AGENT 99 Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 The question is, when someone has done NO Contact on you, how did you react? How did YOU feel? So many posts asking if NC works, so answer how it made YOU feel and if it made YOU want the other one back?
XxBacktoBlackXx Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 I can say I've never had anyone do NC with me. Mostly, when someone is upset with me or thinks I hurt them, normally I am contacted an excessive amount by this person and it's annoying. I can say sometimes I will think that the person is a bit pathetic for taking so much out on me and not getting over something. For example, I met a guy at a bar that was interested in me. I wasn't interested in him. I talked to him for 20 minutes and he got my number from a friend. He went to the same school I was going to and called me to ask me out. When I turned it down, he became very upset with me and kept contacting me to let me know. It was so annoying. Honestly, I think people just seem a bit pathetic when they keep up contact.
foxh1234 Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 I have never had it done to me, but I am doing it now to my ex. To be honest, I don't care in the least what she thinks about it because I am done with her. I am not doing it to get back at her or to find out if she wants me back. I am doing it so I can move on with my life and forget the pain that she caused me. If anyone goes into NC to try and win someone back, I think they will be disappointed, just my opinion though.
sid33 Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 I agree with fox, definitely setting yourself up for disappointment if your trying n/c to get someone back. If your counting the days your not helping yourself.
wareagle Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 I've been no contact since the day she left me heartbroken! She tried several times to contact me through text and im, but I ignored it each time. She hasn't tried contacting me for about a month now. It felt good for me when I was able to ignore her texts, because before when we were broken up I was weak and gave in to texting back and forth with her and each time we ended up back together. I am a big big believer in nc if you are looking to heal your heart and move on! If it weren't for nc I would not be as far along in the healing process as I am now! Yes I do wonder why she isn't trying to contact me and what's going on with her, but I know that I am better off not knowing anything about her! I will heal completely in time and move on with my life and not having her there to complicate things makes it a hell of alot easier!
LikeCharlotte Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 The question is, when someone has done NO Contact on you, how did you react? How did YOU feel? So many posts asking if NC works, so answer how it made YOU feel and if it made YOU want the other one back? NC made me feel angry and used. I feel as though my only worth to him was my potential as a girlfriend and that my value as a human being does not matter to him. I broke up with someone I loved and respected and now he is someone I have no respect for at all. The last thing I wanted was to feel this way. I think he is spineless and cruel. It did not make me want him back. In fact I don't ever want to talk to him again even though at some point I'm sure we will see each other. NC changed how I felt about him entirely. I could have easily understood NC that was initiated because he need time to heal or if I had done something to hurt him intentionally. I could respect a request for NC that had an explanation. I didn't get one at all I was told "I just feel it." I've never and would never do anything to hurt him. How do you go from loving someone and enjoying so much about them to not wanting to know them at all? Yeah. NC isn't for every situation.
motive2002 Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 NC is making me feel terrible. I mean, it seems like she was able to just brush me off like I was nothing, after being so "serious". I feel like a piece of crap She never has called, e-mailed or anything. I read all the time about people here that have their ex contact them.. and "what do I do?" and all that. My ex never contacted me. I doubt she ever will.
Trialbyfire Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 I much prefer NC enacted on me than contact of any kind. It gives me the space I need to move on faster. It also doesn't make me want them back. The greater the distance, the better.
foxh1234 Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 NC made me feel angry and used. I feel as though my only worth to him was my potential as a girlfriend and that my value as a human being does not matter to him. I broke up with someone I loved and respected and now he is someone I have no respect for at all. The last thing I wanted was to feel this way. I think he is spineless and cruel. It did not make me want him back. In fact I don't ever want to talk to him again even though at some point I'm sure we will see each other. NC changed how I felt about him entirely. I could have easily understood NC that was initiated because he need time to heal or if I had done something to hurt him intentionally. I could respect a request for NC that had an explanation. I didn't get one at all I was told "I just feel it." I've never and would never do anything to hurt him. How do you go from loving someone and enjoying so much about them to not wanting to know them at all? Yeah. NC isn't for every situation. You ask the question-How do you go from loving someone to not wanting to know them at all. In my case once she cheated on me, NC was very easy and necessary. I do not want to ever see her or speak to her again and we were together for 8 years.
