nextel Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 1. For those of you that have instituted NC, what was the purpose? Was it to move on or to try and make MM realize that he cannot live without? 2. Are you commencing NC when you realized that MM had some "triggers" that pulled him away from you? By this I mean, we all know that men have a chemical imbalance that makes then become angry when they like a woman alot, causing them to pull away from her. They also tend to become angry when they feel vulnerable and they pull away. Something triggers those emotions. If you have experienced this, what did you do? Of course, NC can be used for this situation too, to make him come to terms with what he is feeling. What is the purpose of your NC? and have you ever experienced the 2nd situations?
Tomcat33 Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 2. Are you commencing NC when you realized that MM had some "triggers" that pulled him away from you? By this I mean, we all know that men have a chemical imbalance that makes then become angry when they like a woman alot, causing them to pull away from her. They also tend to become angry when they feel vulnerable and they pull away. Something triggers those emotions. If you have experienced this, what did you do? Of course, NC can be used for this situation too, to make him come to terms with what he is feeling. Sorry I didn't understand that and have never heard of that!?!? Can you please explain that?
OpenBook Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 What happened, nextel? Last I heard, you and your MM were together. Did he pull away or something?
Lookingforward Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 we all know that men have a chemical imbalance that makes then become angry when they like a woman alot, causing them to pull away from her. we do ? this is a new one on me
carhill Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 1. NC is to heal one's own psyche and emotional condition. That's it. That's all. 2. NC would not be a factor in this scenario for me, and I don't feel that "pulling away" and/or "anger" is exclusively male. I've found plenty of women who are afraid of intimacy too and act out inappropriately. Reason? Unhealthy emotional attachment; yes, have experienced it with women. Remedy? NC
Author nextel Posted May 26, 2008 Author Posted May 26, 2008 Sorry I didn't understand that and have never heard of that!?!? Can you please explain that? Well we all have it, but it seems more unbalanced with men...Lets see.... When we meet a person we are attracted to, our brains release a chemical called Phenylethylamine which is also called the "love molecule". This sets off a chemical reaction that makes you go on a rollercoaster ride of infatuation. This stage is the first stage of falling in love, a strong attraction to that person. This causes a virtual explosion of neurochemicals very similar to adrenalin. Assisted with Phenlethylamine, dopamine, and norepinephrine makes our eyes sparkle, and heart beat faster. We all experience this in the early stages of a meaningful relationship, but here's the difference... When these chemicals start to taper off, reality begins to set in, realizing that his carefree period can't last forever and the next natural step is commitment, most men pull away and become distant. Women don't pull away, and that is the difference. Could love to get into details, but I think that I have given you an idea.
carhill Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 Too broad of a brush. Everyone's brain chemistry is different.
Author nextel Posted May 26, 2008 Author Posted May 26, 2008 What happened, nextel? Last I heard, you and your MM were together. Did he pull away or something? No actually, in having discussions with other people, I thought I should make this a topic of discussion in the event in does happen to me at least I know what to expect.
Author nextel Posted May 26, 2008 Author Posted May 26, 2008 Too broad of a brush. Everyone's brain chemistry is different. Sure, but we all share the same chemicals when we fall in love, at least in the early stages.
Lizzie60 Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 Thanks Nextel for the information.. now I know what's wrong with me: I am victim of that chemical called 'Phenylethylamine' that "love molecule". I knew it was some kind of neurochemicals dysfonction... almost uncontrollable.. I knew it.. I knew it..
Lizzie60 Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 It's hard to know if the female brain and the male brain release the same amount of that love chemical..
carhill Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 Assuming you're a psych major, the chemicals are similar but their effects on one's neuropsychometry differs according to a myriad of factors, from genetics to environment to physical differences in the brain to socialization. You could spend your life trying to quantify and qualify this. To that end, I wish you well
Author nextel Posted May 26, 2008 Author Posted May 26, 2008 Thanks Nextel for the information.. now I know what's wrong with me: I am victim of that chemical called 'Phenylethylamine' that "love molecule". I knew it was some kind of neurochemicals dysfonction... almost uncontrollable.. I knew it.. I knew it.. LOL. No, no, no.....now you know whats right with you. If you did not have that chemical in you, then you would have something wrong with you.
OpenBook Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 When these chemicals start to taper off, reality begins to set in, realizing that his carefree period can't last forever and the next natural step is commitment, most men pull away and become distant. Women don't pull away, and that is the difference. I don't get it. In your first post you mentioned anger. Do guys get angry when they realize that the rush doesn't last forever, and (on top of that) now they have to commit? I'm trying to fit the anger part in.
Author nextel Posted May 26, 2008 Author Posted May 26, 2008 Assuming you're a psych major, the chemicals are similar but their effects on one's neuropsychometry differs according to a myriad of factors, from genetics to environment to physical differences in the brain to socialization. You could spend your life trying to quantify and qualify this. To that end, I wish you well Look, take it as you wish, I am not trying to convince you. I am sure you are quite capable of conducting your own research.
