TechDude Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 OK, my opinion is not likely shared around here, but here goes anyway. HOWever' date=' I had a very strict religious minister father upbringing and have heard all sorts of dooming things about porn, premarital sex, etc, becoming addicted to sex.. all that. [/quote'] Some Christian religious leaders have much to answer for regarding the emotional damage done to people in relation to sex. Personally, I still believe that abstinence before marriage is in the best interest for the marriage. However, for married couples, I don't see that the Bible places any limitations on what is OK and what is not in relation to sex ... as long is it is purely between husband and wife. Lots of old ministers would espouse all sorts of rules about what is not OK for a married couple, yet these things just aren't in the bible. One could even make a good biblical case for oral sex. Consider Song of Songs 2:3, 4:16, 5:1, 7:2, 8:2. BUT, is there something that I'm not seeing on this subject?? It doesn't seem to now, but would it make him not want me eventurally? Will it eventually create... dunno, dissention between us? Do any other couples do this??One Christian author/psychologist I am reading (Leman) suggests that porn is connected to deeper issues such as isolation, loneliness, inability to connect to others emotionally etc. (This same author is VERY open about what is OK in relation to sex within marriage ... pretty much anything you are both comfortable with). Are you available for your husband when he wants sex (I'm not trying to blame you, just wondering if he is feeling any sexual frustration). If when he was looking at porn, you, scantily clothed, made loving overtures to him ... would he immediately leave the porn and go with you without question? I believe sex is about giving ... it is about how much pleasure you can give your partner. Porn is about feeding your own desires/lusts. The things that you feed your mind tend to shape your mind. I personally don't think that porn provides any sort of beneficial input. Is the porn providing useful/constructive input to your sex life? It seems somewhat anti-social to me. How do you feel that he is drooling over all these pictures of young women rather than you?
simply_me Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 Once my gf told me that masturbation is a mean of releasing stress. porn=masturbation nothing more. I dnt believe in the addiction whatever. i dnt think he's gonna die if he dont watch a porn:D I think that your husband hasnt told u nothing simply because that he wants to masturbate alone, not make love. Like some self pleasure giving and i dnt think its wrong Just my personal opinion.
luvstarved Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 PORN! I would like to know if this is something that I will regret later or cause issues later in our marriage... My husband likes to look at porn - hell so do I and since we've been together, the only time that I busted him on doing it, I asked him why he hadn't asked me if I wanted to join in.... He's been very open about it since then. And I'd much rather he be totally open with it and actually SHARE it with me not to mention that I like it as well. Okay, well yeah yeah... he likes to watch it for like, hours when he does... HOWever, I had a very strict religious minister father upbringing and have heard all sorts of dooming things about porn, premarital sex, etc, becoming addicted to sex.. all that. I personally see no problem with it as long as it's okay with both people and it's not replacing sex..... BUT, is there something that I'm not seeing on this subject?? It doesn't seem to now, but would it make him not want me eventurally? Will it eventually create... dunno, dissention between us? Do any other couples do this?? Thanks! There is probably some budding reason you are wondering if it will create problems...I think if you really felt it was no problem whatsoever, you would not come here and ask about it. Perhaps that reason has to do with the fact that he watches for "hours", while maybe you get bored with it long before then? Cannot tell from what you have written whether YOUR H will eventually not want you due to the porn. But, there is such a thing as porn addiction...no you will not die from not watching porn, nor from withdrawal from virtually any other addiction. Porn addiction speaks to the obsessive compulsion to view porn and using porn instead of having a normal sex life with another person...of becoming desensitized to "regular" sex. I believe in free will, and in a marriage, one should of their free will work with their spouse to define the boundaries of the marriage. I looked at porn occasionally in my youth to make fun of it (turn down the sound track and supply your own) and when single or lonely in a relationship to get the quick Pavlovian sexual stimulation to facilitate masturbation. I am not a fan of porn or the porn industry. My H isn't either. He did look at it about once a month when we were having marital issues and were in a long sexless phase. I objected to it at that time because it did indeed interfere with our sex life...it did not CAUSE our sexless phase, but certainly interfered with getting past it. Before that, I had told my H that I did not mind occasional indulgence, just keep it from kids and don't make a hobby of it. But he does not look at it anymore and says he has no desire to...but admits that when he was doing it semi-regularly he felt a "pull" to go back to it. So, it CAN "escalate", even when one has "permission". Does not mean that it will...you would have to think that one through yourself, knowing your H - does it seem possible? Some guys would be really happy in your H's shoes, having a wife who was accepting of porn. But you also need to be clear with yourself that you really ARE ok with it...and if you feel that there is a limit to that, you should try to define it and talk to your H about it. Because it might seem unfair to him if you were to suddenly say, well I said porn was OK but not THAT much...
Mr. Lucky Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 he likes to watch it for like' date=' hours when he does... [/quote'] That caught my attention too. I have no philisophical objection to porn, but for "hours" ? There is something else going on here... Mr. Lucky
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