Men who HAVE BEEN whoremongers?

[sb129]

You know what- prostitution is never going to go away, and like most occupations there is a scale of you get what you pay for- there are always going to be the low grade hookers who will give you a BJ in your car for £30, there will always be the hot ones who will do anything you want for £300 an hour.

 

I am not saying I condone it, but I don't feel I can judge someone for either paying or being paid for sex.

People find themselves in circumstances that may necessitate either scenario.

I don't agree with it when people who are forced into prostitution, but this thread isn't debating the minutiae of the sex trade.

 

I think it is much better for a man to pay for sex than to take a girl out on the sole premise of getting into her pants. At least the sex worker won't be sitting by the phone the next day, her self esteem shot to bits, because a guy wined, dined, shagged her and ran.

 

Its possibly cheaper too.

 

I find the sex industry on a whole quite distasteful- but its supply and demand- the demand will be around as long as men are walking on the planet, and the supply will be there as long as there are women (and rent boys ).

[cutegirl]

I don't know what's up with people saying "what's in the past is in the past" because in my opinion, past behavior is indicative of future behavior; if someone has committed certain acts in the past that person is more likely to repeat them in the future. Past events are what shaped us into the person we are today. They are important. They show a person's character.

 

Once a guy has had the trill and pleasure of having sex with hookers I think he would want to have that same thrill over and over again, especially since he already knows what it's like. Plus I'm not a professional, how could I ever compare to a hooker? A hooker is a pro, I would be intimidated in a hooker.

 

I am twisted though, if my guy was with one in the past I would want to know what she looked like EXACTLY, what position they had sex in, how she moaned, if she deepthroated, where he ejaculated, I would want to know EVERYTHING. And then I would replay the images over and over again in my head, and then I would feel inferior to the hooker and probably become depressed and feel like I could never be as good as her or live up to her.

 

I feel like I have the right to ALL the necessary info in order for me to make a solid decision on if I want to be with a guy or not. Perhaps knowing the fact that a guy has been with a hooker would result me in leaving the guy, but if the guy would keep that info from me then I would not be able to make that decision. I would be robbed of the CHOICE to decide whether I would want to be with him or not and I would be living in a lie.

 

It would not be fair because perhaps had I KNOWN he banged hookers I would have left, so I would basically be forced in a relationship that I wouldn't want to be in due to lack of information.

 

It is MY RIGHT to chose to be with a guy who hasn't banged hookers if thats what I want, just like some guys choose to be with busty women or with blondes. It's just a preference that doesn't need an explanation. It would be unfair for a guy to mislead me by withholding information which would impact me wanting to be with someone. It should be my choice, not be decided for me.

[sb129]

I don't know what's up with people saying "what's in the past is in the past" because in my opinion, past behavior is indicative of future behavior; if someone has committed certain acts in the past that person is more likely to repeat them in the future. Past events are what shaped us into the person we are today. They are important. They show a person's character.

 

Yes, this is true.

Past experiences can also shape us in the respect that we learn from our mistakes and don't repeat them.

i know a few guys who have had the opportunity to sleep with prostitutes, and once they were faced with the reality of it, they have been put off ever entertaining the idea again.

 

Once a guy has had the trill and pleasure of having sex with hookers I think he would want to have that same thrill over and over again, especially since he already knows what it's like. Plus I'm not a professional, how could I ever compare to a hooker? A hooker is a pro, I would be intimidated in a hooker.

really?

A hooker is a pro who is PAID to appear as though she is enjoying it. And there are some hookers that I would NEVER be intimidated by.

Not all of them are hot £300 an hour types you know.

Many women who are prostitutes are so because they are drug addicts. They are more likely to be thinking about their next fix than the "task" at hand. To them its a means to an end.

In fact, to most people, the way they earn money is a means to an end.

I bet you anything that 9 times out of 10 most of the non drug addicted prostitutes are thinking about what to cook for dinner rather than how "amazing" the guy who is f*cking them is.

 

You seem to have the perception that all prostitutes are smoking hot and awesome in bed. They are the minority.

 

I am twisted though, if my guy was with one in the past I would want to know what she looked like EXACTLY, what position they had sex in, how she moaned, if she deepthroated, where he ejaculated, I would want to know EVERYTHING. And then I would replay the images over and over again in my head, and then I would feel inferior to the hooker and probably become depressed and feel like I could never be as good as her or live up to her.