Tomcat33 Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 Well we all have it, but it seems more unbalanced with men...Lets see.... When we meet a person we are attracted to, our brains release a chemical called Phenylethylamine which is also called the "love molecule". This sets off a chemical reaction that makes you go on a rollercoaster ride of infatuation. This stage is the first stage of falling in love, a strong attraction to that person. This causes a virtual explosion of neurochemicals very similar to adrenalin. Assisted with Phenlethylamine, dopamine, and norepinephrine makes our eyes sparkle, and heart beat faster. We all experience this in the early stages of a meaningful relationship, but here's the difference... When these chemicals start to taper off, reality begins to set in, realizing that his carefree period can't last forever and the next natural step is commitment, most men pull away and become distant. Women don't pull away, and that is the difference. Could love to get into details, but I think that I have given you an idea. OHHH yes of course I knew that, that is not what I interpreted you meant from your OP . Ok let me go back and re-read it then
Lizzie60 Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 LOL. No, no, no.....now you know whats right with you. If you did not have that chemical in you, then you would have something wrong with you. can we have too much of it? that was my thought.. I think I have overdose of it from time to time.. is this possible..
Author nextel Posted May 26, 2008 Author Posted May 26, 2008 I don't get it. In your first post you mentioned anger. Do guys get angry when they realize that the rush doesn't last forever, and (on top of that) now they have to commit? I'm trying to fit the anger part in. Perhaps "anger" was too strong a word. I think that they pull away more scared than angry because reality sets in.
Author nextel Posted May 26, 2008 Author Posted May 26, 2008 can we have too much of it? that was my thought.. I think I have overdose of it from time to time.. is this possible.. As you probably already know, women tend to have too much more of everything in comparison to men. We fall harder, we love harder, we have more emotions etc etc.
Author nextel Posted May 26, 2008 Author Posted May 26, 2008 OHHH yes of course I knew that, that is not what I interpreted you meant from your OP . Ok let me go back and re-read it then Now that we have that part out of the way, can I get some of your intellectual wisdom in responding to some of the questions paused? Thanks.
Tomcat33 Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 Are you commencing NC when you realized that MM had some "triggers" that pulled him away from you? By this I mean, we all know that men have a chemical imbalance that makes then become angry when they like a woman alot, causing them to pull away from her. They also tend to become angry when they feel vulnerable and they pull away. Something triggers those emotions. If you have experienced this, what did you do? Of course, NC can be used for this situation too, to make him come to terms with what he is feeling. It is not so much the men become ANGRY it is just that they need to recaliber their feelings and figure out what is that they are feeling. A man in the early stages if he gets too close needs time to figure out his feelings that's all. Sometimes he creates these tremendous fears in his head and he just needs to figure them out on his own, that they are based on his own thoughts and not really on anything based on reality. You simply let them go and have their space that's what you do. You let them figure out what it is they are trying to figure out and hopefully they will realise their fears were/are unfounded and come back to you. But NC in an A is very different it's not just this that is going on it is a whole bunch of OTHER stuff. Either way NC is one thing, giving a man space to figure out his emotions is another. Carhill - no all men are not different in their brain chemsitry, that's irrelevant what Nextel is describing is this phenomenon that distinctly happens to men and not to women. Men do not get close after intimacy they tend to pull away where as women do the opposite. Eventually the gap closes if the relationship is mean to be but in the early stages this is destinctively different for men than for women.
Author nextel Posted May 26, 2008 Author Posted May 26, 2008 It is not so much the men become ANGRY it is just that they need to recaliber their feelings and figure out what is that they are feeling. A man in the early stages if he gets too close needs time to figure out his feelings that's all. Sometimes he creates these tremendous fears in his head and he just needs to figure them out on his own, that they are based on his own thoughts and not really on anything based on reality. You simply let them go and have their space that's what you do. You let them figure out what it is they are trying to figure out and hopefully they will realise their fears were/are unfounded and come back to you. But NC in an A is very different it's not just this that is going on it is a whole bunch of OTHER stuff. Either way NC is one thing, giving a man space to figure out his emotions is another. The way you explained this made me understand it even more.
OpenBook Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 You simply let them go and have their space that's what you do. You let them figure out what it is they are trying to figure out and hopefully they will realise their fears were/are unfounded and come back to you. But NC in an A is very different it's not just this that is going on it is a whole bunch of OTHER stuff. Either way NC is one thing, giving a man space to figure out his emotions is another. I think in both cases, though, the man gets his space to figure things out. And (hopefully) in both cases, the woman gets on with her own life and doesn't sit around waiting for HIS next move. A girl's gotta take the bull by the horns!! (Right, Lizzie?)
Tomcat33 Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 I should mention though in my case NC was to get my sanity back! I just could not continue having this man in my life with his indecision, it was too stressful and I was completely falling apart over him both emotionally and physically. Had never given so much for so much pain in return. When my face started to spot up in little red rash-like spots all over, having had flawless skin even during my teen years and I had constant headaches I knew it was too much. So all or nothing it was. NC was for me.
Lizzie60 Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 I think in both cases, though, the man gets his space to figure things out. And (hopefully) in both cases, the woman gets on with her own life and doesn't sit around waiting for HIS next move. A girl's gotta take the bull by the horns!! (Right, Lizzie?) Right.. I know I don't.. It's hard to say whether this is typically a male thing.. maybe it also has something to do with testosterone.. I think men, in general, can compartmentalize more.. they are not as emotional as women are.. IMO... Wow Nextel... you're getting too deep into the brain cells and molecules..
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