KarensKrazy Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 Context: I really feel strongly that this man is the love of my life, my soul mate, and we are meant to be together. It is not easy for me to admit this because he has hurt me so much, but it is harder for me to ignore those feelings than forget him. For nearly 3 years we have been on and off and this is the 3rd time he breaks up with me. The first time we rejoined after one month, the second it took 4 months, and he just broke up with me last week. He said he is unhappy, and that this wont work out. He is 24, I am 21, and I am thinking he did this because of a fear of marriage. He just turned 24 and could realized that next year he'll be 25! I just graduated from a university, and he just began graduate school. Often religious people make comments how we will get married soon. He previously gave me a diamond necklace and I commented how that is a some-what promise ring, and then I hinted that I wanted matching earrings as a gift. We were very happy this time around and everything was going as well as it could have. We did have problems, but we were working through them. He broke things off very suddenly and without a clear reason. Is it possible that he broke things off because he felt a new pressure with the idea of marriage?
justaman99 Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 Why not just ask him what he is feeling. Sit him down and just talk. Don't be forceful or pressure him. Just say you want to know what he is thinking and where his mind is. Make sure you ask him to be completely honest with you.
carhill Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 Tell me about the problems and what "work" you were doing. What I'm sensing here is a lack of maturity from one or both of you. Volatility in a R (especially multiple break-ups) usually stems from psychological issues. I'd leave him alone for awhile. Focus on yourself and maturing on your own. You've been with him since 18 and apparently it's been a combination of pain and pleasure. Discover your own happiness and perhaps down the road you can share it with him again when he'll really appreciate it. Everything may seem so immediate and important now, but time and growth will teach you a different perspective.
BiAxident Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 It's possible that avoiding marriage may have had something to do with it, but that seems like a rather drastic reaction to me. However, given that you've been "on again-off again", he's reverting back to previous methods of dealing with problems. I'm sorry to say it, but, I've never seen an "on again-off again" relationship work in the long-term. Don't assume that the first serious relationship you've been in is to be "the-one".
Author KarensKrazy Posted May 27, 2008 Author Posted May 27, 2008 Tell me about the problems and what "work" you were doing. What I'm sensing here is a lack of maturity from one or both of you. Volatility in a R (especially multiple break-ups) usually stems from psychological issues. I'd leave him alone for awhile. Focus on yourself and maturing on your own. You've been with him since 18 and apparently it's been a combination of pain and pleasure. Discover your own happiness and perhaps down the road you can share it with him again when he'll really appreciate it. Everything may seem so immediate and important now, but time and growth will teach you a different perspective. Previously he felt unappreciated, so I worked on that. He did say he feels more appreciated. His friends did not like me, and I was working on that too. He had only brought up the friend issue about a month before so there was not too much time to work on mending those relationships.
Author KarensKrazy Posted May 27, 2008 Author Posted May 27, 2008 Why not just ask him what he is feeling. Sit him down and just talk. Don't be forceful or pressure him. Just say you want to know what he is thinking and where his mind is. Make sure you ask him to be completely honest with you. I am not sure if I want to ask for a meeting. I asked him to go to my graduation as my friend and for support, but he refused. He claimed it was inappropriate. So, I am not quite sure if I should make myself that vulnerable and ask to meet to speak to him. Doing so has crossed my mind, but I think that he'd feel like I am only meeting him to try and convince him that his feelings are unacceptable. I don't really feel that way, but I do feel that his feelings are rash and he did not give enough time for himself to think about everything he was feelings. If he had there may have been a different outcome. I would like to speak to him to get clarity. Just to hear more on his thoughts and why he did this. Maybe it would be better to wait a bit more time before I extended an invitation to speak? He does have "business" to finish with me...he owes me a bit of money, and I have things at his residence I need to get back.
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