'fear of intimacy' or 'she's not into me'

[lahso]

So, I'm making progress with this girl I've been seeing for the last month or so. We have fun, spend a couple of nights a week together, and are really starting to know each other. We're trying to take it slow. I really like this girl, been a while since I've felt this way, and it's nice.

 

We were at dinner the other night... I made some remark about something cute she did. She says "you kinda like me, don't you?" I responded with a simple yup, I do like you. She says something along the lines of "I might like you too" in a very playful/non-committing way. So I say "why can't you just say you like me?" She said... "I do like you" I asked why that is so hard, which she responded with the "I have a fear of intimacy" line. I immediately said, "that's ok, there's no rush here... I just like being with you" then I asked if this stemmed from being hurt in the past, or if she's still holding on to another relationship. She says she's always been like that. I guess I don't buy it.

 

Here's the thing. I'm obviously no relationship expert. My thought is girls and guys both use lines like "fear of intimacy" "fear of commitment" "not looking for a serious relationship" and more as ways to keep their options open. I know I've personally done this before when I felt like a girl may not have been right for me. I mean, if there was that undeniable attraction, would we really say these things?

 

However, I understand that the older we get, the more baggage we carry from the past, and the more we want to make sure we're making the right decisions on a mate... I mean, times-a-wasting, right?

 

Here's what I'd like to get some opinions on... She says she likes me, and told me again later that night that she does like me. How do I move forward? Take it slow, right?

 

Also, how about you fellow loveshackers? Have you in the past used the Fear of Intimacy line as putting up a wall to keep your options open, or is it a legitimate thing that I should learn how to work through?

 

Thanks for your time,

 

Jason

[Jilly Bean]

You put her on the spot to tell her she likes you, then when she says shes uncomfortable putting it out there like that, you hump her further for details.

 

RELAX. A lot of people are not comfy discussing their feelings so early on. Nothing more than that...

[pandagirl]

For some people "fear of intimacy" is just a line, but for others, it really is a legitimate fear. I, for one, have this issue. It all stems from the fear of putting yourself out there and getting hurt. Just take things slow with her, show her in little, genuine ways that you like her, but don't be pushy. She ultimately needs to trust you to let you in.

[Balthazar]

I agree that it's wrong to talk about feelings early on. Maybe even later on...

 

When you acknowledge the magic it sometimes ceases to exist..

 

Keep moving forward, get more intimate, just don't state things outright. People get spooked!