't know you, you're worthless to me, yadda yadda etc...) This was like three months ago. So I've been a little leery of hanging out with him, knowing that if I do she'll go nuts and make a big deal about it. We hung out last night for two hours. I helped him move his TV to his new place. She gave me a ration of sh** for helping/seeing him. "How could you hang out with someone that insulted your GF, Go back to his aptmt and tell him to give me my money back. Call me when you've got my cash, how can you disrespect me like this etc...etc..." I didn't do any of those things. I don't bend over for anyone. Ever... She hates another friend of mine who's a struggleing alcoholic. She doesn't want him over ever again until he quits drinking essentially, and accused him of being a potential negligent vehicular man slaughterer. "How could I live with myself if he left "my apt" and killed someone. First of all, she never drinks or parties at all and has a very low opinion on anyone who is normal. She went on to say that if anyone comes over and has more than one beer and leaves in a car, she'll go off on them. She hates another friend of mine that I lived with before we moved in with eachother. It's a girl and she just doesn't like the "vibe" that she apparently gives off. She even called her "That bit**" once. Out of nowhere. So, yeah, I'm supposed to strong arm my bestfriend, make him apologize for what he said to her (which will inevitably end our friendship) and give her 50$, fifteen of which is very questionable... I have to tell my other friends that they cant drink in my aptmt and if they do, they have to deal with her... etc... etc... I'm really, really tired of girls trying to control me.
forrest Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 it looks like you already know what you need to do, but letting your buddies drink and drive is irresponsible.
Angels&Airwaves Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 It’s up to you to take a stand and lay down some boundaries; I think you made a mistake when you chose this girl over the other one you were dating. I read your other post about the religious argument and without sounding rude this woman sounds like she has a few bolts unscrewed and shows real petulance. She wants all or nothing and isn’t prepared to settle for the happy medium. This is the opinion I have forged. If you are fed up, you have to take a stand against your girlfriend.
Woggle Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 Tell her to stop controlling you and never put a woman over your friends. She needs to find friends of her own so she stops bugging you about yours.
Author ARDriver01 Posted May 27, 2008 Author Posted May 27, 2008 She'll cry and say things like, "But I love you, how can you hurt me like this".... For once, just once I wish people would stop trying to manipulate me. I'm tired of it. Really tired.
Angels&Airwaves Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 You know what you have to do, you need to be strong and just tell her to change her attitude or call things off with her. It’s pretty usually being tired of something and not doing anything to change your situation. I suggest having a conversation with her and then you lay your cards on the table and if she takes exceptions to your deck, then you are better off without her. Crying because you won’t let her control every aspect of your life is despicable behaviour from someone who I wouldn’t call mentally stable.
Woggle Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 I would rather be single than deal with a woman that played those games. Find yourself a real woman who will respect your right to your own life and not an overgrown little girl.
Davey McG Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 Don't fall out with your friends over her as they're the ones who'll pick you up when your realise what needs to be done.
Author ARDriver01 Posted May 27, 2008 Author Posted May 27, 2008 Oh, I wont. I blew up at my friend when she called me saying she asked him for the money back and he started yelling at her and saying mean things. I called him and yelled at him, telling him not to yell at my girlfriend, etc... He told me that she asked for the extra 15$ for the stop payment. I was like oh... did she now... Like, it wasn't okay that he agreed to pay her back for the app fee. Then she had to ask for more money. I think if he had said "sure" to paying for her stop payment, she would have said something else like, "Well, it wasn't very nice of you to back out on this" or something anything to get some anymosity going. I think she likes to fight. But why though, she's not even good at it.
Author ARDriver01 Posted May 27, 2008 Author Posted May 27, 2008 So, I'm getting the money from my friend that owes her. That's fine, but she wants it in a personal check with an apology from him. Yeah right...
tanbark813 Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 You can avoid all this anguish if, in the future, you choose to date women who aren't raving nutjobs.
Author ARDriver01 Posted May 27, 2008 Author Posted May 27, 2008 You can avoid all this anguish if, in the future, you choose to date women who aren't raving nutjobs. Yeah. I know.
SpikeyChick Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 So, I'm getting the money from my friend that owes her. That's fine, but she wants it in a personal check with an apology from him. Yeah right... I have read enough right here. THis "woman" is a bully and you are a pansy for not dumping her ranting shrew azz by now. For pete's sake-assert your rightful leadership and a man , gather her stuff together, call the Goodwill and fire her today. Guys like you really give me a pain- quit whining about how women are controlling you -yeah she is a horror story BUT you can step out of this movie any time you please.
