Author TMichaels Posted May 27, 2008 Author Posted May 27, 2008 Well..he lives in a home that has been passed down through the family, and legally the home is his mothers, she doesn't live with him...but the house is in her name. Does that make sense? He has guitars (ha ha) well he had 16 and has sold 6 of them, to help pay for the wedding...that made me feel really bad. Krisa, If this guy works as a CAD technician, isn't supporting an ex or dependant children, and lives in the (his) family home, why would he need to sell something like his guitars to raise his share of wedding expenses? He's 40 yrs old -- has he not earned/saved any money at all? From what you've posted, I gather you were the one who went to visit him in Scotland, and from the sounds of it, you're footing the bill for a lot of costs associated with the wedding. Why hasn't he come to see you in the States? If he has, and I missed it, did he pay for his own trip? You've also mentioned on several occasions the amount of time the two of you spend on-line, on webcam and/or the phone. IIRC, you said you spent five hours or so most recently one day with each other. If both of you have full-time jobs, how do you manage to spend so much time chatting, especially given the time difference? Besides the time invested, who pays for the phone bills? I'm also a bit puzzled by your comment a while ago that your H2B doesn't want to come to the States even after you're married without a job in hand. Just because he marries a U.S. citizen doesn't make him one, and unless his job skills are exceptionally extraordinary, the chances are slim any company would hire a resident alien over an American with full citizenship. So what then? He stays in Scotland? Just wondering how you see this all working out... Best, TMichaels
Krisa Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 If this guy works as a CAD technician, isn't supporting an ex or dependant children, and lives in the (his) family home, why would he need to sell something like his guitars to raise his share of wedding expenses? He's 40 yrs old -- has he not earned/saved any money at all? Well he kinda got taken with his divorce...He has a pretty substantial loan that he is still paying off from when he was married. Although he does CAD, he really doesn't make that much money. He makes enough to get by and save a little each month. He needed to sell the guitars anyways...he can't bring them all to the states , he could but it would be expensive to ship 16 of them. Well that and I don't know where we would put 16 guitars in my home. He will be bringing 4 of them. From what you've posted, I gather you were the one who went to visit him in Scotland, and from the sounds of it, you're footing the bill for a lot of costs associated with the wedding. Why hasn't he come to see you in the States? If he has, and I missed it, did he pay for his own trip? He came to the states to see me first, and yes he paid for his own ticket. When I was in Scotland he paid for almost everything...hotels, dinner, grocery's, etc. I even got a wonderful Radley handbag for my birthday among other nice gifts. I had to sneak to pay for dinner one night...because I couldn't take him paying for everything. I offered to give him money for the hotel and petrol but he wouldn't except it. IT'S NOT ABOUT THE MONEY! I have paid for my dress, plane ticket, visa. He was made the deposit on the venue and ordered the custom bands. We have split everything else in half for the remaining expenses of the wedding. He also offered to pay for half of my plane ticket...but I refused, I have no problem paying for it myself (there is that independent thing again). You've also mentioned on several occasions the amount of time the two of you spend on-line, on webcam and/or the phone. IIRC, you said you spent five hours or so most recently one day with each other. If both of you have full-time jobs, how do you manage to spend so much time chatting, especially given the time difference? Besides the time invested, who pays for the phone bills? I work night shifts, so the time different doesn't effect us too much. I do work full time but I work 7 days on and 6 off. He has the weekend off, and I have everyother...so on my weekends off we spend more time talking. The five hour conversation, was spent sorting out wedding stuff. Oh and when he is at work he has MSN, so we IM back and forth...I have MSN on my mobile (and chat to him when I'm not busy at work). So usually he gets to work at 4 AM my time 9AM his... we IM back and forth like I said if I'm not busy. I get home about 7:30 AM my time 12:30 his time. We IM a little more, then it's time for me to go to bed. By the time I wake up he is at home I wake up usually about 2-3PM my time 7-8PM his time. He's usually logged into MSN, and I send him a message letting him know that I am awake. He calls, or we chat on web cam for about an hour, before I go to work, and he gets ready for bed. He has VONAGE, so he pays a fixed amount, something like 10 pounds a month and it allows for unlimited minuets to the US, so he calls me. I'm also a bit puzzled by your comment a while ago that your H2B doesn't want to come to the States even after you're married without a job in hand. Just because he marries a U.S. citizen doesn't make him one, and unless his job skills are exceptionally extraordinary, the chances are slim any company would hire a resident alien over an American with full citizenship. So what then? He stays in Scotland? Just wondering how you see this all working out... He doesn't want to burden me financially...that's the reason he is not coming to the states right away...plus he can't, he needs a visa before he can live in the states. My dad is not an American citizen (nor will he ever be) and has no trouble getting a job....He likes to move around a lot (He's a school teacher). Americans don't discriminate against the British, French (to name a few) like they do others, they kinda put them up on a pedestal (in my experience).