What about if the guy LOVED you, and cared about you, and you loved him?

Wouldn't that give you one over on a woman who was being paid for a service?

Sex can be so mechanical and impersonal, anyone can do it like that. If there are real feelings involved not even the hottest porn star in the world can reproduce those IMO.

And if the guy had slept with her in the PAST, and is sleeping with you now, isn't that enough to let you know that you are better?

 

 

It is MY RIGHT to chose to be with a guy who hasn't banged hookers if thats what I want, just like some guys choose to be with busty women or with blondes. It's just a preference that doesn't need an explanation. It would be unfair for a guy to mislead me by withholding information which would impact me wanting to be with someone. It should be my choice, not be decided for me

This is absolutely your prerogative.

But don't forget that the information may perhaps be built up in your mind to being an event that it wasn't.

[Adunaphel]

I've dated two guys who paid hookers for sex.

 

Once it did not bother me at all, as it happened just once, he was single at the time, he told me about it himself and the woman was a hooker by choice.

I personally have much more respect for someone who pays for sex than for someone who uses, lies to, or take advantage of people to get it for free.

If it had happened more than once and he had enjoyed the experience, though, I would have been very worried.

 

The other guy's case bothers me *a lot* more because he actually cheated on his W with a hooker after a year of marriage, and it sounds like he didn' consider it like actually cheating on her, or like he considers it "lesser" cheating. As far as I know it happened just once, but this would be a huge red flag for *any*man.

 

Also, if someone whom I was dating had been with a pornstar or a high-class escort, I'd be a lot more worried if he had been with a 'regular' hooker.

I would not regard it just as sex, but more as a 'power' thing - like if he wasted a lot of money on something absolutely futile just to impress other people or tell himself he got something the average guy can't afford.

Hard to explain, but I'd be worried he might end up cheating on me just because he can or because it would boost his ego.

[cutegirl]

sb129,

 

Yes, I know that some of the street whores are probably druggies and don't enjoy it but so what, if the GUY enjoyed it and had a good experience I would still be intimidated by that experience and the hooker that gave him that experience.

 

Imagine a guy always wanted to have sex with a redhead and he paid a redhead hooker. It's irrelevant to me whether the hooker enjoyed it or not or is a druggie; I could care less. I only care if it was memorable to the guy, if that was his fantasy and he fulfilled it, then I will be intimidated by that experience because it is something he will remember for the rest of his life.

 

A guy loving me would not give me one over the woman who was paid to have sex with him. Love is not enough to keep a man, men cheat on women they love all the time. Men can compartmentalize sex and love. They can "love" their wife but easily go have sex with different women on the side.

 

I think most men probably PREFER mechanical cold sex over love, that's why a lot of men like hookers. Men LOVE one night stands and raw lusty sex. That is their dream. Most men don't WANT to be in a relationship and if they are they probably are lusting after other women other than their gf/wives because men always want variety.

 

Also, no, I don't think I am better than the hooker just because the guy had sex with her in the past but is with me now. I would think it was in the past because he probably couldn't afford to keep having sex with her and sex with me would be free so they would be "settling" for me, or somehow "ended up with me" but are probably fantasizing about the whores while they are with me. If anything it would make the hooker better than me because she was so good he actually had to pay for it because he really wanted it.

[sb129]

sb129,

 

Yes, I know that some of the street whores are probably druggies and don't enjoy it but so what, if the GUY enjoyed it and had a good experience I would still be intimidated by that experience and the hooker that gave him that experience. .

 

You can't honestly say that an experience like that would be better than having sex with you?

 

If you think like that, then every woman he has ever had sx with prior to meeting you is a threat to your self esteem. Which is very damaging.

 

I can see where you are coming from CG, but I think that your insecurity is colouring your judgement here, and you also are very negative about ALL men. You can't judge an entire gender based on the behaviour of some of them. If you stop looking at those hooker-rating websites, you will see that there are many many men out there who have NEVER paid for sex, and would never want to.

My fiance is such a man. Those websites cloud your judgement into thinking that all men are the same, and they aren't

 

And there are varying scenarios. The two that Adunaphel has described are very different.

Like her, I would be OK with the first scenario, but not with the second.

can you see how different they are?

 

I've dated two guys who paid hookers for sex.

