My good friends nightmare OM story-how many women have experienced this?

[Love is Tragic]

I didnt try to stop her because i had no idea she was even having an affair until a couple months ago-we have known each other for a couple years now but have only been getting close for the past 5 months or so. It was only 2 months ago that she opened up and told me what was going on in her life. In her defense, her older child goes to school, she goes to college full time, runs an ebay business on the side, as her boyfriend will not give her spending money, and has had a very hard time dealing with the newborn, who has been a very fussy baby. So, its not exactly like shes just sitting around all day eating bonbons. Im not trying to defend her persay, I do think she has gotten herself into a huge mess.

 

I have told her over and over that she needs to make her choice and stick by it-that she cant keep leading on both men. She did finally choose the OM, but we all see how that turned out. Her bf is really no prize, he has nothing to do with the kids, and she cant go anywhere alone without him calling her nonstop wanting to know when she will be back. Of course, im sure some of his paranoia is because he suspects she is up to something, which she was.

 

An update on this situation is that the OM up and showed up saturday on their doorstep, the bf punched him out, the cops were called, (she didnt press charges) and he was made to leave. Her parents and children saw everything. So.. for all of you who believe in karma, i guess there ya go.

[GreenEyedLady]

for all of you who believe in karma, i guess there ya go.

 

It has nothing to do with Karma...

 

The dude went to her home with her BF knowing what's going on...

 

Bad choice on his part, not karma...

 

Or no common sense, ya think?

[Chrome Barracuda]

Lucky he didnt bust a cap ass.

 

The GF brought it all on herself. What if this OM raped her kids? then what?

 

What could she say?

 

The BF was protecting his family and look what hapened when your friend let evil right in the backdoor.

 

I would so get custody of my kids. she is no real mother...

[GreenEyedLady]

Lucky he didnt bust a cap ass.

 

The GF brought it all on herself. What if this OM raped her kids? then what?

 

What could she say?

 

The BF was protecting his family and look what hapened when your friend let evil right in the backdoor.

 

I would so get custody of my kids. she is no real mother...

 

Where are you cultivating all this?

 

What if the OM raped her kids? Is this even a rational question?

 

The BF is a loser according to the OP...And what evidence is there that she is a bad mother?

 

Maybe she is a bad GF, but nothing in the posts suggests that she is a bad mother...

 

You need to stop overdramatizing, sheesh!

[Chrome Barracuda]

Where are you cultivating all this?

 

What if the OM raped her kids? Is this even a rational question?

 

The BF is a loser according to the OP...And what evidence is there that she is a bad mother?

 

Maybe she is a bad GF, but nothing in the posts suggests that she is a bad mother...

 

You need to stop overdramatizing, sheesh!

 

Okay, let's stick to the facts.

 

This man is crazy, she meets him off the internet, doesnt even know who he really is? Have you ever seen to catch a predator? Hmmm guess not.

 

Mother's protect their children from all dangers but what happens when she invites this danger in. She did that the moment she crossed the line with the OM!!! please.

 

What would have happened if the OM decided to kill anyone in his way, including the BF. That does happen, whether you realize it or not.

 

It aint overdramatization,

 

it's the freaking truth!

[GreenEyedLady]

Okay, let's stick to the facts.

 

This man is crazy, she meets him off the internet, doesnt even know who he really is? Have you ever seen to catch a predator? Hmmm guess not.

 

Mother's protect their children from all dangers but what happens when she invites this danger in. She did that the moment she crossed the line with the OM!!! please.

 

What would have happened if the OM decided to kill anyone in his way, including the BF. That does happen, whether you realize it or not.

 

It aint overdramatization,

 

it's the freaking truth!

 

Interesting how you totally STRAY from the facts, not stick to them...

 

So she met him off the internet: do you really believe that everyone on the internet is a predator? Might explain your screenname though...

 

Cheating with another person means that you're welcoming your chidren to danger? Don't really get that one...

 

And finally what if OM went nuts and killed everyone? What if, what if...Apparently, she was unhappy enough with her life that she was willing to risk the 1 in 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 chance that OM would have went nuts and killed everyone...

 

I stuck to the facts right?

 

Funny how two people can see the truth differently, huh?

[Chrome Barracuda]

Original Poster:<I>So she made the decision to leave her b/f and move to be with the OM, who had bought a large house especially for her and her children. They were both very giddy and excited about their new future together. She had planned to leave at the end of this month. Yesterday OM called her and said a month ago he had gotten drunk and slept with a woman he met in a bar, and she is now pregnant. That he was going to move 6 hours away to be with this woman, said it was "the right thing to do", and he had to end it with my friend.

 

My friend somehow got ahold of this woman on the phone and the woman said her and OM had gotten married 6 months ago and she was 4 months preggo with their baby. WTF??? She also said that OM had told her he was being "stalked" by my friend-that he had met her in a bar and she was harassing him. (wow, he really likes those bar stories, eh?). So the women got OM on a 3way call and busted him big time. Now, my friend is heartbroken and has cut all contact with OM. Im very proud of her for this, as she feels like she lost her best friend. She once again told her b/f the whole story and he has been dodging the OMs calls for her. The wife has filed for divorce, and turns out the big house he bought for my friend was really for his wife and unborn child, as they live several hours away from him until her childrens school year ended, so they could be with him.