Habibti Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 I never said that I had to marry him ASAP because I was afraid to lose him. That's not it at all. I want to marry him because I LOVE HIM! He would wait for me...I really believe that, and I would do the same. We love each other very much and want to be together, that is why we are getting married. You DID say it when you said "I will never know if I lose it" etc etc, Also- if you really believe he would wait for you and you two have what it takes to make it through the stakes then there's no reason you wouldn't think sensibly. What you're doing is the equivalent of refusing to get car insurance on a show car because you believe you're such a great driver. "I'll hardly ever drive the thing more than four blocks, I'm a great driver, I don't need that extra protection". Only this isn't a posession this is your marriage- is it not worth taking extra pre-cautions to protect it? Of course it isn't because you're stubborn. You came here wanting validation because you have all the same doubts we try to help you with by encouraging you to take some time and be smart about things; why didn't you even come here and state your question? I don't think you are at all pre-pared for this but god knows that isn't going to stop you.
HisLove Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 Lovestruck - "Just so you know...and sorry to get technical here...but a house is not an asset, it's actually a liability" News to me. Since when did owning a house outright (and my first H and I did when we divorced) or having substantial equity equate to it being a liability? I think TMichaels and I are on the same wavelength here about previous property settlement. If he didn't have any children with his last wife, I don't see how he could get stung badly in a property settlement. Courts in the commonwealth pretty much agree on sharing everything 50/50 while together and tend to favour the parent who has custody of children of the marriage. He didn't have any children of the marriage (unless he adopted them). So if they were buying a home together and both came in with 'nothing'..it should have been a 50/50 split of what was left over...or even worse case scenario 60/40 for an average-earning couple with no financial uniqueness. Something is not adding up here about his finances...and it could be he is not savvy financially...so again Krisa, protect yourself is all. So far, his asset or equity is in somebody elses name...and yours isn't.
Krisa Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 Well here is what happened... my fiancé was young (20) when he took on a wife and three children...and lots and lots of his now ex wifes debt. So unfortunately he is still paying. He agreed to make the payments on the loan, and is doing so still, not sure how much he owes still, but i know how much the loan originated at and what the payments are monthly, and they are more then my mortgage payment. It's not a mortgage loan, its more like an equity line of credit from what i can gather...things are done differently from the US to the UK. BTW...they didn't buy the house together...it was her home prior to the marriage.
NeverLetMeDownAgain Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 This is interesting, NeverLetMeDownAgain. Do you spend every day with him during those 8 or 9 times you visited each other? The visits usually lasted for 2 or 3 weeks in a row, so we did spend every minute of them together. Unfortunately, he only let me see what he wanted me to see - the real surprises came later on when we got married. I would say that we spent perhaps a grand total of 3 or 4 months together "IRL" in the 5 years before we got married. That's just not enough time to base a lifetime commitment on - but I was under the mistaken impression that talking on the phone every day, talking on IM, Emailing, etc. etc. etc. was enough to make it work out. It might have been enough to sustain a good friendship, yes - but a lifetime commitment? Nyet, as the Russians say. I think it's been really helpful...we talk about well...what concern everyone here has had. Krisa, I'm very glad to hear this. It is indeed your life and you should decide what is best for you - but I'm very happy to hear that some dialogue's been opened between the both of you about what's been said here. I honestly don't think that your friends are so much trying to talk you out of it as they are just wanting to make sure that you're happy with your decision(s) and that you're going into this with a clear head and clear eyes. Since you *do* own personal property (your house/cars) and you've noted that your fiancée has less material worth, have you considered a prenuptial agreement? TMichaels offers, again, pearls of wisdom. This is a very good idea and I'd strongly consider this. A prenup ensures that there'll be ground for you to stand on in the event that something might go wrong. I wish I'd done it myself, as a lot of the situations that I went through in my divorce wouldn't have happened. You don't HAVE a relationship. Talking over the phone and seeing each other for three weeks in person is not comparable to a real relationship. While I agree with nearly everything you've stated in this thread, shadowplay, I'm not so sure that I can agree with the above quoted statement. Perhaps one might not have a relationship on the level of marriage or even very intimate lovers, but I do believe that deep friendships can evolve from such contact, even if one never meets the other.