 

Once it did not bother me at all, as it happened just once, he was single at the time, he told me about it himself and the woman was a hooker by choice.

I personally have much more respect for someone who pays for sex than for someone who uses, lies to, or take advantage of people to get it for free.

If it had happened more than once and he had enjoyed the experience, though, I would have been very worried.

 

The other guy's case bothers me *a lot* more because he actually cheated on his W with a hooker after a year of marriage, and it sounds like he didn' consider it like actually cheating on her, or like he considers it "lesser" cheating. As far as I know it happened just once, but this would be a huge red flag for *any*man.

 

 

If a guy told me he had slept with a hooker, it would depend on a few things as to whether it bothered me or not.

1. Frequency

A one off would be fine. If someone had done it on a regular basis, I would have a problem with that.

 

2. Amount of Money Spent

Someone who spends large sums of money on sex is not someone I would like to be with long term, as Adunaphel says there is more to it that simply getting laid because you haven't done for a while. I also prefer to be in a r with someone who is fiscally responsible.

 

3. Whether he was actually in a R with someone else while doing it

HUGE red flag. instant dealbreaker.

[cutegirl]

You can't honestly say that an experience like that would be better than having sex with you?

 

If you think like that, then every woman he has ever had sx with prior to meeting you is a threat to your self esteem. Which is very damaging.

 

I can see where you are coming from CG, but I think that your insecurity is colouring your judgement here, and you also are very negative about ALL men. You can't judge an entire gender based on the behaviour of some of them. If you stop looking at those hooker-rating websites, you will see that there are many many men out there who have NEVER paid for sex, and would never want to.

My fiance is such a man. Those websites cloud your judgement into thinking that all men are the same, and they aren't

 

And there are varying scenarios. The two that Adunaphel has described are very different.

Like her, I would be OK with the first scenario, but not with the second.

can you see how different they are?

 

 

 

If a guy told me he had slept with a hooker, it would depend on a few things as to whether it bothered me or not.

1. Frequency

A one off would be fine. If someone had done it on a regular basis, I would have a problem with that.

 

2. Amount of Money Spent

Someone who spends large sums of money on sex is not someone I would like to be with long term, as Adunaphel says there is more to it that simply getting laid because you haven't done for a while. I also prefer to be in a r with someone who is fiscally responsible.

 

3. Whether he was actually in a R with someone else while doing it

HUGE red flag. instant dealbreaker.

 

Ok, well the truth is that I WOULD be threatened by all the women a guy had sex with prior to being with me such as past girlfriends, whether they were hookers or not. I would still be a bit jealous and wonder what they looked like, who was "better", me or them etc.

 

I do know that there are guys out there who have never paid for sex but I still think that all men want variety and for a lot of men (but not all) hookers are one easy way to achieve that.

 

I agree with all your reasons regarding the various scenarios in which it would be unacceptable such as if the guy was in a relationship or if he was spending a large amount of money etc but the "once in a while thing" would bother me as well. I don't know why it just would.

 

As for an experience with a drugged out hooker being better than an experience with me, I have to say that it's irrelevant what I think, it's all about what the guy thinks. If he thinks the experience was good because she was his "type" etc then that's all that matters. It's all about what's in his mind and whatever experience HE considered more memorable. What if I think that sex with me was better but for some reason he still fantasizes about the drugged up hooker because she was something "different"? Some guys actually have a fetish for drugged up prostitutes (seriously), although I realize that most don't.

 

I am a rather jealous person by nature so I'm jealous of everything though.

[sb129]

 

I am a rather jealous person by nature so I'm jealous of everything though.

 

Yes, I know.

 

You don't have to be though. Its OK to be jealous about some things.

 

If you are jealous about everything though, its going to end up being very destructive for you.

 

I just will not waste time obsessing over my fiances past sexual history. All that matters to me is that while he is with me he is:

 

a) clean

b) faithful

c) not into wierd sh*t that I don't like. (ie swinging (see a), S&M etc)

 

So far, so good.

 

I have been in a R where my BF was obsessive to the point of mania about my sexual past, and it was exhausting, not to mention destructive.

[Jilly Bean]

Why do people feel the need for total complete disclosure in relationships? Sometimes they act like they are unburdening to a priest.

 

WHY something like this would ever need to come out is beyond me. I can honestly say I've never asked a BF if he's ever screwed a hooker or a porn star, so why a guy would volunteer it is beyond me. It's just asking for trouble or a sure way to sabotage something good.

