Vincent21212 Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 I like my girlfriend. I do. However, I don't know if I love her. Say I'm at my house, by myself, after I'm done jerking-off to porn, I feel like I would be just fine without her. I want to break free of the relationship and the annoyances that it entails. But, when I'm with her, after we have sex, I don't feel this way. It's more like a 'ho-hum' attitude, or whatever. I feel like I'm too deep into this to get out. These feelings are familiar from my last relationship. So, I'm confused. I'm scared of feeling lonely, and dealing with the break-up process because it's painful. Even though I know that I'll get over it like I did last time. Plus I seemed to do fine when I was single. It's just I'm such a coward I don't want to face those two weeks after the break-up. I also know that after a couple of months I'll get into a new relationship, and it'll be fine for a couple of months, and then my eyes will start wandering (even tho I'm not a cheat), or she'll change (in my experience they always gain weight, which enrages me like nothing else, since I keep fit) and I'll be back to seeking that perfect someone. Now, I know that someone most likely doesn't exist, but it seems like I'm getting duped after a couple of months of being in the relationship. I don't know where I'm going or what I'm supposed to do.
Enema Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 Post-ejaculation is a strange couple of minutes for most men. It's possibly the only time we're thinking completely a-sexually. Some of the wisest life decisions probably arise from that fraction of your life. But then again, why make decisions based on a frame of mind you're only in for a few minutes a day?
inloveandhurt Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 Well it seems you only think of your girlfriend in terms of sex. When you do that, there isn't much to separate jacking off and having sex. Doesn't your girlfriend have any other attributes that make her a good COMPANION and FRIEND? That is what makes a girl a keeper, and when you have a great sex life, it is the best thing in life. If you have nothing more to offer her than your dick, than obviously you will be dissatisfied.
germanbabe Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 You sound very young, immature, shallow, and self-centered. You are not thinking about women's feelings at all, only about your own short-sighted, selfish desires. You are not ready for a serious relationship with anyone and it sounds like you don't want one anyway. Until you gain some emotional maturity, don't lead girls on to think you are anything other than a casual sex partner. Break up with your girlfriend immediately. Set her free so she can find a man who values her intellect, her soul, and her companionship, as well as her sexual skills. Here's where you're going if just maintain the status quo in your life: you'll have a long string of unsatisfying relationships with women. Maybe you'll eventually get married but it won't be a good union because you have zero insight into yourself and why you are the way you are. Your wife will bore you and you will get restless and find reasons to criticize her. Everything will be her fault and she will gain weight from the stress of having to deal with you. You'll get divorced. Here's what you're supposed to do (just my opinion of course!): Take a good, long, deep look at yourself. Go talk to professional therapist. Read the book "What Women Want Men to Know" by Barbara DeAngelis. Right now you are totally clueless about yourself and need to understand yourself better. It's hard to do it alone but a good relationship book will get you started. If you just ignore what's happening in your life you will live a shallow, frustrating life and will definitely not be able to have a beautiful, intimate relationship with a woman, which up until now you can't even imagine. Sorry if this sounds harsh but I was struck by how insensitive you sound to the needs of your girlfriends.
Author Vincent21212 Posted May 29, 2008 Author Posted May 29, 2008 Point taken. I've come to that conclusion myself. I can't grasp the concept of an ideal relationship and its workings. I see myself in the same light you do. I already start judging her, but isn't it fair to point out that when you met a person they were one way and after they get comfortable they've changed? I mean, in the very beginning I pointed out casually how I couldn't date a fat person, a cig-pot smoker, etc (believe me, i didn't point it out harshly, nor did I demand it from her)... BEFORE anything was even close to serious, and shes agrees. She says she quit smoking, she digs being fit. So I'm like, hey, here's someone who shares some common interests. But months down the road, it starts to change. And all I can see is a future fat person (since shes gradually gaining weight). A FAT SMOKER. Should I start eating like **** and smoking so I can be at par with this person. N/M. I think its fair to point these things out. Even if she does care for me.
TogetherForever Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 Shallow much? I've gained weight since being with my s/o & we're still together, happy & extremely sexually active. TF
germanbabe Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 It's true that everyone tends to be on their best behavior in the beginning of a relationship and then as time goes by, the 'real' person emerges. It's probably fair to imagine that you as well "change" in some way. This happens in all relationships, the best behavior scenario. I understand your frustration because I've had similar experiences. All you can do is have your BS detector on its highest setting as you're getting to know someone and look for clues about their personality. But it takes time for relationships to play out and for life circumstances to bring out certain qualities in people. One other thing you can think about is that if the same thing happens over and over, that means you are attracting this type of women for a reason. So, while you may blame the women for being deceitful, you are the one who keeps being attracted to them in the first place. This gets into deeper thinking about what your unconscious beliefs are, about yourself, about women, about life, etc. that you picked up from your family. (Everyone runs on unconsious programming. The trick is to expose it, which ain't easy.) So maybe you don't feel like going very deep into this whole thing, but I just thought I'd give you my two cents!
Author Vincent21212 Posted May 29, 2008 Author Posted May 29, 2008 I understand that I'm not all there, either. None of my aunt's, uncles or father has ever been in a sucessful relationship. I grew-up in a truly unaffectionate household with my bible thumping grandmother. So I do know I'm doomed unless I get help. It's killing me. And you're right, my current g/f reminds me of the last one a bit.
thewholeshabangg Posted May 30, 2008 Posted May 30, 2008 maybe you should just try and date someone like youve never dated before. seek out other types of women, and maybe youll be able to find what youre looking for- because youre not with your current gf. but please dont keep with her because you are scared of being alone, or dont want to go through that break up phase.. it's not fair to you, or most importantly her.
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