Companionship

[Angels&Airwaves]

I’m a fiercely independent person, I enjoy spending time on my own and I have travelled to different countries on my own and on some weekends I will spend days out on my own doing the things I enjoy doing. I don’t consider myself dependent on anyone; I can fend for myself, even if I do suffer from bone-idleness.

 

However there is a part of me that longs for companionship, it’s not a case of me needing companionship, more wanting companionship. I have lots of views, opinions and interests and I would like to share them with someone. I would like to show them my perspective of the world and what interests me and I would like the samething in return and it would be great if this was returned. It would be nice, if common interests were shared.

 

Does this make me dependent or needy? Is it perfectly natural to want to find someone who shares the same core interests as you and wants to partake a life journey with you? Is it merely a figment of our imagination?

 

Although I am fiercely independent and free willed at times I do become lonely and go through spells of misery due to the loneliness I feel, though I never get depressed, I do get sad at times that there is no one I can take with me when I pick up my Nikon camera and walk through woodlands taking photographs.

 

Is it perfectly natural for an independent and free willed individual to feel lonely and want some form of companionship, is it possible to have independent and free will whilst having companion? Can a happy medium be reached or if a person becomes lonely and desires companionship does that mean he is not free willed and independent at all, but co-dependent?

[blind_otter]

It's perfectly natural to want companionship. Human beings are by nature social creatures - we form interdependent social groups as a matter of course, and those who isolate themselves consistentnly and continually tend to display more issues with mental illnesss, than those who socialize on a regular basis.

 

By definition, a codependent person displays too much and inappropriate levels of caring for those who depend on him/her and comes from focusing excessively on the needs and behaviors of others. I can't see how wanting companionship becomes codependency all of a sudden?

[Angels&Airwaves]

I used the wrong there, Blind Otter, sorry! I was supposed to type dependent. I’m English illiterate, bless me.

 

I don’t tend to isolate myself away from people, I socialise with people, just as much as a lot of people, I tend to prefer my own company, and this comes from being a deep thinker and comes from friends who have contrasting interests to me. Most of my friends enjoy continuously partying and getting drunk, and whilst I participate in these acts, I don’t do it as much as them.

 

I have my own individual interests and want to find someone who shares the same common interests as me, I’m quite a novice at photography so it would be nice to have someone who could scrutinise my work and compares mine with theirs. I had no idea that spending vast amounts of time on your own relates to mental health issues. I try and strike a balance as best as I can, but I don’t have too many friends and probably meet up with them several times a month, if that.

[blind_otter]

I had no idea that spending vast amounts of time on your own relates to mental health issues. I try and strike a balance as best as I can, but I don’t have too many friends and probably meet up with them several times a month, if that.

 

Sigh. That's not what I said. I said people who isolate themselves - consistently and continually. Those whose lifestyle involves them actively avoiding interacting with human beings.

 

Spending time on your own is not the same as avoiding human contact.

[Angels&Airwaves]

Sigh. That's not what I said. I said people who isolate themselves - consistently and continually. Those whose lifestyle involves them actively avoiding interacting with human beings.

 

Spending time on your own is not the same as avoiding human contact.

 

I hear you, I’m not to intelligent, so you might have to bear with me. There have been times and are times where I do actively refuse to socialise, usually because I really don’t feel like it or want to socialise. But I would like to spend good quality time with someone of grave importance to me. I spend far too much of my social time in bars, pubs and clubs and it becomes boring after awhile which is why I seldom frequent such places.

 

I’ve always been taught by friends and older people that wanting companionship or wanting a relationship borderlines dependency, so for me to experience such feelings of want makes me think of dependency, as though it is a weakness.

[carhill]

I’ve always been taught by friends and older people that wanting companionship or wanting a relationship borderlines dependency, so for me to experience such feelings of want makes me think of dependency, as though it is a weakness.

 

I heartily suggest finding some new advisers

 

Having been you in my younger years, I can opine that you probably analyze all this way too much. Live more, love more, analyze less. Even at nearly 50, I still struggle to practice what I preach, but I am getting better.

 

Introspection is a healthy quality, but too much of even a good thing can be unhealthy.

 

Your desire for companionship is perfectly normal. From reading your past postings, your perspective is pretty well balanced. Stop beating up on yourself

[Angels&Airwaves]

I think I’ll listen to you, Carhill, you speak sense and can relate to my situation. I overanalyse too much, I agree, but I want to know how to stop. I also worry too much and I want to know how to stop this, you’re right its unhealthy to over analyse things the way I do and worry as much as I do.

 

I want to add more impulse to my life, instead of being overtly cautious, for instance, most people just go outside and as they are walking do things, not me, I have to plan what I am going to do.

 

I’ll give you an example, I am going on holiday in mid-September and I am going alone and I am already worrying about how I’m going to get from the airport to my hotel as the language barrier could be a problem. Most normal people deal with that bridge when they cross it, and here is me contemplating something that’s not going to happen for a few months, it’s pure bats*it crazy.

 

I just want to let go and go with the flow, I want to be more impulsive and have a greater degree of spontaneity. I’m going to be in my mid to late twenties before I get to really travel around the globe and I am already worried I won’t see enough countries or do enough things with my life, who at my age worries about that? It’s though I treat time as my enemy and not my friend.

 

Even now I’m analysing again, sheesh, I just need to get laid (me thinks).

[carhill]

I didn't step foot on a commercial aircraft until I was 34 years old. I've flown nearly a million miles in the last five years (I'm 49). It doesn't matter when you start. I used to worry about all those logistical things too, and that was before the internet. I dealt with language barriers in Africa, Asia, and the FSU and did the vast majority of it alone. That's how I overcame my fear and learned to relax and stop analyzing everything. Getting married helped too, since my wife and chaos are quite friendly

 

Everyone's psyche is different, but, for me, immersion worked wonders. Overwhelm the ability to analyze and be forced to just go with the flow. That same perspective now spills over into relationships and I find them to be healthier as well, and I am more comfortable getting out of unhealthy ones since I know there's a whole world of possibilities and people out there who accept me just as I am.

 

You're young. No hurry