LikeCharlotte Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 NC is making me feel terrible. I mean, it seems like she was able to just brush me off like I was nothing, after being so "serious". I feel like a piece of crap She never has called, e-mailed or anything. I read all the time about people here that have their ex contact them.. and "what do I do?" and all that. My ex never contacted me. I doubt she ever will.It has been the same for me and it is awful. I don't deserve to be treated like trash and from what I've read you deserve kindness as well motive.
LikeCharlotte Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 You ask the question-How do you go from loving someone to not wanting to know them at all. In my case once she cheated on me, NC was very easy and necessary. I do not want to ever see her or speak to her again and we were together for 8 years. I am very sorry =(. NC is the right thing to do for you. I can't imagine your pain. I have never and would never do anything to hurt him. I never lied and I did everything I could do to help him with his anxiousness toward the end of the R. I would never cheat and I have been fair, kind and accepting of his decisions and feelings. NC has made me feel like I never knew him at all and it has tainted all of my memories.
0hpenelope Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 The question is, when someone has done NO Contact on you, how did you react? How did YOU feel? So many posts asking if NC works, so answer how it made YOU feel and if it made YOU want the other one back? When a different ex initiated NC, I felt sad. At the same time, I understood why. I broke it off, I inflicted the pain, he doesn't want to talk to me anymore because of it, so I accepted what he wanted. I never contacted any of them to see if they're over their NC phase or over me. Even when they don't care about me anymore to maintain NC, by then neither he or I care to get in touch with each other. There were times when I did want those exes back. But then I'd hear something bad about them from my friends and then I would think "Nope. Maybe someday, but not now or in the immediate future."
fmlyhm Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 I am new to this, but I don't believe that it is ever right to just do NC, without at least both parties getting some closure. I am going thru this now. He started it, I'm just finishing it, but like LikeCharlotte, lol, it destoyed my good memories of him. 7 years, I had some good memories, but because of NC, and no closure, I just mainly think of the crappy things he did to me, now.
kizik Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 I don't know how it makes my ex feel. I don't think I care, either. This woman doesn't love me, and made it clear in her actions. Think about it this way: what could be gained by talking to her? Sure, it was a mutual breakup. But why talk unless we're trying to get back together? The fact is that we're NOT getting back together. Are we supposed to make small talk? Act like friends? NC makes the most sense. She called me a week ago, I said I'd call her sometime, and I haven't and don't plan on it. Why the f*ck would I call her unless I wanted to cause myself pain? This thread is making me feel like I'm some a*shole for not calling her, when in reality, she's a b*tch for leaving me in the dust and then acting surprised when I voice my feelings.
foxh1234 Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 I don't know how it makes my ex feel. I don't think I care, either. This woman doesn't love me, and made it clear in her actions. Think about it this way: what could be gained by talking to her? Sure, it was a mutual breakup. But why talk unless we're trying to get back together? The fact is that we're NOT getting back together. Are we supposed to make small talk? Act like friends? NC makes the most sense. She called me a week ago, I said I'd call her sometime, and I haven't and don't plan on it. Why the f*ck would I call her unless I wanted to cause myself pain? This thread is making me feel like I'm some a*shole for not calling her, when in reality, she's a b*tch for leaving me in the dust and then acting surprised when I voice my feelings. When your right, your right. I agree 100%
kizik Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 but like LikeCharlotte, lol, it destoyed my good memories of him. 7 years, I had some good memories, but because of NC, and no closure, I just mainly think of the crappy things he did to me, now. I think this closure thing is overrated. If you know you aren't right for each other- do you need to rehash all the "bad" things you did to one another? As far as NC, I admit that I'm worried that it's making my ex think I'm petty/bitter/immature. But I'm not. I'm just trying to heal. Plus, she can call me if she wants. She knows where to find me. And yeah, I will answer. I will keep it casual and controlled. I will not say "I love you" or tell her I miss her. But sure, I'll chit-chat or something. Anyway, this isn't going to happen b/c she called last, and she thinks it's my turn. She's undeniably stubborn and won't want to feel like a "fool" or like she's being needy. Am I hurting her by not calling? I don't know. But I'll DEFINITELY be hurting myself BY calling.