 

Messed up, huh? OM has still been contacting her, begging her to be with him and proclaiming his love for my friend. He told his wife he wanted to be with my friend. Said he only married her because he was lonely waiting for my friend to leave her b/f. Sound needy? haha. He turned out to be a real head case, thats for sure.</I>

 

And the boyfriend was worse than this scumbag GEL, are you smoking something??!!?

 

I mean for real how do you say that the boyfriend was worse than this?

 

This OM was not a knight he was a scumbag,

 

ACCEPT IT!!!!

[GreenEyedLady]

And the boyfriend was worse than this scumbag GEL, are you smoking something??!!?

 

I mean for real how do you say that the boyfriend was worse than this?

 

This OM was not a knight he was a scumbag,

 

ACCEPT IT!!!!

 

You need to START smoking something...

 

I simply said to look at the facts...You made out the MM to be a serial killer pedophile...

 

He was just MARRIED!

 

HOLY COW!

 

Why are getting your panties in a bunch??? Are you the BF?

[Chrome Barracuda]

You need to START smoking something...

 

I simply said to look at the facts...You made out the MM to be a serial killer pedophile...

 

He was just MARRIED!

 

HOLY COW!

 

Why are getting your panties in a bunch??? Are you the BF?

 

 

Wow, just the level of ignorance which you just said that line.

 

He wasnt a pedophile he was just married....

 

..simply amazing.

 

You just didnt even read what I pointed out to you,even if it was staring you in the face which it just was. You just dont seem to care GEL.

 

I'm not the boyfriend but I tell you what I can't blame him for doing what he did.

[GreenEyedLady]

 

Wow, just the level of ignorance which you just said that line.

 

He wasnt a pedophile he was just married....

 

..simply amazing.

 

You just didnt even read what I pointed out to you,even if it was staring you in the face which it just was. You just dont seem to care GEL.

 

I'm not the boyfriend but I tell you what I can't blame him for doing what he did.

 

Simply amazing huh?

 

My point is just because someone cheats doesn't make them an inferior parent, but you don't seem to care about that...

 

I'm just as that you can't seem to get that and you're so focused on the cheating...Tunnel vision, you can't see what's actually there...

 

And you didn't read on where the OP said that the BF wasn't any better...But I guess that doesn't back your bad parent/pedophile scenario...

 

Have a good night!

 

GEL

[Chrome Barracuda]

Simply amazing huh?

 

My point is just because someone cheats doesn't make them an inferior parent, but you don't seem to care about that...

 

I'm just as that you can't seem to get that and you're so focused on the cheating...Tunnel vision, you can't see what's actually there...

 

And you didn't read on where the OP said that the BF wasn't any better...But I guess that doesn't back your bad parent/pedophile scenario...

 

Have a good night!

 

GEL

 

Your right, cheating doesnt make you a bad parent but it damn sure says that your selfish nature is all about you first. You dont think clearly of others and or family when you do you hurt the ones that do care about you.

 

And also the poster never said anything bad about the boyfriend. And just because she wrote that he isnt much better that made it okay to cheat???

 

WTF?

 

Since when is it okay to take your kids with someone you just met over the internet and not know a damn thing about him. That shows lack of care and concern for your children and or well being because they are many dangerous people in this world.

 

What kind of person goes like that blindly ignoring red flags???

 

WTF?

 

She placed her kids and herself in danger with her actions, you cannot ignore that fact.

 

Oh and I'm having a great night.

[OWoman]

Your right, cheating doesnt make you a bad parent but it damn sure says that your selfish nature is all about you first.

 

This from someone who confessed on another thread that they were a thief? Don't you think that that's just a little hypocritical, CB?

 

Yes it's a risk to expose one's kids to someone one meets over the Net. But it's a risk sending kids to school too - most child sexual abuse happens by people the kid trusts (school teachers, scout masters, preachers, parents) because it requires careful grooming over time. Cases of complete psychos (lit in blue, holding knives) wiping out entire families of strangers are pretty rare. Cases of the priest / uncle / teacher getting their jollies with Johnny or Jenny in 5th grade are all too common.

[Chrome Barracuda]

I was like 11 years maybe younger when I stole that quarter juice!!!

 

What is hypocritical????

 

I know the difference between stealing and outright adultery.

 

I was a child I learned my lesson but as an adult you got to set an example especially if you got kids, right???

[Love is Tragic]

In her defense, my friend is a fantastic, devoted mother who makes great sacrifices for her family. I really think she just needed something just for her, to lift her spirits and make her feel desired again. She told me when she first began talking to the OM on the internet, she would not give out her real name, number, nothing that would clue him in to who she really was. Shes just as paranoid about internet stalkers as anyone else. It wasnt until she had been talking with him for almost a year that they began talking on the phone. She even ran a background check on the guy. He gave her numbers to call for references, since she was always skeptical from the beginning. Hes actually a police officer in his town.