sb129 Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 He has guitars (ha ha) well he had 16 and has sold 6 of them, to help pay for the wedding...that made me feel really bad. Why? Why would you feel bad when you can't possibly play 16 guitars at once? He isn't in a band. I appreciate musical instruments very much, but if a person who isn't a professional musician was once able to afford to buy 16 guitars and has no savings, hence has to sell some of said guitars to pay for wedding doesn't say very good things about their financial management. Krisa, If this guy works as a CAD technician, isn't supporting an ex or dependant children, and lives in the (his) family home, why would he need to sell something like his guitars to raise his share of wedding expenses? He's 40 yrs old -- has he not earned/saved any money at all? Just because he marries a U.S. citizen doesn't make him one, and unless his job skills are exceptionally extraordinary, the chances are slim any company would hire a resident alien over an American with full citizenship. So what then? He stays in Scotland? Just wondering how you see this all working out... Good points. Very good points. My dad is not an American citizen (nor will he ever be) and has no trouble getting a job....He likes to move around a lot (He's a school teacher). Americans don't discriminate against the British, French (to name a few) like they do others, they kinda put them up on a pedestal (in my experience). Yes, however the immigration rules when your dad went to the US were probably a little less stringent, and he has been there long enough to allow him to build up experience WITHIN the US, which is invaluable. I can assure you that Americans most certainly can and do discriminate against Europeans- not in a nasty sense, but as TMichaels said- many jobs are more likely to go to American trained people with american experience. Well here is what happened... my fiancé was young (20) when he took on a wife and three children...and lots and lots of his now ex wifes debt. So unfortunately he is still paying. He agreed to make the payments on the loan, and is doing so still, not sure how much he owes still, but i know how much the loan originated at and what the payments are monthly, and they are more then my mortgage payment. It's not a mortgage loan, its more like an equity line of credit from what i can gather...things are done differently from the US to the UK. BTW...they didn't buy the house together...it was her home prior to the marriage. :eek::eek: SHE went into the marriage with a house and debts, and now HE is STILL paying off HER debts? Are you kidding me? What person in their right mind would agree to that as terms of their divorce? MAJOR red flag. MAJOR. Either he is lying to you, or there is more to it than that, I can't accept that someone would agree to something like that, and if they did they need their head examined. I agree with whoever said that something about his finances isn't adding up.
Krisa Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 he's not lying to me...he took on the payments because of the children...she wouldn't be able to afford it. like i said he is very close to the children...and concerned about there well being. he still talks to the oldest on a regular basis, and actually i talk to her too, she's on msn...shes a sweet girl. i also talk to his mum, aww she is so cute and nice... they are really good to me. yes he is in a band...he does that on the side. that's the reason for so many guitars.