0hpenelope Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 I don't know how it makes my ex feel. I don't think I care, either. This woman doesn't love me, and made it clear in her actions. Think about it this way: what could be gained by talking to her? Sure, it was a mutual breakup. But why talk unless we're trying to get back together? The fact is that we're NOT getting back together. Are we supposed to make small talk? Act like friends? NC makes the most sense. She called me a week ago, I said I'd call her sometime, and I haven't and don't plan on it. Why the f*ck would I call her unless I wanted to cause myself pain? This thread is making me feel like I'm some a*shole for not calling her, when in reality, she's a b*tch for leaving me in the dust and then acting surprised when I voice my feelings. This is how I used to feel, too. Being a bumhole, I mean. Bottom line, bro: you have to take care of yourself first and foremost. It sounds like that's what you've been doing and that's more than what most people do for themselves, even though that should be their focus. If you're not well, then everything that touches you becomes screwed up. You're not an azzhole, brother. You're taking the route that's best suited for you. Maintaining contact is not for everyone and neither is NC. Do what's good for you.
Trialbyfire Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 This is how I used to feel, too. Bottom line, bro: you have to take care of yourself first and foremost. It sounds like that's what you've been doing and that's more than what most people do for themselves, even though that should be their focus. If you're not well, then everything that touches you becomes screwed up. You're not an azzhole, brother. You're taking the route that's best suited for you. Maintaining contact is not for everyone and neither is NC. Do what's good for you. Exactly. Different things work for different people.
Lookingforward Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 I think it depends a lot on the circumstances - but in my case I agree with motive and charlotte It's mean and petty and discounts ANYthing you ever thought you had together
LikeCharlotte Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 I don't know how it makes my ex feel. I don't think I care, either. This woman doesn't love me, and made it clear in her actions. Think about it this way: what could be gained by talking to her? Sure, it was a mutual breakup. But why talk unless we're trying to get back together? The fact is that we're NOT getting back together. Are we supposed to make small talk? Act like friends? NC makes the most sense. She called me a week ago, I said I'd call her sometime, and I haven't and don't plan on it. Why the f*ck would I call her unless I wanted to cause myself pain? This thread is making me feel like I'm some a*shole for not calling her, when in reality, she's a b*tch for leaving me in the dust and then acting surprised when I voice my feelings.Every situation is different kizik. I don't want to make you feel like ****. He ended it. I did love him. I'd never deny that. There was dust behind him and all over me. I was hoping we could be friends to avoid the discomfort we would both go through if we were not. I am by no means unaware that contact for both of us might be hard but I am mature enough to know that with a little effort we could get passed that. Again, its different for everyone. NC has hurt me more than it has helped. Hopefully my pain is his gain... but he "doesn't know how he feels" and I will never know if we did the right thing.
wareagle Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 Kizik's post say's it all nothing more need to be said! Hoo ra!!
