ARDriver01 Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 I don't expect him to drop them. But there comes a time when you need to set apart whats important and whats not... and decide when it's time to grow up! His friends are obviously not out of the teenager stage and it brings out the child in him as well. You're in a teenager stage as well. I'm not just saying that because you're a teenager. You're in a "naive good girl" teenager stage. It sounds like you don't party very much. My GF is doing the same thing to me with beers. She hates people that drink. Even occasionally. She brags to friends about having tamed me. Is this anything like what you're doing?
Author blondie_xo Posted May 27, 2008 Author Posted May 27, 2008 You're in a teenager stage as well. I'm not just saying that because you're a teenager. You're in a "naive good girl" teenager stage. It sounds like you don't party very much. My GF is doing the same thing to me with beers. She hates people that drink. Even occasionally. She brags to friends about having tamed me. Is this anything like what you're doing? no, i don't care if he drinks, i dont hate people who drink. i drink myself!! i just dont like the idea of strip clubs. nothing to do with him hanging out with his friends, drinking, blah blah blah. he can go to bars. he can hang with friends. just strip clubs, im not very comfortable with! at all! kapish!
Author blondie_xo Posted May 27, 2008 Author Posted May 27, 2008 That's what I suspected. I think some of the issue here is that you don't do things with your own friends (if you have any, no offense) and therefore spend all of your energy worrying about what he's doing with his. Why don't you try getting more of a social life without him and you may find these things aren't so important anymore. i do do things with my friends lol... the issue is not him going out with friends. its with strip clubs. i dont like the idea of them at all. never have never will.
ARDriver01 Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 Well, like I said, I think that strip clubs are inapropriate whilst in a comitted relationship. If that's a deal breaker for you then so be it.
twice_shy Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 Long story short; I'm 18, he's 23. He used to go to StripClubs and Bars all of the time.. with his drunken idiot-like friends. His BESTFRIEND's life consists of being drunk 24/7 and going to bars, and the "b00bie shows". I am completely and utterly against strip clubs. I think their filthy. I could go on forever about how gross I think they are but I'll save the rant for another time. My boyfriend wants me to like his friends... especially his best friend. He told me, "When we're living together and engaged/married, I would want to be able to call him up and invite him over and have all of the people I care about in the same room...knowing that no one is upset with each other." I don't like the idea of his friend being devoted to drinking and strip clubs. I told my boyfriend how I felt about him going to strip clubs and stuff & I said, "I'm not stopping you from going to them. You know how I feel about them; and if that opportunity ever comes up for you to go there, the decision is completely up to you. You know how I feel so you can take it from there." My boyfriend also feels like he can't go hang out with his friends because he's afraid I'll be upset. Well, for starters... I don't care if he hangs out with them. Just makes me VERY uncomfortable because his BESTFRIEND is a drunken idiot, and sees women as objects. I hate that. The last time my boyfriend went out with him , they went out to the bars and my boyfriend came home with a black eye and no shoes or coat? It's hard to be focussed on our relationship when my boyfriend feels this way...and is friends with someone who devotes his life to alcohol and "b00b shows" and hasn't grown out of that preteen immature stage. I've talked about it with him, how I don't "hate" his friends but I'm just not comfortable around them. I don't know how to discuss this without him thinking I am controlling him... which I don't want to do nor do I think I am. I'm not stopping him from going to bars, hanging with his friends, etc. But I just don't like the idea of him hanging out with the crowd he does. especially because I've seen the way they act and know what his drunken friend likes to do! I think it's because I'm not bar age yet,... I don't even know. Gah. Sorry if this confusing but its hard to type out something thats scattered all throughout my brain. I can't get my thoughts together, lol. Thanks for your opinions/insights. Well some people might say you are controlling just by expressing your concern to your bf about his bar hopping, strip club frequenting friends. But I can tell you one thing, no good can come from a relationship where a SO has club hoppers as friends. Not saying your bf doesn't have a mind of his own. It does sound like he is considering your feelings. What talks have you had with your bf about his friend and why you don't like him?
twice_shy Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 Well, like I said, I think that strip clubs are inapropriate whilst in a comitted relationship. If that's a deal breaker for you then so be it. I agree completely.
Replicant Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 I don't expect him to drop them. But there comes a time when you need to set apart whats important and whats not... and decide when it's time to grow up! His friends are obviously not out of the teenager stage and it brings out the child in him as well. What an oxymoron, you are 18 years old and going maternal supernova on a group of guys in their early 20's (Including your boyfriend). Questioning behavior which is actually quite common at that age. I'm leaving strip clubs out of this discussion, as Spookie is a solid source on this perspective. But i believe your anger also comes from the fact you have no control of what is going on when he's out partying with his friends be it a bar, or dance club etc... This puts you both in two different brackets, and excludes you from going any place where alcohol is involved so you have an emotional meltdown and carpet bomb the drama all over him and his friends. I'm not questioning what you think is morally right or wrong applied to your life choices. That's perfectly fine. But get off your high horse when applied to others. Give him the chance to grow up at his own pace and also figure out who is and is not good friends and company to keep. If you digress, well it's not like you are bound to the relationship with shackles.
spookie Posted May 28, 2008 Posted May 28, 2008 I'm not questioning what you think is morally right or wrong applied to your life choices. That's perfectly fine. But get off your high horse when applied to others. Give him the chance to grow up at his own pace and also figure out who is and is not good friends and company to keep. If you digress, well it's not like you are bound to the relationship with shackles. That's pretty solid advice for ANYONE in a relationship. There's just no point in trying to control ANY aspect of your SO's life. At some point they're going to rebel, and they'll resent you for it. Don't punish him for being 18. Personally, I don't think your bf is disrespecting you in any way. I think you need to let him be 23, if you want to keep him around forever. Especially given that I am sure you'd have a blast with his friends if you let yourself (if you were of age and all that).
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