shadowplay Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 Sorry for starting a slew of threads, but I've got to ask people what they think about something that just happened. Today is memorial day, obviously. My boyfriend told me he would be working today. I just called him up to ask if he wanted to come by my place tonight because we're going to the abortion clinic early tomorrow morning so I can have the surgery. I asked him how work was. He said he hadn't gone because the office was closed. At the moment he was hanging out with his friend Sean (yes THE friend) and they were on their way to my bf's cousin BBQ. So basically he invited his friend to go and not me. I told him I was upset, and he didn't even offer to pick me up. He knows I have nothing to do today. Am I right to be pissed?
jerbear Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 Am I right to be pissed? Of course you should be pissed but from a guys point of view. This sounds like a "guys" bbq? If not the I would be POed big time. I haven't followed the other items in your life. If your BF is not going to NY with you, he might have the don't care attitude.
Star Gazer Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 Yes. You're right. And I still don't understand why you think this relationship is strong and going to make it the distance...
Author shadowplay Posted May 26, 2008 Author Posted May 26, 2008 Of course you should be pissed but from a guys point of view. This sounds like a "guys" bbq? If not the I would be POed big time. I haven't followed the other items in your life. If your BF is not going to NY with you, he might have the don't care attitude. No, it's just a big family/friend type BBQ. His cousin is a girl. My BF is going to NY with me...but not because of me. We both need to live there for school.
Author shadowplay Posted May 26, 2008 Author Posted May 26, 2008 Yes. You're right. And I still don't understand why you think this relationship is strong and going to make it the distance... It changes so much from day to day...he changes. He really does. One day he's all lovey dovey, committed and affectionate, the next he acts weird like this. So my perspective on our relationship changes with his moods or level of affection.
Star Gazer Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 So my perspective on our relationship changes with his moods or level of affection. I realize that. Again, not sure why you believe a dynamic like that is healthy or strong.
jerbear Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 It changes so much from day to day...he changes. He really does. One day he's all lovey dovey, committed and affectionate, the next he acts weird like this. So my perspective on our relationship changes with his moods or level of affection. I don't know if I can handle the daily changes. IMO, just for this BBQ, I would be POed plus having to go to the clinic tomorrow. I can't speak for him but I view this as he doesn't want you around due to the surgery. After the surgery, he'll be lovey-dovey as if nothing happened.
Kamille Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 If you're angry you're angry. Own it. In french there is this concept called "Amour fusionel". It's the kind of love where people become so dependant on each other that they come to rely on the other for all validation, care, entertainment, etc. Shadow, I've thought for a long time that your relationships is "fusionel", or that, minimally, that is your definition of true love: two people living for and through each other. The one thing that would bother me is that you were under the impression that he was working today. Did he lie? And if he did, why did he feel he needed to? How would you have reacted if he had said: "listen, this is selfish of me considering what we're going through, but I really want to just go to the memorial day bbq at my cousin's with Sean - and you know, without you"?
Ariadne Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 Am I right to be pissed? Well, Given the circumstances and all that happened with the friend. And you going tomorrow to the clinic. I wouldn't be surprised that he wants to keep things in peace and the least emotionally charged. Just let him enjoy a bit and relax. Write or something. Good luck tomorrow btw.
spookie Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 You have every right to be pissed. He has every right to be freaking out right now (he got a girl PREGNANT!) and wanting to avoid emotions relating to you and the situation. It's a difference of interests. I do agree he doens't love you properly. Love requires sympathy: the feeling of another's emotions. He seems to lack it a little bit.
Author shadowplay Posted May 26, 2008 Author Posted May 26, 2008 Maybe I overreacted, I don't know. I spoke to him again and he said he was hanging out with Sean when he got the call this morning about the BBQ and he didn't want to invite me too since Sean would be there. I guess that's understandable. But I don't know...something about it just doesn't seem right the day before I'm having this procedure. Also when I told him I was upset about not being invited he acted like he didn't care and basically told me he didn't want to talk about it. I can never tell if I'm overreacting or not to things. I just know that a lot of the time I'm insecure and I didn't feel this way in my last relationship. I know my ex would have been here today. Too bad I didn't feel as strongly about him. I just went on a road trip with my father and brother and it was miserable because my brother was taunting me the whole way. I wanted so much to have a good time, but I ended up feeling worse. He's 26 but acts 5.
jerbear Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 Maybe I overreacted, I don't know. I spoke to him again and he said he was hanging out with Sean when he got the call this morning about the BBQ and he didn't want to invite me too since Sean would be there. I guess that's understandable. But I don't know...something about it just doesn't seem right the day before I'm having this procedure. Also when I told him I was upset about not being invited he acted like he didn't care and basically told me he didn't want to talk about it. I can never tell if I'm overreacting or not to things. I just know that a lot of the time I'm insecure and I didn't feel this way in my last relationship. I know my ex would have been here today. Too bad I didn't feel as strongly about him. I just went on a road trip with my father and brother and it was miserable because my brother was taunting me the whole way. I wanted so much to have a good time, but I ended up feeling worse. He's 26 but acts 5. Does the brother and father know about the procedure? I'm pretty sure the 5 year old won't be a 5 year old if he found out.
Author shadowplay Posted May 26, 2008 Author Posted May 26, 2008 Does the brother and father know about the procedure? I'm pretty sure the 5 year old won't be a 5 year old if he found out. My bf is the only one who knows. I just spoke to him and he still doesn't understand why I'm upset. He's just annoyed. I can't stop crying, and I don't know why. Why do I feel so terrible right now?
spookie Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 Why do I feel so terrible right now? Could be the hormones. I don't blame ya, though. You're the one who's having to take the burden of the consequences for something you both did (ah the joys of womanhood). No offense or anything, but I hope you have a really good therapist. Your story pretty much mirrors mine with the type of relationship you have, the pregnancy, and the abortion, and I predict some fcvked up s!ht ahead.
jerbear Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 My bf is the only one who knows. I just spoke to him and he still doesn't understand why I'm upset. He's just annoyed. I can't stop crying, and I don't know why. Why do I feel so terrible right now? I say hormones. One moment you're ok then another bam! Start crying. I predict some fcvked up s!ht ahead. I wish shadowplay the best regardless. NY won't help things.
whichwayisup Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 But I don't know...something about it just doesn't seem right the day before I'm having this procedure Is it possible he thought that maybe you wouldn't want to go and be around tons of people the day before your surgery?
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