SpikeyChick Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 I think she likes to fight. But why though, she's not even good at it. Ha - that does not stop most of us from BELIEVING that we are perfect at everything . We don't care about evidence of our skill - we only care about getting our own way and making guys pay if we do not get it.. Only a man would make your comment. You are foolish and naive when it comes to women ,dude.
Trialbyfire Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 Whoah, you've got a live one there! Get out while you can.
Author ARDriver01 Posted May 27, 2008 Author Posted May 27, 2008 Ha - that does not stop most of us from BELIEVING that we are perfect at everything . We don't care about evidence of our skill - we only care about getting our own way and making guys pay if we do not get it.. Only a man would make your comment. You are foolish and naive when it comes to women ,dude. Oooo... I like you, wanna move in with me?
serial muse Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 I have to admit, I don't really understand the $15 for the stop payment thing. Why does he owe her for that? Not that it matters; she shouldn't get to choose your friends for you. And the bit about wanting a written apology is over the top. I read your religion thread too....sorry, AR, but it sounds like you guys are just really incompatible anyway. You don't sound happy.
Author ARDriver01 Posted May 27, 2008 Author Posted May 27, 2008 I'm not happy. I'm super depressed. I need to stop depending on a relationship. It always bites me in the ass.
Author ARDriver01 Posted May 27, 2008 Author Posted May 27, 2008 So she's packing her things. I'm not going home tonight. She's going back to her mom and dads. It's all for the best, I just don't feel to good.
serial muse Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 I'm sorry, AR. But maybe it really is for the best...she's doing you a favor.
Carmen87 Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 From the sounds of it, you will be MUCH better off with her gone.
Author ARDriver01 Posted May 27, 2008 Author Posted May 27, 2008 I know but why do I feel bad? Like I did something wrong. Did I do something wrong?
bluepoppy Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 No you didn't really do anything wrong - you are just different people. And of course it feels crap when something comes to an end. It is crap. My view is - if your partner doesn't like one of your friends it's because they are different people and not everyone will get on with everyone - if your partner doesn't like all of your friends it's a big alarm bell, - it's because the two of you are different people and probably don't fit that well. And as a girl who isn't a nut job (well only a small amount of nut job) - in a situation where I didn't like a bf's friend - I realised it would be unreasonable to try and interfer with a bf's friendship and in fact made extra effort to be nice in order to make life easier for all - (which left the bf unable to be annoyed with me for not liking the guy and then spending time with the guy and realising that the reason I didn't like him for himself). [Although I had to work out my frustration before I got mature about it, which is normal too I guess ] No girlfriend is going to like all of your friends, but most won't be unreasonable about it.
SpikeyChick Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 I know but why do I feel bad? Like I did something wrong. Did I do something wrong? Yeah - you did by not auditioning this femme before you moved in together. Let me ask you this,,,did you ever see one or two examples of her aggressive bullying BEFORE you signed the lease ? Her controlling ways are right at the extreme end of the continuum - that usually means that she would have attempted "control" habitually and I think that you saw many examples right from the first month of knowing her.. What did she do when you attempted to lead and direct the relationship ? Did she happily accept any unilateral decisions that you made for YOU ? I know the answer already. I am thinking that women also mimic their mothers. Did you ever see her MOm act like an enforcer? Hmmmm ? OK. What about you - who was the bully in your upbringing? Look, this femme is not fit to be in a relationship. She is demanding, combative, confrontive and ,as the British would say , "terribly unpleasant". Men should keep in mind that fulfillment will come from bonding with a woman who is "Complimentary" to your strengths and talents as a MAN. However you need to develop and exploit your talents FIRST amd then look for a companion. "Competitive" women make poor SOs - as you found out. Life with such a woman is a miserable arm wrestle. You feel bad because you are experiencing LOSS. Your hopes and dreams are withered and dying. However you need to know that your mission in life is NOT to find or seek a woman. YOu mission is to be the best man that you can be and if you find a woman who fits into your life then that is an added bonus. If you make a woman the "point" of your existence the there is "no point to life " if you break up .
Author ARDriver01 Posted May 28, 2008 Author Posted May 28, 2008 If you make a woman the "point" of your existence the there is "no point to life " if you break up . This is a great quote. I've done that in the past, with my XW. Not this time though. She's been calling and texting trying to convince me to work it out. I told her that my friend wasn't going to apologize and that I'm not going to stop being his friend. She packed her stuff and now she's trying to come back. I told her I'm not a yo yo, and if you broke up with me than that's the decision you've made. You can't put someone through the initial emotional shock of a break up and then take it back. It's borderline abusive and I don't want to go through that in a month from now. She wont stop though. She's really upset. I'm really trying the NC thing but it's really hard when you do actually love and care for someone. I just cant be with her. God this sucks...
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