hip chick Posted June 1, 2008 Posted June 1, 2008 Mary3, you seem kind of bitter and harsh. Whose to say that confuzed isn't just as hot or hotter than this other chick? Confuzed, it is not certain they are even together like that. People joke around on MySpace all the time. But I do think you should move on. Do not contact this guy, ever.
Mary3 Posted June 1, 2008 Posted June 1, 2008 Mary3, you seem kind of bitter and harsh. Whose to say that confuzed isn't just as hot or hotter than this other chick? Confuzed, it is not certain they are even together like that. People joke around on MySpace all the time. But I do think you should move on. Do not contact this guy, ever. I think OP is likely very pretty I think OP thinks the other girl is very hot, while we don't have a picture of the other girl , she might not look half as good as OP does. Sorry to sound bitter. I'm actually in a pretty good place with myself. Its memories of what others have done that brings up that protective mode for my advice to the posters. If someone posted something happy like buying a house and asked advice I would chime in. Or maybe they were having a new baby. This poster is hurt by how her boyfriend treated her. I stand by the advice to block him in every way in life so she can heal faster.
Author confuzed25 Posted June 2, 2008 Author Posted June 2, 2008 mary3, thanks for the advice but i think you are misunderstanding the situation a little bit. i was never insecure at all with him UNTIL the situation was way out of control. And I never nagged him. Almost 2 months ago he introduced me to her one night when we saw her out....i liked the girl, i was nice to her, we talked for a few minutes. I think I even told my boyfriend I liked her. He would go out to the bar without me and I never said a word to him other than "have fun." It didnt bother me at all that he would go without me...the next day he would even tell me that he saw her out and that was totally fine by me. I never asked him one question about what he did, who he was with, did he get any girl's numbers, etc. A few weeks later I even found a message she had written to him on myspace saying she thinks he is so hott and he wrote back saying that now he had her number they would have to meet up more often.....it STILL didnt really bother me. I never even mentioned it to him. A couple weeks later though he became more distant with me, started talking about her a lot, and started going out with her without me, picking her up to go to a movie, fixing her car. He basically blew me off for her. I still just let it ride and didnt say anything for awhile until he told me she stayed at his house one night...then i ASKED him if anything was going on. Didnt nag or b*tch at him, didnt accuse him. Just asked him...and when he told me nothing was going on and everything was fine with us, I tried to believe him and I dropped the issue. But when I show up at his house for his bonfire after he hasnt contacted me once all day and the first person I see is this girl sitting there eating a meal he has prepared for her and never even invited me, then i get ignored all night, and i find a text message from him telling her he wishes she could have stayed the night....it was just the last straw for me. I had asked him once a month or so ago if everything was ok with us and if he was sure he wanted a girlfriend....then i asked him last week if anything was going on with him and that girl. Those were the only 2 times i ever even remotely seemed insecure....and i dont even think you could consider me insecure for those 2 instances. Its just called communication.
Jilly Bean Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 oh why did i ever doubt my decision to end it with him....what a scum bag! today i saw a comment she left on his myspace last night at 1:30 in the morning saying "im coming over to climb into bed with you now." he tried to tell me nothing was going on with them and that they are just good friends but 5 days after we break up and she is sleeping in his bed...and im sure this was not the first time! Girl - let this be a hard lesson for you. ALWAYS trust your gut! Women were given the blessing of intuition and it is hardly wrong. You suspected he was a dog, most of here confirmed he was a dog (it was pretty obvious to me, at least), and I agree - I am SURE it is not the first time she has climbed into his bed. Thing is, when he was giving you that whole trip about you being insecure, blah blah...you have to know that VERY few guys will own up to cheating when called out on it. He decided to try and make it a YOU problem. What an asshat!
hip chick Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 He didn't even invite you to his house for the bonfire? How did you know he was having a bonfire? Anyway, he wasn't acting like a guy with a girlfriend. I think that the only thing you can do is move on. You have the right idea by going out and meeting other guys. Don't dwell on this anymore!
Author confuzed25 Posted June 2, 2008 Author Posted June 2, 2008 well, yes he invited me to his bonfire but he told me people were coming over at like 9. i didnt hear from him the whole day so i just came over around 9 because i figured thats when everything was starting. but when i show up she is already there and has already been there for awhile (she was already drunk and was finishing up a meal he had cooked out on the grill.)