Author TMichaels Posted May 27, 2008 Author Posted May 27, 2008 We have talked about a prenuptial agreement, and He agreed to sign, but I found that the state that I live ins laws state that what i possess before the wedding is mine, and vise versa. Krisa, That would be true IF the two of you were living in your state and the divorce proceedings were filed and took place there. But, what if the two of you move to another state, return to Scotland or even decide to settle in another country, and then decide to part ways? The country where you were married or where you lived as husband and wife previously would have nothing to do with a division of assets upon divorce. Divorce laws/settlement terms wherever the two of you are "domiciled" would apply. Not all jurisdictions have the same enlightened view of "what was mine before, is mine after" when it comes to divorce -- whether you're comparing states in the U.S. or countries around the world. Besides, I just bought this house in December. I think he is entitled to half after all he will be making half the payments and helping with the decorating and some remodeling (okay maybe more then some). It's not like I've been here for nearly 30 years and almost have the place payed off. Okay, let's assume for the moment, the two of you live in your house in your state, for how ever long, and then decide to get divorced and file where you live. As you say, in your state, what's yours before the marriage would be yours after if/when you two split. BUT, here's the rub. The house may have been *your* asset acquired pre-marriage, but when you two start co-mingling funds to maintain the home and pay off *your* asset, it complicates the situation considerably, and "untangling" the mess that's been created is one of the major reasons divorce lawyers and accountants are so well employed. *Your* asset essentially is no longer *yours* when that happens. And, that's why when two people with disparate asset pools get married a prenuptial agreement is a good idea. Especially since under Scottish law, for example, inherited property cannot be considered a "marital asset" upon divorce. For the sake of discussion, let's say your H2B inherits the family home in Scotland from his parent/s upon their passing. If you two were to subsequently divorce, YOU *would not* be entitled to any interest in that home. If you have no prior agreement about how the home YOU bought *prior to your marriage* would be disposed of if/when the two of you go your separate ways, and you have co-mingled funds to maintain it, you could find yourself in a position of not only being partner-less, but also being unable to buy out your ex's equity and be left with no where to live. The consequences of the split for your ex- would be minimal -- he would have a place to live, and a large chunk of another home that he may of contributed to, but wasn't technically *his asset* to begin with. Is this right? Is this fair? According to most divorce law, yes. Is it avoidable? Yes, in many parts of the world, if the couple has taken the prudent precaution of agreeing how assets will be retained/split BEFORE they get married. I know that you and your fiancée' are caught up in the thrill and excitement of starting a new life together, and thinking about something as mundane and possibly "distasteful" as a pre-nup is the last thing you want to deal with, but a pre-nuptial agreement is not something you do because you DON'T trust the other person -- much like a will, it's something you do because YOU DO care about others, and you want to make sure they are okay in the event you're gone. This may be one of the reasons your H2B suggested it in the first place, and since he has already offered to do one, I would imagine he would still be supportive if you said you'd reconsidered and would like to raise the issue again. If you do decide to go this route make sure a) You get one drafted as soon as possible, as some courts will dismiss them as invalid when drafted less than a month before a wedding; b) You and H2B have separate attorneys draft/review the document; c) Use an actual attorney, not an on-line or hard-copy "fill-in-the-blank-type form. This is especially important because of differences in U.S./U.K family law. Whether you do or you don't, of course, is your decision. But considering how independent and thorough you've been about managing other aspects of your life, it would seem covering your bases in this way would make sense to you. Regardless, congrats and all the best, TMichaels
sb129 Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 he's not lying to me...he took on the payments because of the children...she wouldn't be able to afford it. like i said he is very close to the children...and concerned about there well being. he still talks to the oldest on a regular basis, and actually i talk to her too, she's on msn...shes a sweet girl. i also talk to his mum, aww she is so cute and nice... they are really good to me. yes he is in a band...he does that on the side. that's the reason for so many guitars. Oh for heavens sake you have an answer for everything. 16 guitars is too many unless you are a rockstar and you need that many because you are prone to smashing a few up, not doing it for a "bit on the side". I thought he live in a remote part of Scotland- who do they gig to? I for one would NOT be happy if my fiance was still paying off the debts of his ex, especially since the ex owned their home, and therefore should have been in a financial position to pay them off herself, either through selling it, or adding the debt to the mortgage which you can do here in the UK. Its nice that he wants to help out the kids, but I wonder if you will be so sweet about it when a large chunk of his money goes towards that, and ALL of your income goes on your life together? Anyway, you don't know if he is lying to you or not, you only have his word to go on, and when it comes to money, its very very easy to tell a few white lies here and there. TMichaels has given you some very very good financial advice. I would strongly suggest you follow it.
Krisa Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 okay...so i have a question...if we did get a prenup... and like i said before he has no problem signing. we have talked about finances, and because of my ex and his ex, we decided to keep things separate. what i mean is bank accounts and bills, etc. Okay so here is the question...My home is in my name...and even though I only bought it in December, I do have equity in the house...I've done improvements on my home. If we decided to sell my home and take the profit to put on a new home...(and just say the new home was purchase, and both of our names is on the mortgage). Where does that leave me...does that make the prenup void?? since its not the same property? As for the guitars again...Yes he lives in a remote location...but they still have bars, hotels, and weddings that him and his band play at. The guitars have been collected through the years...some given to him, and he has striped them down, and repainted them...and whatever else you do to fix a guitar, lol.