 

For nearly 2 years, they were nothing more than pen pals, she would not meet up with him, nothing like that. Then, as he aquired more of her trust, they eventually met and went from there. I can understand why some loveshackers are bringing up the whole internet predator thing-of course that would be a concern. And there are definitely weirdos out there. But that doesnt mean everyone is automatically a child-molester or stalker. When my friend talked to his wife(the wife had grown up with him and knew him nearly her entire life), she vouched on what a great guy he is and actually tried to persuade my friend to give him another chance. Still, of course it does not get him off the hook-what he did was terribly wrong and probably un-excusable. And he never should have shown up at their home, that was wrong on so many levels.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Hmmm so her going outside the marriage / relationship is okay???

 

I wonder if you condone your man cheating on you, since she needs something for herself. I guess that makes it okay.

 

You cannot have pieces on the side and still expect to be married / and or in a relationship, what is she showing to the kids. Oh it's okay to cheat just dont get busted!

 

She should not have been talking to the OM to begin with. Dont give me that happiness crap! happiness comes from within. Getting a little nookie can almost certainly lead to a bad situation.

 

I dont get it. Why are you trying to justify the unjustifiable? Have you told your boyfriend what you told us? You'd think he agree with you, thinking it's cool. Since she cheated it's alright to get some now on the side just like she did huh?

[Love is Tragic]

Hmmm so her going outside the marriage / relationship is okay???

 

I wonder if you condone your man cheating on you, since she needs something for herself. I guess that makes it okay.

 

You cannot have pieces on the side and still expect to be married / and or in a relationship, what is she showing to the kids. Oh it's okay to cheat just dont get busted!

 

She should not have been talking to the OM to begin with. Dont give me that happiness crap! happiness comes from within. Getting a little nookie can almost certainly lead to a bad situation.

 

I dont get it. Why are you trying to justify the unjustifiable? Have you told your boyfriend what you told us? You'd think he agree with you, thinking it's cool. Since she cheated it's alright to get some now on the side just like she did huh?

 

[/quotes

Im not saying its right, or even justifiable-im saying it happens.. To all people alike. Even people who would never ever think they would succomb to an affair. She did not expect to have a piece on the side, and in fact-came clean to her bf and was going to break it off with him to be with the OM. She was in the process of moving to be with the OM when she found out he was married with a baby on the way. Trust me, dont think she isnt kicking herself in the *ss for getting herself into this. She knows that she is completely responsible for her own actions.

 

Of course, no one deserves to be cheated on-not even jerks i suppose. Noone should be with a jerk to begin with, but due to some circumstances, women get stuck, especially stay at home moms with no way of supporting themselves. Im just saying, she did make the decision to come clean, leave the bf, and be with the OM-now that things fell apart, she knows something has to give. Shes trying to confront her feelings for OM and for her bf as well. Its a confusing time. All i can tell her is to make a decision and stick to it, not lead both men on.

[pelicanpreacher]

I didnt try to stop her because i had no idea she was even having an affair until a couple months ago-we have known each other for a couple years now but have only been getting close for the past 5 months or so. It was only 2 months ago that she opened up and told me what was going on in her life. In her defense, her older child goes to school, she goes to college full time, runs an ebay business on the side, as her boyfriend will not give her spending money, and has had a very hard time dealing with the newborn, who has been a very fussy baby. So, its not exactly like shes just sitting around all day eating bonbons. Im not trying to defend her persay, I do think she has gotten herself into a huge mess.

 

I have told her over and over that she needs to make her choice and stick by it-that she cant keep leading on both men. She did finally choose the OM, but we all see how that turned out. Her bf is really no prize, he has nothing to do with the kids, and she cant go anywhere alone without him calling her nonstop wanting to know when she will be back. Of course, im sure some of his paranoia is because he suspects she is up to something, which she was.

 

An update on this situation is that the OM up and showed up saturday on their doorstep, the bf punched him out, the cops were called, (she didnt press charges) and he was made to leave. Her parents and children saw everything. So.. for all of you who believe in karma, i guess there ya go.

 

Now that more of the story has been revealed I humbly retract my former knee-jerk assesment and hope this affair provides a wake up call for her boyfriend to recognize the damage his own behavior is causing to her self-esteem and just how unhappy she has been with him during the course of this relationship.

 

Still, there is no excuse for her to have engaged in an affair. She could have made her point just as clearly by breaking up with her boyfriend and slapping him with a child support order. She would still be alone taking care of their children but at least she'd have more peace of mind than she has right now, a resolution to her b/f's stingy attitude on money and absentee efforts regarding child rearing, and have been able to organize her life towards a more independent future with a stronger sense of value in her own morals and convictions.

 

I do, however, applaud her b/f for punching out the Mama's Boy. He deserved his beat down!

[whichwayisup]

devoted mother who makes great sacrifices for her family

 

Is her boyfriend the father of her children? If so, the cheating with the OM is NOT sacrficing for her family.