Author confuzed25 Posted June 2, 2008 Author Posted June 2, 2008 well after reading that comment she left him saying she was coming over to go to bed with him i have decided to email him back. now that i know i was right all along and he is trying to place all blame on me and STILL denying everything, i am going to stick up for myself, call him out on some stuff, and let him know i dont believe a word he says. so...i need everyone's help in what i should say to him. what are some things i should mention or should say to him? i dont want to be spiteful or vicious, as that would only prompt him to write me a hurtful email back. i want to be firm in what i say and let him know im not stupid and i am not going to take the blame for this and i am not insecure, but i also dont want him thinking i am crazy or hating me for this.
serial muse Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 well after reading that comment she left him saying she was coming over to go to bed with him i have decided to email him back. now that i know i was right all along and he is trying to place all blame on me and STILL denying everything, i am going to stick up for myself, call him out on some stuff, and let him know i dont believe a word he says. so...i need everyone's help in what i should say to him. what are some things i should mention or should say to him? i dont want to be spiteful or vicious, as that would only prompt him to write me a hurtful email back. i want to be firm in what i say and let him know im not stupid and i am not going to take the blame for this and i am not insecure, but i also dont want him thinking i am crazy or hating me for this. If you really, really must reply (and I think perhaps the most dignified thing would be to simply not respond), I'd say something like this: X, I got your email. Perhaps you are not ready for a relationship, perhaps you are, but I'm going to go with my gut. I sensed that something was not right, and that you were treating me with disrespect. I stand by that. Good luck to you.
zicke Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 I like what serialmuse wrote---dignified and takes the blame off your shoulders. Personally--I wouldn't even bother responding--he's a jerk and doesn't deserve a response to his tripe. Also, you know if you respond he's really not going to care, or learn anything from it. He'll just think--wow, she's still hot after me.
Mary3 Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 This is from your Original Post : About 5 weeks ago i asked him if we were together and he said "i definitely dont want to date anyone else." So I took it that we were exclusive.... This is from your first post. You should not have to ever ask the guy where you stand. He should be telling you . You assumed after that...(* So I took it that we were exclusive ) Great chemistry + great sex + funny guy does not necessarily = relationship.But I have never heard him call me his girlfriend Thats because you were not....and lately he has been different. For starters he has been hanging out with this other girl quite a bit lately....they have been friends for awhile, i met her when we first starting dating and she seemed like just an aquaintance. Shes totally gorgeous and hes been picking her up to go out to the bar and fixing her car for her. I know they text each other during the day too. I dont care if he has girl friends and i never cared before when he would meet up with her and her friends at the bar but like i said before she was more of an aquaintance and now they seem closer. He doesnt really hide her from me...he tells me when he sees her. But he has been distant lately calling and texting less and wanting to see me less. That was his way of telling you he was losing interest in you and gaining interest in her. He also goes out a lot which bothers me because i want a guy that is more settled down and doesnt want to party all the time....lately hes been going out without me on the weekends when before he used to ask me to come along. Ive asked him if everything was ok and if there was something on his mind or something i should know and he said that everything is fine Here you question it...and theres nothing hes keeping from me. He asked me what hes not doing that i would like him to do...and that hes not a clingy or needy person and lately hes just been busy and his cell phone bill has been huge because of texting me so much so thats why hes doing it less. He also said that hes "trying to take things slow because the last girl he gave everything to made him look like a jerk." But i only saw him twice this week, once was 5 days ago and then last night i saw him for a very short period of time because he was getting a tattoo and didnt get home til real late....we didnt have sex either day, he was so tired from going out the night before and having to get up early for work that he kept falling asleep. But when we are together he is very affectionate, cuddling and kissing me. I thought since we hardly got to hang out last night at all and i had hardly seen him this week that he would want to see me tonight but he called me after work and informed me he was out going out to the bars (the ones that that girl usually goes to.) And of course he didnt invite me. I have no idea whats going on...i dont know if he wants that girl, if he wants me, if he wants us BOTH. I dont know if im getting played or if hes just getting comfortable around me and feels like he can kind of slack off. I dont know if he even wants a relationship.. Thats right. He didnt want one with you. ..he just got out of a year and a half long