Krisa Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 Oh for heavens sake you have an answer for everything. it's in my nature to have an answer for everything... i have to know why? and I'm one of those people that you can't start in the middle, and expect me to except that. Nope, we have to start from the beginning. I ask a lot of questions...i make sure things add up, and if they don't i just keep asking more questions until i get to the bottom of it. I guess its my way of protecting me... when things don't add up...is when i pull away...so far everything adds up.
sb129 Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 it's in my nature to have an answer for everything... i have to know why? and I'm one of those people that you can't start in the middle, and expect me to except that. Nope, we have to start from the beginning. I ask a lot of questions...i make sure things add up, and if they don't i just keep asking more questions until i get to the bottom of it. I guess its my way of protecting me... when things don't add up...is when i pull away...so far everything adds up. Um. OK. I take it you have asked alot of questions. I don't know what happens in the event that you described, I am not a lawyer, but what I would expect is that if you sell the house then the profit is yours, and then if you invested that profit, then you would be entitled to that amount and then some back were you to sell the second house (please feel free to correct me other posters) Everything adds up because you are infatuated with the guy. This forum is full of people who can justify every little foible of their partners so that things "add up"- that includes why their partner may still be married to another person, why their partner treats them badly etc etc. Its what people in love excel at. But what brings people to the forum in the first place? If everything really is so hunky dory, why are they here? Many people on this site end up arguing with other posters who are merely pointing out flaws that are more obvious to someone with a more objective point of view. I did, when I first came here. (I came here for support after dumping my exMM BTW)
Author TMichaels Posted May 27, 2008 Author Posted May 27, 2008 okay...so i have a question...if we did get a prenup... and like i said before he has no problem signing. we have talked about finances, and because of my ex and his ex, we decided to keep things separate. what i mean is bank accounts and bills, etc. Okay so here is the question...My home is in my name...and even though I only bought it in December, I do have equity in the house...I've done improvements on my home. If we decided to sell my home and take the profit to put on a new home...(and just say the new home was purchase, and both of our names is on the mortgage). Where does that leave me...does that make the prenup void?? since its not the same property? Krisa, It's not a question of voiding the prenuptial agreement. Where you'd be left would be determined by the terms of the prenup you both agreed to and signed. It's like any contract between two parties. You both have agreed that "X" will happen as a result of "Y." Generally, prenups are used to deal with the following: -- Division of property on separation -- Ownership of property (what is owned jointly and what is owned separately) -- Inheritance of property -- Spousal support obligations -- The right to direct the education and moral training of children You could mutually agree that "X" dollars would go to you off the top before any division of marital assets is made as "compensation" for the value of your home that you owned prior to your marriage, and subsequently sold in order to purchase a co-owned marital home. You could mutually agree that you will assume sole ownership of the marital home as "compensation" for selling your original residence. You could agree you will assume sole ownership, but relinquish any claims/interest in being a beneficiary of a life insurance policy he holds, or in lieu of alimony, etc., etc., etc. The possibilities and variations are as endless or simple as your financial situations are or that the two of you want them to be. The fact that you've agreed to keep bank accounts and bills separate can even be part of the agreement if you wish. Considering your H2B has assumed responsibility for the payment of a large loan as part of prior divorce settlement, it might be even wise to make it clear what will happen in the event he is unable to pay -- as if he defaults, it could have a negative impact on *your* credit history since you will be his spouse. A law called the Uniform Pre-Marital Agreement Act provides legal guidelines for people who wish to make agreements prior to marriage regarding ownership, management and control of property; property disposition on separation, divorce and death; alimony; wills; and life insurance beneficiaries. States that haven't adopted the Act (or which have made some changes to it) have other laws, which often differ from the Act in only minor ways. One important difference is that a few states, including California, do not allow premarital agreements to modify or eliminate the right of a spouse to receive court-ordered alimony at divorce. Other states have their own quirky laws-Maine, for example, voids all premarital agreements one and one half years after the parties to the contract become parents, unless the agreement is renewed. In every state, whether covered by the Act or not, couples are prohibited from making binding provisions about child support payments. These payments are governed by whatever state/national law applies where the divorce took place. Since there are differences between what is allowed in a prenup from state to state and country to country, as I mentioned before, you need to have an