whichwayisup Posted May 28, 2008 Posted May 28, 2008 Wow, I am sorry that you have had to deal with all this throughout your life. That sucks and it totally took away from the happy and healthy childhood you should have had. I do think what happened around you growing up has alot to do with your insecurities and trust issues you have now. The good thing is, you can change things and get help. Post here and also seek counselling. If you can't afford it, try your local colleges or if you are working, ask if your company offers EAP (employee assistance program) or a wellness center where they have therapists. Everything we go through in life affects us and unfortunately the behaviours displayed infront of you growing up have had a not so good affect on you. It is easier said than done to leave the past in the past - Putting that to action is much harder, which is why you need counselling to help you deal with the pain and learn how to let go of it so you can live a happy life, fall inlove and not let the past haunt you. EVERYTHING that happened was not your fault. Your folks made some stupid and selfish choices that had nothing to do with you or your sibling. The drinking, the fighting, NONE of it was your fault (just incase you think it was) it was all your parents undoing. I hope this helps.
MargaretNoelle Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 Thanks so much for your response. It feels good to be validated- sometimes I think I'm crazy for even linking the two. Its weird, I never thought it was my fault, but it really scared me everytime one would threaten to leave because I just felt so unstable. Or even when my dad- who has always been my best bud- would drink and become a COMPLETELY different, not functioning person, I would worry that I couldn't have him (who I generally depended on) back. Here's where I'm stuck- I'd do almost anything to not feel like this. The ways in which my life and thinking are effected are many. But I would just feel SO weird talking to someone. As if I were whining, like "I had such a bad childhood... (blah blah)" and as if I were the only person whose childhood was not perfect. I would feel so strange crying about what happened to me when I was younger, like some pathetic adult that can't get over things that happened when I was young (you would think a mature mind would be able to process things differently). If this wasn't it, I have no idea how I turned out so unemotional (with others) and extremely insecure. It really hurts me, though. I'm afraid I'll never have the courage to talk to anyone.
Recommended Posts