one where she lived with him. That only ended about 4 months ago, so they had only been broken up for 2 months when i met him. Maybe I was the rebound? BingoI dont know, because hes still with me and swears everything is fine and he would be totally honest with me if he didnt want me anymore. I really really like this guy and he seems like such a great catch.....hes extremely attractive, has a great job, owns his own home, has a great family, treated me like a princess. But I dont understand if its just a front, if hes too immature, or what the heck he wants from me! Please help me out and give me some opinions on what you think is going on and some advice on what i should do! Above I highlight from your original post. This is the internet we are talking about. He has a choice of hundreds of women. He never talked exclusitivity with you. He caught an interest with this girl. I know I may sound mean but I am a straight up to the front person. I expect that from everyone too. I am just trying to tell you this guy did not see you as his girlfriend. We girls like to create an * instant relationship* with a super great guy we are into but it does not mean he SEES it as a relationship. As for being insecure. I still stand by the " where are we speech " as a turn off for most men and a sign of neediness . If you don't know...don't ask . Its 100% man repellant. I've never heard where the guy said " OH oopps yea right sure we are in a relationship, I just forgot " No , a man initiates the relationship speech and we either reciprocate or decline...
D-Lish Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 As for being insecure. I still stand by the " where are we speech " as a turn off for most men and a sign of neediness . If you don't know...don't ask . Its 100% man repellant. I've never heard where the guy said " OH oopps yea right sure we are in a relationship, I just forgot " No , a man initiates the relationship speech and we either reciprocate or decline... Couldn't agree more... Men don't like "the talk"... and they like to come by wanting a committment on their own without pressure or coaxing. Naturally- people like to know where they stand- but if you have to ask where you stand with someone...that should be your answer right there.
Mary3 Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 Couldn't agree more... Men don't like "the talk"... and they like to come by wanting a committment on their own without pressure or coaxing. Naturally- people like to know where they stand- but if you have to ask where you stand with someone...that should be your answer right there. Thank you D
Author confuzed25 Posted June 3, 2008 Author Posted June 3, 2008 ok but that talk was a long long time ago....like a month and a half before he started acting differently or hanging out with her. the only reason i asked him that was because i was thinking about sleeping with him and wanted to know that we were exclusive.....after i asked him he was absolutely no different at all. things were amazing between us for weeks after i asked him that. i dont see why things would be totally great for about a month and a half after that and then suddenly what? he remembers that i asked him if we were exclusive and it suddenly becomes an issue??
GPFan Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 If you really, really must reply (and I think perhaps the most dignified thing would be to simply not respond), I'd say something like this: X, I got your email. Perhaps you are not ready for a relationship, perhaps you are, but I'm going to go with my gut. I sensed that something was not right, and that you were treating me with disrespect. I stand by that. Good luck to you.Are you going to respond with this (or something similar) or ignore him altogether?
Jilly Bean Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 Are you going to respond with this (or something similar) or ignore him altogether? He's already sleeping with the other girl. I would think ignoring is the way to go.
Mary3 Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 ok but that talk was a long long time ago....like a month and a half before he started acting differently or hanging out with her. the only reason i asked him that was because i was thinking about sleeping with him and wanted to know that we were exclusive.....after i asked him he was absolutely no different at all. things were amazing between us for weeks after i asked him that. i dont see why things would be totally great for about a month and a half after that and then suddenly what? he remembers that i asked him if we were exclusive and it suddenly becomes an issue?? You apparently waited to sleep with him as you wanted to make sure he had feelings for you. But once again, the man brings up the talk. You don't say " Hey I was wanting to sleep with you but want to make sure you are serious with me " No , he did not say you were both in a relationship. He did not sit you down and say "I want this to go a certain place and hope we are only seeing eachother and that you want that. " Instead he played his cards , got to sleep with you , slowly lost interest because of the other girl and now he is with her. Not being mean. Just letting you know for the next guy you DO really want one with and making sure he does not get the goods and is not seeing others and is not planning to see others , ie;" sleep with others..." Thats why we girls don't give up the goods for a lonnnggg time. Even if it kills us inside. We wait until he expresses true feelings and asks us if we want to be exclusive.
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