 

I believe in honesty for the things that impact a partner, if I have kids, divorces, health issues, credit problems, etc., but a detail like this from the past should stay in the past.

[BiAxident]

sb129,

Imagine a guy always wanted to have sex with a redhead and he paid a redhead hooker. It's irrelevant to me whether the hooker enjoyed it or not or is a druggie; I could care less.

 

Imagine a guy always wanted to have sex with a redhead, then he meets one at a bar who is drunk and promiscuous and materialistic. Then, he pays to take her out for a nice meal with drinks, then to a club for a night of dancing (and more drinks), then has wild sex with her and never calls her again. Or, he does see her again, but keeps buying her jewelry, paying her rent (or letting her live with him), etc in exchange for sex? In America, we have terms for these people, "sugar daddy" and "trophy wife".

 

A guy loving me would not give me one over the woman who was paid to have sex with him. Love is not enough to keep a man, men cheat on women they love all the time. Men can compartmentalize sex and love. They can "love" their wife but easily go have sex with different women on the side.

 

While I couldn't imagine myself ever cheating on a woman I loved, my relationship was only 2 years, so it never reached the point of getting stale. But you're right, a lot of men who claim to "love" their wives can and do cheat. I don't know if it' easy or them, but that doesn't change the fact.

 

I think most men probably PREFER mechanical cold sex over love, that's why a lot of men like hookers. Men LOVE one night stands and raw lusty sex. That is their dream.

 

Speaking for myself, I've never preferred "mechanical cold sex" over love. For me, sleeping with a prostitute was a one-way street. She pleasured me, case closed. I much preferred sex with a woman I loved: there was a deep emotional attachment, I got the joy of pleasuring her, and when it was done I could hold her in my arms until we both fell asleep. Pure heaven.

 

As for one night stands? Sure, so long as both parties understand that's what it is.

 

Most men don't WANT to be in a relationship and if they are they probably are lusting after other women other than their gf/wives because men always want variety.

 

I don't think this site would have nearly as many people on it as it does if most men didn't want to be in a relationship. Lusting after other women? Again, my relationship didn't last long enough to get to that point, but I'd imagine you're correct that it happens.

 

Also, no, I don't think I am better than the hooker just because the guy had sex with her in the past but is with me now. If anything it would make the hooker better than me because she was so good he actually had to pay for it because he really wanted it.

 

Men don't typically pay for hookers because they have outstanding sexual abilities. Often, it's because A) it's convenient B) they are in a sex-less relationship C) they have no relationship D) they are filthy-stinking rich

[BiAxident]

WHY something like this would ever need to come out is beyond me. I can honestly say I've never asked a BF if he's ever screwed a hooker or a porn star, so why a guy would volunteer it is beyond me. It's just asking for trouble or a sure way to sabotage something good.

 

I would never volunteer the information to any woman I wanted to have a relationship with. My concern is trust and respect. If a woman I'm seeing asks about my sexual history, I can tell the full truth, I can dance around the subject, or I can flat-out lie. My nature is to tell the full-truth, although with my last GF we were already very familiar and comfortable with each other when we began dating, so that was certainly a factor.

[Trialbyfire]

Those were pretty much my thoughts on the issue. If a woman whom I am intimate/about to become intimate with asks me about my sexual history' date=' I wouldn't hesitate to disclose the truth of the matter.[/quote']

Good! In not revealing something like this, you're hiding something you're either ashamed of or might reduce your chances in getting the girl. In either situation, you've manipulated your partner into believing something that's not true.

 

Having said that, I don't think detailed description of past sexual activity such as how you did it, is pertinent between existing sexual partners. This is an aspect of kiss and tell that I don't agree with. What two people did in the bedroom in the past, should stay in that bedroom between those two people alone.

[sb129]

Imagine a guy always wanted to have sex with a redhead, then he meets one at a bar who is drunk and promiscuous and materialistic. Then, he pays to take her out for a nice meal with drinks, then to a club for a night of dancing (and more drinks), then has wild sex with her and never calls her again. Or, he does see her again, but keeps buying her jewelry, paying her rent (or letting her live with him), etc in exchange for sex? In America, we have terms for these people, "sugar daddy" and "trophy wife".