attorney advise you and prepare the document/s appropriately. They need to be "authorized" (in the U.S. that usually just means being notarized -- not sure about what's required Scotland). You should end up with three copies of the agreement -- one for each partner and a third that's kept by an objective third party (which can be as simple as lodging it in a safety deposit box with other important legal documents, like your wills). Though this may sound complicated and a lot of bother, as I said, it's as complicated and as much bother as the two of you wish to make it. It's definitely far less complicated, stressful or expensive to have a prenuptial agreement as it is to dismantle a marriage through divorce on the other end where arguments about who gets what tears people apart and ruins lives. Hopefully, you will never be in that situation. But, one never knows as best -laid plans can and often do go awry. Romantic? No. Pragmatic? Yes. Especially when marriage is more than just two people sharing a life together -- it's actually a legal merger of both party's financial assets and liabilities, including those that were acquired in the past. Not trivial details to dismiss or overlook -- and something two honest, committed and responsible adults should have no problem discussing and coming to mutual agreement upon. Anyway, hope this is of help. All the best, TMichaels
zicke Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 Actually, his debt in another country would not affect her credit in the United States should they get married. The US and the rest of the world do not share credit rating systems. If she were to move to Scotland, and they have a law which states all prior debts are both spouses responsibility, then, yes, she would be responsible for it, in that country only. In addition, she could add it into her pre-nup that all prior debts are the responsibility of the person who acquired them. My huge red flag is why he is still paying off a debt that is over 10 years old at this point???? How much does he owe...it just doesn't sound right to me. Something is fishy. Also, I am a resident alien, it has never hindered me in getting a position when in competition with an American citizen. In fact, the only time it comes up is when I am signing an I-9. Other than that, yes, not having US work experience on a resume is going to hinder the guy. However, he has prior at work CAD experience, so it should work in his favor. And an fyi, CAD drafters make on average 30-40K per year. It is not a highly paid opportunity. (This is in manufacturing--I am not sure what it is in other industries.) I've been engaged after a few months, however, we lived together, just jumped right in, I am no longer engaged today, and that relationship is over. You just do not know someone without being with them for a substantial amount of time. Turns out my dream guy was a nightmare once reality hit.
zicke Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 I also need to add that my sister actually did marry a non us citizen, turns out he had substantial debt in his home country and when the INS didn't let him back in the country after a trip, she offered to move to his country, as she still had citizenship to that country, and he did not want her to live there with him. He essentially married her for her sponsorship only, and when push came to shove, he wasn't interested in building a life with her in the originating country. He wanted to avoid paying his debt and wanted an easy way to gain residency. They are divorced. They married after knowing each other 3 months. Also, having a sibling sponsor you is a lot harder than you think it is. Either way, unless your fiance has a skill that is lacking in America, (CAD drafters are not lacking) or some other special circumstance, expect to wait literally years before he is over here. Married sponsorship is a quicker, easier route---and it is very difficult to begin with. Still, many years. Do a search for message boards of spouses in the US still waiting for their partners to get here. Some have been waiting 5+years. The US only allows a certain amount of european immigrants per year. Once that limit is reached, and there is a waiting list, you are out of luck. I believe they only allow less than 100 from Germany per year. I would need to research it however. It would be easier and much much quicker for you to move there. Ask him and see what he says. You will at least know just how anxious he is to have you with him.
Krisa Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 So I think you are mistaken about non US citizens in the US getting jobs. Most of my friends are not American and have no problem getting a job. We are not looking for someone to sponsor his visa. We have talked about "what if" he can not get permanent residency....actually we were talking about that today. Plan A is...He comes to the US...if he is denied or it takes to long...then Plan B...I will move to the UK. We know that a sibling sponsorship will take a long time...that's why we are getting married this year instead of next year. All the literature I read...states that the K3 shouldn't take too long 3-9 months. In the mean time...I will be taking frequent trips to Scotland.
zicke Posted May 28, 2008 Posted May 28, 2008 Krisa, you are reading literature--you need to get some real people's experience with it. I never said that resident alien's have problems getting jobs, only people with sponsorships. His skills aren't rare, so his skillset is not going to help him get into the country quicker. Just do a google search on people waiting to get their spouses into this country---literature from the INS is not fact, even though they present it at that. In the early 80's when I became a permanent resident, it took over 7 years to get it.