LikeCharlotte Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 I think this closure thing is overrated. If you know you aren't right for each other- do you need to rehash all the "bad" things you did to one another? Some people do, some don't. I said my last words about the relationship when we broke up. For some people it is important to understand what has happened. It is very healthy to recognize what went wrong. Some people never get that without input from their ex. I personally wanted to talk to him because I liked him as a person. Why is that wrong? As far as NC, I admit that I'm worried that it's making my ex think I'm petty/bitter/immature. But I'm not. I'm just trying to heal.That's perfectly reasonable. Hopefully you've expressed this to her and she understands. Plus, she can call me if she wants. She knows where to find me. And yeah, I will answer. I will keep it casual and controlled. I will not say "I love you" or tell her I miss her. But sure, I'll chit-chat or something. Anyway, this isn't going to happen b/c she called last, and she thinks it's my turn. She's undeniably stubborn and won't want to feel like a "fool" or like she's being needy. You don't want to talk to her so its reasonable for her to feel stupid if she calls. Again, our situations are different. My ex wasn't even kind enough to congratulate me on my graduation. He pretended that we could talk but his interest in me as a person was never real. I'm sure he thinks I'm stubborn for not trying to talk to him again but why would I? He doesn't want it. Kizik- you aren't an a***** like my ex. You are at least open to accept your ex as a person and just need time to heal. Yes, it probably hurts your ex and hurt goes both ways. As long as you've been honest that you need to heal than you've been fair. I am a sucker for believing that he could spare me a kind word even if it was a little hard to do. Please don't feel bad when you hear stories like mine and motives you are much better than our exes.
orangehose Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 NC is making me feel terrible. I mean, it seems like she was able to just brush me off like I was nothing, after being so "serious". I feel like a piece of crap She never has called, e-mailed or anything. I read all the time about people here that have their ex contact them.. and "what do I do?" and all that. My ex never contacted me. I doubt she ever will. Feel pretty much the same way. As the dumpee, I'm not going to initiate contact. On the other hand, his complete lack of contacting me makes me feel like I didn't mean anything to him, like the relationship didn't mean anything, like I'm not even a human being worth acknowledging in some manner. It freaks me out that I could have dated someone like that, without even some basic civility. I also doubt that he'll ever contact me, since his 'style' is to never have contact with someone (friend, relative, anyone) after he's 'done' with them or things have soured in any way. Next time I date someone, I will definitely screen for breakup 'style'. It does seem like it is more common for the dumper to at least initially attempt to maintain contact after a breakup. Ahhh, if only I could be receiving polite ambiguous "how are you?" texts from my ex....
kizik Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 That's perfectly reasonable. Hopefully you've expressed this to her and she understands. You don't want to talk to her so its reasonable for her to feel stupid if she calls. Actually, LC, I haven't expressed to her my philosophy about NC. A couple of details and then a question: When she and I spoke two days after breaking up,vshe said, "I've been thinking, and I think we should see how things go this summer instead of breaking up permanently." Being the spineless wuss I am, I said, GREAT! Cut to a week later. Me: "So I was just wondering, do you still think that's a good idea about seeing where things go?" Her: "No. Please stop asking me, it breaks my heart to have to say no. I know we aren't right for each other." Me: "OK, I'll never ask you again." Summary is that SHE made the situation as if I was being a beggar. In reality, I was following up on something SHE suggested. Still with me? Cut to now. I haven't called her since that conversation. She's called me a week ago. Chit-chat. I kept it casual. Told her I'd call her sometime. That's perfectly reasonable. Hopefully you've expressed this to her and she understands. You don't want to talk to her so its reasonable for her to feel stupid if she calls. But I've NOT told her that I'm not calling her because contact prevents healing. OK now for my question: Should I contact her TO tell her this, so she doesn't think I'm being an immature azzhole? Or is it best to leave it alone? I mean, wouldn't she KNOW I was hurt, based upon those previous conversations and her leading me on like that in regards to getting back together? Thanks for reading. Hope it makes sense.
sid33 Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 No you shouldn't have to tell her why, what or whatever. Let her wonder. She is going to come to her own conclusions regardless of what you say. I had to ask my ex to stop texting, it was keeping me from moving on. I would have rather not had her initiate contact, because it set me back at square one. I'd say do what you feel is best for your situation, but remember how she recently flaked on the possibility of seeing how it goes during the summer, and made it seem like you were the beggar. Exactly what an ex loves to believe.
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