 

Much worse scenario IMO. Its false and these kind of "arrangements" mess people up much more.

 

 

 

Good! In not revealing something like this, you're hiding something you're either ashamed of or might reduce your chances in getting the girl. In either situation, you've manipulated your partner into believing something that's not true.

 

Having said that, I don't think detailed description of past sexual activity such as how you did it, is pertinent between existing sexual partners. This is an aspect of kiss and tell that I don't agree with. What two people did in the bedroom in the past, should stay in that bedroom between those two people alone.

 

Yes, but what if she never asks...? Do you volunteer the info risking her reaction? How do you bring it up?

 

I had never asked Wonderboy if he has slept with a hooker until I read this thread, and we are engaged. We agreed early on in the R to keep details about eachothers sexual history to a minimum.

His answer was "no", which doesn't surprise me, I can't really imagine him in that situation, however, if he had said yes, I wouldn't have broken our engagement, we are in too deep for a detail like that to end it all now.

[Lizzie60]

Ok ladies.. lets say that hypothetically I was single until I was 26 and that, after the death of a parent and the inheritence of many, many dollars that I decided to indulge in the services offered by so-called "whores". In addition, lets say that it wasn't just your run o' the mill gal, but rather a high-end porn-star who would get a governor fired. I haven't done anything of the sort for years, and I've been tested up and down for STD's.

 

We begin dating and eventually sexual history comes up. How should I handle this one? With my ex-gf, I told her straight out, "I had sex with a pornstar". I dont think that did positive things for her psyche from that point on. She never openly accused me of cheating on her or anything of the sort, but I know it was always in the back of her mind.

 

What should a guy tell a gal in this scenario?

 

My POV.. it's no one's business what I did in my past.. I would never tell.. and I would not ask either..

 

No one can change anything about it anyway.. so it is futile to want to know IMO.

[Trialbyfire]

Yes, but what if she never asks...? Do you volunteer the info risking her reaction? How do you bring it up?

There are more than enough people who won't ask about sexual history. In this type of situation, they don't really want to know so you respect it. For people who want to know, they'll ask. If they ask, tell the truth.

[Cherry Blossom 35]

Why do people feel the need for total complete disclosure in relationships? Sometimes they act like they are unburdening to a priest.

 

WHY something like this would ever need to come out is beyond me. I can honestly say I've never asked a BF if he's ever screwed a hooker or a porn star, so why a guy would volunteer it is beyond me. It's just asking for trouble or a sure way to sabotage something good.

 

I believe in honesty for the things that impact a partner, if I have kids, divorces, health issues, credit problems, etc., but a detail like this from the past should stay in the past.

 

Agreed, agreed. Past sexual history is just that: in the PAST. Unless you are carrying around an STD, which then makes any past encounters present, then honestly why unload every last detail to a new partner? I also really don't get this jealousy thing.

 

Cutegirl, how can you be jealous of past lovers? It's not like they knew you back then. I can understand being jealous of someone in the present who may appear as a threat, but how does some person your boyfriend had sex with three years ago impact you now? I think if you had confidence in your sexuality you would not feel such jealousy.

 

As far as hookers go, I would not want to know that my boyfriend had an isolated encounter with one. I suppose I would want to know if this was a routine experience for him, though.

[Jilly Bean]

I would never volunteer the information to any woman I wanted to have a relationship with. My concern is trust and respect. If a woman I'm seeing asks about my sexual history, I can tell the full truth, I can dance around the subject, or I can flat-out lie. My nature is to tell the full-truth, although with my last GF we were already very familiar and comfortable with each other when we began dating, so that was certainly a factor.

 

Again, not seeing why you think this is necessary. Bi - there comes a point of being prudent in what you disclose. If she asked flat out if you've screwed a hooker and a porn star to boot, then yeah, if you are honest, then I suppose you would be inclined to tell her. BUT, if someone asks a general question, I don't see how this would be of benefit to your relationship.

 

You CAN exercise some self-censorship, ya know...

[sb129]

There are more than enough people who won't ask about sexual history. In this type of situation, they don't really want to know so you respect it. For people who want to know, they'll ask. If they ask, tell the truth.

 

Fair enough. I agree with that.

[LikeCharlotte]

Bi

I've thought this one over. If it were me I'd want to know. I would want to know you paid for it too. Also, I'd totally high five you. That being said, not all women are the same.