Mary3 Posted May 28, 2008 Posted May 28, 2008 I also need to add that my sister actually did marry a non us citizen, turns out he had substantial debt in his home country and when the INS didn't let him back in the country after a trip, she offered to move to his country, as she still had citizenship to that country, and he did not want her to live there with him. He essentially married her for her sponsorship only, and when push came to shove, he wasn't interested in building a life with her in the originating country. He wanted to avoid paying his debt and wanted an easy way to gain residency. They are divorced. They married after knowing each other 3 months. Also, having a sibling sponsor you is a lot harder than you think it is. Either way, unless your fiance has a skill that is lacking in America, (CAD drafters are not lacking) or some other special circumstance, expect to wait literally years before he is over here. Married sponsorship is a quicker, easier route---and it is very difficult to begin with. Still, many years. Do a search for message boards of spouses in the US still waiting for their partners to get here. Some have been waiting 5+years. The US only allows a certain amount of european immigrants per year. Once that limit is reached, and there is a waiting list, you are out of luck. I believe they only allow less than 100 from Germany per year. I would need to research it however. It would be easier and much much quicker for you to move there. Ask him and see what he says. You will at least know just how anxious he is to have you with him. Bingo ! This is it. Now the debt thing that strikes me weird is his debt and that he took on all his ex wifes debt ?? Sorry . Something does not feel right here.... In America , you * marry * that persons credit record. You * marry * their bad driving record ( meaning your rates go up if he's a bad driver ) I will SEE HUGE flags here that something does not feel right. He met you in 07 and in 08 wants to marry . Did you NOTICE you bought the house in December ~ you met him in October. I am sure you talked about buying a house to him from October to December.?? He is in bad debt. You are going to be his bailout. Either by getting Life Insurance Policy on you ( because you really dont KNOW this guy ) and then he * offs you * for a million dollar insurance settlement. You are thinking with your HEART and NOT your HEAD !
zicke Posted May 28, 2008 Posted May 28, 2008 Sorry, meant, only people seeking sponsorships are going to have an issue--your man doesn't have a rare job that is desperately needed here. In addition, you are going to have to sponsor him, it doesn't matter if he has a job lined up, which he won't if he doesn't have a work visa already. You will need to prove you are able to support him for a period of time. Waiting for him to find a job before he has residancy, or sponsorship from a firm is going to be a long wait. You need to be prepared for the fact that he will not have a job when he emigrates here. IS he ok with that? Because it doesn't seem like he i open to that right now.
Krisa Posted May 28, 2008 Posted May 28, 2008 Bingo ! This is it. Now the debt thing that strikes me weird is his debt and that he took on all his ex wifes debt ?? Sorry . Something does not feel right here.... She had three children...and he is too nice of a guy, I'm sure he regrets it now...seeing how she sold the house and doubled her money. In America , you * marry * that persons credit record. You * marry * their bad driving record ( meaning your rates go up if he's a bad driver ) well I'm the american...my credit and driving record happen to be good. I will SEE HUGE flags here that something does not feel right. What that someone made a mistake...and so he shouldn't be happy for the rest of his life because he made a bad choice. He met you in 07 and in 08 wants to marry . Did you NOTICE you bought the house in December ~ you met him in October. I am sure you talked about buying a house to him from October to December.?? Actually I was looking for the house when we met. And in march I'm the one that brought up the marriage... Look my fiancé is very attractive he may be 39, but he doesn't look it...if he wanted to be manipulative...he would go after some older rich lady that had a lot more going for her then I do. He's dealing with small peanuts with me. I only make $45,000 a year, and i payed a whopping $53,000 for my house (HEY BIG SPENDER!!!) I live in an old one room school house (that has been turned into a house), in the country (i have a 1/2 acre of land)... i can see how that would be so appealing LOL. He is in bad debt. You are going to be his bailout. Either by getting Life Insurance Policy on you ( because you really don't KNOW this guy ) and then he * offs you * for a million dollar insurance settlement. Yeah...right, that's pretty funny though...If he offs me I don't think he's going to get too far. He would be better off, moving me to Scotland, after I had sold everything I owed and then off me. Make sure everything was in a joint bank account so he doesn't have to fight my family for anything. Who said I have a lot to offer. Yeah I have a home that i owe on for the next 30 years, one car i own out right, and the other I lease. Other then that...I don't have much enough to get by with out struggling too much.
Nevermind Posted May 28, 2008 Posted May 28, 2008 Who said I have a lot to offer. Yeah I have a home that i owe on for the next 30 years, one car i own out right, and the other I lease. Other then that...I don't have much enough to get by with out struggling too much. Which is also a reason to go with the prenup.
