jen83 Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 So here's my problem...I've really liked this guy for several years, but it has only been recently, as in the past 6 months, that anything has happened between us. We've become incredibly close, I would almost go so far as to say he's become my most trusted friend. I know that he *really* likes me too, he's told me and it shows in his actions. He's often saying sappy, mushy stuff to me or talking about how much he enjoys talking to me and how he doesn't know what he'd do without me. We talk mostly online. However, my problem is that I think I show him a little too much attention and interest for my own good. I don't mean too, I've just grown so use to talking to him online, that it really has become a highlight of my day. I think I'm too available. He knows my schedule down to the hour, he knows that I'll be available online on my lunch hour and every night after I get home from work like clockwork. He knows that most of the time, even if my status is set at away, that I'll respond to him because my computer is always near me at home. Another thing I've noticed is that I never end the conversations. Ever. Unless it's lunch time and I have to go back to work. He always ends them. Last night, just as a test, I decided to tell him I was going log off and he acted completely surprised and was like "why? :(", then he'd try to distract me from leaving by asking me something else and keeping me online. I mentioned a few more times that I was going to log soon and he did the same thing until finally HE was ready to log off and then it was just "ok, got to log. talk to you later. xoxoxo". I feel like he totally has the upperhand and that he knows it. Like he's started getting lazy because he knows I'll always be around, like I'm waiting for him or something. How can I fix it? Just start being online less or responding to him less, ending the conversations more? I know he'll notice immediately. The few times I've been unavailable to him, he acted obviously different, he called me just to "see what was up", left me all these messages asking where I was, made a (lame) joke about how I was suppose to be there at his beck and call whenever he needed me. Advice?
blondie_xo Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 Let him get in contact with you. =) Don't go online at lunch, just kind of interupt your schedule. Don't do it all of the time.. Just wean yourself off slowly. Show him that you have a life other than just being there to talk to him online. Be spontanious.
fishtaco Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 If you're worried about which side has "the upper hand", I assume it's because you want to play games with him. Why don't you try the hot and cold method. Send some mixed messages. Confuse him. Get close to him then disappear for awhile without any explanation. Then get in touch again and come up with some excuse. Then do it again. I'm not sure what your goal is, and I'm not sure if playing games will get you there. As soon as you step into the arena, then it's the battle of the minds. You could lose if you get out played. But hopefully you'll have fun with it, since it seems that's the path you want to take. Sure, games are fun, many women love the mixed messages game. But just make sure you're aware of what's at stake. If you play, when it's all over, one side will be the loser. Sometimes it's you. Enjoy.
kimba Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 I have found myself in sort of a similar position. Take away the IM factor, and really its a classic push pull scenario which goes like this - Men are interested if you show lack of interest or are unavailable or unpretictable as to your movements. If you just act normal , and show interest because you ARE interested then they lose interest. So really, yes you have to waste energy playing games. I am in a similar IM situation now. He was interested in me, and i genuinely was indifferent to him, and often even blocked him for weeks just because i couldnt be bothereed talking. He would send texts and i would ignore them. Finally after 9 months we met, and i have decided that i AM interested. He also told me that he likes me too. So what is he doing now? He's playing hard to get and ignoring me- BECAUSE I AM SHOWING HIM ATTENTION Honestly it all does my head in. So, if i was you, block him for 2 days and you've changed your pattern Have you met this guy?
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