teejsd2008 Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 Thanks 0hpenelope & justaman99 Great advice this really helps and is keeping me calm. Nemo, I didn't give her my pw. She could have got it any # of ways: made a mental note of it the many times she sat next to me on the computer, or it was saved as auto-sign in when i used her PC, also its my pw for everything including my windows log-in, so I might have told her it so she can use my pc, and she just put 2&2 together and tried it for my email. The only thing i feel guilty or stupid about is being careless with my internet security & snapping at her durring the instant message conversation I recently had. Also, I accept that it wasn't right to say bad things about her to my friends, but I look at that as venting the hurt, ugliness, and pain of being rejected by someone you cared about, and my friends were just being friends with their replies and trying to boost my self esteem.
Nemo Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 The only thing i feel guilty or stupid about is being careless with my internet security & Sorry about that. I assume you have since changed the password.
0hpenelope Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 Thanks 0hpenelope & justaman99 Great advice this really helps and is keeping me calm. Nemo, I didn't give her my pw. She could have got it any # of ways: made a mental note of it the many times she sat next to me on the computer, or it was saved as auto-sign in when i used her PC, also its my pw for everything including my windows log-in, so I might have told her it so she can use my pc, and she just put 2&2 together and tried it for my email. The only thing i feel guilty or stupid about is being careless with my internet security & snapping at her durring the instant message conversation I recently had. Also, I accept that it wasn't right to say bad things about her to my friends, but I look at that as venting the hurt, ugliness, and pain of being rejected by someone you cared about, and my friends were just being friends with their replies and trying to boost my self esteem. It's the same idea about friends not always getting along with each other. How many friends have you had where say... Friend A tells you that Friend B's being a little irritating at the moment, but A and B are still great friends. Friend B doesn't know that Friend A's irritated at them. Ignorance is bliss. Not everyone can be happy with someone all the time. I'm sorry, but your ex-gf just touched upon one of my biggest pet peeves. I know I annoy my friends from time to time and it's discussed among themselves, but I'd rather not know. They need that support group for themselves, too, and what matters to me is that we're still friends. Ignorance is bliss and you have the right to express how hurt you feel to your friends. They're your safe haven and she imposed herself upon it. She did not offend just you; she offended all of your friends as well. "Girlfriend, get over yourself!"
Author teejsd2008 Posted May 29, 2008 Author Posted May 29, 2008 venting: I'm having the impulse to contact her through AIM, phone, or send a letter. This ended so weird: NC for 3 months then this weird episode of her trying to bait me to hurt me, and then the nasty AIM argument. I feel guilty, I want to say sorry. I want to know why, and if there's any hope of us being cool. I hate how she's angry at me. I should be angry at her but I'm not. I'm concerned for her, and I want her to be cool with me. Yes, I secretly wish this never happend and that we were still together, so these impulses might feed that unrealistic desire. She's moving to Michigan soon, and I'm so in patient, time will heal, but I want this pain in my chest to stop now.
0hpenelope Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 teejsd2008, at the risk of sounding unsympathetic (and I'm not - we're all on LS for a reason and most of us have "broken heart" as our common reason), you should try thinking like this: "Is this going to help me in the long-term or short-term? Will this make me feel better for the moment or for the long run? If it doesn't make me feel better in the long run, will going back to feeling the pain, the emptiness, the sadness be worth the time I would spend talking to her?" If you think that NC isn't working for you and that in the 3 months of maintaining it you can say that you've honestly tried and you're not just "giving up", then... perhaps you should start communicating with her very lightly. Otherwise... be a trooper. You decided on NC and you can stick to it. You should remember why you chose to go NC and why you thought they were good reasons to go NC. Just my $0.02 (and "tough love"! ). May the choice you make be a good decision for yourself.
Author teejsd2008 Posted June 2, 2008 Author Posted June 2, 2008 If you think that NC isn't working for you and that in the 3 months of maintaining it you can say that you've honestly tried and you're not just "giving up", then... perhaps you should start communicating with her very lightly. Otherwise... be a trooper. You decided on NC and you can stick to it. You should remember why you chose to go NC and why you thought they were good reasons to go NC. Just my $0.02 (and "tough love"! ). May the choice you make be a good decision for yourself. Thanks Ohpenelope, On Thursday I felt better about this and it was as if something clicked and I asked myself, "Why do I want to be someone like this?" And I was feeling better and optimistic. But last night that itch came back again and I was thinking if I should contact her. I guess it's just a battle with irrational thoughts and emotion. In the short term if I contact her, it might feel good or just blow up in my face. She might snap at me again, or I might be hoping for a response that I won't get. I just feel guilty for it ending so harshly, and in the long term, I'll get over it. I'm just rambling now.
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