Mary3 Posted May 28, 2008 Posted May 28, 2008 She had three children...and he is too nice of a guy, I'm sure he regrets it now...seeing how she sold the house and doubled her money. well I'm the american...my credit and driving record happen to be good. What that someone made a mistake...and so he shouldn't be happy for the rest of his life because he made a bad choice. Actually I was looking for the house when we met. And in march I'm the one that brought up the marriage... Look my fiancé is very attractive he may be 39, but he doesn't look it...if he wanted to be manipulative...he would go after some older rich lady that had a lot more going for her then I do. He's dealing with small peanuts with me. I only make $45,000 a year, and i payed a whopping $53,000 for my house (HEY BIG SPENDER!!!) I live in an old one room school house (that has been turned into a house), in the country (i have a 1/2 acre of land)... i can see how that would be so appealing LOL. Yeah...right, that's pretty funny though...If he offs me I don't think he's going to get too far. He would be better off, moving me to Scotland, after I had sold everything I owed and then off me. Make sure everything was in a joint bank account so he doesn't have to fight my family for anything. Who said I have a lot to offer. Yeah I have a home that i owe on for the next 30 years, one car i own out right, and the other I lease. Other then that...I don't have much enough to get by with out struggling too much. Yes but his driving and credit record will affect yours ? Does he have a good driving record and good credit ? You got your house pretty cheap . Sounds great , living in the country.... Is the country he lives in fair( equal ) to US dollars ?. Meaning if you make 45k what will he likely make here in the US ?
sb129 Posted May 28, 2008 Posted May 28, 2008 She had three children...and he is too nice of a guy, I'm sure he regrets it now...seeing how she sold the house and doubled her money. WHAT? Too nice a guy, or a complete and utter walkover/ idiot. I just cannot believe this is true. The debt would have had to be completely transferred to his name only, which is actually quite hard to do unless he took out loans to pay off hers. I can't believe someone would just sit by and pay off debts that weren't theirs while watching the person who incurred all the debt double their money. That is just STUPID. I would dump him for this appalling financial management alone. Has he made arrangements for the debt to be completely paid off when he moves to the US? He is legally required to inform the loan company of any change of address, and if he isn't working when he first gets there, how will he pay off the rest of the debt if he hasn't by the time he leaves? He obviously doesn't have any money saved seeing as he has had to sell his guitars to pay for your wedding. There is only one person who will have to pay for his loan- YOU. Unless he is planning on leaving the country without paying it all off- which is also a big red flag. I have heard of people being tracked down internationally by loan companies for debts. And it must be a big one if its been going on for ten years. What that someone made a mistake...and so he shouldn't be happy for the rest of his life because he made a bad choice. Jumping the gun a little bit, aren't we? Actually I was looking for the house when we met. And in march I'm the one that brought up the marriage... All part of the plan probably. Look my fiancé is very attractive he may be 39, but he doesn't look it...if he wanted to be manipulative...he would go after some older rich lady that had a lot more going for her then I do. ? There aren't actually that many of them around. Most older (wiser) rich ladies in this country would probably make him sign a prenup. He's dealing with small peanuts with me. I only make $45,000 a year, and i payed a whopping $53,000 for my house (HEY BIG SPENDER!!!) I live in an old one room school house (that has been turned into a house), in the country (i have a 1/2 acre of land)... i can see how that would be so appealing LOL. Whats appealing is your lil ole US citizenship status and your naivety. Both of those are worth their weight in gold to many people. Putting all the immigration issues aside- I would be concerned about your H2B because he is clearly not fiscally responsible, and seeing as he is 39, that is quite alarming.
blind_otter Posted May 28, 2008 Posted May 28, 2008 We know that a sibling sponsorship will take a long time...that's why we are getting married this year instead of next year. All the literature I read...states that the K3 shouldn't take too long 3-9 months. In the mean time...I will be taking frequent trips to Scotland. Get ready for a lot of frequent flier miles. ZIcke is correct, the INS literature is just that - literature. Not really based in reality. My uncle got married 3 years ago and about 2 weeks ago we finally got word that his wife can move to the US. Talk about frequent flier miles. Scotland is beautiful. I was engaged to a man from Scotland 3 years ago. Didn't work out. Long story short, after we split up I heard that he almost immediately got married to some woman in hong kong, I think it was. Turns out he desperately wanted out of Scotland to weasel out of a substantial amount of credit card debt. He moved out of the country and just stopped paying, never to return.
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