Lost_In_Though Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 2 questions. There is a huge story behind this, but I won't torture anyone with it. Basically I am in the process of getting out of a very long (8 year) relationship that started in middle school and has been going fairly well since. We had ups and downs, but who doesn't? 2 years ago, the relationship became a long distance thing and it seemed like it was fine. We talked about marriage and I finally decided we were both ready. Did the whole diamond thing and it was seriously magical for 3 months. Then everything went down hill...fast. We were still a ways from each other but as far as I knew, nothing changed. Suddenly, she's telling me I am controlling and that for the past 6 months I have been treating her badly. Now, she barely talks to me at all and avoids the conversation about "us" completely. The thing I don't quite understand is that when I ask if she wants it to end or if we are done, she won't commit to it. She will either not answer or make it seem like she's so upset. What does that mean? While all this is crashing to the ground, a friend of my sister is just getting out of a "less than perfect" relationship. While I am on the phone with my sister one night, she hands the phone to her friend while she steps out and we talk for a while. Within a week, we are talking for hours at a time through AIM. Another few days go by and we are talking on the phone for hours at a time. At least 3 times a day we have some form of contact and 75% of that is open flirting. I decide I want to go home to meet this girl and I have some vacation time I need to use so it was settled. Then suddenly it stops. We don't talk nearly as much and when we do, it isn't nearly as flirty. I txt her at least once a day just to say hi but sometimes I don't get a response. So the other day I didn't get the chance to txt her and she txt's me asking how I am doing and what I was up to. I txt her back and again, no response. Is this a form of hard to get? I appreciate any help you can offer and I apologize for the length.
Krytie TV Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 I dont understand. Did you go back and see her or not? If you did, it sounds like she may not be too keen on you anymore. No big whoop... it happens all the time. You may perceive this woman to be a big deal in your life, likely because you're dealing with a break up and are lonely and vulnerable. Just ride it out with her, but don't invest any happiness into the prospect of a relationship here.
fishtaco Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 I'm kind of confused too. Sounds like two stories here. With your long time GF, if she's flipping out, have a time frame. Push for having a real talk and resolve whatever is bugging her. If by the deadline things are still not resolved, end it. With your sister's friend, that's pretty common. Women many times will drop off for no apparent reason. Just because she's your sister's friend you'd think she'll at least give you a closure or something, since you could run into each other in the future. Well, that's not how women work. Get used to it. To counter this disappearing act, you need to date as many women as your schedule allows. As soon as one vanishes or does something you don't like, you replace her with another one. Make them compete against each other for you. They're the ones running the gauntlet to win you as the grand prize, not the other way around. My advice is not to get anything started until you've handled the situation with your long time girlfriend. I'd push for resolution (then you won't have to get back into the dating game), or end it. If it ends, then I'd start going out and generate as many leads and date as many women as I can manage. And don't worry about them being a tease, or playing hot and cold or vanish whatever other BS that women tend to throw at you. The quantity method won't make you immune, but it certainly makes their games less effective.
kimba Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 To counter this disappearing act, you need to date as many women as your schedule allows. As soon as one vanishes or does something you don't like, you replace her with another one. Make them compete against each other for you. They're the ones running the gauntlet to win you as the grand prize, not the other way around. My advice is not to get anything started until you've handled the situation with your long time girlfriend. I'd push for resolution (then you won't have to get back into the dating game), or end it. If it ends, then I'd start going out and generate as many leads and date as many women as I can manage. And don't worry about them being a tease, or playing hot and cold or vanish whatever other BS that women tend to throw at you. The quantity method won't make you immune, but it certainly makes their games less effective. for some reason i find this post adorable
Author Lost_In_Though Posted May 28, 2008 Author Posted May 28, 2008 I haven't gone back to see her yet. Still working on planning that all out. Air Travel is becoming a pain in the neck. As far as the long term GF, I can't figure out what's going on in her mind. She acts like she wants to make it work, but will tell her friends the complete opposite. I really thank you for the advice though. I think I am just going to toss a deadline on it and pray it works out.
fishtaco Posted May 28, 2008 Posted May 28, 2008 for some reason i find this post adorable That's because I'm an adorable guy. But to Lost_In_Though, what women say don't count. Watch for their actions, not their words. To be fair, women don't have the monopoly on saying one thing while doing another. So in general you should watch for people's actions. Oh, and when you toss her the deadline, make sure she understands that your first choice is that you want it to work out, and you're not just using the deadline to get rid of her.
SpikeyChick Posted May 28, 2008 Posted May 28, 2008 To counter this disappearing act, you need to date as many women as your schedule allows. As soon as one vanishes or does something you don't like, you replace her with another one. Make them compete against each other for you. They're the ones running the gauntlet to win you as the grand prize, not the other way around. THis is what all men need to do whenever they are being jerked around by a wishy washy, pushing and pulling woman. She will either get her act together and stop the mindgames or bolt. Either way you win.
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